Depression

Similar situation happened with my mother - well, sort of.

Several years ago she started acting different. She was always a drinker, but things were getting weird. She started making rash decisions, and for whatever reason my stepfather went along with them. At first it was small stuff - changing rooms around, different clothes, but it progressed. I think the tipping point was when my dog started to get sick and my mother immediately had her put down. She berated all of us telling us we needed to dig a grave because she was returning with my dead dog. Yeah.

She ended up adopting a couple adult dogs, which was very weird, almost like she was replacing. It might seem small and maybe even rational for someone attached, but something felt very weird.

I got a call at work around 8:00PM and told to gather up my brother and sister (they worked there too) to go to the hospital - she tried to kill herself. Unbeknownst to us, she was on a ton of weird anxiety and pain meds. Apparently she was going to various doctors, getting prescribed something and hitting up another doctor. She had a shoebox full of prescriptions. Those that she could not get from doctors she ordered from Canada. She racked up $20,000 in credit card bills.

We later found out she was dealing with some major anxiety and depression and never told anyone. She did the whole treatment thing, much like your wife, but unfortunately my stepfather is quite the enabler and she has relapsed multiple times (including several attempts at her life). I say several attempts and people might think they were half-assed, but the doctor was giving us chances on her surviving in the single digits.

The reason I tell you this is to not do what my stepfather did. Be supportive to her, help her along, listen to her. Life will get better.

If you don't mind me asking, how did your stepfather enable her? I'd like to avoid the same types of mistakes.

Thanks.

Angelwatch_sl said:

If you don't mind me asking, how did your stepfather enable her? I'd like to avoid the same types of mistakes.

Thanks.

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Sure. I'm pretty numb to it and don't have a good relationship with my mother thanks to her antics, so I don't mind any questions you have.

A lot of her problems stemmed from drinking. At first he was fully supportive, but 'every time' he would eventually let her 'just have one drink' and the cycle would begin again. It was only a matter of weeks before she was full-blown suicidal alcoholic. He's signed her out of places early because it made her uncomfortable, he never makes her accountable for things she's done (he just repairs the financial stuff for instance), and a lot of times he will trigger her (say things like us kids don't love her, we don't care, etc.). He's not all shitty, I mean he has stuck by her over the years.. so maybe it's just a symptom of all her crap.

So this isn't about me and my depression but something happened last night that's keeping me up and I wanted to talk about it but all my friends and family are in bed. So gonna post about it here, it's about something my ex is going through right now maybe I could get some incite on how to help her.

Anyway starting from the beginning I have an ex that I have known for almost a decade that I am very close to, well she has a boyfriend but we were talking about her breaking up with him and moving in with me again. Her boyfriend had an idea about it, as she was being honest about her feelings and not trying to hide anything from anyone. Earlier tonight he blew his brain's out in front of my ex, and she's totally losing it about it and I am not totally sure how I can help, or maybe I should just give her space . She really has no one else she is at her parents now but lived with her boyfriend her parents don't have room for her long term, obviously staying with boyfriend is not really an option in this. So there's a chance she will be moving in with me a little quicker then we anticipated.

I pretty much told her over the phone that I'm here for her she can talk to me about it, I can give her advise on how I deal with situations quite a bit like this one. She know's I'm here so my plan was since she knows to just give her space till she is ready to come around, is this wrong ? I do have first hand knowledge of going through this sort of thing, I am bipolar and for many many years it went un-diagnosed and I tried to commit suicide more times then I can count had no fucking clue what was wrong with me. I also have experience with people close to me killing them selves, my uncle blew his brain's out as well and I was the one that found him but he was dead before I walked in the house. My best friend growing up was murdered right in front I held him as he bleed out from several gun shot wounds, just as my ex did with her boyfriend except he was already dead he still did it right by her.

Part of me hate's him for doing this just seems like he did it this way to me because it'll scar her forever and he wanted to do that, that's my feeling on it anyway. I mean shit if he really cared about how she would feel why do it in the room right next to her (she was in living room he was in kitchen), he should have just parked somewhere and did it so some random joe could find him I know that's not good either but much better then a loved one finding him imo. I just don't know what to do this is the sweetest girl I know she wears her heart on her sleeve i'm worried she will partly blame me for it, and maybe I am partly to blame. She has no other good friends besides me though, I'm just truly at a loss as to what to do. Does anyone have any experience on this type of situation ? could really use some advice. Thanks guys.

Nulolan_sl said:

So this isn't about me and my depression .... Does anyone have any experience on this type of situation ? could really use some advice. Thanks guys.

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This post ended up way heavier than expected. I'd recommend just being there for her if she needs it (don't look for solutions.. just listen)... she probably should go get some sort of professional counseling if she isn't already going down that path. It's over your head whether you want it to be or not.

This isn't really a depression thing. She is presumably actually traumatized, not in the microaggression way. She should see a legit therapist, not that you don't want to help but this is likely out of your league to tackle pro bono on the side.

Anyone have any experience with Zoloft. I've had problems relaxing, not mentally but physically. I walk around and I realise my shoulders are up to my jaw. My teeth are clenched all the time. I purposely move my shoulders down and 2 minutes later same thing. Dr. prescribed zoloft so wondering if anyone had any experience. I read it takes a while to take effect, need to get it going since my medical has gone from bad to as bad as it can. Depession at maximum now.

Zoloft worked very well for me for controlling my depression. Most of the common side effects went away within a couple of weeks but the biggest one was impotence while I was on it and that never went away while I was on it. I was taking 100mg and it took a solid month before the depression was under control. It was very effective and I needed it at the time but the impotency was a bit much.

So we had this happen right down the street from my mother's house:

State to probe Morton Hospitals handling of Taunton killer | Boston Herald

Looks like the local hospital failed to recognize mental illness/depression and the guy went on a murder spree the day he was released.

They might try and scapegoat someone, but really the system is what's broken here. Besides, unless he was literally gibbering or making direct threats towards himself or others, they probably didn't have the grounds to put him on an involuntary hold, so when he said he wanted to go they had to let him go.

Twilight Sparkle_sl said:

They might try and scapegoat someone, but really the system is what's broken here. Besides, unless he was literally gibbering or making direct threats towards himself or others, they probably didn't have the grounds to put him on an involuntary hold, so when he said he wanted to go they had to let him go.

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Yeah they aren't really sure yet what actually happened at the hospital.

Scary thing is my wife was at that very same hospital on Friday in the ER and they were extremely nice to her but definitely pushy in getting her to leave.

That town, Taunton, is a haven for Heroin addiction so I wouldn't be surprised if they thought he was a junkie and sent him on his way.

Angelwatch_sl said:

Zoloft worked very well for me for controlling my depression. Most of the common side effects went away within a couple of weeks but the biggest one was impotence while I was on it and that never went away while I was on it. I was taking 100mg and it took a solid month before the depression was under control. It was very effective and I needed it at the time but the impotency was a bit much.

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Did you notice a downward bit when you first started taking it. I just started last week and honestly I feel 10x worse than when I started. I've never felt more hopeless in my life, and that included after a Dr. told me I had massive brain damage, would never walk again, and soon I would have to strapped into a wheelchair.

This is pretty bad.

Borzak_sl said:

Did you notice a downward bit when you first started taking it. I just started last week and honestly I feel 10x worse than when I started. I've never felt more hopeless in my life, and that included after a Dr. told me I had massive brain damage, would never walk again, and soon I would have to strapped into a wheelchair.

This is pretty bad.

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I did not but my wife did. My case was straightforward depression. My wife is bi-polar though and Zoloft made everything worse for her. If it's making you feel that bad and hopeless than talk to your doctor immediately and try something else.

Medication has stopped working.

Back to wanting to die.

Therapist is out of town for 2 weeks.

Walk away from the whole situation, not worth your time bro

Sounds like terrible people all the way around. Why do people insist on shitting where they eat?