Girls who broke your heart thread

Wrathcaster said:

Only thing she"s told me to that effect is that she was pressured into sex when she was pretty young, 14 or 15 I think and that her first time was horrible. But she said it wasn"t rape, she wasn"t forced to have sex and the dude didn"t try and hurt her, just made her feel really guilty about not banging him.

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Well, if she SAYS it wasn"t rape, then surely it wasn"t... I mean no women in the history of yoga pants has ever been raped and then rationalized it as not rape and blamed herself. The hardest part of dealing with a rape victim is basically getting them to admit and accept that yes, they were raped.

Not saying she was in this instance, but, umm, yeah, she was. Maybe not in her own conscious rationalizing mind or the court of law, but in her emotional and sexual development, it all sounds pretty rapey to me!

She did explicitly say she"s never been raped/molested before.

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Yeah, and Jerle said he"s a lesbian chick who still actively uses and doesn"t want to get rid of his penis! Funny the things people say and how they match to reality.

I"m wondering if it"s a combination of past experiences and a cultural thing. Her parents are Haitian immigrants (although she was born and raised in the US).

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Could definitely have to do with culture.... as in, Haitian culture treats women like shit and most of them get raped, abused, molested or at least really traumatized sexually. Like she was a little girl and some neighborhood men probably made her dance naked, look at them as they did things to each other (and claimed it wasn"t homosexual since a little girl was watching), made her watch porn and then, of course, when she was 14 she was totally not raped... and probably all with some voodoo-chicken involved too... How does she feel about chicken blood?

Ask her when the first time she saw porn was. Not that she"d answer honestly, necessarily, but you can still maybe get some background. Even just showing a kid porn can fuck them up for life.

Very shy and very quiet, especially around new people. Openly admits she"s sort of afraid of talking to new people, which is weird considering she works in a retail clothing store and at a nursing home.

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Customers are safe, though. It"s people she"s getting to know, friends and family and whatnot, that are at danger of totally definitely NOT raping her.

Wow...consider the shark well and truly jumped, thread.

There! I fixed my post.. fucking happy?

Waywatcher said:

The upside is, even though religious chicks can be uptight about "surface" issues like having sex with the lights on, that rarely prevents them from being freaky in the sack (it"s part of the dichotomy most religious people have to go through to reconcile their faith with the facts that intrude on it). Shitty about the lack of BJs, though. Sorry, bro. =(

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Wait, so you crack on Cam for making blanket assumptions based on his personal perspective, then you go on hammering your own nail"s personal perspective by claiming being raised religiously "rarely" prevents women from being freaky in the sack, because reconciling their faith with facts that intrude on it is a dichotomy "most" religious people have to go go through?

If we"re calling spades spades, then maybe by your own assertions that Cam is a retard, you"re a retard too? Because unless you"ve got some verifiable statistics and aren"t just typing out your ass about things YOU assume to be true, then I don"t really see the difference in what Cam did (stupid or otherwise) and what you just did.

And sadly, it"s not all that "stupid" to assume a chick showing such severe aversions to sex and nudity didn"t experience some form of sexual abuse. Just like it"s not all that stupid to assume the chick would claim it wasn"t abuse.... usually to mirror a society of men who disregard any assertions of abuse as just chicks (or Cam) making shit up.

I hate having to defend or agree with Cam, but my guess is she was sexually abused in one fashion or another.

Arative said:

My girlfriend is sort of the same way, doesn"t have a problem having sex with the lights on, just doesn"t like to talk about sex at all. She grew up in a fairly conservative home, so I think that"s part of the problem.

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Good counter example. Not feeling comfortable talking about sex, probably just raised conservative.

Not feeling comfortable having sex with the lights on, refuses to give BJ"s, tells a story about a "horrible" sexual experience at a young age where she was pressured into sex but swears it wasn"t rape, works retail where she has to talk to strangers all day and seems to manage fine but is extremely shy around anyone she"s getting to know, can"t watch porn or standard nudity on tv without getting very uncomfortable to the point of aversion, makes overt borderline ridiculous sexual claims like any woman seeing her naked (if she"d turn the fucking lights on) would go all homo on her.... ummm, yeah, NOT just raised conservative. That"s sexual abuse territory, as none of that is a healthy reaction to any level of healthy environment.

Whereas being raised conservatively, where they probably didn"t talk about sex, it"s natural a woman would then not feel comfortable talking about sex. Having sex, though, since the family probably didn"t TALK about it, it"s normal to still feel fairly comfortable with it.

popsicledeath said:

I hate having to defend or agree with Cam, but my guess is she was sexually abused in one fashion or another.

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It gets easier as you go along ;-)

popsicledeath said:

Good counter example. Not feeling comfortable talking about sex, probably just raised conservative.

Not feeling comfortable having sex with the lights on, refuses to give BJ"s, tells a story about a "horrible" sexual experience at a young age where she was pressured into sex but swears it wasn"t rape, works retail where she has to talk to strangers all day and seems to manage fine but is extremely shy around anyone she"s getting to know, can"t watch porn or standard nudity on tv without getting very uncomfortable to the point of aversion, makes overt borderline ridiculous sexual claims like any woman seeing her naked (if she"d turn the fucking lights on) would go all homo on her.... ummm, yeah, NOT just raised conservative. That"s sexual abuse territory, as none of that is a healthy reaction to any level of healthy environment.

Whereas being raised conservatively, where they probably didn"t talk about sex, it"s natural a woman would then not feel comfortable talking about sex. Having sex, though, since the family probably didn"t TALK about it, it"s normal to still feel fairly comfortable with it.

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yeap QFT

popsicledeath said:

Wait, so you crack on Cam for making blanket assumptions based on his personal perspective, then you go on hammering your own nail"s personal perspective by claiming being raised religiously "rarely" prevents women from being freaky in the sack, because reconciling their faith with facts that intrude on it is a dichotomy "most" religious people have to go go through?

If we"re calling spades spades, then maybe by your own assertions that Cam is a retard, you"re a retard too? Because unless you"ve got some verifiable statistics and aren"t just typing out your ass about things YOU assume to be true, then I don"t really see the difference in what Cam did (stupid or otherwise) and what you just did.

And sadly, it"s not all that "stupid" to assume a chick showing such severe aversions to sex and nudity didn"t experience some form of sexual abuse. Just like it"s not all that stupid to assume the chick would claim it wasn"t abuse.... usually to mirror a society of men who disregard any assertions of abuse as just chicks (or Cam) making shit up.

I hate having to defend or agree with Cam, but my guess is she was sexually abused in one fashion or another.

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None of us are posting facts or statistics. Note, however, that I didn"t paint this girl as a victim of sexual abuse (nor did I make the outlandish claim that,becauseshe denied being a victim, that all but guarantees that she is one; oh, also because her family is Haitian, now she has a history of ritualized naked voodoo dancing with the male elders of her tribe or some such bullshit). I suggested, based on my experience, that she sounds like shemightcome from a religious upbringing.

I"m sorry if my view on religion offended you, but I put very little stock in religions or those that subscribe to them. And, frankly, I believe many human beings have to make psychological compromises to rationalize their daily actions with the precepts of their religion. And, again frankly speaking, I"ve been with a handful of prim, proper, religious girls who were demons in the sack.

Obviously, we"re only getting Wrathcaster"s side of the story here, but I didn"t interpret her "first time" anecdote as anything more than a horny guy pressuring a horny but reluctant girl into your everyday immature, awkward first sexual experience. You"re either reading too much into it, or I"m not reading enough. Either way, I"m not willing to bank on assumption (unless it has to do with religious whackos, of course ).

Waywatcher said:

...history of ritualized naked voodoo dancing with the male elders of her tribe....

I"m sorry if my view on religion offended you....




Obviously, we"re only getting Wrathcaster"s side of the story here, but I didn"t interpret her "first time" anecdote as anything more than a horny guy pressuring a horny but reluctant girl into your everyday immature, awkward first sexual experience. You"re either reading too much into it, or I"m not reading enough. Either way, I"m not willing to bank on assumption (unless it has to do with religious whackos, of course ).

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Voodoo IS a religion!!!!! LEAVE VOODOO ALONE!!! How DARE you make fun of Voodoo after all it"s been through!

And, frankly, I believe many human beings have to make psychological compromises to rationalize their daily actions with the precepts of their religion.

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And, frankly, I believe many human beings have to make psychological compromises to rationalize their traumatic pasts with the precepts of their society.

Which is why women denying they were abused, when they were, is almost as common as men denying they abused, when they did. Though not nearly as men denying abuse exists at all, when it"s just boys being boys or a girl asking for it!

And, again frankly speaking, I"ve been with a handful of prim, proper, religious girls who were demons in the sack.

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Then it MUST be true for the majority of the hyper religious. Those women you see in the grocery store who"ve never cut their hair and keep it in a tight bun under a bonnet, never make eye contact with anyone else and wear no makeup! DEMONS IN THE SACK!!!

But yeah, that"s my point. You reject outright the general assertions of Cam (who, to your credit, is often wrong and doesn"t have a good eye for real-reality), and then throw out your own personal assumptions and "experiences", basically doing the exact same thing as Cam. Why? Because he was probably a bit too absolute in his wording (but not imo in his assertion), so the only way to fight that is to make up your own bullshit and accusing everyone with differing perspectives of doing exactly what you"re doing (after sort of accusing Cam of doing exactly that).

Anything you want to talk about, bro? We"re here for you.

I could ask you the same question. Did a Haitian rape gang have their way with your family?

And you"ve already illustrated my point for me (albeit in a downplaying, backhanded fashion): We all make assumptions and generalizations out the ass in this thread. And, of course, my assertions are inherently better/more accurate than yours! That"s a totally unbiased, objective opinion, of course. =P

I took issue with Cam making a definitive statement on someone he"s never met. What a difference a "might" makes. Bro.

Waywatcher said:

I took issue with Cam making a definitive statement on someone he"s never met. What a difference a "might" makes. Bro.

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I agree but I generally assume we all know that everything we say here is mights and conjecture since we don"t actually know the people involved or their story for the most part.

Every girl with body issues was raped. I think we"ve solved all the problems here.

Awlbiste said:

Every girl with body issues was raped. I think we"ve solved all the problems here.

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Or confirmed fat.

Also, all Haitians practice voodoo and press women into combination brothels/strip clubs (brothel clubs?).

I"ve never met a girl (super hot, attractive, plain-looking, ugly, or otherwise) that does not have at least one kind of issue with their own body. Some of them take it further than others, of course.

For some of them it can be really stupid crap, too. Seems every girl with curly hair wants straight hair and vice versa.

I"d hate to be a woman. They are never happy!

All that to say, the earlier sex life could have nothing at all to do with it. Hard to say without knowing the girl. Hell, maybe she herself doesn"t even know.

Bladefury said:

I"ve never met a girl (super hot, attractive, plain-looking, ugly, or otherwise) that does not have at least one kind of issue with their own body. Some of them take it further than others, of course.

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Bleedat.

There"s a point it tips from being uncomfortable or self conscious, to being ashamed, though. But, yeah, it"s not whether a woman has some body issues. People have body issues and insecurities, etc (and women are people too!). It"s the severity, amount and consistency of the issues that becomes telling.

Eomer said:

Appropriate:

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Alternatively:

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<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wq7D5RXD6gg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I made the mistake of joking about the voodoo thing, she flipped the fuck out on me adamantly proclaiming her catholic devotion, was visibly angry, shaking, shouting, talking in creole, etc. Really took me aback given she"s normally so shy and sweet and polite. I didn"t know it was such a sensitive subject.

I can truthfully say, you"re the only one I"ve ever known to piss a chick off in that particular way. Bravo, sir.

Sutekh said:

Current girlfriend was the same way, wouldn"t do it with lights on, for a good 2 years. Never had any issues even remotely close to that her entire life. Just was embarrassed. Sometimes she still asks me to turn the lights off, I just shove her face in the pillow and tell her it"s dark.

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So you finally installed a light in the cellar you"re keeping her in? You"re such a softie. <3 <3 <3

P.S. : We"re inducing tomorrow night. Congratulations Uncle Sutekh.

Zehn - Vhex said:

P.S. : We"re inducing tomorrow night. Congratulations Uncle Sutekh.

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HE COMES