TheCutlery said:
Just fucking wait until you"re 29 and start flirting with the 21 year olds that don"t know who George Carlin was and can"t relate to a life before the internet. You feel old now? Hah.
Me - "You really have no idea who George Carlin is? He had a fucking show on TV when I was in high school"
Her -- "Yeah, I was like 7."
Me -- "Goddammit"
lol, the last three girls I"ve dated had all never seen Kids in the Hall before, and one of them outright didn"t even know what it was (she was 20). The other two did, thankfully.
I"ll avoid a TLDR kind of post (edit: mission failed). So I met up with Anne for a coffee on Sunday to chat about where we were at. It went okay, I guess. Things didn"t feel awkward to me, not sure how she felt obviously. So basically she re-confirmed more or less what she said on the phone last Wednesday. She cleared up that she had been wondering about Jay for awhile, not just since Monday, and that"s why she"d been distant for the past couple weeks. So I guess I had misunderstood that aspect. She maintained that she doesn"t want to get back together with him regardless of her feelings for him, and that he didn"t indicate to her that he wanted her back when she confronted him about his lying about whether he was seeing someone new.
She did however say that she wasn"t sure about where she was at with me. Now, I have not been putting that pussy on a pedestal in any large sense. We had been hanging out quite a bit for the first while, but we had talked about it initially and agreed we were comfortable where things were at in terms of how often we see each other etc. And barely a month in to being an official couple, she had been the one to say the L word first, albeit one night while drunk and in the middle of sex. However when I had asked her about it the next day, after initially getting pretty defensive and being really embarassed, she admitted that she thought she did.
Even last week, two days before this big blow up, I had gone with her to a friend"s wedding and she twice made similar comments about how she was making "a big step" or whatever, once in reference to bringing me to the wedding (she had never brought a date to a friend"s wedding before) and also in reference to bringing a day bag to stay over (thought that one was kinda weird). So I don"t know if she was trying to convince herself of where she was at, or what.
So color me confused, I guess. Things had moved quickly, but it seemed that the feeling was mutual if not stronger on her end, and then all of a sudden she"s questioning where she"s at with me and whether or not she wants to continue with things. At one point she said she wasn"t sure what had changed, if she really was losing interest or if she was scared by how fast things had moved (she had mentioned once or twice that it seemed like she was always the one to fall hard, fast, and get hurt in past relationships).
She did say that she was optimistic that things would be fine, or at least that she would want to continue the relationship, however for the time being she needed some time on her own to get her head on straight. On top of the Jay thing, the new niece thing, and the not sure about me thing, she is also a teacher and this is obviously a very busy time of the year for her, so perhaps she"s just feeling overwhelmed with things. I agreed to leave her be for awhile and that she was to call me if she wanted to do something, otherwise she wouldn"t hear from me for the next week or two. I also reiterated that I hoped she wasn"t just saying that because it"s what I wanted to hear, and she said that was her honest thoughts on where things would go.
At one point I specifically asked if I was still to consider us a couple, and while she said yes there was definitely a slight hesitation on her part before she said yes. I pointed that out to her, in a light hearted way, and she admitted that she did have to think about it and she wasn"t 100% sure of the right answer.
For my part, I started off before she had said much and explained where I was coming from, just in terms of why I had been fairly persistent the previous week about finding out what the fuck was going on. I specifically said that I wasn"t apologizing for my behaviour ("oh, I know, you"re not the apologizing type") but that I wanted to explain why I had been "a whiny little bitch" (my words) about the whole thing. And basically the reasons were that a) I am a control freak b) I"m impatient c) I had been pretty happy with the way things were going and felt completely blindsided by this whole thing. I also told her that I knew it wasn"t a good reaction, that if anything it was driving her away, making a bigger deal out of things than need be, and so on. I told her that while I wasn"t mad at her, more just at the situation in general and that it wasn"t anyone"s fault, I was frustrated that she had kept me in the dark for as long as she had and that for the past week she had seemed to be avoiding me, busy with family and school or not, that she should have been able to find an hour or two somewhere for me prior to the weekend. She more or less repeated that she had needed time on her own and that I wasn"t helping by persisting.
So I don"t know that it went well, well would have been her saying everything was fine. But at least we have a clear understanding of where the other person stands going forward. My mind is certainly more at ease, anyway. At this point I"m going to do as we agreed and leave her be, and we"ll see where this goes in the next couple weeks. If things don"t shape up by the end of the month at the latest, then I"ll deal with it most likely by telling her it"s time to make up her fucking mind. Hopefully it doesn"t come to that.
The funny or ironic part about this was that early in the relationship we had talked a bit about how girls never seemed to know what the fuck they wanted, that they seemed to want what they couldn"t have and get bored if things go too well etc, and she had of course disagreed or at the least claimed that she wasn"t like that, that I didn"t have to play games with her like not answering calls or limiting contact or not hanging out too much, and look where we are a couple months later!
