Girls who broke your heart thread

brekk said:

Chatted with a new girl off OKCupid this evening.

Is into cars, has a mildly modded Cobalt SS, plays WoW, CS:S, BF2(!!!), has a WASD tatoo on her arm.

Girls into gaming is one thing, A PC gaming girl is a thing to treasure.


She also used the phrases "lulz" and "nowaiiii" in aim chatting. I"m in love.

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Chatted with a girl similar to that a few weeks ago from PoF. I really thought I would like it; A woman to share my interests, but after a few days of texts and emails, I grew tired of it because i really felt like I was talking to a dude playing a chic...

Good luck, though. I really thought I wanted something like that.

Haka Shakamalakabalsaka said:

words

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Thanks for the info. Good stuff.

I sort of know what you mean in regards to female dating behavior. When I first started talking to her and went out the first time, after that I played it the same way I usually do, a little cocky/funny in texts, and wasn"t getting the expected response. I talked about it with my Korean buddy and he was telling me how he goes about pursuing a girl, and realized I needed to change my style quite a bit. So I showed a little more interest, asked her more about herself, blah blah and it seemed to work well. It seems easy to win their interest, and more about breaking through the defenses and creating comfort. Whereas in the US it was more about winning their interest, being cocky/funny & trying to reframe the dynamic to make the girl feel like she"s pursuing me. Attraction was a much bigger issue and more work needed to be done in that area in the US than here. That style would crash & burn here from what I can tell. I need to be careful about overdoing it.

She has previously dated a foreigner though so I doubt she thinks we"re together after the 2nd date. He was a Korean guy, but grew up in the US and only spoke English. She seems a little different than most Korean girls anyway, as I"ve mentioned, in that she is a little more bold and less shy.

Thanks for the ideas about places to go. You guys are right about taking her to a western place to show more of my life back home and to be completely in my element. I out of principle tend to stay away from western places since they are way more expensive and I didn"t come to Korea to do the same shit as back home, but that"s sort of a kneejerk reaction and I realize it is ok to do it every now and then. Itaewon has tons of western places, so I"m gonna try to set up either day 3 or 4 for that.

Norabang and movie room are good ideas. I"m gonna ask a Korean friend where and how common movie rooms are in Seoul. Are they like movie theatres where they just pop in a dvd, are they private like norabangs are? Where do people have sex, since many people live with their parents till marriage? I"m good at generating initial interest, absolutely terrible at maintaining that interest while creating comfort and showing a girl that I"m into them, but once I get past that point I tend to seal the deal quickly, so I want to be prepared with options.

I was gonna call her yesterday, the next day after the date, and try to set something up for Thursday since I am going out of town this weekend, but I wanted to play it safe and wait another day. I"m gonna call today and try to set something up which is less likely being only 1 day away, but a safer move I think than calling the day after.

It has seriously been so long that I feel just like I did before I lost my virginity. I used to have little care about getting laid or not because I got it often enough even outside of a relationship that I didn"t have to worry about new prospects. Now...I can"t even tell if some of my excitement is because I really like her or that my dick has just woken up from hibernation. I think its a combination of both.

Alcestis said:

Churchill: The pic... are you serious?

My first reaction was, "Whoa, I hope this opinion changes as time goes on, because she hasn"t really thought about it to the point where she"s ready (for a first conversation)", but on second thought, how truly wonderful.There are still people in the world who believe emotions should be taken at face-value and the general public can be unequivocally depended on to make the best decision for themselves/others.Good for you, Eomer. She really trusted you even in the beginning (or appears to, anyway). Of course, that means as the skeptic, you now carry the full load. You wouldn"t want to ruin anyone, would you? xD

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I"m not really sure I get what you"re saying, especially the bolded part. Nor can I tell if you"re being sarcastic.

I was implying she sounds like the unconditionally trusting sort. It wasn"t sarcasm.

Ah, I see. Maybe. She came by last night, and remarked that I was so clean shaven as I had been sporting a week"s growth over the weekend. I said yup, I"d shaved my face and head Monday night. She then said "so who did you shave for?" I was kind of confused, and said that I didn"t shave for anyone, I was just getting itchy and the hair on my head was getting long. "You know I can see on the sign-in sheet for visitor parking that someone came by last night at 11 right?" She wasn"t super accusatory or anything, more curious I guess.

At that point I started laughing. I told her that it was my buddy Geoff, who had come by Sunday and Monday nights to smoke a spliff, watch some NHL, and play some NHL09. She right away turned bright red and apologized and denied it when I asked her if she thought it was another girl. I then reminded her that if I DID have a girl over, I"d just have her sign another suite number like I got her to the time she came over and Xerxes was in the building at the same time. We had a good laugh about it.

I think she is fairly trusting, but at the same time concerned that she feels more for me than I do for her. Which may or may not be the case. I think she"s pretty damn awesome too.

Do you tell her that? that she is pretty damn awesome?

Yup. I"ve gotten in the habit of saying "you"re swell" in a half-assed sarcastic way. She actually gets my almost constant sarcasm as good as anyone I"ve ever met, and she knows that I mean much more than that when I say she"s swell. But yeah, I"ve also said she"s awesome, fantastic, fabulous (in a gay lisp) and so on.

I haven"t been trying to "game" her at all. I show her affection, I return her phone calls and messages quickly, I haven"t been limiting our contact or giving her the impression that I"m only partially interested etc. And everything goes swimmingly.

/livejournal

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:What the hell, may as well relate this story.

So after dinner and drinks on Saturday, we took a cab back to the hotel. She was getting fairly tipsy from wine at dinner, and we"d had a late night before so we went back to the hotel at midnight instead of getting pissed with the rest of the guys. Walking down the street prior to getting in the cab she"d been really touchy feely and telling me how much she liked me etc.

We get in to the room, kiss for a bit, and then she says that she has to use the bathroom and that I better be naked when she comes out. She comes out in the buck, but hears her phone buzz. New text from her friend that she was with the weekend I met her. I casually ask what Kathy had to say, and usually she just paraphrases or whatever. This time though, she clams up and says to nevermind. I find that curious, and file it away.

So then during sex, I think I hear her say "I love you." It was pretty quiet and under her breath, so I wasn"t sure if that was what she said, and besides which I"ve had girls say "I love you" during sex when they meant to say "I love having sex with you" (well, Xerxes did anyway). So I just pretended I didn"t hear it and let it slide, we finished having sex, went to sleep and then spent the next day skiing etc.

In the afternoon we were sitting in the chalet having a beer and watching the Caps beat up the Rangers, and she had her phone out on the table. I jokingly asked if she would mind if I went through her phone. She said no problem, that she had nothing to hide. I asked her what about the texts you wouldn"t tell me about last night? At first she says no problem, that she again had nothing to hide. Smiling, I said "great" and picked up her phone to call her bluff. Right away she grabs the phone out of my hand, and then deletes her messages (she had said before that she makes a habit of deleting her texts).

We both laughed, but of course I was even more curious now about what she had said to Kathy. So I persisted in asking her, in a playful way. Right away she said that she told Kathy that she "really liked me" and maintained that was all that she had said. Of course I was like "well if that"s all it was, I don"t see what the big deal is." She maintained that"s all it was, but after a couple minutes, she admitted that she had told Kathy the night before that she "might be almost in love" with me.

I don"t remember exactly where the conversation went from there, but she got emotional a little and was freaked out that she was falling for me so fast and that she didn"t know if it was mutual and so on. I reassured her that I thought she was pretty fantastic and that I really cared for her, but reminded her that I hadn"t told anyone I loved them since a relationship 10 years ago, and so I wasn"t sure if I was there yet or not and that it"s something I take pretty seriously.

Then I told her what she had said during sex the night before, and she again got really embarassed and freaked out about it (she didn"t remember saying it), and I more or less repeated myself.

We talked back and forth on Tuesday about it, and we"ve basically agreed that whether we use the "L" word or not, we really care for each other and that things were fine. She"s still pretty anxious and embarassed, though.

Not going to read the spoiler"d shit, but from what you are saying I"m going to emphasize my recommendation NOT to have a threesome with this girl. Can almost guarantee she"d be doing it for you, not herself, and that"s a bad thing.

thanks for the update eomer. its a breath of fresh air, and good to hear things are going good for you after the cluster fucks before and the general retardedness of this group of posters. minus brekk much <3

Why did you want to look through her phone so bad? Do you not trust her for some reason? Or did you really just want to know what her friend had texted her? I guess I"m just a private person. I"ve told my girlfriend no when she wants to look at my phone... well not anymore since its an iPhone and she most likely doesn"t want to look through my texts.

You"re a creeper Eomer

I gotta agree with Sutekh, destroyer of all that is holy and hilarious.

Its a bit creepy to look through her phone. On the other hand, I can understand -why- you did it.

My take on the situation is he was likely trying to gauge what exactly was going on in her head; why she clamed up. Its a new relationship and without knowing the reasons somebody would do it, it can grind on the mind. I know I"ve some similar things.

What I can say is that the mind games like that are bad news. If you have a concern, simply state it. If you two can"t talk to each other openly then you are just plain fucked to begin with.

aychamo_aycono said:

Yeah man, that was a bit weird asking her so much to look through her phone. Her phone is her property and it"s none of your business what she does with it or who she texts or anything.

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Is that your opinion as a "doctor" or as someone whose "girlfriend died"?

NargorothRiP said:

thanks for the update eomer. its a breath of fresh air, and good to hear things are going good for you after the cluster fucks before and the general retardedness of this group of posters. minus brekk much <3

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Feel free to stop by again never

I"m now swayed to the other side that threesome is prob gonna end up ending the relationship. You saw it here first, an internet poster admitting he was wrong.

As for the phone business, ain"t really a big deal. Not something you should make a habit of doing, pressuring her to share txt info, but it"s not overly weird.

As I said, I was doing it playfully and jokingly, I wouldn"t have actually looked. I was calling her bluff so to speak. It wasn"t done in a creepy fashion, I don"t think.

So her and I and a few friends went to see Bloc Party last night. We were having a burger prior to my friends showing up, and we talked a bit more about it, only briefly. She claims that she"s not just interested in it because she thinks I would like it but that she"s genuinely curious about it. So who knows where it ends up. Again I seriously doubt she"d do anything to initiate it, and for the time being I"m more concerned with establishing the relationship. Mostly it"s just fun to joke around about it for the time being, and it"s a convenient excuse to check out other girls without getting in trouble.

Oh and then during the concert she randomly blurted out "I thought it was Xerxes." I was confused, but then she explained that she thought it was Xerxes who had signed in to visitor parking on Monday night, and that I"d decided to give her one last try or something, but that she believed me that it was my buddy Geoff. I gave her a hard time about scanning the list, because there was about 25 entries on it and she would have had to actively look for my suite number to find Geoff"s entry.