Vanessa's Tranny AMA Blog Thread

Haus said:

OK, saw something today which put another question into my head...

Stopping by the grocery store to pick up some things. I see someone who is pretty obviously trans and definitely "in transition". I can tell because this person looked almost exactly like Leonard from Big Bang Theory (including glasses and 5'o clock shadow) but with tits.

So the question : What do you feel the most awkward parts of your transition have been?

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Most awkward part(s) are just a couple of things:

1) When hormones and my general attitude and mannerisms changed me from male to 'not-quite-female' but 'not-quite-male' either. The stares were horrible. I touched upon this earlier; being in that androgynous middle-stage, and the stares, misgendering, and general awkwardness whilst in society that comes along with that in-between stage is a critical time and takes a strong person to get through it absolutely unscathed and unhurt (emotionally, but certainly physically if you're in the wrong spot I assume). I had a girlfriend at the time, and anywhere we'd go, she'd confirm I was being stared at. I would literally look at ANYONE in a mall, Wal-Mart and they were already making eye contact with me. I'd say to her (just messing around, in this pitiful voice), "Why is everyone staring at me??" and she'd go, "Cuz they don't know what you are" and we'd laugh like schoolgirls about the whole thing. In hindsight, it was just as big on her part for not giving a flying flamingo fuck about it as much as I didn't care either. It was hard tho to always feel eyes upon you and KNOW that no matter what you did you were being judged a curiosity at least and a freak at most, but as I've said quite a few times already, I had a really thick skin going through all this mess so it wasn't so so bad for me (personally).

2) Just being trans in a nutshell is amusingly awkward, even if nothing is visibly awkward from the get go. This sounds weird, but hear me out... here's a goofy example: I occasionally go to this Exxon right on the corner where my gym is in the morning to either get a) gas b) some snacks for work c) both. There's these same three fucking guys there; every goddamn morning... the ridiculous part is that it seems like only one of them works there... it's like Norm and Cliff are there hanging out to see Sam but they're just shooting the shit at a gas station instead of a bar at night. Anyway, without fail, they'll try to talk to me (doesn't hurt that I'm always in my gym clothes I guess) calling me honey, trying to be witty, talking about my car or me being at the gym; anything and everything just to make conversation. So I smile, laugh at their jokes, make as little small talk as humanly possible without being rude and that's that. So nothing I said above is awkward (short of them just being general creepers) but in my mind, sometimes I'll just randomly think in my head, "These stupid fucks have no, NO idea that I got a cock rofl. No clue whatsoever" and they just carry on and in my head, that's just awkward as a shit. It's just invisible awkwardness. Just like when a nurse asked me if I was pregnant (just general question asked to female patients) and it's the same thing in my head... just like... how awkward a thing to take place just now!

Flaw said:

Vanessa,

You know how guys just seem to sweat more than girls and always have a nasty smelling butthole no matter how much they scrub with soap?

As a trans male, do you experience nasty swamp butthole? Most true females don't seem to experience this, atleast from my experiences eating pussy doggystyle with nose against a totally clean smelling butthole

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Btw, I'm a trans-female. Trans-male is like Buck Angel.

I've never had the privilege to smell my own asshole (wtf, I just typed that... the question is; would I if I could??? Cue Unsolved Mysteries music) but this odor issue DOES change. Think back to when you were in the middle or high school locker room with the dudes... hormones raging; it smelled like a pungent almost vinegar-like bitterness, yes? I don't smell that way anymore. I stink if I don't shower just as a female will stink, but the odor is different indeed. Combine that with no hair down there and swamp butthole isn't really a thing.

This was a very pleasant side-effect of hormones that most people don't even realize can change... your male odor is eradicated. I remember getting sweaty pits and just doing the old "Sure deodorant commercial arm-raise test" would yield vinegar-y man-smell. As kinda silly as this is to say, I remember being on HRT for just a little while and I got super sweaty one day and smelled my pits (just because, idk) and it was like... absolutely odorless. My sweat just smelled like water.

Swagdaddy said:

what was the part you disliked most about being a man

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This is a good question but hard one; The dichotomy between the inner vs. outer is something that is literally the "mental illness" at play and it's called Gender Dysphoria as a previous poster touched upon earlier. It's an anorexic seeing fat in places where there are bones 'n skin... it's like that I would assume. My body was this straight, hairy, muscular, blocky, ungraceful mass and I hated it. I hated clothes, and I never ever understood why I hated clothes and hated shopping for clothes. I'd see pretty dresses in the store and think "I wish I had a body that looked good in that". But the complete and utter irony is that I got along as a man just fine. Had no problem getting women interested in me, had good buddies and a good social life... played in a few bands and gigged regularly. But inside I just couldn't take the charade. I wasn't a man; I was a woman in a man's body faking being okay with being a man, but ultimately being good at it too.

I appreciate how twisted this sounds; I can hear the disdainful sighs of some of you saying "You're a man, you're not a woman, it is THIS form that is the charade... THIS is the character, not the real you". It's just not the case... we really are, for some reason science hasn't explained yet, born female souls with male bodies. I'm not here to convince a single one of you any different. Not my place, not my job, and I frankly don't care if you think I'm just deluded/lying/crazy All I can really say is that I'm a perfectly sane person who used to have Gender Dysphoria and that was successfully overcome through transition.

Fifey said:

Hey, we've got Secrets too who is our EQemu savior but I don't think the tits will compare.

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No disrespect, but isn't Secrets a crossdresser? This is a different life/experience than a transsexual like myself. I'd have a very very difficult time passing as a male in society now and I think that's a huge difference between a transsexual and a crossdresser. If I'm wrong about Secrets's identity, please both accept my sincerest and deepest apology and also edify me.

DrFukasaka said:

I fucked a tranny once. I am hung like a horse and when I started pounding her hard her moans started sounding more like manly grunts which caused me to go limp :/

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This... this is news worth reporting (no sarcasm, I LoL'd)

Slyminxy said:

Vanessa How about your adam's apple? Was that never quite visible or is there a way to lessen it's outstanding? Asking cuz the other day I saw this gorgeous girl (with a baby in tow) who had this quite extraordinarily visible adam's apple.

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I have one. I haven't had a tracheal shave yet, but would like to get one soon. It's most noticeable if I'm looking up. What I'm about to say next will obviously depend on the person, but in general an adam's apple doesn't out a trans-girl, but it CAN and DOES confirm suspicion. I hope this makes sense in the tersest way possible.

All of our tells are bad things; let's be clear as museum glass. When a girl passes, the positive feminine features are so numerous and the tells are so minimal as to not tip off the casual observer, but under scrutiny, just one minor tell can be enough of an indication to pass judgment and deem someone non-cis. As I've said in this thread, I've never ONCE been misgendered out in public, so I know for a fact that all my tells are so minimal that it doesn't immediately give the observer a concrete indication, but that's not to say I have always passed. I think someone like me will always be defaulted as a female and even under scrutiny and prying eyes... even if an observer KNEW I was trans (say, by my voice and adam's apple), the abundance of other feminine traits will still lend a stranger to call me ma'am, miss, her, she, etc. It's truly like a balancing scale; even if there are a surprising number of things that seem suspicious, the whole picture; the whole weight of the other side that indicate female will hold that assessment in place and see/gender/comprehend them as a female proper.

I'd have posted more bullshit but I've been kinda depressed lately; ...sorry to disappoint. Btw, it's just regular life stuff and has nothing to do with "trans" life haha, so no, it's not a meltdown on that level!

gauze said:

Out of general curiosity, does it bother you that you're stuck with some masculine features? and i'm not referring to the dick. I mean you look fine and all, i'm not trying to be mean. I'm on that debatable stance of getting w/ a trans, but like, those details just hit like a brick and can't unsee. It happens to females too, i'm particular and it works against me. Tried to bone what would be considered a fatty, and just couldn't do it(always gotta try it once, amirite?) I'm like a Patrick Bateman of sort when it comes to details. Like if a girl doesn't have visible ankles, and their calf rolls into it, skinny/fat/thick, it don't matter, I can't do it.

It might be me? I've spent a number of years in Thailand(half thai) and its pretty obvious to pick out trans people. I just cant get over the obvious details of like natural bone structures and muscle densities.


To my next question, unless i'm seeing things, does it bother you to shave your chest? or pluck your chest? how come you don't lazer? unless those stubbles aren't actually stubbles.

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Yeah, all my little masculine features bother me. Not to the point where it gives me a complex and I'm dealing with social anxiety or anything, but of COURSE I wish they weren't a thing. It's probably akin to you, as a cis-gendered male (I assume) that you have a mole or two you don't like. You'd prefer I'm sure to not have it there, but it doesn't concern you enough to actually do anything about it. That's my masculine traits. I could get more work done, but the cost vs. result isn't enough of a scale-tipper. My brow work, nose, etc, that WAS worth it.

My insecurities are ranked like: Chin > Thin wispy hair > Adam's apple > Jawline > Broad torso > Waist-hip ratio. I don't think there's literally anything else that is revealing but feel free to add more insecurities to the pot haha.

I've seen some really beautiful T-girls that, despite their beauty, have that "certain something" that just gives them away like you said. Carmen Carrera is just perfect; I am so envious and jelly of her, it's sick. But even she has that transy-ness about her too (very very little, I admit, but still...). All of us have that. I think a little of that is fine; life is hell for us when you're trans but you're extremely masculine.

Example: #theyregoingtohaveahardlife



Let's see; I think I see what you're talking about on my chest; I do indeed epilate my chest. Laser isn't a one time cure-all btw. If you lasered your chest, it would all grow back over time. For us, we just have body-wide reduction of hair. It doesn't fall out, it just kinda goes from terminal to vellus. The fact I can epilate my chest & belly and it A) doesn't hurt B) does't leave horrible red bumps is a testament to how much reduction happens. As a guy, epilate your chest and get back with me how you're feeling afterwards But anyway; I think you're right... I should have "cleaned up" better before snapping the pic.

My lipstick was fading due to sipping on mixed drinks, but here I am channeling Rachel from Blade Runner (not intentionally):