Girls who broke your heart thread

Alcestis said:

You may decide that you don"t really want to force your mutual climbing friends to take sides, because whatever you do/saywillget around to them. It"s also hard to do the above without looking like a whiny little bitch, but I"ve seen it done, so I mention it. Therefore, choose the "cold confrontation" route after careful thought. If you think you still have a chance though, my vote is on not blowing it by acting the same way that caused her to break up with you in the first place.

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They are closer to her than they are to me anyway, so it"s pretty clear which side they"d pick. I"m not that stupid

Cold Confrontationit is then. I can be a stone-cold bitch if I really want to.

I"ll see if there"s still a chance. Ithinkshe has feelings for me still, but fears they aren"t "good enough" or whatever, and doesn"t want to hurt me.
Or maybe that"s just what Iwantto be true.

In about 12 hours I"ll know for sure.


edit because it"s funny:
my ex sent 2 e-mails yesterday asking to go have some coffee together ... "totally noncommittal"

I didn"t reply. And I won"t. I do wonder though if she has a 6th sense or something.

update on the date last night...

everything went perfect..sushi, wine and then drinks afterwards. next date consists of playing h-o-r-s-e, making dinner, chess, scrabble and the she wants to watch rambo? made the move and slipped in a two-three second kiss goodbye. couldn"t of done it without FoHSS!

anyway..now I just have to figure out how to tell her about a girl in jersey that I"m not with, but was with for two + years, we still talk almost daily, and still kinda have feelings for her =/

well the problem is..this girl in jersey is in close to 98.121% of my facebook pictures and new girl wants to be friends on facebook...I could take them down..then jersey girl would think something"s up.

I told the new girl I hardly ever go on anymore and it"s pointless yada yada yada..so that my buy me some time heh

If she starts asking questions about who that chick is, she"s just a friend and that"s all the nosy bitch needs to know.

Ronaan said:

my ex sent 2 e-mails yesterday asking to go have some coffee together ... "totally noncommittal"

I didn"t reply. And I won"t. I do wonder though if she has a 6th sense or something.

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Maybe she trolls FOH!? I consider that my sixth sense.

Alcestis said:

Drawing on personal experience here.

You remind me of a guy I broke up with for nearly the same suspected reasons, Ronaan. Afterwards, he acted like everything was gumdrops and rainbows. It"s pretty obvious when that"s bullshit (especially when the guy cries on my shoulder while I told him >.<), so I"d advise against doing that. The fake smiles just reaffirmed my belief that I definitely did the right thing: he was so nice he was not only sparing my feelings, but his own. Now, if he had called me a coward in dead-pan later, with no emotion behind it, I might"ve been thrown. Because I"d never expect something like that coming out of the mouth of a guy I thought was too "nice". The key is not to show you"re hurt (or alternatively, that youwerehurt, but you"ve gotten over her stupid excuses and won"t dignify it any longer with emotion).

You may decide that you don"t really want to force your mutual climbing friends to take sides, because whatever you do/saywillget around to them. It"s also hard to do the above without looking like a whiny little bitch, but I"ve seen it done, so I mention it. Therefore, choose the "cold confrontation" route after careful thought. If you think you still have a chance though, my vote is on not blowing it by acting the same way that caused her to break up with you in the first place.

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I"m going to go on the record here and say the stone cold confrontational approach is not going to go well. I seriously doubt that it is possible to pull this off - as someone put it earlier you can"t argue your way back into a relationship.

On the other hand - the fake smiles and "I"m-so-happy-I-Don"t-miss-you" act can be difficult to pull off. Its easy to see through it if you are shitty actor as most of the time people go over the top and are way outside of their normal character and appear happy in an affected fake way.

My suggestion is to go, have a good time - and act fairly nice, but cool and indifferent. You don"t really give a shit one way or the other. If she says something funny, laugh a bit and then turn around and start talking to random guy x. If she talks to you - talk to her for a minute, be interested, and then walk away and start doing something else. Basically show her that your not going to latch on, you don"t really care, but you aren"t doing the gradeschool ignore thing either.

Just my 2 cents...

Well if the girl breaks up with you because you"re too much of a pussy it is almost impossible to get back with her in any good way. If you do somehow get her interest back and she is like "Ok lets start dating again" and you say "Yes" then you just told her "Do whatever you want, break my heart, rip it out then show it to me -- but whatever you do I"ll come crawling back to you." which is about the most vagina thing you can do.

It"s a lose/lose situation and it is best to just move on if you suspect that is the reason for the breakup.

Le sigh. It"s a moot point anyway because she didn"t show up.
Her friend said she won"t come because she isn"t feeling good.

I debated calling her, but came to the conclusion that this might be the uber-stupidest thing I could possibly do.

Oh and on the other ex (the crazy 45 year old sending e-mails), I"m sure she"s not lurking FoH. She"s as computer illiterate as they come.
Nobody who"s around me in real life knows of my internet persona.
God damn that sounds shizophrenic.

Things are done with that girl man, as much as I hate to say it as it implies my shit"s pretty much done as well. Once you end up in that zone, whatever you want to call it, there"s no getting out of it (most of the time). She didn"t show because she"s avoiding you, knowing that you will probably say or do something incredibly awkward to make her feel even more uncomfortable about the whole situation.

My suggestion would be to pull a Zarcath. Send her a shitload of flowers out of the blue, and watch her run away screaming.

But seriously, give up any hope of her changing her mind. Sorry :/.

Eomer said:

My suggestion would be to pull a Zarcath. Send her a shitload of flowers out of the blue, and watch her run away screaming.

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Oh god I forgot about that

Eomer said:

Things are done with that girl man, as much as I hate to say it as it implies my shit"s pretty much done as well. Once you end up in that zone, whatever you want to call it, there"s no getting out of it (most of the time). She didn"t show because she"s avoiding you, knowing that you will probably say or do something incredibly awkward to make her feel even more uncomfortable about the whole situation.

My suggestion would be to pull a Zarcath. Send her a shitload of flowers out of the blue, and watch her run away screaming.

But seriously, give up any hope of her changing her mind. Sorry :/.

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Her avoiding me because it would make her feel more uncomfortable about the situation would mean, to me, that she"s not sure she did the right thing. Ah whatever. When we talked on the phone on friday (when she dumped me), we agreed tonotavoid each other, so that would be stupid, but you may have a point.

Shit, I"ve had a few breakups, and 90% of the time I was the one getting kicked to the curb, but this time is the worst so far.

Fuck, seriously, why does that shit have to be so complicated. I"m not sitting in my corner banging my head against the wall, but I just can"t wrap my head around the concept of someone being "too nice".

God damn it. I think I should go and fuck her friend. Not the one from today, but the other one, who gave me that phone number in the first place and told me that Steph likes me a lot. That"s going to show her!

You know what the funniest part about that is? It"s not that Zarcath did it, or that he thought it would be a good idea. The funniest part, and most depressing,is that if you asked 100 women what they would think about such a gesture, 80% or more would say they would be thrilled by it and would find it a definite plus in the guy"s favor.When of course we all know the reality of it: instant disgust.

Speaking of which, I should go order some flowers for Anne. Hah, kidding! Although she did voice her disappointment that I hadn"t sent her flowers on Mother"s Day awhile back, as I had been joking that I would to kick off the gossip mill at her school with all the other teachers. I briefly considered it last week and quickly realized what a retarded move it would be.

Ronaan said:

Her avoiding me because it would make her feel more uncomfortable about the situation would mean, to me, that she"s not sure she did the right thing.Ah whatever. When we talked on the phone on friday (when she dumped me), we agreed to not avoid each other, so that would be stupid, but you may have a point.

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Fuck no, stop telling yourself that. She"s potentially going to be uncomfortable around you because you"re a dude that she"s decided she is not romantically interested in, who may follow her around like a puppy dog and grovel for attention. But yourself in her shoes. Say there"s some moderately attractive girl that you don"t dislike, but just don"t much care for, that you fucked one weekend while drunk. Are you going to want her hanging around?

Ronaan said:

Fuck, seriously, why does that shit have to be so complicated. I"m not sitting in my corner banging my head against the wall, but I just can"t wrap my head around the concept of someone being "too nice".

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I can"t quite wrap my head around it either, but unfortunately it looks to be basic psychology. Makes no sense to me either. But two out of my last three relationships (well one, and soon to be two) fell apart because of it, so I may as well try to learn from it. It sucks because every time you meet a new girl, you"ll tell yourself "no this one"s different" much like I did with Anne, only to realize along the way that unfortunately, they rarely are. Sure, it"s a matter of degrees for some, Anne was much less succeptible to it than Chuck was, but it happened just the same.

That reminds me to ask about something, though. I"ve never been in a relatiionship longer than about 4 months, give or take. Does this behaviour change at any point? When? You can"t honestly tell me that a successful marriage is one in which the husband doesn"t return phone calls, refuses to acknowledge that he loves/cherishes his wife, and just overall plays "the game." At what point do you settle in to a relationship content in knowing that you can just fucking be yourself instead of playing all these bullshit games.

Eomer said:

Fuck no, stop telling yourself that. She"s potentially going to be uncomfortable around you because you"re a dude that she"s decided she is not romantically interested in, who may follow her around like a puppy dog and grovel for attention. But yourself in her shoes. Say there"s some moderately attractive girl that you don"t dislike, but just don"t much care for, that you fucked one weekend while drunk. Are you going to want her hanging around?

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Well your analogy is a bit off... but I think I get the point.
(I"m not moderately attractive, we weren"t drunk, it was not just one weekend)

The "I still like you, let"s not avoid each other" proposal was from her, so she should not be uncomfortable around me.

Either way, I"ll wait a few weeks or so before going after someone new. Won"t harm me to reboot my brain or something.

Eomer said:

At what point do you settle in to a relationship content in knowing that you can just fucking be yourself instead of playing all these bullshit games.

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When you actually do find the right girl who falls for you just as much as you for her. After time, you will both settle into a comfortable relationship and simply enjoy spending time. No more games, no more headaches. Until one of you does something to screw it up, the trust goes out the window, and the downward spiral begins.

I have circumstances in my life that allow me to be the "nice guy" without the negative consequences. The last four relationships I"ve been in have been more or less under my control. I was the "nice guy" throughout. The first lasted six months, second only one month (crazy girl, had to nip that one in the bud), third was two years and ended about five months ago, and then my most recent one has been going strongly for about two months now. In between these there have been a few flings, but for the most part I am looking for the right girl - the one I can settle down with.

With any luck, this current one is her.

Eomer said:

I can"t quite wrap my head around it either, but unfortunately it looks to be basic psychology. Makes no sense to me either. But two out of my last three relationships (well one, and soon to be two) fell apart because of it, so I may as well try to learn from it. It sucks because every time you meet a new girl, you"ll tell yourself "no this one"s different" much like I did with Anne, only to realize along the way that unfortunately, they rarely are. Sure, it"s a matter of degrees for some, Anne was much less succeptible to it than Chuck was, but it happened just the same.

That reminds me to ask about something, though. I"ve never been in a relatiionship longer than about 4 months, give or take. Does this behaviour change at any point? When? You can"t honestly tell me that a successful marriage is one in which the husband doesn"t return phone calls, refuses to acknowledge that he loves/cherishes his wife, and just overall plays "the game." At what point do you settle in to a relationship content in knowing that you can just fucking be yourself instead of playing all these bullshit games.

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Stop this. Really. She failed here, you didn"t. She was a tad too young and couldn"t handle what you had to offer.

I am going to say something here and you probably wont like it but it is the truth. You are dating woman that are too young and outside your social strata. To the younger, less settled ones (Chuck, Anne) you present a daunting facade to them. They probably aren"t ready for what you have to offer. On the other hand Xerxes was just a bit too much of a game player but you didn"tintimidateher by just being who you are.

tl;dr .. random hookups on ski trips are not going to lead to long term relationships I am afraid.

Find a woman more on your level (age, social stratum etc) and then see how it goes.

Invisus said:

I am looking for the right girl - the one I can settle down with.

With any luck, this current one is her.

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Hah.
Same here, I mean, I"m not getting younger.

The ridiculous part is that Steph once said she"s tired of looking around, just wants to settle down, do the "house + 2 kids + dog" thing, and I thought I had finally foundthe right one.

Steph"s friend also said that after all the bad luck Steph had with guys, she deserves someone like me finally. Oh yeah great.
(I think I already wrote this one in an earlier post, can"t remember).

I think instead of spamming I"ll just go to bed now.