Girls who broke your heart thread

Gherant Argonne said:

Another one will come along, make sure you enjoy yourself in the interim

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Don"t give up the girl just yet but I agree with this. Granted I wasn"t much of a day to day pussy slayer but every girl I"ve ever dated for a significant period of time has been an improvement over the last. At least at the onset.

There were a few inbetweeners where I kinda look back and wonder the fuck I was doing though.

Been similar for me. There"s generally been more new pros than new cons with every successive girl.

Gherant Argonne said:

There"s a million possible reasons I got dropped, I don"t think I"ll truly know why and I don"t know if you will either. Other posters mentioned she has something on the side, needs space, etc. Any of those things could be true.Maybe she sees herself as fundamentally flawed in some way and lost respect for you because you should know that and chose to care about her anyway.Don"t bother asking, you"ll get a bullshit answer.

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Man. I think you fucking nailed it. You made me recall a few things she had said. She grew up with alot of emotional problems, used to do some bad shit, got blackout drunk as a teenager etc, cut herself the whole nine. this was probably 7-8 years ago. In her adult life, I guess as she came into her own she"s struggled with what made her do that, and in turn what makes her become angry / sad / introverted that she can"t consciously grasp. If you look up borderline personality disorder, it almost matches her to a tee.

Thing is she"s a very smart and confident girl. Shes not a victim. I pointed out that she has traits that match that disorder and she read all about it and was like "I"ve never even considered this, if you feel that way i"m so sorry, but I can see it" she"s very aware that shes not perfect. She points out constantly that i"m much more stable and she admires that. She would say that her ex didn"t love her, but was in love with the concept of her. That she presents an amazing package, but start digging and things get very messy. She was fearful of hurting me, of mistreating me etc.

I tried to point out that was the girl I fell for, and that as a team we had been amazing at being totally open and building up our relationship with things.. but I think she does view herself as fundamentally flawed. She gets on herself for being cold or emotionless - even though she feels it she has trouble expressing it. I could go on .. but that comment really rings true to me.

I don"t mean to make her sound like a basket case. She just had a rough young adulthood and relationships that only made things much worse. Shes self aware and intelligent and trying to learn and come out of that shit. I learned long ago nobody is perfect. Maybe i"m trying to deflect things away from myself, but I think that"s a good explanation. Doesn"t help my case but makes me think.

This was also probably the worst day so far with shit. I guess because it was cold last night got me missing her in my bed. That was a very bad snowball effect. So lame.

Ps the Wire is the best show of all time. McNulty is the man. The scene when he crashes his car, and then crashes it again. More please.

Chaotic said:

This was also probably the worst day so far with shit. I guess because it was cold last night got me missing her in my bed. That was a very bad snowball effect. So lame.

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I don"t ever wanna feel
Like I did that day

I thought that gif was supposed to illustrate that running will get rid of man boobs and give you a six pack... then I read what you posted and realized it was Anthony Kiedis.

To the point... Sutekh"s story sounds exactly like mine (except I was the guy who wanted to "explore") and you"re getting good advice from everyone. It will be hard but stick with it.

Grumpus. Made me laugh out loud. Well fucking done.

Except red hot chili peppers are her favorite band. Irony!

Chaotic said:

I"m actually quite surprised that you guys are cool about this. Who would have known.

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It"s rocket science. Who would have guessed not telling everyone giving you advice that they are wrong and that forehead kisses and telling your girl you can work it out while she schedules chocolate gangbangs on skype in your presence would lead to useful discussion.

Gherant Argonne said:

Maybe she sees herself as fundamentally flawed in some way and lost respect for you because you should know that and chose to care about her anyway. Don"t bother asking, you"ll get a bullshit answer.

If you still want a shot, give her a week and call. Let her know that you want her in you life and you wanted to let her know that that before you close the door and move on. If she doesn"t, than actually close it and move on.
)

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The gist of your post has the right idea but that line about her being flawed and losing respect for him because he cares about her regardless of that is ridiculous. Shit like that crosses the mind from over thinking and analyzing things. She just lost interest and probably found interest elsewhere man. No need to come up with bro science on why she decided not to be with him anymore. Going down that road leads to many pages of people shaking their heads in disgust and laughter in this thread.

Also no to the second part. She already knows how he feels and doesn"t feel the same way. He needs to move on. If she ever has any desire to get back with him she won"t hesitate to let him know that in the future. Until that point him telling her that he is about to close the door on their future would just make her laugh and think in her head "I already closed it, that"s why we broke up...".

The ambiguity is the problem right now. We didn"t break up (Even though in my head, we are) She said "please just give me a bit to sort my head i don"t know what I want right now"

I don"t know. I"m having a really fucking hard time with it all today - just got back from work and the drive home had me spazzing with my head running everywhere. As long as i"m busy i"m ok, however my will power is just about gone for holding out no contact.

I was talking to a friend of mine (Female) whom got divorced. She said that she told her ex that she wanted time, and she said when he gave it to her it was the worst fucking thing he ever could have done, and that I should reach out.

I"m torn, but I feel like I can"t just sit here anymore. I don"t want to be a fag, but maybe something subtle.

We had a pretty bad incident involving a spanish gang that lead to some guys getting fucked up. It was all over the news liberal media etc that we abused them, our bosses were in the paper justifying and apologizing blah blah blah. Meanwhile, the desktop backgrounds in the precinct got changed to the newspaper photo of three cops on one dude, and everyone laughs about it. She was worried because she knew I was involved. I was thinking of sending her the pic of the desktop or something neutral but a reminder.

I should leave it alone shouldn"t I? What if my friend is right though. Fuck this shit.

Edit; disregard I got it together. Leaving it here as a reminder.

When I came back from my "needing time to explore different things/people/places" and wanted to get back together with my girlfriend, she didn"t want it, said she moved on, and was actually just starting to see some other guy. Devastated me. I felt pretty much exactly how you are describing yourself.

I talked to her, or at least tried to, a lot. Probably not the best move. If you text her and she doesn"t reply right away, you will probably feel even worse and think the worst and that will fuck up your head even more.

If you need to text her to stop yourself from going insane, my advice would be to keep it simple and avoid any talk about the two of you. Like you said, keep it neutral.

Chaotic said:

We didn"t break up (Even though in my head, we are) She said "please just give me a bit to sort my head i don"t know what I want right now"

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You"re broken up and it"s best that you get your head around that fact. She wants to explore other options and if those options are worse, guess who she"s going to come crawling back to?

I was talking to a friend of mine (Female) whom got divorced. She said that she told her ex that she wanted time, and she said when he gave it to her it was the worst fucking thing he ever could have done, and that I should reach out.

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Asking a female in this situation(especially a divorced one)is going to land you some pretty terrible advice. What womensaythey want, what theythinkthey want, and what theyactuallywant are about 27 different things. She"s just going to feed you lines from your typical romantic comedy, because women think that"s what they actually want(they don"t.).

Kirun said:

Asking a female in this situation(especially a divorced one)is going to land you some pretty terrible advice. What womensaythey want, what theythinkthey want, and what theyactuallywant are about 27 different things. She"s just going to feed you lines from your typical romantic comedy, because women think that"s what they actually want(they don"t.).

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Kirun"s got it right. Don"t ever ask a woman for advice about another woman. You"ll get shit.

Chaotic said:

The ambiguity is the problem right now. We didn"t break up (Even though in my head, we are) She said "please just give me a bit to sort my head i don"t know what I want right now"

I don"t know. I"m having a really fucking hard time with it all today - just got back from work and the drive home had me spazzing with my head running everywhere. As long as i"m busy i"m ok, however my will power is just about gone for holding out no contact.

I was talking to a friend of mine (Female) whom got divorced. She said that she told her ex that she wanted time, and she said when he gave it to her it was the worst fucking thing he ever could have done, and that I should reach out.

I"m torn, but I feel like I can"t just sit here anymore. I don"t want to be a fag, but maybe something subtle.

We had a pretty bad incident involving a spanish gang that lead to some guys getting fucked up. It was all over the news liberal media etc that we abused them, our bosses were in the paper justifying and apologizing blah blah blah. Meanwhile, the desktop backgrounds in the precinct got changed to the newspaper photo of three cops on one dude, and everyone laughs about it. She was worried because she knew I was involved. I was thinking of sending her the pic of the desktop or something neutral but a reminder.

I should leave it alone shouldn"t I? What if my friend is right though. Fuck this shit.

Edit; disregard I got it together. Leaving it here as a reminder.

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I hear you man, we"ve all been there it fucking sucks. Interestingly enough, even with you wanting to do things that may not be best you are at least a man about it and the vultures should stay at bay...for now. Everyone has said what they have wanted to say, it"s all up to you.

As far as you guys not breaking up, if there is any space and a loss of daily contact you guys are broken up dude. The divorcee advice is just her woman emotions kicking in with her painting a picture of you showing up to your exes door with the package, a white mage mirror, and kimono in hand professing your love for her as she jumps in your arms to live happily ever after. It won"t go like that...

Ser Kegkilla said:

...stuff that should not be reposted....

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Since Ser Keg saw the extremism of his post and removed it in its entirety, so the response that followed is ..................removed.......

Fair enough. Over-analyzing, maybe. I think the point is, Chaotic will almost certainly never know why she is doing what she"s doing. People are weird sometimes and the subconscious mind/repressed feelings can often make for more abnormal behavior.

I agree with you that moving on is the best thing to do, but there"s nothing wrong with providing her with a direct opportunity to say yes or no.

Gherant Argonne said:

I agree with you that moving on is the best thing to do, but there"s nothing wrong with providing her with a direct opportunity to say yes or no.

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Yeah, but he"s likely to get the same answer when/if he prods her for one: "I don"t know what I want." Whether she knows it or not, the relationship and her feelings are likely done, and all she"s doing now is avoiding being the one that ends it. Chicks are infamous for that kind of shit.

Kirun said:

Asking a female in this situation(especially a divorced one)is going to land you some pretty terrible advice. What womensaythey want, what theythinkthey want, and what theyactuallywant are about 27 different things. She"s just going to feed you lines from your typical romantic comedy, because women think that"s what they actually want(they don"t.).

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Plus 1

Chaotic said:

As long as i"m busy i"m ok, however my will power is just about gone for holding out no contact.

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This doctor"s prescription is Diablo III.

Eomer said:

I just meant in terms of good/bad idea. Despite living beside each other we"ve maybe bumped in to each other less than 10 times in the year she"s lived in the building. Always quite flirty, or at least I think she is, but I tend to confuse an attractive girl being friendly with wanting me quite easily. I"ve heard mixed things about her, as we have more than a few mutual friends, of perhaps having been a bit promiscuous and/or going after other chicks" guys in the past.

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Down side is definitely there. If she"s psycho and she sees you bring some other chick over after you"ve been with her that could be ugly lots...

This is one of those situations where you"re probably better off not shitting in your own back yard but I"ve never bought into that shit myself. I like to learn lessons the hard way so go for it!

Zehn - Vhex said:

Out of curiosity, does anyone know anybody where this has actually happened? I think this thread is batting like 0 for 30 on "She said she just needs time" leading to a happily ever after. We could use a success story for a change.

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I"ll be your Huckleberry... About 2 months into dating my current wife we were out with some of her really good work friends. This is an event where I"m supposed to moderately drink, smile and nod, try to make a good impression... The weekend before my girl and I had ran the barathon, 6 beers, 6 bars, 6 miles... It was waaaaay more than 6 beers. My girl got pissed off at me for power drinking and having too much fun. We had a talk about me not power drinking and we both agreed to it. It"s fucking NOLA here... My friends and I were some power drinking motherfuckers that Mardi Gras season.

So things started out well that night out with her friends but they started talking about work and I was completely left out of the conversation. I got bored, went down for another beer and somehow I ended up drinking something really strong, and my girl"s beer and it spiraled from there. I got drunk as shit, my girl said, "I"d do her" when her and her friends started talking about some girl they all knew and I got pissed off.

Look, fuck other guys. I can compete with them but years and years ago I dated a girl that was bi and always said she preferred the cock for a relationship until... she came back from visiting her family at the beach, ranted about some chick she had chemistry with and then started saying shit like she could love a girl. It"s one thing to compete with other guys but how does a man compete with a chick? That shit never set well with me so fast forward to the "I"d do her" comment and it went south from there.

Odd thing was my girl and I argued and fucked literally all night until about 630 the next morning. We did shit we have never done since. I got things I wanted to do to her that have happened like once or twice since if at all. She finally went home and then I didn"t hear from her for days and I was in love with this woman. My drunk ass told her I loved her during the barathon. Fortunately she replied in kind.

So days went by and nothing. I was tearing myself apart, hating on myself... Finally she calls, we talk and shit was cool. We again agreed I should handle my drinking blah blah blah and within a year we got married. There was even another whole event where she was pissing me off the whole weekend her friends came into town from Chicago when the Saints played Chicago here. It finally concluded with me calling her out on ALLL her bullshit and she smashed a styrofoam plate of food over my head. Food went everywhere and somehow I managed not to knock her the fuck out. I didn"t even get up, knew if I did it"d turn really ugly and I"ve seen my dad beat my mom and his old gf... not going to be that kind of man..... Few days later we talked and smoothed shit out.

I didn"t bash food over her head but I did my share of fucking up and a lot of it had to do with both of us realizing we needed to change, be more considerate and operate together. It didn"t take long for me to figure out after I started dating her that we could really go somewhere, that she finally had the things I was looking for in a woman: sexy, good career, fun to be with, challenging at times, very head strong/definitely not a push over, settled in life, enjoys NOLA and wants to stay here etc etc etc... We both just had to quit being stupid and work stuff out when things went haywire.

I"m no alcoholic but on the occasions we go out for a big event usually one of us does get trashed. I did at a beer tasting last weekend and my god it was fun, for me! Hell we ended up in a big argument that day too but she came back in and we worked it out. I woke up in a bad mood from a nap when she got home yesterday and we barely spoke all evening. Finally when we went to bed we talked, I had to man up and apologize for being mean to her and she flipped over and curled up with me. I knew that was all she wanted.

At some point yall will find a woman that you go the extra mile for because it"s right. I didn"t find her until I was 36 and it aint all wonderful. There"s days I think gd it would be so much simpler to be single doin wtf I want. Then I remember how much it sucked to always be going home alone... Getting laid isn"t the same as being with someone you want that wants you that you can build a future with...