Girls who broke your heart thread

It all depends I"m just saying I have better luck if I move it outside of the POF system. Not to mention the interface for POF feels like a Web 1.0 porn site. It also varies depending on the chick. Hell I think my ex-GF actually gave me her number in our second email convo. Some girls you can tell are reluctant about meeting people online so you just give it more time.

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But I will say generally if a girl contacts you and you are having 100+ word emails back and forth she is probably not so scared to meet in real life. My general gameplan is this:

4-6 POF messages
4-6 GMail messages
2 phone calls
Meet up

It"s worked decently well for me. I"d almost be reluctant myself to meet a girl who doesn"t want to talk a bit before meeting up.

Yeah, I think it depends on the girl"s personality and her past experience with dating. Xerxes within a message or two declared that we should exchange Facebook info so we could "creep" on each other, soon after she wanted to exchange numbers, and after a few texts and one phone call she began to pester me about meeting up, but again she"s fairly unique in her directness. Another girl I met online and dated a few years back through Lavalife was somewhat the same, we had messaged back and forth half a dozen times and she said she"d be in town the next week and we should meet for lunch.

Heylel Teomim said:

Honestly, if Brad asks to leave his kid out of the conversation I don"t see the harm in that. Obviously the existence of a child is part and parcel of the whole deal, but there"s no need to go saying things like "your kid"s gonna be fucked up".

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1. When he makes the kid the CENTRAL issue (excuse for his behavior) - he"s injected it into the conversation and its fair game.

2. When he"s asked this board MULTIPLE times (not sure if you were around then Heylel) about how to handle a situation and said "I don"t want my son to get hurt" then IGNORES the advice he"s waived the right imho.

I"m not calling his son a bastard or saying that his son"s a moron. I am stating the FACTS that his behavior WILL impact his child. I said that his son will be JUST like him because thats how life works - is anyone at ALL surprised that Brad"s behavior mirrors his moms? Anyone? If brad has a problem with what I said then he:

1. Knows that being like him is NOT a good thing; but

2. Is yet again looking to blame someone else for the situation. He refuses to take ANY responsibility for his actions in terms of harming that child later in life. That"s not me being a bitch that"s me telling him the truth and him covering his ears and shouting like a 5 year old having a tantrum.

Grow up Brad. We know you"re used to people indulging your poor me behavior but like I said a few posts back I"m not one of those people. No one here feels bad for you and because you refuse to listen to anyone I think you"ll find that no one here really cares about your pathetic life either.

Brad2770 said:

She isnt giving advice. She is telling me how my son will turn out. I dont care if she bashes me or my mom, but I have said before- My son stays out of this. She brings him up EVERY fucking time she has anything to say about my situation. I dont talk about my son because he is a part of my life that is not involved in this shit. She makes assumptions based on Jack and Shit.

She has never given good advice. Grobbee pisses me off sometimes, but at least the stupid bastard gives good advice from time to time.

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YOU make him the central issue you worthless piece of shit. You use him as an excuse for your lack of self control with your ex among other things. YOU talk about your son ALL the time here.

You"re pathetic. And I stand FIRM by what I say. Your BIGGEST punishment in this life will be watching your son turn out to be EXACTLY like you because you didn"t have the balls to break the cycle. That"s a FACT.

If you can"t live with that that"s not my problem. Man the fuck up or shut the fuck up.

You can tell the truth and be a bitch at the same time.

I"m scared, She"s right.

Simas said:

You can tell the truth and be a bitch at the same time.

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True. I should have clarified. Its not me being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch like he"s trying to paint it.

It"s me being bitchy while telling the truth because I refuse to indulge his crybaby bitch behavior because being nice and patient gets you nowhere with this loser.

Tenks said:

Uhh I"d say no boyfriend in 10 years shouldn"t be a sign of affection but rather a massive glowing neon red flag.

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Yeah, was guessing either
a) something is really wrong with her (don"t think so...), or
b) somehow nobody ever went after her during that time (unlikely, she"s got a cute face ... the silent type, but still a very likeable person), or
c) the guys thatdidtry weren"t what she was looking for...

I"ll find out sooner or later.

She might actually be reasonably well adjusted until the possibility of a break up occurs. At that point, hide the knives and prepare for some fatal attraction level crazy.

Well, in order to determine she has problems, you"ve got to determine what actually is a "boyfriend"

brekk said:

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

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Definitely LOL"d too much at this and got very strange looks from roommates. Well played sir!

Don"t know, don"t feel like really writing everything out but,

Going to start by saying we broke up. Then i"ll tell the story. I"ve never been in this kind of situation before.

Been dating these sick hot spanish girl for about a year and a half. If you read back somewhere in this thread you can see how terribly the last spanish girl went, but I can"t help it i"m very attracted to them (i"m white)

Anyway, this girl is like a 9/10 no e-stats. Super funny, very self confident, good with my family, would bend over backwards to make me happy - and she does. Excellent in bed too and a total freak. Loyal as well.

That being said, she is a combination of a few very, very bad things. 1) 100% colombia (not as bad as puerto rican, but it"s a start) 2) From the "hood" - she grew up in a bad area around here, same area as me but I kind of got out of it.. she"s still dominated by the thought that dating rappers is cool and $1000 bags earn you respect. The kind of person that works pay check to pay check to drive a car that will impress people. 3) Has no real family , and has a personal tendancy towards being clingy - two bad things when thrown together.

She is WAY TOO EMOTIONAL. Incredibly possessive and jealous, rages about things, talks way too much shit and attracts drama like shit for flies. I just got to the point I can"t deal with it. She didn"t do anything to me, no cheating, i"m not unhappy - I just can"t deal with things. She has lied in the past about alot of things, all mostly harmless shit and stuff she has grown out of (getting over her ex, drug use, spending habits etc - frankly i don"t really care anymore)

But she stalks me on aim, asks me every 30 mintes what i"m doing if im not with her, freaks out when i hang out with any friend male or female (or if she doesn"t freak out, she will hold it in for a few weeks and explode with it) wants to be around me 24/7. If she ISNT with me, then shes a club rat - she has alot of hooker party girl friends. This girl will go out 7 days a week, no lie if i"m not with her.

Now I want to repeat, things are great between us and I love her as a person and shit. When we are together it"s awesome and she"s sweet and caring total wifey material I guess.

It came to a head this past week when I had a party at my house. My rule with her is that if there is alcohol she is not invited. She starts fights and goes CRAZY. Her natural inclinations are magnified intensely under alcohol - no girls can be in the room with me if she is drinking. Just bad experiences. That being said, she tries to weasal her way to the party by grouping with some friends, I shut it down and she freaks out , whatever we have a good time.

For the next 3-4 days she corners EVERY SINGLE PERSON that was at the party and says "I know what Matt did, how could he do that" ie: baiting. Mind you, this is at my work place with most of these people - imagine the shit talk. When I confront her she denies it. This leads to our monthly huge fight, but at this point i"m over it. Just cannot deal with it. It"s past the point where I get aggravated or angry or fight back, frankly it just depresses me.

Then I go out a few days ago, and she either randomly shows up or crashes because she knew I was there, im not sure. Im with my brothers and some girls/guys from work for someones birthday. I"m hanging out with my best friend for like 7 years who happens to be there, and they both know each other. Well, while i"m hanging out apparently my spanish girl has my brother cornered saying shes going to "fucking kill" my best friend, teh boucners get involved and shit, shes freaking out. Eventually she attacks me on the dance floor, nudges my friend aside and grabs me and starts yelling at me (mind you i"ve done nothing besides dance and fuck around to 90"s cover band shit trying to not ler her ruin my time)

She ends up going to the hospital in an ambulance (I say nothing while shes yelling and wait for the bouncers to get her out) pulling the "I need you here" thing. She then says shes coming to my house whether I like it or not. I locked everything and went to bed, i"m not sure if she did or not. The whole time texting me things like "I fucking hate you if I die today I swear to god and i"m going to fucking murder that whore you"re so fucking lucky I didn"t kill her etc"

I only tell this story to demonstrate that nothing, absolutely nothing triggers her into these violent outbursts. Since this, about four days ago I haven"t spoken to her. I"m fucking despondent. I don"t understand how someone can just shoot themselves in the foot so much. I care about her, I have fun with her, we have a great time - but she just pulls this shit so much and has for so long over nothing at all that I can"t go on with it anymore :\ so lame.

I"ve always wondered if in-your-face attacks like Etoille is dropping ever inspire any change. At first they always create defensiveness and make the listener close off completely, but after a time and some distance I wonder if they inspire any change. Tactful approach is pretty much always more effective, but obviously that didn"t work in this case so the only option is directness (but damn Etoille take it easy!), but I"m uncertain if that"s possible. Every time I"ve been direct with someone they just get defensive and burrow into a hole.

That sucks Chaotic. :-\ Self-control is just hard for some people. I think part of it is certain cultures just value emotional out bursts differently. Being "fiery" is attractive in Latin cultures, especially for a woman, the problem is it can cross over into "jealous possessive tempter tantrums". Or really any temper tantrum type activity, I shouldn"t limit it. Which is just completely unattractive imo, and there is no reasonable way to deal with an adult having a temper tantrum short of smacking them or walking away. Walking away being the better option, of the two.

If you ever get into that situation again, you might consider confronting the girl the very first time she does anything like that. If you"re going to keep going for women with that issue, a one-strike they"re out policy might be a better bet. Spending the rest of your life with someone who has no self-control is a recipe for disaster, especially once they move in and you"re together a lot. My fiancee and I were together almost 24/7 for the last 18 months because we were broke and in a bad place. Even under those circumstances, we"d fight at most once a month and otherwise got along great. That wasn"t easy, enough to drive you a little crazy after a while especially with stress from other stuff we had going on, but if we can get along when stuff is that bad and we have to be around each other that often, I know it is going to work out long term.

If you beat a dog enough, it will stop pissing on the carpet, ya know?

P.S. Let the ghetto dudes date the ghetto chicks.
Talking from a personal stand point, Self-control is probably the best trait any person can have. Without it you"ll basically be a child for the rest of your life.

Sutekh said:

Well, in order to determine she has problems, you"ve got to determine what actually is a "boyfriend"

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She hasn"t had a relationship in over 10 years. Not even one of those "I tried for a few weeks and found out it wasn"t going to work" things. Nothing.
Does that sound better?

brekk said:

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

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I lol"d

Heylel Teomim said:

She might actually be reasonably well adjusted until the possibility of a break up occurs. At that point, hide the knives and prepare for some fatal attraction level crazy.

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She actually told me before that she can be a real bitch sometimes, but I still have to see it to believe it.
And to tell the truth, after my crazy ex, this will probably look like kindergarten. She also said she"s not going to throw things (after I jokingly asked if she was going to throw dinner plates at me), so I guess I"m somewhat safe

Fuck I hate writing online dating profiles, is there any way to write these things without coming off as a) a conceited jerk b) a sappy romantic The Notebook loving emotional trainwreck c) a huge nerd with terrible jokes

I"ve written mine over 3 times and I have no idea if I"m even close yet. I keep adding to it and it gets longer and the I realize I"ve written a book, and have to delete it all and try again.

I need a magic formula / copy Eomer"s online profile plz plz. All I need to to do is change Edmonton Oilers to Vancouver Canucks and successful entrepreneur to broke student and I think everything else is the same, or close enough.

I have spent many an hour perfecting mine, you may not have it!

Seriously though, I hate writing them as well. No idea if my current one is any good or not.