Girls who broke your heart thread

Mist said:

Don"t stoop to that level. If she is at all rational...

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Whoa, whoa! Might as well stop reading right there. We"re talking about a woman, right? Then she"s not rational.

Listen to the other two and stop being so available to the member of the irrational sex. But, yeah...it"s probably too late.

So last night I ended things with my gf of over a year. Every now again, during the relationship, I would get this intense feeling of being trapped - it wasn"t a constant thing at first, it would only get bad when I would get drunk. For the last month however, things have been different in that I began to feel extremely apathetic about her, which led to some very poor treatment from my end. That brought on guilt (from myself), which amplified my negative feelings even more, leading to more apathy and so on and so on. It was getting rediculous - so I ended it.

I guess I still feel that for my age (25), I just haven"t experienced enough to start thinking about a serious, long-term commitment to someone. I dunno.

I"m not really sure why I"m posting this, I"m not really looking for advice or anything and I was the one breaking hearts. Reading this thread, however, makes me appreciate just how fucking cool this girl was and just how crazy other girls can be. I mean she put up with my gaming, and relative otakuness, not to mention she was great in bed and truly, deeply cared about what I had to say, no matter how inane. I really did care about her, and still do - I just wish I would have met get 5 years from now.

Anyway. /livejournal

Mist said:

Don"t stoop to that level. If she is at all rational, explain why she deserves better. If she"s not rational, don"t date her in the first place.

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Don"t do that. First trying to explain that she deserves better just makes things even worse for you. Secondly she is a woman and will not be rational.

situation unresolved, but turning out for the better.

Vim said:

It"s so funny because shes all about the whole "She"s just not that into you" thing and couldn"t stop talking about how shes sick of players and assholes.I figured that meant something and started showing my softer, nicer side.Guess it backfired.

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haha, no, what it means is that she"s even better at self-deception than most girls. In my recent experience anyway. Chuck, Xerxes and Anne all "don"t play games." Only in Xerxes case was that actually true, looking back. And she was the one I wasn"t all that interested in. Figures.

Eomer said:

haha, no, what it means is that she"s even better at self-deception than most girls. In my recent experience anyway. Chuck, Xerxes and Anne all "don"t play games." Only in Xerxes case was that actually true, looking back. And she was the one I wasn"t all that interested in. Figures.

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You lost me.

Eomer means that when your girl said she"s "sick of assholes, blah blah", she was just paying lip-service and telling you what she thinks you want to hear. I think she actually thinks she believes it too, which makes that bullshit even more maddening. Sounds like she"s already decided what you"re going to be to her, and rather quickly on top of that (as a month is really nothing). This isn"t salvageable and you"ll hurt yourself more trying. You"ll probably disregard and go for it anyway, so if you must, make sure you have no expectations whatsoever. It"ll hurt less that way. The rest of his post is referencing his most current love interests, if that"s where you were lost.

Whyme: Heh. There"s no worse relationship than the one that youknowwould work out, if only you met them later. I completely sympathize.

Alcestis said:

Whyme: Heh. There"s no worse relationship than the one that youknowwould work out, if only you met them later. I completely sympathize.

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I"ve been in, and seen friends in, relationships where something just doesn"t "click". It"s hard to explain. One or both people have some minor personality characteristic/flaw and you just know if they could curb that shit, it would be a great relationship. These also suck. Some little compromise either party is unwilling to make that would make it a beautiful, loving relationship.

Shit pisses me off how sad it is.

^

Vim said:

I really appreciate your input and advice. Especially with my mind that just won"t stop dwelling on this.

I think you"re right on a lot of points, if not all, but hopefully, for my sake, I hope you missed one or two.

I"m gonna give myself and her some space and time. It seems to me that we"re both going through tough times in our life, I just met her and we"re both really young. (I am 22, shes 18, yea laugh it up )

I don"t wanna quit her, but I"ve recognized the possibility that I might have to, even though I don"t like it. Not just yet though. We"ll see...

I need to keep my mind occupied with other things. This has happened to me before. 1 out of 10 (roughly) of the girls I meet, like and show interest in me, I end up "obsessing" over them. Even though I know I shouldn"t especially due to 1 or 2 past experiences.

Whatever. Thanks. Gonna take a pill and go to bed.

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I know it doesn"t help right now, but trust me when I say that you have plenty of time to find girls that are far less damaged. I"m only 28 and I can tell you that your mid 20"s are prime for meeting more girls, especially if you are still in college or plan on attending grad school. Let her go. You are only going to hurt yourself worse trying to purse a girl that knows you don"t do it for her. Spend your time finding someone that actually likes you.

I finally got laid again. Random westerner I met recently. Thank fucking god I thought my dick was gonna fall off. There is no real story because while she is attractive, I wasn"t particularly interested so I just did whatever I wanted and it fell into my lap. Sex was ok, but the good thing is it put me back in my don"t-give-a-fuck state of mind that will do me well when dealing with other girls. Plus I am likely to have a fuck buddy for the time being. Hurray.

Got plans tomorrow, tentatively, to hang out w/ the korean female friend. Don"t consider her my girlfriend at this point, as that requires sex or to be quickly progressing to sex at the very least, plus we had that bad spot and haven"t seen each other for 3+ weeks now. Haven"t been able to get ahold of her (she has possibly cyclothymia, another reason for kicking it back to a casual relationship--and ends up turning her phone off for days at a time), and if I can"t confirm for our plans tomorrow I"m gonna call it quits officially due to the annoyance. Another bonus, there"s 2 pretty cute Korean girls who volunteer teach at the class I take and I know they"re attracted to me so I"m gonna see what I can work out from that.

Vim said:

all that stuff + highlights below
Fast forward to last night. I felt I had to tell her I couldn"t stop thinking about her and that it was driving me crazy when I told myself not to. I tell her how perfect she is, even with all her "flaws" and what she calls craziness, how great she is and how she needs to forget about her ex who treated her like shit.

She tells me she feels the same way about me but that she couldn"t go out with somebody thats just like her. Apparently we are too similar and she couldn"t deal with somebody thats like her. And that she is stillin lovewith her ex boyfriend.

Would any of you buy that shit? "We are too similar"

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This isn"t salvageable unless she"s partially fucked in the head and loves the extreme attention + pullback + extreme attention + pullback emotional rollercoaster game. Don"t waste your emotional resources on hope.

First paragraph I quoted was the nail in your coffin. Never tell a girl you are out of control for her, never tell a girl she"s perfect or imply that she"s better than you. How can people not understand that confessing your every desire for a person (man OR woman) right off the bat will make them INSTANTLY lose feelings for you? IT. NEVER. WORKS. EVER. If you want to get to the friend zone in record time, say these things.

The "too similar" thing is her trying to find a reason for not liking you. The real reason she isn"t into you is that you aren"t good enough for her. The reason you aren"t good enough for her is because you told her so by stating that she"s perfect and your desire for her was driving you crazy. You are as good as you act. When you truly, deep down, think you deserve an awesome girl, you will stop fawning over them and you"ll be successful with them. As long as you don"t truly think you deserve one, you"ll never get one.

Bonus: Don"t change your behavior to be the guy that you think she wants. Her ex is a shithead and she says she wants a nice guy, so you go trying to be that nice guy and fawn over her thinking it"ll win her over. But are you really that guy, or are you pretending just so you can win her over? Even if you are legitimately a nice caring person (almost NO ONE is, most nice people are nice because they have no self esteem and are nice just so people will like them), you have to have to be naturally ultra-confident to be successful in this way.Be yourself, and don"t change your personality to fit what a girl says she wants or what you think she wants. Why do you want to be with someone who is dating a fabricated version of yourself? When you uncompromisingly do what you want and say what you think, girls can"t help but be attracted to you even if they don"t agree with everything you say.

Short answer: you won"t get this girl back no matter what you do. Take a lesson to stop being a pussy, don"t ever confess ANYTHING to a girl unless you know for a fact that she feels the same way.

I think we should celebrate on the 1000th "stop being a pussy and grow a backbone" post.

Vim said:

I don"t wanna quit her, but I"ve recognized the possibility that I might have to, even though I don"t like it. Not just yet though. We"ll see...

I need to keep my mind occupied with other things. This has happened to me before. 1 out of 10 (roughly) of the girls I meet, like and show interest in me, I end up "obsessing" over them. Even though I know I shouldn"t especially due to 1 or 2 past experiences.

Whatever. Thanks. Gonna take a pill and go to bed.

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It"s eerie how similar your story comes to one of mine. As someone going through what you"re going through right now, my best advice is to stay occupied, don"t initiate too much conversation, and just do your own thing. I was really enamored by this girl and we had a great thing going, and then one day she just up and lost all feelings for me, completely out of the blue. It was all I could think about for a day or two, but then I stopped talking to her and started hanging out with old friends. Slowly, I got adjusted to not having her being a part of my daily process. It sucked because she had ex-boyfriends who were total tools who were awful in the relationship and made her really unhappy, but she constantly tells me how perfect I am and compares me to guys who don"t make her feel as good I make her feel. Apparently I was the best thing ever but that just didn"t work for her.

I still care too much about the girl I split ways with, still talk to her, and I always feel like I can save the relationship if I do this or that, and that she"ll come to her senses, but the reality of it is that it probably won"t happen, and it only hurts more thinking that it will work out and then being disappointed when it doesn"t. Keep your distance and just try to stay focused on other things besides her. It only gets better in time, so I"m told.

Vim,

I think what it boils down to is this:

She likes you.
She doesn"t see you as a partner, but as a friend.

Looks similar to what happened to me... it wasn"t that I was being too "nice", that"s just what made it harder for her to break up with me. Or so people around me say.

Whatever.

I"m almost desperate enough to take the crazy ex up on the offer of noncommittal sex. Almost. Must... resist...
Nothing good ever came of that, the last two times I gave in.

... off to the PGT I go!

I"m almost desperate enough to take the crazy ex up on the offer of noncommittal sex. Almost. Must... resist...
Nothing good ever came of that, the last two times I gave in.

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Hear that? That was the sound of 38 people face palming at the exact same time.

psu199 said:

Hear that? That was the sound of 38 people face palming at the exact same time.

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Yeah, sounds awesome!

I"ll stick to mindfucks for now. Coming up next:

We had planned to go to denmark for a week in september. Well that"s obviously not going to happen.
When her kids (real assholes at times, 15 and 17 years old) heard that I wouldn"t be coming with them, they said they won"t go either. (Inside infos from my buddy - she tells him all this stuff and thinks he keeps it secret...).

So she cancelled the reservation.

This week I"ll let her know that I thought about coming along and maybe things would develop again (wah wah and some whiny stuff in here).

She"ll shit bricks, I guarantee it.

Ronaan said:

Stuff......

She"ll shit bricks, I guarantee it.

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Why? Why do that to her?

He thinks it"s cool.

Brad2770 said:

Why? Why do that to her?

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I don"t know. Maybe because I"m an asshole. Maybe for the lulz...

Itwillmake her think about how she treated me in ~3.5 of the 4.5 years we spent together.

Good fucking job Brad, now I feel sorry for her without having even done it... bravo. God damnit. I think I"d best just beg her to take me back!

Thinking about it, she"d probably really be into that semen-slurping stuff Grobbee is so fond of. Always wanted to give that a shot but never got the chance so far...



Just kidding... she"s still the same, and after a year tops I"d be right where I am now. I just want her to realize how much she fucked up.

Ronaan said:

Just kidding... she"s still the same, and after a year tops I"d be right where I am now. I just want her to realize how much she fucked up.

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If you were done for good, you wouldnt care. No need to make her more crazy.

As for her "fuck ups", seeing that on her own will be when she changes. What you do to help her see that wont do shit for her. Just leave her alone. =D

Use your energy to go get you a chic worthy of your attention instead of tormenting the one that drove you nucking futs.