The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

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Hoss

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This won't be any specific help because I can't give you any details, but my cousin's marriage has survived a cheating wife. It's been about 4 years now, if I remember correctly, since he found out.
 

Famm

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Separate everything you can, any other accounts? Credit cards? If you are both co-owners of the home that's unfortunate and not as easy. Sure people have moved on, but generally its a relationship killer. Have you confronted her?
 

Mario Speedwagon

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Not bothering to read through everything, but has anyone actually had a relationship survive a wife cheating? Been with her for 14 years, married for 6, just found out yesterday that she's been cheating for a month and a half. Thought something weird was going on when she added a code to her phone and I found out via the text chats. No clue what to do from here other than I already moved half the money into a separate bank account as a CYA move.

I need to figure out if this is worth trying to salvage basically.

We also have a 2 1/2 year old beautiful amazing child, so that's amazing.
Stay together for the kid and start banging other women. Everybody wins!
 

Tonic_sl

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Confronted her, she admitted to it, and I made her call her parents and let them know what she did. She slept at their place last night. We own a home, join credit card (low limit, no debt on it). Only debt we have are student loans and the house.

Still trying to figure out if I want to try and salvage this or not, as she has expressed a desire to do so. I type that with gritted teeth.

I just can't that fucking image out of my head, and with my imagination works, I don't think I will be able to for a long gd time, if ever.
 

Phazael

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Close the credit card out, no matter what.

Whether its salvageable or not depends a lot on the nature of the cheating. Was she just banging the guy or was she kind of dating him? If its more the latter, time to move on. If its the former, then maybe you can chalk it up to a moment of weakness and work past it. Odds are not great, though.

Whatever you decide, don't stay together for the kid. Kids pick up on that shit anyhow and at 2 1/2 years old there is a good chance you both could have moved on to better relationships before the kids starts asking the tough questions.
 

Famm

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I just can't that fucking image out of my head, and with my imagination works, I don't think I will be able to for a long gd time, if ever.
Yeah, that's pretty much how it works for any of us. Women too.

Phaz, usually it is the latter, even with guys. Not that she likely has a strong emotional connection after only knowing him a little while but there's obviously passion and emotion or it wouldn't have gotten to this point.

Did you ask her if she's still talking to him (she is) or has she cut him off since being caught? Do you know the guy? Co-worker?
 

Phazael

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Guy was a co-worker and she says she told him that they're done communicating.
Probably means he knew she was OPP, which makes him an asshole. Also likely means they are communicating (and likely still trying to fool around) unless she stopped going to work.
 

Hoss

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There's no harm in going to a counseling session or 2 to see if you can move on.

When you say that image ... does that mean you caught her in the act?
 

Haast

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Confronted her, she admitted to it, and I made her call her parents and let them know what she did. She slept at their place last night. We own a home, join credit card (low limit, no debt on it). Only debt we have are student loans and the house.

Still trying to figure out if I want to try and salvage this or not, as she has expressed a desire to do so. I type that with gritted teeth.

I just can't that fucking image out of my head, and with my imagination works, I don't think I will be able to for a long gd time, if ever.
Don't get too crazy with the financial stuff. Covering your ass by moving a reasonable sum of money to your control is probably fine. Draining all the accounts, closing all the cards without her knowledge, changing the locks while she's out, etc. will just cause you problems once lawyers get involved and will escalate the situation greatly. You should immediately get a financial "working agreement" in place with a lawyer or mediator involved so it has weight behind it. You REALLY don't want to add financial fights to a volatile situation.

Objectively, the chance of it recovering isn't good. If you want to try, get a counselor involved to mediate the situation.

If not, start assessing your situation and figuring out how you want to approach the split. The less that lawyers are involved, the better for both of you. The more time you spend fighting over the trivial, the more resources are wasted you could be dividing between you two. Get the high level stuff in order (house, vehicles, custody, cash/retirement/investments, other big ticket stuff, sentimental items), don't fight over stupid shit like silverware and bookshelves.

And unfortunately, since you have a young kid, you are basically stuck with your (ex?) wife in your life to some degree for the next two decades or so. So try to keep it civil.

Sorry to hear this, bro.
 

Hoss

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If i were getting divorced, I'd get one of these I hear commercials for who specialize in representing men in divorce cases. They will at least keep you from doing something stupid.
 

Haast

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If i were getting divorced, I'd get one of these I hear commercials for who specialize in representing men in divorce cases. They will at least keep you from doing something stupid.
Ha, I heard those as well. Though any competent divorce attorney should be able to represent your interests fine. Avvo.com is kind of like Yelp for lawyers. Have a look.
 

popsicledeath

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Confronted her, she admitted to it, and I made her call her parents and let them know what she did.
You have to understand it wasn't about sex, but attention and happiness and being unable to communicate appropriately. When you find out what it really was about, decide if that problem is worth fixing and whether you can ever forgive her for not being able to be upfront about the problem.

Oh, and of course whether you can ever forgive her and stop thinking about another dude's dick inside her. My general rule is if something like this happens in a relationship I'll always be willing to discuss forgiving the pussy, be at least willing to talk when it's the mouth but pretty unlikely, but if it's the ass then you're out on it! Handjob just means she's doing the dishes for the rest of our lives. Something weird like a footjob or armit and just laugh it off by making her go public on Facebook. Rules to live by.
 

Izo

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You have to understand it wasn't about sex, but attention and happiness and being unable to communicate appropriately. When you find out what it really was about, decide if that problem is worth fixing and whether you can ever forgive her for not being able to be upfront about the problem.

Oh, and of course whether you can ever forgive her and stop thinking about another dude's dick inside her. My general rule is if something like this happens in a relationship I'll always be willing to discuss forgiving the pussy, be at least willing to talk when it's the mouth but pretty unlikely, but if it's the ass then you're out on it! Handjob just means she's doing the dishes for the rest of our lives. Something weird like a footjob or armit and just laugh it off by making her go public on Facebook. Rules to live by.
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