Aztlan said:
I happen to agree with Dabamf. Many of you know nothing but yet still assume the worst. Get the fuck out with that shit. Just because some chick fucked you over doesn"t mean every woman is like that. Just like every man isn"t some dick because some guy somewhere fucked over some girl. You know nothing except plausibilities and half guesses yet many of you speak with a surety like it"s factual.
The only right thing you can ever do is be prepared, pay attention, don"t over analyze, and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You can"t go wrong that way and you won"t drive yourself crazy either.
This. Most of the "advice" here, at least lately, has been massive negative overanalysation of what is most likely trivial shit. As Dabamf said, Dianetics posted a couple paragraphs about the girl"s history and suddenly everyone"s got the girl perfectly pigeonholed as some attention whore bitch.
I mean fuck, I"ve got Arkk and one or two others questioning the authenticity of emails or texts that I"ve posted, as if I"ve made them up. I"ve got zero basis for doing so, but hey, it"s fun to be a jaded asshole on the internet right?
That doesn"t change the fact that most of the discussion about the Love word is pretty accurate: it rarely makes a relationship better, and often sabotages it. From a guy"s perspective, IMO anyway, you"re almost never going to do yourself any good by saying it first or even reciprocating the first few times it comes out of the girl"s mouth. It"s not "just a word", it"s a very very important concept and jumping in to it too soon can really fuck things up.
I don"t necessarily agree that you CAN"T fall in love with someone in a few weeks, I think it"s possible. Or rather, it"s possible your initial lust and irrational feelings can transition over in to genuine love/adoration. However if the girl is your first lay, there are a fucking TON of warning lights going off, or should be. Dianetics said, paraphrased, "oh we"ve had sex, so my feelings aren"t about the sex." Bull. Fucking. Shit. As of right now, they"re almost ENTIRELY about the sex, you"ve just got yourself convinced otherwise.
See how things are in another few weeks or even a month or two. You"re in an extremely vulnerable place, and opening yourself up even more is only going to make it worse should things go south, and chances are won"t make things better anyway.
Summary: you have very little to gain from saying "I love you" early in a relationship, and a shitload to lose. Step extremely carefully.
Phoenix said:
So are we all destined to make the same idiotic mistakes or have to play stupid little mind games? Although to be fair, half of the drama that has been shared in this thread has been self inflicted.
I"d like to think I"m learning from my experiences. You"re right in that half the drama is self inflicted, but the other half comes from, well, the other half. So it"s a matter of learning about myself, and learning about how women work and interpreting their often times fucked up behavior. I used to just take the attitude of "fuck it, I"ll just keep doing what I"ve been doing and if I find someone, great, if not, great" but as I said a few pages ago over the past year I"ve made a concerted effort to get out there and start figuring things out, and I"m making progress anyway!
Hell I think of it this way: the next girl I meet could well be "the one." I"m 28, and depending on the girl"s age (I"d say my optimal range would be 25-30), if things do go down the "right" path I could be looking at a fucking kid in 2-3 years if she"s wanting to head that direction. That prospect terrifies me. So I"m in no rush to get locked down immediately, but at the same time wouldn"t run screaming should that occur. In the meantime, I"m just gonna keep having some fun and hope that I stumble on to the right one.
Zakas said:
Turns out ( at least i think so) the most likely reason she broke up with me is because she found another guy, who is in a band (plays music) she is a singer, so shes goes for that shit. GOOD THING WE LIVE TOGETHER. I cant afford to get her to move out.
preface she was upset at me because i was on comp a lot playing games trying to save money, told me shed move out if i didnt "change" so i payed more attention to her etc. bitch.
There"s no backstory to go with this, other than your previous post, so I can"t really be of any help or offer much advice other than "get off your ass and stop playing computer games so much." If you play games more than 20 hours a week, yes, you have a habit/hobby that the vast majority of females will find to be a huge turnoff. Outside of work, if gaming/computers occupy the largest chunk of your time in a typical week, you should step back and self-evaluate your life and where it"s going. In my opinion, anyway.
Sounds like she found someone who she finds more interesting. Sucks about the living situation.
Livejournal:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:So I went on the date with Charlene on Thursday. Friday morning there was a concert announcement for a band she mentioned liking, and it was on her birthday, so I sent her quick text about it and joked about her tuning the hippies in to the situation at her meeting. She sent back a couple texts that it was a nightmare marathon meeting like we"d talked about the night before but it went alright, and that she"d just seen the band so probably wouldn"t be too pumped since they"re coming back so soon (it was obvious I wasn"t floating it as a date idea, since it"s a couple months away, so she wasn"t turning me down. I think!) and that the other band coming with them sucked anyway. I told her to club a seal to feel better, and left it at that.
On Sunday at my family"s Thanksgiving dinner (us Canucks do it early), my grandmother asked several times about her, as she remembered her from the wedding and was apparently quite impressed. She"s only in the past couple months started to go outright senile (she"s 93), before she was just evil but mostly sane. She made several comments about how she used to know Charlene back when she worked downtown at a clothing store.... about 30 years ago. My aunt and mother were actually pretty interested in it, because it"s really the first time she"s gotten confused or muddled about dates and times. I guess Charlene broke her mind.
I sent Charlene a text joking that she must be lying about her age, since my grandma knew her in the 80"s (she knows about her starting to lose it) on Sunday night. Monday night she replied that she was secretly 45, and that she was just coming back in to town from some family stuff, and that we"d "talk soon."
That"s about it for now. I"m thinking I"ll call her tonight and set something up for another date, schedules depending. Not sure what I should do really, but I"m thinking something fun or active, not just dinner/movie. Maybe some bowling, pool, or something like that. No hockey tickets for a month, at least the good pair of seats due to scheduling. We could use the blues, but would either have to sit beside an employee I gave tickets to, or double date with someone so that"s not a great option. And I"m thinking that it"s a good idea to stick with weekday dates, at least for the next couple.
