The Girls Who Broke Your Heart Thread

Fuck man, I sorta feel the same way.

Fuck some whores. Get AIDS. Give AIDS to wife and thus the other guy by proxy. That's a 2 for 1 deal! A small price to pay for the smiting of one's foes. That or get a lawyer and be prepared to move on.

I don't think paternity helps you when you've already been raising the kid for two years. Haven't there been cases where dudes were made to pay child support even after finding out the kid wasn't theirs? Probably varies by state, maybe it would get you out of child support and that would be worth it. But how nightmarish would it be to find out it wasn't your kid on top of this. Its probably yours, but who knows I guess.

Really, talk to a lawyer and ask them all these questions. Ask around or google up who the best family law attorneys in your area are, you want to be the first one to start the process here if that's what you are doing.

He might just want the information. Also I still think the AIDS thing is your best bet.

Famm_sl said:

I don't think paternity helps you when you've already been raising the kid for two years. Haven't there been cases where dudes were made to pay child support even after finding out the kid wasn't theirs? Probably varies by state, maybe it would get you out of child support and that would be worth it. But how nightmarish would it be to find out it wasn't your kid on top of this. Its probably yours, but who knows I guess.

Really, talk to a lawyer and ask them all these questions. Ask around or google up who the best family law attorneys in your area are, you want to be the first one to start the process here if that's what you are doing.

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Yes, that is the "nightmare scenario" but you have to be stupid to think that ALL cases end up like that. They are newsworthy BECAUSE they are so outrageous. Most judges are reasonable people, just like most PEOPLE are reasonable people. It's always better to know. Many of those cases are examples where the husband discovers cheating... and then tries to stay and work it out with the wife and then still end up divorcing years or months later. The timeline is important. If you decide to stay with a child that isn't yours for a long period of time, then it's more likely that you will be on the hook for child support even if it isn't yours. The timely manner in which you've moved to discover if the child is yours or not as soon as you suspected the nature of your wife's deception will help your court case. IANAL but I have talked to a lawyer about this before. And while you might still be ordered to pay child support (ie: in some states you're on the hook no matter what, here in Ohio you're assumed to be the father if you're married, so you have to sue to become NOT the father, and it's a process, but it can and should be done, because in the long run it will save you a lot of money, and should be done ASAP!!!), you might not have to pay alimony or get more favorable terms awarded to you from a sympathetic judge even IF you are still found by the judge to be on the hook for child support. The longer you go without disputing paternity, the worse off you will be.

Anyways, here is some classic alpha fucks beta bucksFather On Birth Certificate Is Not Biological Father

Women do not care about cuckolding men. They literally cannot see that they are possibly doing something wrong, even when given expert legal advice from a trained lawyer.

If someone is not the biological father do they still have to pay child support? ??" 29 Legal Answers as of July 03, 2013 - LawQA.com

Would you stop loving your child if you discovered you weren't its biological father several years after it was born?

Vanderhoof_sl said:

Would you stop loving your child if you discovered you weren't its biological father several years after it was born?

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Maybe this is easy to say from a position where I can be 100% sure that both kids are mine (date of conception is known because we tracked our ... "efforts" when we decided it was time for kids, and both times we were around each other 24/7, plus I trust my wife 100%), but I'd love my daughters no matter what.

This might change once they hit puberty.

Vanderhoof_sl said:

Would you stop loving your child if you discovered you weren't its biological father several years after it was born?

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Thought he said the child was 2. Which would still suck, but wouldn't be quite as bad as finding out your 8 year old isn't yours.

With a 2 year old, I'd probably get the test. With an 8 year old, I'd probably decide I didn't care who was the biological father. Also, I'd say there's less of a chance she's been successfully cheating without getting caught for 8 years compared to 2 years. Maybe tell her when she's close to 18 that mommy was a cheating whore but you loved her so never got a paternity test. Let her make that decision herself while also metaphysically cunt punching her mother.

Gavinmad_sl said:

Also, I'd say there's less of a chance she's been successfully cheating without getting caught for 8 years compared to 2 years.

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She only needs to have cheated once 8 years and 9 months ago.

Two and a half years old? Yeah, I'd fucking bounce. Fuck her and her stupid kid. Like Gavin said though, there's a point when that choice would no longer be so easy to make. I'd say it would start around five. Two to three might be tough but under the circumstances I think the betrayal might have to outweigh any connection you've developed. Plus really, the rest of your life for this child that was born in mistrust and lies without a thought for you as a person? Fuck her and her stupid kid.

Famm_sl said:

Two and a half years old? Yeah, I'd fucking bounce. Fuck her and her stupid kid. Like Gavin said though, there's a point when that choice would no longer be so easy to make. I'd say it would start around five. Two to three might be tough but under the circumstances I think the betrayal might have to outweigh any connection you've developed. Plus really, the rest of your life for this child that was born in mistrust and lies without a thought for you as a person? Fuck her and her stupid kid.

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I wouldn't quite jump straight into 'fuck her and her stupid kid' until he actually has a paternity test and it isn't his kid.

I mean in general for our hypothetical situation. Not specifically to him. He probably won't even get the test. If he's still reading this I'm sure we are really helping him to feel less suspicious and pissed off though, lol.

Phazael_sl said:

Also: The whole moving money to isolated accounts is not about hiding it, legally. People do crazy, stupid, and vindictive shit when a relationship is melting down, even in the best of circumstances. A 15 year marriage that is ending due to infidelity is going to turn the knobs up to 11 on that. Isolating the money and terminating the credit card is simply limiting the amount of collateral damage the lashing out can cause. You should probably even make it harder for you to touch that money, yourself, for the same reason unless you feel completely emotionally in control (spoiler: you most likely are not even if you believe you are).

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As myself and others pointed out, simply moving money around doesn't help you legally. If things go nuclear & lawyers get involved, the first thing her lawyer will do if you drain the accounts and cut off her cards is get legal orders (forget the proper term) that suspend the assets until a legal agreement is in place. So skip the drama & extra legal expenses and go right to making the standing agreement that will govern finances until the situation is resolved. The situation has already arrived, so no way around it now.

I personally didn't end up needing one (very short marriage, assets were mostly separate and we separated the few joint ones immediately), but they have stipulations like no large purchases, amount of monthly spend, etc. Nothing will protect you completely from a crazy person, but it gives you legal recourse if she goes off the rails. Trying to hoard all the money yourself will a) not work legally and b) make you look like a controlling asshole when the court gets involved.

In a situation where perception can go a long way for you or against you, it is in your interest to keep perception in your favor.

Valos_sl said:

Talk to a lawyer to draw up a postnuptial and start going to counseling. During your sessions make it clear you have huge trust issues now and a postnuptial will help nullify these feelings and perhaps you can move forward and past it. If she doesnt sign it, she doesnt give a shit about your feelings and you're already prepared with a lawyer in tow. If she signs it, you've covered your ass. Just taking money out of a joint account and putting it elsewhere does not protect it. If she wants it she can take it via her lawyer and bank statements.

After you fail counseling in 6 months file for divorce. The counseling shows you had a willingness to fix your problems, and the postnuptial protects you if she goes crazy and racks up debt during the time you're attempting to fix the marriage.

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This is probably the best advice given in the thread so far. I think the trust is broken at this point and once you've lost that, you've lose everything. It's best/time to start covering your ass legally.