Girls who broke your heart thread

GUESS

Soundwave said:

a pedophile that wanted to think about two 13 year olds fucking? he was probably sitting outside of your door with a cup pressed against it, listening in.

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Oh man I hope, that makes all the more sexier

Soundwave said:

a pedophile that wanted to think about two 13 year olds fucking? he was probably sitting outside of your door with a cup pressed against it, listening in.

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what are you talking about...a dad that wants his son to get laid, alert the authorities!

Sorry Phoenix, even I"M not that awesome.

It"s really amusing how some girls, or even most of them, are completely unable to maintain a conversation. Whether that"s online or in person. I mean, I can understand in person when you"re first meeting someone being nervous and not knowing what mutual interests you have. But online you have all the time in the world to consider your response and to try to make it as appealing to the other person as possible. Even with that, a lot of girls can"t manage more than a sentence or two.

For your viewing pleasure, a brief conversation with some girl on POF that messaged me:

Her: hi how are you?

Me: Well, since you asked, I"m sunburned, bruised, and sore. But I guess that means it was a successful weekend, eh?

Her: lol, thats amusing, and sounds like a lot of fun!!! wish i could almost say that... except for the sunburn part, that would suck... ur cute!! what u doing this wknd? how was ur week?

Me: Yeah, it was a lot of fun, I went down to Golden with some friends to downhill mountainbike at the ski hill and raft on the Kicking Horse River.

This weekend just past I was in Jasper with some friends, camping at a group site 15 minutes outside of town. Again lots of fun, even though the weather wasn"t great. No sunburn this time, at any rate!

What did you get up to this weekend?

Her: it was good, pretty relaxing

Now I realize I wasn"t trying all that hard to spur the conversation either, but seeing as how she messaged me and she"s doesn"t appear to be much better than average (if that), I don"t much feel the need to put in effort. I just find it amusing, I guess. Not going to bother with replying, seems there"s little point.

Tbh Eomer you gave hernothing. What exactly did you expect? She messaged you, asked you a question which you responded to and then she asked another and you just responded. Your messages were horribly close-ended with no where for her to go. Don"t blame her for that one Eomer that was totally on you. Never just ask the question back at her. If you want to ask it back then at least provide her a new path to go down.

lost said:

Didnt answer what ur doing this weekend either, which she seemed to be curious about, probably turned her off that u didnt reply

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yeah, kinda fail on his part

Eomer said:

asdf

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You seem to activity-drop (like name-dropping, but for activities) quite a lot, like you are trying too hard to impress her with your interesting life. How about just "did a little rafting and downhill mountain biking...had a lot of fun, it was [insert emotion here and build on that]" or "had a lot of fun, but [emotion]." Downplay it. If she asks you followup questions (further investing her in the conversation) in depth, then you can go into detail.

You asked her the same question she asked you. How could she rival rafting and mountainbiking? She probably went out drinking with her friends for the thousandth time or stayed inside and watched T.V. or something else pretty mundane, of course she isn"t gonna mention that after everything you gave. You gotta calibrate yourself to another person if you wanna make them feel comfortable. You can say you did x,y,z and play it down and still make her feel like her weekend was good. There is some power in clearly having more interesting things to do/talk about while downplaying them and being more interested in what she has to say and her *feelings* about those activities. You keep your status while being able to make her feel good about herself.

Of course on the other hand if you aren"t interested in anyone who doesn"t lead the same outdoorsy weekend life that you do, you"re screening them efficiently, but given the nature of the post, it seems like you are seeking an explanation.

But ultimately to answer your question, yea, mostpeople, guys included, don"t know how to hold a conversation. Guys" inabilities are just better hidden because they end up just asking a thousand questions of the girl because they have nothing interesting themselves to say, whereas girls who can"t hold a convo are easier to spot. Of course a girl who can"t hold a convo often causes any but the most natural converser to turn into the question-asking machine because she is giving nothing back to talk about. In those times, I try to take something she said and build on it with my own story or feeling about it, whether she asked or not. I"m pretty amateur at it but it works really well.

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lost said:

Didnt answer what ur doing this weekend either, which she seemed to be curious about, probably turned her off that u didnt reply

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Meh, people miss and ignore questions all the time. Not a big deal unless it"s repeatedly asked and ignored. Plus it can be good. Sometimes I"ll ignore a question on purpose, for example if I feel it is being asked for some reassurance. "Your friend? Oh is it a girl...?" Sorry, you don"t get to know that right now and whether or not she is competition when I just started talking to you.

This might have been asked previously, but how many back and forth emails is etiquette before giving / asking for phone numbers? I"m ballparking 6-7.

Dabamf said:

You seem to activity-drop (like name-dropping, but for activities) quite a lot, like you are trying too hard to impress her with your interesting life. How about just "did a little rafting and downhill mountain biking...had a lot of fun, it was [insert emotion here and build on that]" or "had a lot of fun, but [emotion]." Downplay it. If she asks you followup questions (further investing her in the conversation) in depth, then you can go into detail.

You asked her the same question she asked you. How could she rival rafting and mountainbiking? She probably went out drinking with her friends for the thousandth time or stayed inside and watched T.V. or something else pretty mundane, of course she isn"t gonna mention that after everything you gave. You gotta calibrate yourself to another person if you wanna make them feel comfortable. You can say you did x,y,z and play it down and still make her feel like her weekend was good. There is some power in clearly having more interesting things to do/talk about while downplaying them and being more interested in what she has to say and her *feelings* about those activities. You keep your status while being able to make her feel good about herself.

Of course on the other hand if you aren"t interested in anyone who doesn"t lead the same outdoorsy weekend life that you do, you"re screening them efficiently, but given the nature of the post, it seems like you are seeking an explanation.

But ultimately to answer your question, yea, mostpeople, guys included, don"t know how to hold a conversation. Guys" inabilities are just better hidden because they end up just asking a thousand questions of the girl because they have nothing interesting themselves to say, whereas girls who can"t hold a convo are easier to spot. Of course a girl who can"t hold a convo often causes any but the most natural converser to turn into the question-asking machine because she is giving nothing back to talk about. In those times, I try to take something she said and build on it with my own story or feeling about it, whether she asked or not. I"m pretty amateur at it but it works really well.

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Meh, people miss and ignore questions all the time. Not a big deal unless it"s repeatedly asked and ignored. Plus it can be good. Sometimes I"ll ignore a question on purpose, for example if I feel it is being asked for some reassurance. "Your friend? Oh is it a girl...?" Sorry, you don"t get to know that right now and whether or not she is competition when I just started talking to you.

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Very good response and right on.

taebin said:

This might have been asked previously, but how many back and forth emails is etiquette before giving / asking for phone numbers? I"m ballparking 6-7.

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Totally dependent on the girl and how the conversation has flowed. Some were asking me for my number or Facebook info within a couple messages, some I went back and forth with for weeks and got weirded out when I tried to move it off the dating site.

As far as the convo I posted above, I"m aware I didn"t give her much if anything to go on, but that was kind of the point: she"s the one who is apparently interested, yet unable to take the conversation anywhere.

And I did answer her question, she had asked what I was doing on the weekend on Friday, and when I got back last night I responded that I had been in Jasper. I wasn"t intending to "activity drop", she was asking about my weekend and that"s what I"ve been up to the past couple.

Switching gears, the other girl that had messaged me the same day continued to respond well to emails so we just added each other on Facebook. She"s got a pretty face from what I can see, but body shots are conspicuously absent.

Tarrant220 said:

Ex came over tonight, we talked about a lot of things some were good, some not so much. At the end of the night we took a long look at one another and she said to me she was giving me a chance and we are going to move with it very slowly. She can see if things stay the way they are now with my attitude and not being a douche that shes confident things will work.

Now begin the baby steps towards righting the wrongs and fuckups I did. I"m happy yet nervous...just gotta keep doing what I"m doing.

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Excellent, good luck

So I had lunch date with DG on Sunday. I made some chicken fried rice & dumplings (ok, I heated frozen dumplings in a pan) and we watched a movie at my place. I really didn"t put much effort into it, making an easy, unbalanced meal I"ve made a ton of times before and not even finding a movie with Korean subtitles, but she was impressed w/ the food and the gesture anyway.

Watched the movie on my bed, initially our only contact was her shoulder sorta overlapping mine. After a while we progressed slowly to light touching and eventually full rolling-around-in-bed makeout. Still, I felt a distance from her and needed to bridge that gap somehow. Neither of us was being goofy or playful and really, making out gets pretty boring if it isn"t leading to anything. So I realized it and started messing with her a bit to try to bring out my playful side, and hers. She got tickled every time I went for neck kisses so I held her down and did it repeatedly, then tickled her relentlessly (so lame, but I needed something) and we laughed and wrestled around for a bit. This paved the way for a lot more intimate moments (mentally... never got her clothes off) and she even at one point pushed me off her and rolled on top with a sort of proud look in her face. Keep in mind this is a timid reserved asian girl I"m working with so something like that is pretty bold. Throughout all of it the furthest I got was grabbng her ass which she was good with. Went for the over-the-shirt breast grab but was denied 3x. Time, and comfort, comfort, comfort I guess.

Hangup: my go-to move to get a chick incredibly aroused, that has never failed, completely failed with her because she was tickled and for some reason uncomfortable with it. It"s nothing unique, just go from kissing to the neck, slowly up the side of the neck to the ear, and, in a position of dominance (which is key, usually with my weight holding her arms down and out, leaving her open and vulnerable) gently kiss & bite the ear with a deep inhale as I pass over her ear canal so she feels open and vulnerable and my dominating presence on top of her. I always get huge results from this, but she closed up when I kissed her neck. Is this a security thing requiring more comfort or do some people just not like that?

Early on in an attempt to get her to feel more comfortable with me, knowing that Korean girls are used to more sweet talk and a showering of affection, I awkwardly told her I was having a good time with her and liked her, but just was not good at showing it. I think that was a weird thing to do in retrospect. In any event, I suck at that sort of thing. I"ll never be a guy who is able to sleep with any girl because I can"t do that "look into your eyes and make you feel all warm and fuzzy" thing, not even with a girl I like. I only seem able to drop the rigidity/impersonalness just before/during/after sex or other similarly intimatephysicalmoments. Most of the time when a girl becomes really into me it is just after one of these times, whether we have sex or not. With DG, I could see the huge change it made in her in just a few minutes of it. I can just never seem to bring it out in other circumstances though.

I felt it was good progress. I was happy to get a full defenseless (the key) makeout for a good 1/3 of the movie. I feel like a retard elaborating on a story that in the states would inspire 1 sentence, but the point I"m at with her would be like any time booty call & maybe anal with a girl in the states. Good god its a lot of time and energy, but I"m learning good things, the necessity to rely on aspects other than humor/being hard to get/and being good with words, and much-needed patience. And she"s finally starting to open up and act more like herself, a large part of which I could see from the getgo even though it was hiding behind shyness.

Stop analyzing them like you have playbooks for girls. It"s insulting to the girls.

She probably is just ticklish around the neck/ear. Even if she likes it. But I liked your description about asserting your dominance. I think it"s more simple - it just feels good. Hahaha

If you"re going to tell someone you enjoy their company or whatever way you want to say it, if your sentence ends with a separate clause, just stop there. Saying you like her is enough. There should never be a "but" after it.

She seems like the kind of Korean girl who"s always questioning what she"s doing. Korean girls take longer to open up out of their shell since their parents and older siblings keep such a tight leash on them, and girls rarely ever talk about sexual matters and have very little media encouragement as porn is illegal and the only sexualized images they see are of coy, subservient plastic beauties.

Just roll with it, you"re on the right track, but don"t over think it this much. She"s obviously inexperienced and it"ll be rewarding once the flood gates are open.

Dabamf said:

You seem to activity-drop (like name-dropping, but for activities) quite a lot, like you are trying too hard to impress her with your interesting life.

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Bingo.

Good sir I think you"re mistaken.