Girls who broke your heart thread
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So I finished this... it took a long time and I started getting lazy about it at the end. It"s very long and I tried not to leave out a single detail, as you guys said. IF it needs to be trimmed I could easily do that by taking out certain events, but you don"t get the full picture then. I also did not proof-read it, so take it as it is.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
There is no short way to put this, and it probably isn"t the most interesting story... this is basically interactions I"ve had with a girl (Sarah) over the past 10 or so years. It is my ex-girlfriend that I dated when I was 17, she was 16. She was my cousin"s (Jackie) best friend, and that"s how we met. I was nervous and shy around girls when I was younger, but she warmed up to me immediately and took control because it was sort of a set up, where Jackie told her to meet me. The relationship lasted for about 6 months before I broke it off... it was also long distance (she lived 45 mins from me). Sarah is responsible for the single hottest moment of my life (obviously lost my virginity to her), and is the first and maybe only person I"ve been in love with. So maybe that"s why I feel the way I do. BUT, I will say this - I have definitely had other girlfriends... well, 1 more to be exact. It lasted roughly the same amount of time, and I never loved her. There are at least 9 other girls I"ve slept with, so it"s not like THIS girl is THE only one.
Why did I break it off? No clue really. I was 17, I didn"t feel I needed an emotional commitment to a girl, and barely understood it anyways. She was also kind of flaky in the sense that she is horrible at responding to texts/phone calls (still is). I attribute this a lot to the fact that her phones are always extremely damaged, and she doesn"t really keep it near her all the time, because I"ve seen that. I remember one day we distinctly had plans to hang out, and she didn"t answer one of my phone calls. I can"t remember if her phone was off and it went straight to voice mail or not, but texting at this point was pretty nonexistent as this was 10 years ago.
Anyways, we broke up. The following few months she put forth a lot of effort in trying to get me to reconsider this. I"d actually hung out with her as my cousin Jackie was dating one of my best friends, and they"d go over to his apartment every once in a while. So I bumped into her a few times, it was pretty damn awkward for me, and I can"t exactly describe what I was feeling at the time. I must not have had a strong sex drive, because my mind would have immediately been geared towards talking to her again. But when we hung out, we didn"t really talk. If we were in a room together alone, it was pretty damn weird for me. I was definitely not up front with or even understood my own emotions or feelings though.
My mistakes from here on out are very stupid.
So, she"s gone.. 2 years go by. I"m 19, she"s 18. I see her on AIM. What the fuck? I"ll IM her. We talk for a while, maybe a few days before I ask if she wants to hang out. We decide on a day. She drives out about 45 minutes. I"m nervous as fuck. I decide we can go hang out at my friend"s house and smoke a lot of weed, because I generally don"t feel I"m entertaining enough to hang out with. At this point my interactions with women are few and far between because I went to an all boys high school. I have no idea how to talk to them, flirt with them, etc. It really does not come natural to me. Anyways, that night ends, nothing exciting happens, and it will also be the only night we hang out at this stage.
This is where I start to become obsessive and needy, and it has been an on-going problem ever since. I"m just going to point out slight things I remember. I cannot to this day understand why I acted this way. My fucking god does it disgust me. But just realize I was young and naive.
I continue to communicate with her on AIM.. she told me she was going to a dance with some other dude she didn"t like, which bummed me out a lot more than it should have, and I kind of conveyed that. Over the next few weeks I probably asked her to hang out a handful of times, with no results for whatever reason. We definitely made plans that she later broke on more than one occasion, which threw me into overdrive. I was getting to the point where I needed to talk to her whenever I could. I was becoming extremely desperate for her attention. I literally had an alarm on AIM when she signed on. I"d IM her immediately. I remember calling her house a few times in a row one night because I couldn"t get a hold of her (we may have had plans and she ditched out). Anyways, we eventually stop talking
Another year or so passes and Myspace is becoming popular. I join up, and am on there for a while before she find me. She adds me as a friend, sends me a message "Hey!!" I am basically the same needy bitch that I was before, and e-mail her quite frequently, anxiously awaiting her replies. Sometimes they don"t come for a few days and I get frustrated. I don"t remember all the details in this time frame, but it"s basically all the same shit, with me trying to make plans with her, and it never happening, although at this point I"m aware she has a boyfriend. I hear from Jackie that Sarah"s boyfriend is a real faggot, and they fight a lot.. so I feel there"s hope. I give up after so long. (Good for me!)
A couple of years pass, I"m now 23-24.. she has just turned 22. I hear Jackie is having a birthday party out around my side of town and Sarah is going to go. Sarah didn"t ask me if I was going, but she knew I would be by talking to Jackie. I"m still skeptical she"ll be there, but am excited about the prospect of seeing her again. My friends and I walk in there and Jackie and Sarah are already sitting at the bar. I haven"t mentioned up to this point that this girl is extremely gorgeous. At this time she"s a promotional model for Miller Lite. God damn, she really looked amazing. She was wearing some whiteish short jean shorts, with black boots up to her knee, and some black shirt. I"d never really seen her in this light and was really thrown. Anyways, we transfer to another bar. My other cousin (Jerry) was there, who has been close to me all my life, yet constantly tries to one-up me (I firmly believe he is sociopathic).
Throughout that night, I spend most of the time talking to my friends. I ignored Sarah. It wasn"t intentional whatsoever, but I really didn"t know how to react to her being there, though I did buy her and Jackie a few shots. My cousin, Jerry, got up in my face and said, "Haha, I"m dancing with Sarah, I"m gonna hook up with her" or something along those lines. I was pissed, but shrugged it off. After a lot of alcohol consumption, she finds me... she"s pretty inebriated at this point, but she didn"t leave my side for the rest of the night. Our conversation wasn"t the greatest as we were both extremely fucked up, but she came to me, and that made me happy. Jackie, her date, and Sarah were staying in a hotel room that night... Sarah wanted me to come along. So I did. Nothing happened since there were 2 people in the bed next to us. I didn"t even try to kiss her, but she did fall asleep in my arms. She still has that boyfriend.
A few weeks pass and I invite her to the Mayhem Festival Concert with Disturbed and Slipknot I think.. She came, we had a good time. I"ll leave out details in here as this is getting long.
I am not some insane stalker, but I happened to notice this, and am now constantly under severe paranoia of this fucker.
My cousin Jerry tells me he"s trying to get this girl"s number that he"s hung out with before, so he sent her a funny facebook message. I happen to know all his passwords, so I figured I"d check it out, because I was curious what he"d written in case I could use it for the future and see if it"d worked. So I look, and he sent the same exact message to Sarah also. I become fucking infuriated. I don"t confront him, but have no idea why he"d need her number to hang out with her. I find out she gives it to him. BUT, Jerry ends up hanging out with and dating the other girl.
From this point on, I had started an anti-depressant medication that really fucked me up when I drank. I"d literally get blacked out and become unable to control my actions. I"d literally wake up and have to find out from people what I did, and think what the fuck? (worst decision ever to start that shit)
A month or 2 passes, and Jackie tells me her and Sarah want to go to a haunted house... I told Jackie there are a bunch out near me if they want to come out. They ended up coming. We were on our way to my friend"s house to pre-drink, and I hear Sarah and Jackie talking about Jerry and that he"s being "weird." I have no idea what this means, but neither of them would tell me exactly and told me not to worry about it. Jerry comes over without his girlfriend for some reason, even though I know she wanted to hang out.
After Jerry showed up, he asks me how it"s going... and casually tells me Sarah told him she hasn"t had sex in a while. I begin to wonder in what context this was in, and for what reason... She doesn"t know he told me this until a while after this night. But a bit into the night, she said to him that they need to talk. I don"t remember why or what triggered it, but they went out on to the balcony and closed the door. I"ll never know what the hell was said or what even happened, but after Jerry came back in he said sorry to me then left shortly after. We decided to go to a local bar we go to and generally make asses of ourselves so they know us pretty well. Sarah is almost falling over drunk. I had to assure the bouncer she"d be ok, and he knew me so it was cool.
This is where it finally starts.
We get into the car after the bar. My friend is driving, and Jackie is in the front seat. Sarah and I in the back and she"s right next to me. I decide it"s time to just go for it, so I kiss her and she"s for it. We make out for the entire ride back to my car. We"re getting into my car to head to my place and she said "Jackie, let me sit in the front, we"re gonna hook up." I"m thinking, holy fuck... It"s about a half hour back to my place. She asks for pajamas in my room.. tells me to close my eyes for some reason (apparently she"s changed her mind). She gets in bed and we proceed to make out again. I take her shirt off, bra off... we"re still making out. When I start to reach under her pants she STOPS me. She said, "I"m not prepared for this." I have no clue what this means, but she asks for her shirt back and we go to sleep.
The next time we hang out is a couple weeks later near Halloween. We decide to go to the same bar we went to before for a costume party. The night goes well, we end up back at my house. I remember laying down with her next to me, people in my room... and we made out again. It didn"t go anywhere from there though.
Jackie and Sarah started coming over pretty regularly for the next year or so. Every time we hang out from here on is a downhill spiral for me. We"d never actually talked in person about where this was going, or what was going to happen. We always got too drunk. I knew she still had a boyfriend. I"d never actually had a meaningful conversation or actively flirted with her when we hung out, I"d just begin to CLING to her. I"d get so blacked out, I could barely let her leave my side. But she drove me to drink far more than I normally would have. The main reason being, I was clueless as fuck as to what would happen with us.
I wanted her desperately to leave her boyfriend, and she finally did one night. She came over and said they were breaking up. Of course, Jackie was there too.. they went upstairs to talk about it. I was really excited about this, but that whole night I turned into a retard again. I continued to text her, and soon found out she got back together with her ex and was now moving in with him, because I don"t think she could handle it at her mom"s house anymore.
One night I came out to Jackie"s house for Sarah"s birthday with a few of her friends. I befriended one of her friends, found out she played ps3. We began playing games together and texting, and I know Sarah was jealous and pissed at thism though she claims she wasn"t. This girl I became friends with had no idea Sarah and I had dated. I asked Sarah about it and she said she thought she mentioned it to her. Oh, right.. But this girl asked me why I don"t get back together with her? She asked Sarah if she still had feelings for me, and her reply wasn"t "no" ... it was "why do you ask that?" So the girl texted me back and said she knew she does from that reply.
Anyways, that all comes to a stop. I was texting her every day during the time period from when we started hanging out to my self-destructive downhill spiral into oblivion. I know that"s awful, but I HAD to talk to her. She"d respond happily some days, and some days she"d wait or ignore me completely. I"d always say "well thanks for the reply" or something like that.
The reason I included Jerry in this, is because at one point I confronted him... I saw that she sent him a facebook message saying she had a dream about him. It was nothing sexual, I can"t remember the context. He replies back trying to be humorous about interpreting her dream, but incorporating in it that I am controlling and talking other shit about me. I later found out from my close friends that he said she told him on that balcony that she was attracted to him, but could never do anything because of me. (I don"t believe this to be true btw, because my cousin lies about a lot of shit.) After I talked to both of them about my issues with them talking to eachother, they had a chat on facebook, I have no idea what it said, but I saw she sent him a message saying, "Make sure you close the chat window!" Whenever we all hang out, he does actively flirt with her in front of my face. She seems to flirt back, unless she"s just being friendly. I know she craves attention, because she flirts with all of my friends or so it seems to me. Unless this is just common behavior and I"m some paranoid freak.
Fast forward toNOW, 1 to 2 years have passed.
She texted me on New Years Eve saying Happy New Year.. I replied, said we need to hang out soon and she needs to see my new house. (I currently live with Jerry and his brother) She doesn"t believe it"s been so long since we last hung out.
2 months later I ask her to go to a wedding with me. Mine and Jackie"s cousin is getting married, and I know she wouldn"t come solo without Jackie... the main reason being I know she still has the same boyfriend of 7-8 years now, and if she"s with my cousin then she has an excuse. She says she wanted to go and she"s excited. She asked me what color shirt I was wearing, went out and bought a dress and everything. I was pretty excited about this.
So now it"s March, day of the wedding... they show up. We go to the wedding, come back to my house for drinks before the reception. We go to the reception... she told me I look better than both of my cousins (Jerry and his brother). We saw people dancing, she looked at Jerry and said, "he"s so into himself, look." I hope this means she"s turned off by that. We talked a lot, unlike any other time we hung out before... she asked me "Do you want to get married?" I can"t tell if she"s testing me or just making conversation. I respond with, "yeah, I just haven"t found the right girl, it"s tough." I asked her, but what I really wanted to ask was "Do you want to marry the person you"re with?"
Anyways, we leave the reception, go back to my house... talk for a bit, play some music. She already knows she"s sleeping in my room. I give her shit to sleep in. We lay in bed and talk for a while, which is uncommon in the past as we"d have been too trashed. I turn off the light as if it"s time to sleep, and she said something else... so I responded.. then said, "I don"t really want to overstep my bounds, but can I kiss you?" She said "I was just thinking about that." So I did... THE SAME THING HAPPENS. We make out, I take her shirt off, bra off... she helps me do this. I didn"t spend too much time messing around, but I guess I should have. I thought if I went quickly she wouldn"t stop me again... but BAM. As soon as I went to go under her pants she stopped me. I"m thinking FUCK. And I literally pleaded with her this time to no avail. I told her I wanted her so badly, and for so long. I said, "you want to do this though." She replied with "yeah, but what would you think of me? I can"t because of the situation I"m in right now." And she sounds extremely sincere. So I don"t know how to take this. Regardless, she lays on my chest and falls asleep.. I ask her if she"d rather lay on a pillow. She said, "no I"m good if you are."
I have no clue how the fuck I could do this any differently? She wants to fuck, it"s obvious.. then once it"s about to happen the deal is off. I don"t get how you can go that far for nothing. She"s already cheating on her boyfriend by even going to the damn wedding with me.
Anyways, that morning they leave.. her phone is fucked, I tell her to text me when she gets it working..
2 days later she texts me... we talk for a bit.. I said "I had a really really good time with you, glad you came." she said "I had a really really good time with you Thanks for inviting me." 3 hours pass and she texts me again about this awesome chicken dish she made. I respond accordingly... then leave it alone. Another hour passes and she texts me again just saying my name... so I ask what"s up. She said she just wanted to tell me how great I looked and she didn"t tell me to the extent that she wanted to. I complimented her again, and said I likely told her enough. And she said I did, but "15 times would have been better "
I didn"t text her for a week after this. I"m trying to play it cool. She texted me last monday to see if I did anything on St Patty"s Day.. I said yeah and was pretty upbeat.. she just laughed at a few things I said but didn"t seem entirely too interested in having a conversation.
Finally I initiated a text with her last week on Wednesday. She didn"t respond for like a few hours, but she works during the day. When she texted me back finally, she was pretty responsive. But leading up to that, I was like "fuck, should I be texting her more? Does she think I"m not interested?" I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and she said she was going out of town for a bachelorette party, but she said "how about next weekend?"
MY QUESTION IS: What do I do moving forward? The general consensus I"m sure will tell me this girl is not worth my time. But for all I"ve gone through, it"s just so hard to give this up. It drains me every day thinking about it though. I wish there were an easy way for me to forget this.. but the option is there for me to continue hanging out with her and be a changed person. Where it goes from there, I have no idea. I do know she lives with her boyfriend of 7-8 years now, and from what she does with me, indicates she doesn"t think very highly of him. I know she wants out and she"s trapped. If she broke up with him she has nowhere to go at this point. Both of her parents are out of state.
She said she"d hang out this weekend when we texted last week. Should I text her tomorrow and confirm that or wait for her to see if she says anything? Obviously I"m on the edge of my seat to see if and when she"ll text me next... but I"m staying cool and not going overboard by texting her constantly.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
There is no short way to put this, and it probably isn"t the most interesting story... this is basically interactions I"ve had with a girl (Sarah) over the past 10 or so years. It is my ex-girlfriend that I dated when I was 17, she was 16. She was my cousin"s (Jackie) best friend, and that"s how we met. I was nervous and shy around girls when I was younger, but she warmed up to me immediately and took control because it was sort of a set up, where Jackie told her to meet me. The relationship lasted for about 6 months before I broke it off... it was also long distance (she lived 45 mins from me). Sarah is responsible for the single hottest moment of my life (obviously lost my virginity to her), and is the first and maybe only person I"ve been in love with. So maybe that"s why I feel the way I do. BUT, I will say this - I have definitely had other girlfriends... well, 1 more to be exact. It lasted roughly the same amount of time, and I never loved her. There are at least 9 other girls I"ve slept with, so it"s not like THIS girl is THE only one.
Why did I break it off? No clue really. I was 17, I didn"t feel I needed an emotional commitment to a girl, and barely understood it anyways. She was also kind of flaky in the sense that she is horrible at responding to texts/phone calls (still is). I attribute this a lot to the fact that her phones are always extremely damaged, and she doesn"t really keep it near her all the time, because I"ve seen that. I remember one day we distinctly had plans to hang out, and she didn"t answer one of my phone calls. I can"t remember if her phone was off and it went straight to voice mail or not, but texting at this point was pretty nonexistent as this was 10 years ago.
Anyways, we broke up. The following few months she put forth a lot of effort in trying to get me to reconsider this. I"d actually hung out with her as my cousin Jackie was dating one of my best friends, and they"d go over to his apartment every once in a while. So I bumped into her a few times, it was pretty damn awkward for me, and I can"t exactly describe what I was feeling at the time. I must not have had a strong sex drive, because my mind would have immediately been geared towards talking to her again. But when we hung out, we didn"t really talk. If we were in a room together alone, it was pretty damn weird for me. I was definitely not up front with or even understood my own emotions or feelings though.
My mistakes from here on out are very stupid.
So, she"s gone.. 2 years go by. I"m 19, she"s 18. I see her on AIM. What the fuck? I"ll IM her. We talk for a while, maybe a few days before I ask if she wants to hang out. We decide on a day. She drives out about 45 minutes. I"m nervous as fuck. I decide we can go hang out at my friend"s house and smoke a lot of weed, because I generally don"t feel I"m entertaining enough to hang out with. At this point my interactions with women are few and far between because I went to an all boys high school. I have no idea how to talk to them, flirt with them, etc. It really does not come natural to me. Anyways, that night ends, nothing exciting happens, and it will also be the only night we hang out at this stage.
This is where I start to become obsessive and needy, and it has been an on-going problem ever since. I"m just going to point out slight things I remember. I cannot to this day understand why I acted this way. My fucking god does it disgust me. But just realize I was young and naive.
I continue to communicate with her on AIM.. she told me she was going to a dance with some other dude she didn"t like, which bummed me out a lot more than it should have, and I kind of conveyed that. Over the next few weeks I probably asked her to hang out a handful of times, with no results for whatever reason. We definitely made plans that she later broke on more than one occasion, which threw me into overdrive. I was getting to the point where I needed to talk to her whenever I could. I was becoming extremely desperate for her attention. I literally had an alarm on AIM when she signed on. I"d IM her immediately. I remember calling her house a few times in a row one night because I couldn"t get a hold of her (we may have had plans and she ditched out). Anyways, we eventually stop talking
Another year or so passes and Myspace is becoming popular. I join up, and am on there for a while before she find me. She adds me as a friend, sends me a message "Hey!!" I am basically the same needy bitch that I was before, and e-mail her quite frequently, anxiously awaiting her replies. Sometimes they don"t come for a few days and I get frustrated. I don"t remember all the details in this time frame, but it"s basically all the same shit, with me trying to make plans with her, and it never happening, although at this point I"m aware she has a boyfriend. I hear from Jackie that Sarah"s boyfriend is a real faggot, and they fight a lot.. so I feel there"s hope. I give up after so long. (Good for me!)
A couple of years pass, I"m now 23-24.. she has just turned 22. I hear Jackie is having a birthday party out around my side of town and Sarah is going to go. Sarah didn"t ask me if I was going, but she knew I would be by talking to Jackie. I"m still skeptical she"ll be there, but am excited about the prospect of seeing her again. My friends and I walk in there and Jackie and Sarah are already sitting at the bar. I haven"t mentioned up to this point that this girl is extremely gorgeous. At this time she"s a promotional model for Miller Lite. God damn, she really looked amazing. She was wearing some whiteish short jean shorts, with black boots up to her knee, and some black shirt. I"d never really seen her in this light and was really thrown. Anyways, we transfer to another bar. My other cousin (Jerry) was there, who has been close to me all my life, yet constantly tries to one-up me (I firmly believe he is sociopathic).
Throughout that night, I spend most of the time talking to my friends. I ignored Sarah. It wasn"t intentional whatsoever, but I really didn"t know how to react to her being there, though I did buy her and Jackie a few shots. My cousin, Jerry, got up in my face and said, "Haha, I"m dancing with Sarah, I"m gonna hook up with her" or something along those lines. I was pissed, but shrugged it off. After a lot of alcohol consumption, she finds me... she"s pretty inebriated at this point, but she didn"t leave my side for the rest of the night. Our conversation wasn"t the greatest as we were both extremely fucked up, but she came to me, and that made me happy. Jackie, her date, and Sarah were staying in a hotel room that night... Sarah wanted me to come along. So I did. Nothing happened since there were 2 people in the bed next to us. I didn"t even try to kiss her, but she did fall asleep in my arms. She still has that boyfriend.
A few weeks pass and I invite her to the Mayhem Festival Concert with Disturbed and Slipknot I think.. She came, we had a good time. I"ll leave out details in here as this is getting long.
I am not some insane stalker, but I happened to notice this, and am now constantly under severe paranoia of this fucker.
My cousin Jerry tells me he"s trying to get this girl"s number that he"s hung out with before, so he sent her a funny facebook message. I happen to know all his passwords, so I figured I"d check it out, because I was curious what he"d written in case I could use it for the future and see if it"d worked. So I look, and he sent the same exact message to Sarah also. I become fucking infuriated. I don"t confront him, but have no idea why he"d need her number to hang out with her. I find out she gives it to him. BUT, Jerry ends up hanging out with and dating the other girl.
From this point on, I had started an anti-depressant medication that really fucked me up when I drank. I"d literally get blacked out and become unable to control my actions. I"d literally wake up and have to find out from people what I did, and think what the fuck? (worst decision ever to start that shit)
A month or 2 passes, and Jackie tells me her and Sarah want to go to a haunted house... I told Jackie there are a bunch out near me if they want to come out. They ended up coming. We were on our way to my friend"s house to pre-drink, and I hear Sarah and Jackie talking about Jerry and that he"s being "weird." I have no idea what this means, but neither of them would tell me exactly and told me not to worry about it. Jerry comes over without his girlfriend for some reason, even though I know she wanted to hang out.
After Jerry showed up, he asks me how it"s going... and casually tells me Sarah told him she hasn"t had sex in a while. I begin to wonder in what context this was in, and for what reason... She doesn"t know he told me this until a while after this night. But a bit into the night, she said to him that they need to talk. I don"t remember why or what triggered it, but they went out on to the balcony and closed the door. I"ll never know what the hell was said or what even happened, but after Jerry came back in he said sorry to me then left shortly after. We decided to go to a local bar we go to and generally make asses of ourselves so they know us pretty well. Sarah is almost falling over drunk. I had to assure the bouncer she"d be ok, and he knew me so it was cool.
This is where it finally starts.
We get into the car after the bar. My friend is driving, and Jackie is in the front seat. Sarah and I in the back and she"s right next to me. I decide it"s time to just go for it, so I kiss her and she"s for it. We make out for the entire ride back to my car. We"re getting into my car to head to my place and she said "Jackie, let me sit in the front, we"re gonna hook up." I"m thinking, holy fuck... It"s about a half hour back to my place. She asks for pajamas in my room.. tells me to close my eyes for some reason (apparently she"s changed her mind). She gets in bed and we proceed to make out again. I take her shirt off, bra off... we"re still making out. When I start to reach under her pants she STOPS me. She said, "I"m not prepared for this." I have no clue what this means, but she asks for her shirt back and we go to sleep.
The next time we hang out is a couple weeks later near Halloween. We decide to go to the same bar we went to before for a costume party. The night goes well, we end up back at my house. I remember laying down with her next to me, people in my room... and we made out again. It didn"t go anywhere from there though.
Jackie and Sarah started coming over pretty regularly for the next year or so. Every time we hang out from here on is a downhill spiral for me. We"d never actually talked in person about where this was going, or what was going to happen. We always got too drunk. I knew she still had a boyfriend. I"d never actually had a meaningful conversation or actively flirted with her when we hung out, I"d just begin to CLING to her. I"d get so blacked out, I could barely let her leave my side. But she drove me to drink far more than I normally would have. The main reason being, I was clueless as fuck as to what would happen with us.
I wanted her desperately to leave her boyfriend, and she finally did one night. She came over and said they were breaking up. Of course, Jackie was there too.. they went upstairs to talk about it. I was really excited about this, but that whole night I turned into a retard again. I continued to text her, and soon found out she got back together with her ex and was now moving in with him, because I don"t think she could handle it at her mom"s house anymore.
One night I came out to Jackie"s house for Sarah"s birthday with a few of her friends. I befriended one of her friends, found out she played ps3. We began playing games together and texting, and I know Sarah was jealous and pissed at thism though she claims she wasn"t. This girl I became friends with had no idea Sarah and I had dated. I asked Sarah about it and she said she thought she mentioned it to her. Oh, right.. But this girl asked me why I don"t get back together with her? She asked Sarah if she still had feelings for me, and her reply wasn"t "no" ... it was "why do you ask that?" So the girl texted me back and said she knew she does from that reply.
Anyways, that all comes to a stop. I was texting her every day during the time period from when we started hanging out to my self-destructive downhill spiral into oblivion. I know that"s awful, but I HAD to talk to her. She"d respond happily some days, and some days she"d wait or ignore me completely. I"d always say "well thanks for the reply" or something like that.
The reason I included Jerry in this, is because at one point I confronted him... I saw that she sent him a facebook message saying she had a dream about him. It was nothing sexual, I can"t remember the context. He replies back trying to be humorous about interpreting her dream, but incorporating in it that I am controlling and talking other shit about me. I later found out from my close friends that he said she told him on that balcony that she was attracted to him, but could never do anything because of me. (I don"t believe this to be true btw, because my cousin lies about a lot of shit.) After I talked to both of them about my issues with them talking to eachother, they had a chat on facebook, I have no idea what it said, but I saw she sent him a message saying, "Make sure you close the chat window!" Whenever we all hang out, he does actively flirt with her in front of my face. She seems to flirt back, unless she"s just being friendly. I know she craves attention, because she flirts with all of my friends or so it seems to me. Unless this is just common behavior and I"m some paranoid freak.
Fast forward toNOW, 1 to 2 years have passed.
She texted me on New Years Eve saying Happy New Year.. I replied, said we need to hang out soon and she needs to see my new house. (I currently live with Jerry and his brother) She doesn"t believe it"s been so long since we last hung out.
2 months later I ask her to go to a wedding with me. Mine and Jackie"s cousin is getting married, and I know she wouldn"t come solo without Jackie... the main reason being I know she still has the same boyfriend of 7-8 years now, and if she"s with my cousin then she has an excuse. She says she wanted to go and she"s excited. She asked me what color shirt I was wearing, went out and bought a dress and everything. I was pretty excited about this.
So now it"s March, day of the wedding... they show up. We go to the wedding, come back to my house for drinks before the reception. We go to the reception... she told me I look better than both of my cousins (Jerry and his brother). We saw people dancing, she looked at Jerry and said, "he"s so into himself, look." I hope this means she"s turned off by that. We talked a lot, unlike any other time we hung out before... she asked me "Do you want to get married?" I can"t tell if she"s testing me or just making conversation. I respond with, "yeah, I just haven"t found the right girl, it"s tough." I asked her, but what I really wanted to ask was "Do you want to marry the person you"re with?"
Anyways, we leave the reception, go back to my house... talk for a bit, play some music. She already knows she"s sleeping in my room. I give her shit to sleep in. We lay in bed and talk for a while, which is uncommon in the past as we"d have been too trashed. I turn off the light as if it"s time to sleep, and she said something else... so I responded.. then said, "I don"t really want to overstep my bounds, but can I kiss you?" She said "I was just thinking about that." So I did... THE SAME THING HAPPENS. We make out, I take her shirt off, bra off... she helps me do this. I didn"t spend too much time messing around, but I guess I should have. I thought if I went quickly she wouldn"t stop me again... but BAM. As soon as I went to go under her pants she stopped me. I"m thinking FUCK. And I literally pleaded with her this time to no avail. I told her I wanted her so badly, and for so long. I said, "you want to do this though." She replied with "yeah, but what would you think of me? I can"t because of the situation I"m in right now." And she sounds extremely sincere. So I don"t know how to take this. Regardless, she lays on my chest and falls asleep.. I ask her if she"d rather lay on a pillow. She said, "no I"m good if you are."
I have no clue how the fuck I could do this any differently? She wants to fuck, it"s obvious.. then once it"s about to happen the deal is off. I don"t get how you can go that far for nothing. She"s already cheating on her boyfriend by even going to the damn wedding with me.
Anyways, that morning they leave.. her phone is fucked, I tell her to text me when she gets it working..
2 days later she texts me... we talk for a bit.. I said "I had a really really good time with you, glad you came." she said "I had a really really good time with you Thanks for inviting me." 3 hours pass and she texts me again about this awesome chicken dish she made. I respond accordingly... then leave it alone. Another hour passes and she texts me again just saying my name... so I ask what"s up. She said she just wanted to tell me how great I looked and she didn"t tell me to the extent that she wanted to. I complimented her again, and said I likely told her enough. And she said I did, but "15 times would have been better "
I didn"t text her for a week after this. I"m trying to play it cool. She texted me last monday to see if I did anything on St Patty"s Day.. I said yeah and was pretty upbeat.. she just laughed at a few things I said but didn"t seem entirely too interested in having a conversation.
Finally I initiated a text with her last week on Wednesday. She didn"t respond for like a few hours, but she works during the day. When she texted me back finally, she was pretty responsive. But leading up to that, I was like "fuck, should I be texting her more? Does she think I"m not interested?" I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and she said she was going out of town for a bachelorette party, but she said "how about next weekend?"
MY QUESTION IS: What do I do moving forward? The general consensus I"m sure will tell me this girl is not worth my time. But for all I"ve gone through, it"s just so hard to give this up. It drains me every day thinking about it though. I wish there were an easy way for me to forget this.. but the option is there for me to continue hanging out with her and be a changed person. Where it goes from there, I have no idea. I do know she lives with her boyfriend of 7-8 years now, and from what she does with me, indicates she doesn"t think very highly of him. I know she wants out and she"s trapped. If she broke up with him she has nowhere to go at this point. Both of her parents are out of state.
She said she"d hang out this weekend when we texted last week. Should I text her tomorrow and confirm that or wait for her to see if she says anything? Obviously I"m on the edge of my seat to see if and when she"ll text me next... but I"m staying cool and not going overboard by texting her constantly.
She has feelings of familiarity and an attraction to you, but she doesn"t want to actually be with you or she would be. You just need to let it go. It"s difficult to move on from your first love, but for the most part we"ve all had to do it. It"ll get easier in time.
Camerous
Molten Core Raider
- 331
- 1,056
Bro... take it from some one who knows exactly what is going to happen.. RUN NOW.. I am fucking serious.. RUN NOW.. DO NOT let this go any further.. do not let this develop into more than it is.. it will only destroy you later. Trust me.. of all the people on this board I am the most open with my shit so when I tell you to fucking run trust that I know what I am talking about.
Damn, you read that fast, unless you skimmed pretty hard. In which case, that"s cool. I appreciate the advice. I wanted to throw everything out there from the way I used to be and the way I am now, thinking that maybe if I don"t seem so attached and clingy to her and casually hang out that I won"t push her away as I have in the past... but in the end, you"re probably right. I just want there to be an alternate way where I could pursue this with different results, and I thought I was getting on the right track... but maybe it"ll all be the same in the end.The Ancient said:
I will say this. I posted this for a reason, because if I get advice, I will feel better about what I choose to do and know it"s the right thing. I"d hate to just straight up ignore her of course... I"m setting up a Match.com account on Friday when I get some time.. already had this planned with my friend. But I still wanted to casually talk to her while I pursue other girls. I just don"t feel there is another girl I"ll feel this way aboutCamerous Valde Unus said:
ignore her, if she asks why no plans let her know you"re not trying to be dramatic but it"s clicked for you that you"re somehow hung up on her after all these years and you need to do some maturing and move on. it was good to see her again and you promise to be a better friend* once you"ve "found your inner chi or something like that." a serious message with a lighthearted ending wins.
then, from then fucking on you god damn idiot, do not make out with her when you happen to be at a party or locale with her. christ why does she need to leave her boyfriend if you are ready to be her lapdog time and time again for nothing but kissing and sleeping in the same bed together.
be a man!
btw I"m serious about moving on and being a better friend*
then, from then fucking on you god damn idiot, do not make out with her when you happen to be at a party or locale with her. christ why does she need to leave her boyfriend if you are ready to be her lapdog time and time again for nothing but kissing and sleeping in the same bed together.
be a man!
btw I"m serious about moving on and being a better friend*
I read that whole thing, since you took the time to write it and I took the time to read it I guess I shall respond.
There are red flags all over the place in that tale. If I had to make a guess as to what is going on, she has the same boyfriend for 7-8 years, off-again-on-again type thing, really man I think she is just using you. She isn"t getting something from him that she wants, I don"t know what that is (attention maybe, based on her job, her interactions with Jerry and you, that is my bet) but it seems like every now and again she uses you to get what she"s missing from her relationship.
Regardless, she does not have her head on straight and it"s not because this is some sort of romantic-movie-story-line that she has secretly felt all this time that you were the one and is just now realizing it craziness. It"s because she craves attention, doesn"t respect commitment and honestly I don"t think she has much respect for you. It might be on a subconscious level, but she knows you want her bad and uses that to her advantage (with udder disregard for you).
Even though she wouldn"t go all the way with you, she was still basically cheating on her boyfriend of 8 years. What is going to happen to you if you two hook up and sometime down the road she"s not getting everything she wants/needs out of your relationship? She obviously isn"t mature enough to deal with it with her S.O. I see the same cycle happening to you, especially with how much she"s used you in the past.
Where do you go from here? Well elsewhere would be my blunt opinion. Even if she does want to leave her boyfriend and what not, she needs to figure her shit out before she can be with you. And based on what you have said I don"t see it being a couple months off and she is fine type of deal. This is like a you bump into her 5 years later and she is a different person type of thing.
I know that finding that "special someone" isn"t an easy task. But this is the one thing I believe to be true. Once you find that someone, it"s easy. It"s easy to be together, it"s easy to define your feelings for that person, there is nothing difficult about being in a relationship with that someone special (I mean in a broad, sweeping sense, obviously there are always going to be little conflicts). This broad hasn"t made anything easy for you, it seems to me you get the feeling that despite your desires you know it just isn"t right, trust your gut.
There are red flags all over the place in that tale. If I had to make a guess as to what is going on, she has the same boyfriend for 7-8 years, off-again-on-again type thing, really man I think she is just using you. She isn"t getting something from him that she wants, I don"t know what that is (attention maybe, based on her job, her interactions with Jerry and you, that is my bet) but it seems like every now and again she uses you to get what she"s missing from her relationship.
Regardless, she does not have her head on straight and it"s not because this is some sort of romantic-movie-story-line that she has secretly felt all this time that you were the one and is just now realizing it craziness. It"s because she craves attention, doesn"t respect commitment and honestly I don"t think she has much respect for you. It might be on a subconscious level, but she knows you want her bad and uses that to her advantage (with udder disregard for you).
Even though she wouldn"t go all the way with you, she was still basically cheating on her boyfriend of 8 years. What is going to happen to you if you two hook up and sometime down the road she"s not getting everything she wants/needs out of your relationship? She obviously isn"t mature enough to deal with it with her S.O. I see the same cycle happening to you, especially with how much she"s used you in the past.
Where do you go from here? Well elsewhere would be my blunt opinion. Even if she does want to leave her boyfriend and what not, she needs to figure her shit out before she can be with you. And based on what you have said I don"t see it being a couple months off and she is fine type of deal. This is like a you bump into her 5 years later and she is a different person type of thing.
I know that finding that "special someone" isn"t an easy task. But this is the one thing I believe to be true. Once you find that someone, it"s easy. It"s easy to be together, it"s easy to define your feelings for that person, there is nothing difficult about being in a relationship with that someone special (I mean in a broad, sweeping sense, obviously there are always going to be little conflicts). This broad hasn"t made anything easy for you, it seems to me you get the feeling that despite your desires you know it just isn"t right, trust your gut.
One other thing. If you decided not to heed advice given and that this is the love of your life the odds be damned your going for it anyways (like a lot of people seeking advice on this thread do), at the very least man up and tell her that nothing happens until her other relationship is over.
Think about it, if some girl is about the break your heart would you rather her just be up front and tell or would you rather find out that she"s been taking her clothes off and letting some other dude make out with her and fondle her?
Just because their relationship isn"t working out doesn"t mean you need to partake in cuckolding the poor guy. You wouldn"t wanted to be treated that way, don"t be a party in letting her treat him that way.
Think about it, if some girl is about the break your heart would you rather her just be up front and tell or would you rather find out that she"s been taking her clothes off and letting some other dude make out with her and fondle her?
Just because their relationship isn"t working out doesn"t mean you need to partake in cuckolding the poor guy. You wouldn"t wanted to be treated that way, don"t be a party in letting her treat him that way.
1. This girl is never going to be yours. Sorry.
2. You"re missing out on a ton of other girls who are available
Been there, it"s part of life. Eight years though. Jesus.
2. You"re missing out on a ton of other girls who are available
Been there, it"s part of life. Eight years though. Jesus.
Bullshit. All you know is that she tells you she wants out. Fact: people that want out of a relationship get out of a relationship.Solariss said:
Your concern shouldn"t be with her, but with yourself. Dude, you"re a mess. No offense, but you come off as extremely insecure, immature and emotionally frantic. Pursuing this relationship (if you could call it that) with this chick is the last thing you need to do. My guess is you"re so obsessed with her and feeding into her drama because there"s a lot of things about yourself you aren"t wanting to face.
I think Dr. Cube said it best: chiggity check yo self before you wriggity wreck yo self. Cuz bitches like her is bad for yo health!
Maybe there"s a tiny chance she"s just fucked up and lost and needs someone to save her and everything will turn out all happy ending fairy tale and shit. I"ve seen it happen. The key is for one party involved to actually be sane and healthy, though.
If you care about her, you"ll support her getting help and getting away from her boyfriend and getting her shit together and understand you having any intimate part of that process is a bad fucking idea for both of you.
And for fuck sake stop drinking if you can"t handle yourself!
Firewalker
Silver Knight of the Realm
- 86
- 40
You talk about how you are in love with this girl. You sir do not know what love is at this point. You basically said that you haven"t even had long conversations with her until recently. What you have is infatuation, and she is using you.
Right now it"s easy to use you because you are being a pushover. You are just giving her w/e the fuck she wants, and she is giving you little to no respect. Let"s face it though, you aren"t really asking/demanding respect at this point either.
Like the above posters I believe that you should just walk away from this and come out with a little dignity. You need to figure yourself out a little more man. It seems to me like you are completely unsure of yourself and are only latching onto this girl because she is familiar, and because you have had her before. You are hurting yourself trying to get further with her and it isn"t going to happen.
It"s going to be rough but go out and start talking to other women, work on your game. You are going to suck at first and there are going to be bitter dissapointments. You are going to want to call this chick when you start to fail, but fight that shit.
You need a bit more dating experience, it only seems like this girl is the love of your life because you haven"t found anyone else yet that you truly appreciate.
Anyways I"m no love doctor, just throwing out my opinions of what I"ve read. Thanks for taking the time to post man and I don"t mean to be a dick or anything, just trying to give you the hard truth.
Right now it"s easy to use you because you are being a pushover. You are just giving her w/e the fuck she wants, and she is giving you little to no respect. Let"s face it though, you aren"t really asking/demanding respect at this point either.
Like the above posters I believe that you should just walk away from this and come out with a little dignity. You need to figure yourself out a little more man. It seems to me like you are completely unsure of yourself and are only latching onto this girl because she is familiar, and because you have had her before. You are hurting yourself trying to get further with her and it isn"t going to happen.
It"s going to be rough but go out and start talking to other women, work on your game. You are going to suck at first and there are going to be bitter dissapointments. You are going to want to call this chick when you start to fail, but fight that shit.
You need a bit more dating experience, it only seems like this girl is the love of your life because you haven"t found anyone else yet that you truly appreciate.
Anyways I"m no love doctor, just throwing out my opinions of what I"ve read. Thanks for taking the time to post man and I don"t mean to be a dick or anything, just trying to give you the hard truth.
I did skim at certain parts because I knew exactly what it was going to say. You aren"t the only guy who"s been there. Anyway, Opiate and Firewalker"s advice is spot on from a course of action standpoint so all that"s left for you to do is accept and follow it. Good luck.Solariss said:
Grayson Carlyle
Golden Squire
- 225
- 9
Going to echo Opiate and Firewalker, pretty much said what I would"ve.
One thing I would like to add though: Theonlyrelationship you should have with her at this point would be to nonchalantly use her as a fuck toy, if you could not be emotionally invested and not give a fuck if nothing happens or something does. With the way she"s treated you, her own relationship problems and her immaturity, she doesn"t deserve anything else from you. But, you aren"t capable of doing that, not in the least.
These past 8 years could"ve been used for your own growing so that you"re capable of moving on when it"s needed, having a fun fuckbuddy when that"s appropriate, and to recognize actual relationship potential when it"s there and not be overbearing and desperate. But you"ve been going in circles, repeating the same mistakes, feeling the same terrible emotions this whole time. A bit of confidence and a bit of game would help you a lot just to be able to detach yourself when that"s the appropriate response. You have a ways to go though, and the first step on that journey will be to get the fuck away from her.
One thing I would like to add though: Theonlyrelationship you should have with her at this point would be to nonchalantly use her as a fuck toy, if you could not be emotionally invested and not give a fuck if nothing happens or something does. With the way she"s treated you, her own relationship problems and her immaturity, she doesn"t deserve anything else from you. But, you aren"t capable of doing that, not in the least.
These past 8 years could"ve been used for your own growing so that you"re capable of moving on when it"s needed, having a fun fuckbuddy when that"s appropriate, and to recognize actual relationship potential when it"s there and not be overbearing and desperate. But you"ve been going in circles, repeating the same mistakes, feeling the same terrible emotions this whole time. A bit of confidence and a bit of game would help you a lot just to be able to detach yourself when that"s the appropriate response. You have a ways to go though, and the first step on that journey will be to get the fuck away from her.
