Girls who broke your heart thread

Azrayne · Feb 16, 2009

That whole interaction, as you described it, made you sound incredibly insecure and needy.

Brad2770 · Feb 16, 2009

I didnt want to go in the first place because I was working and I knew I would be tired. I felt bad because I felt like she wanted me to come out, thats when i asked my sister. After asking her if she wanted me to come out and she said "That would be great", I was just trying to make friendly conversation. I asked about her date, made a joke about her helping me move and then asked how her night was going when i was leaving my job.

How is that needy or desperate? I really and truly do not understand.

Heylel · Feb 16, 2009

Azrayne said:
That whole interaction, as you described it, made you sound incredibly insecure and needy.

This.

Pretend for a minute she does something else. Say she"s a bartender. If you get a message from a bartender friend that says "work is boring come up here and visit me", the implicit request is to go to the bar and drink. IE. spend some money. It"s not dishonest, it"s just assumed that if you go visit a friend at her job you"re going to participate in whatever social context the job entails.

She"s a stripper. She wanted you to come hang out so she"s got a: a friendly face in the crowd and b: someone she knows will at least spend a little bit. That"s the best possible scenario, the worst is that she"s just trying to hook a regular who, no offense, comes off as needy. It"s not like sitting there in the club she"s going tonotbe working and hang out with you. Her time is valuable, it"s how she makes her living. She"s going to be fawning over other dudes and flashing her snatch all night, while you sit and watch her. Surely you can see how unbalanced that situation is?

Brad, seriously dude. Every post you make has you thinking with your dick and being willfully ignorant of plainly obvious facts. This chick might well be the nicest girl in the world. It"s unlikely, but it"s possible. However, her job pretty much precludes any possibility of ever trusting her motives.

Aychamo BanBan · Feb 16, 2009

Brad2770 said:
I dont want anything to go anywhere except for sex. I really do not care about women (except my ex). I would much rather hang out with my friends and do the shit I know I like doing instead of hanging out with some chic. Its hard for me to do things like I care when i dont really care. If i could do it (and I know all guys would), I would flat out and be honest "Look, youre hot. I have some amazing oral skills. let us go have a little bit of fun, then we fuck like bunnies". This is when she would respond (in short) Yes or No.

I know I sound like an ass, but I really do not want anything else. it was like the 19 yr old I was with. I did not like her except for the sex. She was fun, but I didnt like who she was as a whole. She had twin Daughters, she didnt have a car or a job, but she was smoking hot and great a sex.

It"s just that i have to play this little game if she likes me or not and the only thing that is throwing me off is the Stripper aspect of it.

Now dont get me wrong when i say all i want is sex. i know that i say I want to get to know them too, but my original driving force is usually sex. At least now, it is. I do want to have fun with the girl and enjoy her company, but I have to want to have sex with her first, kind of thing.

I do not mind paying for her if we hang out. Go get some Wendy"s, goto a movie, then go back to my place and fuck... Any guy would be cool with that. I just need to figure out where I stand with this chic and most guys will know within a week, maybe 2. if it costs me 60 bucks to find that out, at least I had fun too.

The fact that i am way too honest and I pretty much always say what is on my mind, thats what hurts me with women. I am not a "playa".

I have not talked to my ex in a couple of weeks and have not seen her since Jan 3rd. I still think about her and care about her. I know I am not ready for someone else until I am over her, so I try and get my quick fixes. I can go on and on about this shit, its so hard to explain what i want and how i feel.

I do appreciate you guys looking out for me. My sister is looking out for me too. She knows these women and their type (she has been a stripper before). She said she has never known of Stephanie going out with any of her clients... So either I am not a client or I am a first...

You sound a little like me, except I was just running through girls with the intention of trying to find one I liked. I finally found one I liked. I honestly enjoy hanging out with my girl more than I enjoy hanging out really with anyone else. Even when I"m drinking with my best friends, I still wish that I was with my girl. I hope you find another girl that you really like again man.

Aychamo BanBan · Feb 16, 2009

Aztlan said:
I think you texting her that you won"t be giving her money is kinda weird. Just don"t even talk about it (and don"t give her money) if you really want to see her.

I agree, that was a weird thing to text. I also think you might be texting her too much. See how it felt when she left you hanging (when she didn"t answer?) Leave her hanging sometimes.

When I was pursuing my current GF, sometimes she"d text me a question and I"d purposefully wait until the next day to answer, even though I wasn"t too busy or anything. If you do it right, it"s downright torture.

chu_foh · Feb 16, 2009

Brad2770 said:
Keep in mind, she asked for my number and invited me out to breakfast the first night we met. The next night, I invited her out for beers and pool.

Did she go out to either of those?

Azrayne · Feb 16, 2009

Brad2770 said:
I didnt want to go in the first place because I was working and I knew I would be tired. I felt bad because I felt like she wanted me to come out, thats when i asked my sister. After asking her if she wanted me to come out and she said "That would be great", I was just trying to make friendly conversation. I asked about her date, made a joke about her helping me move and then asked how her night was going when i was leaving my job.

How is that needy or desperate? I really and truly do not understand.

You flip flopped all over the place, were indecisive, and basically the whole time put her in control of the discussion. You say you don"t want to go out, then when she doesn"t reply you message her again and ask her if she wants you to go out. Then you were very abrupt and probably came across as downright rude with your panty comment, then you decide hey you won"t go out after all and bail on her, then you sent her some "hey how"s work going?" which would have made you come across and lonely or boring, "after" you refused to go see her.

I mean shit I"m not even at all into the whole pickup artist "game" stuff and I can see how you basically barged your way headfirst into the "never going to hook up with her, ever" zone with that conversation.

Try and be decisive. If you say you aren"t going to something, then stick to your guns and don"t do it. It shows that you have confidence in your own decisions and probably have important things to do with your time outside of hanging out with her. Instead by flip flopping all over the place, asking her to help you decide, and then blowing her off, you show that you lack confidence, need her approval, don"t value your own time and then don"t value her company. Continuing to ask her about her date/asking her to help you move shows comes off as needy, you"ve said you don"t want to spend time with her, but then you"ve gone and continued initiating contact.

Maybe I"m reading too much into this, I dunno, but that"s the subtext in that discussion that I pick up on.

Saevok_foh · Feb 16, 2009

Judging from the context of your conversations with her, you"re already deeply entrenched in the Friend Zone. Not only a friend, but also a customer...

If you want to date strippers, treat them like any other chick. If you were seeing a girl who worked in a dentist office, would you ask her if she wanted you to come watch her clean teeth? Would you you sit around the lobby all day until she got off work? The minute you walk into her club, you"re a customer and maybe, at best, a friend.

That"s not even considering 99% of strip clubs have very strict rules about boyfriends/dates coming into the establishment. The last thing they need is some jealous boyfriend-type getting in a fight because some other dude stuck his face his in woman"s tits.

Incognitogamer_foh · Feb 16, 2009

aychamo_aycono said:
When I was pursuing my current GF, sometimes she"d text me a question and I"d purposefully wait until the next day to answer, even though I wasn"t too busy or anything. If you do it right, it"s downright torture.

I want to put emphasis on this. This is huge with women. If you think you as a guy get stressed when they don"t respond to you. They go insane. They"ll resend the text 2-3 times, and then call if you do it right. It"s a huge DHV.

And Brad I think you should definitely be more confident in your decisions at least in that conversation via text. Don"t ask her questions about what you should do, you make your own decisions and then tell her what you"re going to do. Kinda be dick-ish about it too, make her be flexible with her schedule or time but don"t be as flexible with yours because this implies your time is more important to you than her time.

This is important because women don"t wanna feel like they"re the center of your universe. That"s a major DLV, they wanna feel like they have to work hard to get your attention or get you to hang out with them. This makes them feel accomplished and worthy of your time over other women, because they "succeeded" in getting you to hang out with them over those other "less worthy" women.

Brad2770 · Feb 16, 2009

Yes, I did go out with her those 2 times. she invted me out, I invited her out.

But if I come off as needy, that sucks. I am really just trying to be friendly and nice, but it is probably fake anyways because I dont care.

With what has been said, I dont think I will go tonight or text her anymore and see if she contacts me.

I appreciate the advice.

EDIT** And when i say i dont care, i do not care if a woman does or does not like me. If I am attracted to them, I would like for them to like me, but I hate going through the process of finding this out. I feel its a huge waste of time, but I know it needs to be done.

I have done my fair share of dating. I just wanna look past the games and see the good stuff. It takes too much fucking time.

Dabamf_sl · Feb 16, 2009

Brad, it"s hard to understand what people are talking about in objection to how you handled the stripper story if you don"t fully grasp the concept we are talking about. In this case, just take my/our word for it that if you want to be anything more than a customer that she likes more than other customers, you didn"t handle it well. There are times I give advice where I could be wrong and I could be right, but I"ve had enough experience to know simply based on your stories that there is a 0% chance that I"ve misread the interaction.

I"ll breakdown your story with bold text:

She contacted me about 2 hours later and told me she had to work tonight. Then sent me a second one saying which club (I had no idea she worked at 2). I told her I didnt feel like going to one tonight and she didnt respond. Now, the way the texts had been sent, I was beginning to think she may have wanted me to come up

you didnt want to go to a club, but when you thought she wanted you to come, you changed your mind. Basically, once you perceived acceptance and approval from her, it changed your attitude,

so I texted my sister and asked. She basically said "You wont know unless you ask her, so do it". I sent Stephanie a text "Would you like for me to come up there tonight?"

you are fishing for approval and giving her all the power. If she says yes, you go, if she says no or ignores you, you don"t. Attractive men make their own decisions, and never think that a girl may NOT want to see them

and she said "That would be great". I then sent a text back saying "Hope you dont get mad that I wont be stuffing money down your panties. Just coming to hang out."

first, you have the right idea, but stating it takes away the power, it shows that you are unsure how she will react to you not stuffing money down her pants. Attractive men set the norms, and if an attractive man wants to go see a friendly stripper at a club, it is only up to him whether or not he gives her money (of course he won"t). Do not ever ever use the words "will you be mad?" "are you okay?" "what did I do?" unless you are in a committed monogamous relationship with a girl.

She had a date (with a woman) on Friday night, so i asked her how her date was. She said it was good. I was jokingly telling her she should help me move. She said maybe.

This is a huge nitpick but I think its a good opportunity to show a point. Weak men often make real requests in a joking manner so when they are rejected they can act like they weren"t serious anyway. If she agreed to help you move, would you let her help you? If yes, then don"t joke about the request. Obviously you don"t expect her to help you, but joking about the request yet really being down with her helping you shows apprehension to commit to a request. Good rule of thumb: only joke about things that you do not want or intend to happen.Never jokingly make a request unless you are going to turn down a "yes" answer.

After some time passed, I really didnt feel like getting out, so I asked if she would be upset if I didnt come.

Rehash here, but this says you aren"t sure if your decision is acceptable or not.

All this stuff is nitpicky and sounds silly to modify so much of what you say to get a girl. But it is a good exercise to examine everything you say in order to get a good look at how you interact with other people, which leads into improving yourself. It"s sounds hypocritical to say "you should act like a man who does what he wants and says what he wants" then in the next sentence say "you should say this, this and this to girls", but the goal of the latter is to teach yourself to become the former. You AREN"T the ideal attractive man, so nitpicking your interactions with girls can help you become that man. I do it every day, and I improve every day. Practice turns into habit, and habit turns into part of your identity. These contrived behaviors eventually become embedded in your personality.

The bad news is there is no recovery for this girl. Don"t waste your hope that anything will happen with her. The good news is there are a million strippers out there, and they will probably be better practice than any other type of girl because they are used to having the power, and all you have to look for to know you did well is any sign of neediness ("why didn"t you call me?", etc). Use this girl to practice on. You will never climb out of the abyss that is the friend zone, but you can still try things and get a reaction. Just try acting completely indifferent to her one day and see what happens. When you start to notice she is feeling like she is losing her power over you, act normal again and see at what point she knows she has regained the power. The best part about fucking things up and getting in the friend zone with a girl you don"t care about becoming friends with is that you can try out all kinds of crazy things without worry about fucking anything up.

Brad2770 · Feb 16, 2009

Thanks for breaking that down for me. I understand what you are saying. I dont really look at it like that, but I will try to do that in the future.

Change of subject:

Divorce line does not work for me on PoF, but it did work once in person, but girl never called back. No big deal.

I have sent about 4 messages today using the one below. Keep in mind, I am doing this stuff for fun.

I just clicked on your profile to read about how amazing you are when a wave of zombies flooded my yard and are now clawing at the windows. I do not think they have figured out how to get in yet, but I was wondering if you could please get help. My cell phone is out in my car and I do not have a lan line. Oh man, I just heard breaking glass, please hurry.

If I could make it to my shed, should I use my Flame Thrower or Chainsaw?

Thanks for your help.

brekk · Feb 16, 2009

Brad2770 said:
I have sent about 4 messages today using the one below. Keep in mind, I am doing this stuff for fun.

No. For the love of god, No.

Brad2770 · Feb 16, 2009

i said 4 messages. man, I am laughing up here at work. That shit is just cracking me up. I told you, i dont fucking care.

nu_11_foh · Feb 16, 2009

This may be my first, but here you go Brad.

/facepalm

Tarrant · Feb 16, 2009

Let the guy have fun, not all of this needs to be totally serious attempts. Whats wrong with fucking with people not like none of us aren"t guilty of the same thing in some shape or form.

Ralphus_foh · Feb 16, 2009

Brad, I get a kick out of your antics. You should make a Caveman profile complete with photos of you out and about being scared by normal every day things. When you email women you should just type "oooga booga?".

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman | The Onion - America"s Finest News Source

Aychamo BanBan · Feb 16, 2009

Brad2770 said:
Thanks for breaking that down for me. I understand what you are saying. I dont really look at it like that, but I will try to do that in the future.

Change of subject:

Divorce line does not work for me on PoF, but it did work once in person, but girl never called back. No big deal.

I have sent about 4 messages today using the one below. Keep in mind, I am doing this stuff for fun.

I think you may actually be hopeless.

Aychamo BanBan · Feb 16, 2009

Ralphus said:
Brad, I get a kick out of your antics. You should make a Caveman profile complete with photos of you out and about being scared by normal every day things. When you email women you should just type "oooga booga?".

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman | The Onion - America"s Finest News Source

Now that is fucking funny!

The Ancient_sl · Feb 16, 2009

Ralphus said:
Brad, I get a kick out of your antics. You should make a Caveman profile complete with photos of you out and about being scared by normal every day things. When you email women you should just type "oooga booga?".

...

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Girls who broke your heart thread

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