So, I have been talking to the hispanic girl the last week. I saw her a week ago for the first time and played Wii and watched a movie. After I was there, she was very open to the idea of sex and even to me, it sounded great. We talked about it on an off until Tues night.
I went over to her place Tues night. Played the Wii more and started giving her a massage. The more I massaged her, the more I really started thinking about things that had been said to me and what I really should be doing. I ended up just massaging her until she fell asleep and then i left.
Now, keep in mind, I was raised in the church. My grandfather and dad are both preachers, so when i left her house, i prayed. I didnt know exactly what I was praying for, but I know I was looking for direction.
The last few days, I have been thinking about things a lot. Especially since I got a gem of information in the mail Weds. My name used to be on one of my ex-wife"s credit cards. Her Kohl"s card to be exact. For some dumb ass reason, that place has my address and still has my name on it. I received something in the mail and opened it- on April 16th, my ex requested to have the guy she cheated on me with (and left me for) added to her Kohl"s account. Needless to say it hurt me. I confronted her, asking what she was thinking.
When we started seeing each other last year, she had told me things he had done to her. Mainly, if he had given her gifts and she didnt do what he told her to do, he would demand them back calling her a "horrible girlfriend"/"worse girlfriend ever". When she would give them back, he would yell at her and then throw the items at her (purses, jewelry, etc..). And when they were "serious" and talked about marriage, he would talk about having a son and what he would do for him and when my ex said "What about [my son]?" he would respond with "He isnt my son. Not my worry".
I eventually just stopped talking to her. It was driving me mad. i was jealous and angry. I want my family and she wants... whatever it is she could be thinking.
I am tired of feeling like shit, whether its because of my ex, another woman or what i am doing to myself because of what happened to me, but when I got home last night after a bike ride and dinner with a friend, I felt pretty good. i felt confident in my choices for myself. I like the direction I am taking with my workouts. I like my career choices and I especially like the fact that I can actually feel myself becoming tolerent of my ex"s "stupid" choices without it bothering me.
Its only been a few days since i found out what she has decided to do again and its not bothering me like I would think it would. I enjoyed riding my bike last night. i enjoyed flirting with the waitress. Even as I type this out now, i dont feel angry or jealous. I dont have the desire to send her a text. I dont feel sad anymore.
I want to be happy.
The hispanic girl- I dont think i will be seeing her anymore. Just gunna let things happen for now and enjoy my life instead of trying to be in someone else"s life. I do want to have someone that cares about me, but I obviously dont know how to do that right now, but I do know how to make myself happy. I will focus on doing the things I enjoy and if something comes of it, then so be it.
Sorry for the non dating related update, but i was wanting to share my progress.