This game is so god damn weird sometimes.
I've been slowly progressing, and reached the creepy village with the candles that need to be lit the other night. I got backstabbed to death by some invisible assassin asshole and figured that was a good time to log off for the evening. I had an exhausting day today and was about to go to bed and realized, wait, I haven't played any Elden Ring at all. Okay, I'll light those stupid candles and then call it a night. I made it through the village...and then...oh, look, here's the Haligtree that everyone says is a pain in the ass. I'll try this for a few minutes, and then I'm out. Hmm, it's not so bad. Oh, wow, I made it all the way to a second part. Now I'll try this for a few minutes, and then I'm really out. Oh joy, another fucking lake of rot thing. Let me just get this over with, find the next grace site, and then BED. Okay, I'm through that nonsense, here's the site...and right next to it is...a boss door? Fine. One quick peek and that's that. Ah shit, it's Malenia. I'll make one run at her, die horribly, and then go to bed.
Alright, that was a nifty cut scene, so now let's just try this onc....*slash slash DEAD*. What the FUCK. Okay, fine..two attempts, you ginger dickhead. Somehow on attempt two I wrecked phase 1. Now I'm wide awake and my heart is pounding, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but somehow I'm alive and chomping her health down...more...MORE....MOOOORE. OMG, I can't even see any red left in her health bar! Shit! Am I gonna do it?
No, of course not. She flashed into some Great Tiger from Mike Tyson's Punch Out combo and I got fuckin wrecked immediately. Now it's gonna take me another 20 attempts to even get her close again, lol. Dammit.