Whats rustling your jimmies?
- Thread starter Big Phoenix
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Sludig
Potato del Grande
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Get Northgard on mobile for free amongst other bullshit on my overpriced verizon plan. Ditto with FF7. Both basically rather tedious to play on the phone. Go looking to see if I have a key to play northgard on PC.... same game/name but 2 developers and apparently the PC version is a bit different....
Feels like a self own to pay for it on PC (and not sure I even would enjoy it) but mobile version would be great for work downtime but UI feels unplayable on less than a full tablet.
Feels like a self own to pay for it on PC (and not sure I even would enjoy it) but mobile version would be great for work downtime but UI feels unplayable on less than a full tablet.
My wife passed 2 weeks ago at 41 from breast cancer. I have a 2 and a half year old girl and 5 year old son. Everything fucking sucks. I'm sorry for you and your friend.
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Oh my man. I can't even. I'm so sorry. I really hope you've got some support.
Fuck cancer. I'm so sorry. Everyone here is so sorry.
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They are lucky to have you. There are no words for your loss.
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Hey thanks. I guess to add an addtional rustle to the thread.
When my wife was told by her oncology team they thought she had about 3 weeks left (the tumor in her lung was pushing on her heart but in the end her liver gave out) in mid April, I took FMLA leave to take care of her. Through my work and a policy with Prudential it was paid leave.
Last week I reached out to my HR to see if I could amend my claim or start a new one as my wife had passed but I needed some time to take of the kids. My daughter had been waking up like every hour on the hour. Not crying necessarily, she just knows there's a disturbance in the force but doesn't have the words or understanding to identify it.
They responded and asked what day she died. I told them Monday 5/8. After a couple of days they came back and told me that since she died on Monday my FMLA benefits actually ended on 05/05, that my bereavement leave was from 05/08 to 05/12 and that now I was using vacation for being out.
A couple of days after that, they told me that because of their delay in reviewing my case they inadvertently let a paycheck to go out for last week (05/15 - 05/19) which I now have to pay back.
I guess I'm lucky. At least I had paid FMLA leave and have vacation time to use, but fuck me.
Also, not at all to diminish what your friend is going through but it all comes down to perspective. Her kids will remember her and have memories with her which is amazing.
You do so much negotiating with the universe. 5 years, a couple years, ok a year, ok my daughters 3rd birthday in November, fine give us to July for when my son turns 5, her cousins wedding on Memorial Day weekend. Tomorrow. And nome of it means anything, cancer is going to do what it's going to do.
I'd have given 2 arms, both nuts, and one leg for My wife to have lived until our youngest was 8.
And there are folks that have it worse than us for sure. Like that family a couple weeks back at that mall where the mom, the dad, and the 3 year old were all murdered in an instant and that 5 year old boy saw it and is now alone.
I don't know if this is coming off preachy or douchey but I'm not trying to.
Just trying to make sense of it I guess.
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Burren
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Jesus man, you can't just drop that so casually. Do you have close friends or family to talk to for support? Are your kids doing ok?
I think I can safely say a lot of us here have lost someone we love to tragedy (usually cancer) so we get it and can share advice.
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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Write stories about her, every time you need a distraction. Or get an audio recorder if it's easier to get them out that way. And let your kids read them when the time is right. That grief and anger will swallow you up if you let it, and you have a job to do. Your means of getting through it can be their means of knowing their mother better. I'd buy you a beer and a notebook right now if I could.
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I talk to her out loud pretty much any time I'm alone. It really does help. When it comes to writing, I wrote her eulogy the day after and it helped immensely. I was really proud of it, and this past Sunday when we had her service there wasn't a dry eye in the place.
Prior to her death we took a lot of steps for the kids to have things as they grow up. We turned our deck in to a recording studio at the beginning of the year and recorded videos with each other, videos of her talking to her mom. Her and her college roommates. We also recorded her cooking her favorite family recipes (cheesecake and Ricotta cookies). She even recorded a message to them for the day she passed. The morning after (she passed around 9:30pm so the kids were in bed when I got home) I took them to the deck, read them the book the invisible string, and then told them mom died. I played the video but my daughter is just too young. She thought it was facetime and couldn't understand why mom wasn't talking to her. My son took it hard though, we had told him ahead of time that mom was really sick and that she might not get better. That shit suuuucked.
She also wrote a letter to each of them for every birthday from now until they are 18, a letter for marriage, first kid, and if they ever buy a house. Each letter has a gift she picked out or made. We finished printing the letters and putting them with the gifts 6 days before she passed. I still have like 30+ presents to wrap.
I had started writing each night when my song was young but then when she got sick again (2 months after her mastectomy) I had to stop. Gotta get back in the routine of it though.
I'm going to continue with the video recordings. Still a lot to talk about even if she isn't here.
For her service I asked that people bring pictures of my wife in a frame, from any time in her life. People really showed up. We have dozens of pictures I'm going to rotate on the walls. My kids will get to see their mom dressed as She-Ra at their age, high school awkward phase, having fun at college, will be nice for them to have.
Edit: Forgot to add an additional rustle.
Her dad died 2 years ago from cancer at 61 after having been sick for like 20 years, her mother has stage 4 colon cancer (it was slow spreading but she avoided the doctor for many years) and my dad has late stage dementia. Its going to be a rough couple years for my kids.
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Bandwagon
Kolohe
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I can't think of anything to say that sounds as genuine as I want it to. You're doing everything right so far. Keep at it.
My Aunt called me after my grandma died. I hadn't spoken to her in a decade, not for any specific reason....my family just doesn't talk. She was having a breakdown about losing her last parent and just thought she needed to talk to me. I said a lot to her, but there was one thing in particular I said that she told me really helped -
Copy & paste
You keep saying you don't know why you're struggling so much with this. Your mother just died. You are feeling exactly how you're supposed to feel. This is how you're supposed to feel when you lose your parent. You need to settle down into that grief for a bit like it's a bathtub of ice water, and then you need to climb back out of it before you drown yourself.
I guess I don't know why I thought that was relevant. It's just the last time I really felt for someone that lost a person they loved.
It sounds like you're doing everything you are supposed to be doing right now, K KDow . Keep it up, and be ready for the little curve balls and heart daggers that kids tend to throw at you while they're growing up. That's a particular kind of pain that a lot of us never have to experience. I hope you're rewarded for enduring it with happy, healthy kids that love their Dad for giving them a way to know their Mom.
My Aunt called me after my grandma died. I hadn't spoken to her in a decade, not for any specific reason....my family just doesn't talk. She was having a breakdown about losing her last parent and just thought she needed to talk to me. I said a lot to her, but there was one thing in particular I said that she told me really helped -
Copy & paste
You keep saying you don't know why you're struggling so much with this. Your mother just died. You are feeling exactly how you're supposed to feel. This is how you're supposed to feel when you lose your parent. You need to settle down into that grief for a bit like it's a bathtub of ice water, and then you need to climb back out of it before you drown yourself.
I guess I don't know why I thought that was relevant. It's just the last time I really felt for someone that lost a person they loved.
It sounds like you're doing everything you are supposed to be doing right now, K KDow . Keep it up, and be ready for the little curve balls and heart daggers that kids tend to throw at you while they're growing up. That's a particular kind of pain that a lot of us never have to experience. I hope you're rewarded for enduring it with happy, healthy kids that love their Dad for giving them a way to know their Mom.
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Burren
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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I teared up reading that. What you've done is amazing and your kids are really going to appreciate you as they get older.
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I 'liked' this as it's the only option I see , and there isn't an e-hug FUCK CANCER (tm) button.
If you will excuse me I seem to have something in my eye.
Sevens
Log Wizard
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From the food we eat, the water we drink and the air that we breath it is all poisoned.
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Lambourne
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Most helpful thing I ever read about dealing with grief is to just accept the ups and downs as they come and not judge yourself for it. The bad times are expected but there's also going to be times when you're doing well and sometimes people end up feeling guilty over not feeling bad enough. You're going to bounce around emotionally, it's all a normal part of the process so give yourself permission to feel both grief and joy when it comes.
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Thanks everyone. It really is nice to hear.
I'm already getting those a bit
Bandwagon
, and man do they bring you to your knees. The other night I was getting the kids upstairs for bed. We go out on the deck and say goodnight to Papa (My wife's dad) as normal. These days we also talk to Mom. On the deck we also have a big glass jug that we put stones in (memory rocks) from whenever we go someplace. I take my daughter back to their room to get her changed in to pajamas but my son didn't follow. A few minutes later he comes in. I ask him "What were you doing bud?" He tells me he was singing a special song in to the memory jug so it would turn in to a wish and go up to the sky and bring mom back. Then he asks me if wishes come true. I had to tell him, not that one.
I'm fucking losing it on the couch in the dark and he just moves on to watching a video of a hamster going through a Mario themed maze.
Anywho, I've been on every incarnation of this board since I was 20 but rarely posted. I don't know if I'll go back to that level of lurking but I will stop hijacking the rustle thread.
I'm already getting those a bit
Bandwagon
, and man do they bring you to your knees. The other night I was getting the kids upstairs for bed. We go out on the deck and say goodnight to Papa (My wife's dad) as normal. These days we also talk to Mom. On the deck we also have a big glass jug that we put stones in (memory rocks) from whenever we go someplace. I take my daughter back to their room to get her changed in to pajamas but my son didn't follow. A few minutes later he comes in. I ask him "What were you doing bud?" He tells me he was singing a special song in to the memory jug so it would turn in to a wish and go up to the sky and bring mom back. Then he asks me if wishes come true. I had to tell him, not that one. I'm fucking losing it on the couch in the dark and he just moves on to watching a video of a hamster going through a Mario themed maze.
Anywho, I've been on every incarnation of this board since I was 20 but rarely posted. I don't know if I'll go back to that level of lurking but I will stop hijacking the rustle thread.
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Burren
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Thanks everyone. It really is nice to hear.
I'm already getting those a bit
I'm fucking losing it on the couch in the dark and he just moves on to watching a video of a hamster going through a Mario themed maze.
Anywho, I've been on every incarnation of this board since I was 20 but rarely posted. I don't know if I'll go back to that level of lurking but I will stop hijacking the rustle thread.
Start a thread in the grown up section of the forum and continue there. It could help to get these things in writing and get feedback.
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Control
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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I know it's hard to see any positive right now, but what you guys have done to handle this for the kids sounds amazing. Sometimes all we can do is try to make the best out of what the world hands us.