Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
Shitty of me? No, what was shitty was when I married my ex-wife expecting what she said before the marriage to match what she thought after the marriage.
The entire time I was married to X, Y was becoming my closest friend and confidant. I tried talking to X about problems, going to counseling, going to her church, the works. I tried to reconcile and compromise, but she wasn"t budging. One particular instance, she got sick with her chronic illness and despite my efforts to help her, she simply shut down at her mother"s house and screamed at me to leave. I tried to call her to talk, no answer. Etc. So Y comforts me as a good friend should, no funny business, just a good shoulder to cry on.
These events repeat for various reasons. I did everything in my power to make it work, despite the short time we"d been together. I bent over backwards for her. One day, it dawned on me. Why not Y instead of X?
Why should I continue to put myself and X in a situation where these horrible events would happen over and over again? We were about to move to China, where she"d be relatively alone and only knowing miniscule amounts of Chinese. You think that problem would have gotten BETTER in that environment? No.
So when she asked for a divorce, after talking and discussing the events, our future, the logical outcome of this situation, I said yes. It hurt a lot to know all of the emotions I felt for X were based on a lie... something she had concocted for herself based on what she thought she wanted in order to land a husband.
But then I looked at Y. She really wanted everything X said she wanted. She cried at my wedding, because she wished it was her and she never had the nerve to object. The bond I should have formed with X never happened through her constant attempts to "get her way" and change my mind. Instead, it formed with Y. So when X asked me to move out, I said okay. It was apparent that through all of the fighting, all of the screaming, and all of the serious talks that led absolutely nowhere that X and I were done. So, I called Y for support. And she was there for me. She was never selfish about it, all of her advice was always to follow my heart and try to fix my problems with X. She selflessly gave to me even when it meant hurting herself. So, I wised up and realized that perhaps THAT was "true love" material.
Marriage date is in July, by the way. Pregnancy happened because we both felt it prudent to give birth here in America, where she can adequately convey her worry, thoughts and questions. She speaks about the same Chinese level I do.
I mean, sure, we could have this child here in America, probably get on some sort of welfare and public assistance while I work a horrible job and she finishes school.
However, since my degree gives me the unique opportunity to teach overseas, in countries where economically we"d live as if I had an engineering degree, or a law degree... well... that"s what we"ll do. The most incredible part is thatshe wants that too. She wants to homeschool our children, give them the experience of living abroad, and allow them to experience things that most kids never think of.
So as to your claim that I"m doing a disservice by bringing a child into this world right now... well, I can see how it"s certainly not "traditional." But my advice is still solid.
See, Brad, you"re not smart. I get that. You"re a simple man, ruled by simple emotions. I respect that, life is easy. But you create problems for yourself because you don"t have the foresight to see where your actions will take you.
That"s why your rant about not taking my advice is bullshit. It"s both ad hominem and "Poisoning the Well." My advice has been relatively sound, and remains so despite my own actions. Can you reason a guess as to why?
It"s because not every situation, person, or relationship is the same. What works for me, won"t work for you. What works for you, probably won"t work for Eomer. What works for Brekk, won"t work for Ronaan.
Now yes, my relationship with X fell apart. Sometimes that happens despite foresight, planning, and communication. But it fell apart for reasons outside of my actions.
If two people are genuinely and frighteningly truthful to one another, those problems can be avoided.
A quote by Y: "Why fight the inevitable?" in reference to our relationship. We both know we"re attracted to each other, we"ve had plenty of time to get to know each other in an honest manner from "afar," and our life goals and hopes align near-perfectly. So tell me, why exactly SHOULDN"T I do what I"m doing? Any good reason?
Hey Brad, care to make a wager? If I can"t make it 5 years from this date without being divorced from Y, I"ll pay for your plane ticket to China, and a month"s worth of whores.
If you win, I"ll fly to wherever you want and let you beat on me for calling you a piss-poor father. Deal?
Oh, and about you being a horrible dad:
1) I"d never fly on your dime only to have you be humiliated infront of your son. No child should have to see his dad fail so thoroughly.
b) I"m not gay, yet here we have a bunch of people on the internet telling me I am and ribbing me about it constantly. I"m sure you can draw a correlation between how seriously I take it and how seriously you should take it.
III) Yes, we come from pods. You wouldn"t believe the work that goes in to building a spawning pod.