I've mentioned that I am part of the preview club on Netflix, so I get to watch shit months early and give my opinion. Last week was a movie with Jessica Alba called Trigger Warning. Not that kind of trigger warning, the gun kind. However, it should have been the other kind, because this movie SUCKS and triggered the fuck out of me. Granted, she's still damn good looking for 50'ish or however old she is. They even give a BOLO for her as a "hispanic woman in her 30s" so I guess that's what we're supposed to believe. She's apparently special forces, but uses terms like "they have a machine gun" to refer to an assault rifle, and calls an RPG a missile.
I won't bother going into detail of all the absolutely stupid things that happen in this movie, but just avoid at all costs unless you absolutely need to see Alba fully clothed and not sexy at all. Well, she's naturally pretty fucking sexy fully clothed, but you get my point. This is not a T&A movie. I honestly have no idea why this movie needed to be made, nor why she would take it. There have to be better things she could have picked.
As an aside, even though it is a TV show I'll mention it here: got to watch the first episode (well, the 10 minutes I could stomach) of a new series they are going to push soon called Dance Monsters. Fatties/uggos get to dance like no one is watching because the judges don't see them, they see a CGI monster avatar instead (think Monster's Inc fluffy shit, not actual scary shit). It is exactly as horrible as you think it is. One of the judges is LeLe Pons, so that should set the bar for shitty for you. The other two are black dudes I have no idea who they are. No white dudes to be seen anywhere, of course. The hostess chick is pretty hot, but I couldn't tell you who the fuck she is, and it is retarded because once you think about it she is literally standing there on an empty stage and pretending to talk to the monster that isn't really there and she can't see. I also have no idea what the judges and audience are looking at, since the dancer is backstage and they aren't projecting it real time like a hologram or something. I'm assuming they are looking at a monitor, but that's now how the show presents it, they are always looking at the stage. Not to mention, the backup dancers are dancing by themselves too, and just hoping the contestant is keeping up with them.
The dumbest part about it is that these people are supposed to be anonymous, right? But at times we see them (faces blurred) in their CGI suits, so you can see that one is a fat black woman, for example. Furthermore, since they can't just have these people be complete unknowns I guess, they show us pics and videos of them in real life, just with faces covered by their monster face. So for example I get to see that one of the chicks used to be a dancer/cheerleader for a professional sports team, and I can see that she at least used to have a smoking body and blonde hair. If you want it to be truly impartial and anonymous, never show us backstage or RL pics, blurred or otherwise. On top of that, by doing the stupid monster bullshit you'll have people that just like a particular avatar more than others and not give a shit about the dancing.
I'll admit, I used to watch So You Think You Can Dance before it turned into shit. I enjoyed it, and they had some mega hotties on there, and they were ALWAYS in super shape, so there was eye candy to be had. They were also typically phenomenal dancers, even if I often hated the genres. These aren't great dancers, and you don't get any cheesecake, so what's the point?
Not that any of you would actually turn this show on, but in case a wife/girlfriend tries, you'll know what to expect.
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