Pasteton said:
See what I did there? So concerned about looking like a nice guy saying sweet things I was still doing it even after getting completely, suddenly broke off. I"d give anything to go back and tell her "thanks have a nice life, I"m looking forward to seeing others". It never pays to me the nice guy, even the ones who really are nice deep down ( i like to think i am), it doesn"t win you any love, just gains you friends.
"Nice guy" is too broad a description. If it means pushover, then yea, it never pays to be a pushover. Or a guy who has no self esteem and overcompensates by buying excessive gifts and showering a woman with affection before he knows her well, then yea, that doesn"t pay either. But if you mean nice as in the opposite of an asshole, then no, I don"t agree with you.
I"m incredibly nice, and helpful, and friendly...to people who deserve it. I loaned $500 to a friend having a bad month without more than the 2 seconds of thought it took to be sure she"d pay me back, and I also verbally tore another girl a new asshole because she was talking bad and making up lies about my friend--enough to make her run to everyone we know and talk about how mean I am for a week. In the same way, I am pretty helpful and kind in a relationship, but if a girl ever used the words "go get me..." we"d be having a little talk. I don"t think being "nice" and being willing to stand your ground are mutually exclusive.
I have always looked at relationships, whether friendships or romantic ones, as an exchange of goods. If I am putting in something, I expect to get something back. And no I"m not talking about "I drove you to work today, so now you owe me 1 ride" (I actually had a friend in college who did that...someone was in debt to him like 8 rides that he had counted over the year). I"m talking a broader sense.
You should only put in what you get out, or rationally expect to get out in the future.
If you follow that guideline, you will never be at risk of being the "nice guy" aka pussy. Everyone follows it for the most part in every other area of their life, but for some reason not with relationships. No one works a full time job for free (unless they expect it to improve, i.e. intern trying to get hired, startup company trying to build, etc). Yet guys will agree to be emotional doormats for ex-girlfriends while she is out looking for someone else, receiving nothing in return. And I"m not just talking about sex as a return.
To use Empire"s story as a example, his story isn"t one of him getting fucked over and having successful revenge by being an asshole. His is a story of a guy who stop getting value from someone, who then decided to also withdraw the value that he provided.
In your cast Pasteton, the ex decided she was no longer going to offer the closeness / affection / blah blah relationship stuff that she had provided, but your response was "okay, well I"ll still contribute what I always have contributed." And you are right, you shoulda said "ok, have a nice life, bye," but not because it would give you some feeling of victory or revenge or anything (I didn"t see that implied the your post, just making a point), but simply because you shouldn"t give value for nothing in return.
It"s the easiest thing in the world and makes life so so simple. "Am I really happy with what I am getting in return?" No? Sorry I"m withdrawing my value.
