Oh, well, fuck it, I know this will get drowned in whore talk, but whatever, I'm too drunk to care.
Lately (meaning, the last few years), I've been living the most boring life ever. Single, everything for my job, didn't care about anything else, and most of all, no risk taking in the feelings department. My brain has been controlling everything, not even allowing myself to have a crush, thinking it could hurt me and put me off balance.
I'm going on my 29th birthday and I've turned out to be like the most boring guy I know, and now I don't really like it. I kinda long for the time I was 20 and didn't have a care in the world.
Back then, I had a best friend, yes, a girl best friend. I was going through a rough patch when I met her, and she pulled me by the ass, going all "you need to enjoy your life and have fun". Back then, we would always hang out together, get drunk together, stay the night together at her apartment, and, well, fuck together, no strings attached.
It kept up like for a year or so, and then she left for Belgium for her studies (we were living in Paris, and I'm still there). I went there and saw her a few times the following two years, until, well, life happened and got us apart. She found a boyfriend there, even though she was not into relationships, and we kinda stopped talking with each other at some point. No news since then, yadda yadda.
Fast forward until this week. Was spending the evening on facebook, having an all around bad time (friend drama, I hate it). I posted something like a pissed of status, which my old best friend commented on, and I kinda replied to it like her answer was ironic (she said something like "sorry for you" and I replied "well, thanks, I think").
Soon after, I was getting a straight to the point message from her : "Hey, we've not talked for a long time. If you ever want to spend a weekend up there in Bruxelles, you can come whenever you want, I'd be pleased to see you".
Inside, I was like "What the fucking fuck is happening?" I mean, we hadn't talked for like 4 or 5 years, and she never seemed like the nostalgic type to me. So I acted all cool like "Hey, could be fun yes. Kinda surprise because I'm not the type to go and talk with people of the past, but yeah I think I'd like it", and she was like "Neither am I to talk with people of the past, but I'd be really please to see you again." The discussion was kinda short, but suffice it to say, I kinda can go there to see her whenever I want.
What's the point of all this talk? Well, this girl kinda has been the girl I've used as a measurement for all other girls since then. She was my manic pixie dream girl, if you know what I mean.
And here I am, fully knowing that in 5+ years we both have changed, but judging my actual life as she would have seen it back then. I'm not an adventurer anymore. I'm just a boring old ass, not taking any risk or anything. And I'm telling to myself : you need to change that, you need to be young again. Maybe not irresponsible like back then, but you need to learn to have fun again.
And I know the first risk I'll take : going to Bruxelles in a month or two (when work allows it) to see her. I'm dead afraid of the idea, but I'm gonna do it.
Even though I still don't fucking know why she would come and tell me "I'd love to see you again" 8 years after our days together.
