Vim said:
So last night I spilled my heart out for a girl I met about a month ago. Needless to say I"m pretty sure I got shot down, feel like shit and I"m sure I can"t feel any worse. So at the expense of potentially hearing some motivating words, even though it is extremely unlikely, I feel like sharing my experience.
Short story long.
Before that night, we had hung out many times and I felt a genuine interest for her, especially since she told me from the second time we met that she really had a serious interest in me. I quickly told her, literally, the feeling is mutual. However, I did let her know that I was nor desperate, needy or in a hurry for anything (yeah right). She told me she showed the same sentiment but wasn"t gonna wait forever for anyone. I took heed.
We got to know each other pretty well, pretty quickly. She seemed to share some really personal stuff with me right off the bat and it seemed to be going pretty well for me and her. I ask her out on a date and she says yes, blah, blah, blah. She "cancels" at the last minute, supposedly because she wanted to watch the fight at one of my neighbors (good friend) house. Coincidently, she was at my other neighbors house (girlfriend of mine, one of her best friends) so I guess we both play it off as: "Cool we get to see each other regardless".
Even though my date was canceled, that night was great. We got pretty close(r).
Fast forwarding. I ask her out on 1-2 more dates and she refuses. In between this we keep hanging out and so forth. Going to her house, going to friends houses, going to bars, going to movies, etc. No actual dates though.
Fast forward to last night. I felt I had to tell her I couldn"t stop thinking about her and that it was driving me crazy when I told myself not to. I tell her how perfect she is, even with all her "flaws" and what she calls craziness, how great she is and how she needs to forget about her ex who treated her like shit.
She tells me she feels the same way about me but that she couldn"t go out with somebody thats just like her. Apparently we are too similar and she couldn"t deal with somebody thats like her. And that she is stillin lovewith her ex boyfriend.
[Her ex boyfriend is a fucking joke, he and I quote her: "he never ever showed any emotion for me", I met the guy recently, hanging out with said girl. She bumped into him twice and she broke into tears twice at the bar we were at, I was there both times]
I feel like crap. I don"t think I can or want to get over her. I teared up after I got shot down. We continued hanging out that night and went home with the same ride. She says she hopes we can still be friends (why not?) but its rough. I don"t know what to say or think.
Funny thing is, the first night we met, I just wanted to fuck her.
Would any of you buy that shit? "We are too similar"
I can"t believe I am quoting myself.
Looking back... My
tearing upand going "
bonkers"that night at the bar because she said she couldn"t date someone thats so similar to her and that she is still
in lovewith her boyfriend was a strange manifestation to say the least. I"ve been going through a lot of personal shit (aren"t we all?): mental, physical and the current "bad vibe" that going through the world doesn"t help.
I"m gonna blame my behavior on a combination of things, on top of me really liking this chick, and the fact that when I really, really like a girl, I obsess to a certain point.
I need to go to a shrink, I"ve been meaning to, but I"ve been putting it off. I am not a depressive person, in fact quite the opposite. But these past 2-3 months have been odd for me and on top of that I recently met this, what I think is an incredible girl. I am pretty sure I am going through some sort of mental condition or just depression and I really haven"t done anything about it. I"ve probably done more to make it worse. Drinking, partying, not sleeping right, not eating right, etc...
If I am gonna dedicate part of my time to women and sex, I need to do it in a way that doesn"t compromise my emotions till I get "em straightened out.
Now... As far as this girl goes. I am gonna tell her exactly this (what I just wrote), whilst emphasizing that what I said about her being "awesome" is still true. However, I am gonna let her know that if she still wants my friendship, which I am pretty sure she does, I won"t bother her with anymore dating/flirting crap.
In an ideal or hopeful world, I would let some time pass and hope we both mature mentally. And, if things cool off as we become friends I would like to then try again. For now, I"m just gonna be her (hate saying it), friend.
Ya"ll might say: "Oh you"ll meet someone even better or someone you like and forget about her" or "She"ll meet some guy and you"ll find out and she"ll forget about you" . Doesn"t sound like a bad deal, but I"ve only come a cross 2-3 three chicks I"d fucking kill for... If I am gonna be consistent with something in my life, which I am famous for not being, its gonna be with this.
/emo vent off
/flame suit on