Girlfriend wants to move in, how much should she pay?

Mist_sl said:

Split the utilities and that's it. You're fucking crazy/stupid if you go beyond that at this point.

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Whaaaa?

I just asked my wife this when she came home for lunch - she said split it down the middle (same thing I said earlier) /shrug

Mist is on drugs or something.

Famm_sl said:

Its clearly Eomer.

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Fuck no son! Although yeah, the lady friend and I are coming up on a year and her lease is up at the end of the year, so it's probably time to discuss living arrangements. From my perspective I don't have a mortgage on my place, but I do have reasonably high condo fees. Only utilities are power and cable/internet. The lady would have to find another parking stall to rent, as well. Personally I wouldn't expect her to pay anything other than for her parking stall. She's barely scraping to get by as it is and she'll be going back to school in the spring, and overall her moving in with me likely wouldn't have any effect on my living expenses. She'd be saving around $500-700 a month in not paying rent on her own place that she could put towards paying down some debt and/or tuition. I'd be happy to help her out a bit.

Maybe I'd ask her to buy all the groceries, since she'll be doing all the cooking!

Araysar_sl said:

Since she makes twice what you make, I would just say half down the line: bills, housing, etc.

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Depending on the state/province, if she's paying half the mortgage and they're cohabitating, wouldn't that put him at risk of her getting half the equity in the place if they break up? And that aside, I don't see how you can ask someone to pay half of your mortgage if they're not getting equity. They should pay whatever the equivalent rent would have been, or half of it I guess.

Araysar_sl said:

I guess thats a good point. In Chicago a month's worth of rent in a decent neighborhood is just a tad below monthly mortgage payment in the burbs just outside chicago so over the years I just equate paying rent to being the same as paying a mortgage

Eomer is right, I would just charge her half for what the rent equivalent of that place would be.

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Another good example would be to find the closest apartment complex to your house, find out what a 1br would cost, charge her half of that and that should be considered reasonable as well.

I've had a similar situation with my girlfriend. I have a mortgage on my condo but I make quite a bit more than her and it didn't seem to fair to split it down the middle. I have no utilities, they're all included in my condo fees. So we added our two incomes together, figured out what % each one makes up and then split the monthly costs down those percentages. Hers worked out to roughly 35%, which was pretty much my condo fees. We drafted up an agreement and signed it, that it was understood the money she paid per month wouldn't be seen as her paying into the mortgage and I'd retain ownership in the event of our break up. It worked out pretty well where she was paying almost all the condo fees and I'd pay the mortgage.

equitable, fair, and smart to cover your ass. Yup.

Edit: The problem is she makes twice as much as he, so could be construed as taking advantage of her.

Lock it down if she makes twice what you do.

I did 60/40 before we got married. I made way more money. I ended up paying the rent and she paid for food and utilities. I like that fact that we each were responsible for our own bills. but just to clarify we worked on the bills together so i saw them every month just to make sure they were paid (she had a great Spreadsheet) I will admit the whole purpose of this arrangement was for me to not have to go grocery shopping. My wife also did the majority of the house work, (naturally with out being asked or complaining) so I did not mind paying a little more


Also, what Trip said.

There seems to be a wide variety of reasonable solutions, find out which works best for both of you, and at any point in time she flips the fuck out and becomes unreasonable then end the relationship or don't allow her to move in.

Tuco_sl said:

This seems like it'd only work if the person proposing it makes the most money.

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This is true hah, the real concern in my situation was how she would take the proposal of the mortgage agreement. I watched a few friends in long term relationships with common law wives end up losing half the equity in their home despite the women involved not contributing anything near half of the equity and I didn't feel like getting fucked. She took it well surprisingly and the significant drop in her monthly costs probably greased the wheels.

Northerner_sl said:

Half the mortgage less whatever equity you accrue each month. From an accounting standpoint it is fairly clear cut, there's no way she should be paying off your place for you. To do it properly, you would actually look at the present value of the average equity gain over the lifetime of the property.

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This. Just make sure you pay the value you're going to accrue from owning the house each month, then split the bills after that. I know some guys are joking here, but if she does cook and clean, you should really take that into account, to. Does she do your food shopping? Clean the bathroom? Marriage is a contract for a reason, those duties would have fees attached if someone else did them, so don't discount their value if they are being done for you, that will lead to resentment (And rightfully so) really quick.

It's tricky, but if they are being done for you, and she's good about maintaining the home, cooking your meals, and what not? That changes things. So as others have said, it's a question that's dependent on your situation.

Lithose_sl said:

This. Just make sure you pay the value you're going to accrue from owning the house each month, then split the bills after that. I know some guys are joking here, but if she does cook and clean, you should really take that into account, to. Does she do your food shopping? Clean the bathroom? Marriage is a contract for a reason, those duties would have fees attached if someone else did them, so don't discount their value if they are being done for you, that will lead to resentment (And rightfully so) really quick.

It's tricky, but if they are being done for you, and she's good about maintaining the home, cooking your meals, and what not? That changes things. So as others have said, it's a question that's dependent on your situation.

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I am currently divorced and not in a relationship, I would give a woman free room and board to cook and clean for me, hell I already pay a woman to clean for me.

Tripamang_sl said:

I've had a similar situation with my girlfriend. I have a mortgage on my condo but I make quite a bit more than her and it didn't seem to fair to split it down the middle. I have no utilities, they're all included in my condo fees. So we added our two incomes together, figured out what % each one makes up and then split the monthly costs down those percentages. Hers worked out to roughly 35%, which was pretty much my condo fees. We drafted up an agreement and signed it, that it was understood the money she paid per month wouldn't be seen as her paying into the mortgage and I'd retain ownership in the event of our break up. It worked out pretty well where she was paying almost all the condo fees and I'd pay the mortgage.

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This is what my ex tried to suggest was fair and equitable. I wasn't on board with it, seems a lot of you are. Then again it wasn't pertaining to my entire mortgage, just the 800 or so I was paying out of pocket so $350 seemed more than fair and I was pissed she was even complaining about that.

Definitely not half. Without her name on the mortgage, that deal would be lopsided. I would just flat out ask her what she thinks is fair; tell her 50-50 isn't fair to her, but ask her what % of the mortgage she would think is fair. Anywhere around 40% is probably a good starting off point. And split the utilities 50/50. Hell, she still may even insist that she pay 50% of the mortgage.