Girls who broke your heart thread

DisgruntledOrangatang said:

Haha Dabamf you sound just like me in that whole internal confidence and where you are good at a relationship and what ends up happening, you might be my twin. How long are you in Korea for again?

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Been here 7 1/2 months now, but I"ll be staying for a 2nd year. So...like 16 more months.

Dandain said:

Dabamf, the only thing I will say is that you shouldn"t dismiss her statement about love. I think its pretty plain what she intends, if she can"t ultimately let you see all of who she is, i.e. "the Truth", then who will ever be that person in her life than a significant other figure? In reverse, she wants to be a person that her significant other can find the same comfort in.

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I wasn"t dismissing it, I just kinda mentally gagged when I heard it put in that way "love is truth." Sound like one of those bible quotes they use in marriage toasts or something. But I know what she means, and I agree with it. It was just the translation and I was joking about it.

edit: The fact she is not married and 30 in the Korean culture implies to me that being truthful to herself, is far more important than the image she projects to her society. In my opinion, that"s an enormous plus to any person in any relationship in any culture. She would prefer to be honest and potentially face those consequences, than be miserable in a fake relationship.

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I agree completely. It"s impressive to me, potentially, but I am curious to know why it worked out the way it did. My previous ex taught me that just because someone thinks what I do, or does what I would do in the same situation, doesn"t mean they have the same reasons. At the very least it shows that she is to some extent independent minded which is indeed a huge plus. Though I saw that characteristic before I even asked her out.

I am a little unsure about how to handle it long-term. After all she is 31 and does want kids (I asked), so time is sorta ticking. And realistically, I can"t see myself staying in Korea. I have career goals back home and the whole groupthink culture here is not for me. Plus we still have considerable difficulty discussing any complex topic. I am seeing an endless plateau in the near future as a result of that. I have mentioned in passing that there is an end date to my stay here, so I"m not leading her on. But I"m not really sure if I should just let her bring it up when and if she decides, or do it myself. I"m erring on the side of letting her address it if and when it becomes an issue.

Tarrant220 said:

K so I"m running into a few problems.

I"m comparing girls to Recent-ex and finding flaws I wish weren"t there when I compare them...even with Nodrama-ex, who by all accounts is pretty great...she"s got the "I need to please my guy" mentality which is pretty fucking sweet really as long as it dosen"t develop into a needy type of complex.

....anyways

It"s not a secret I"m not totally over my old ex, I"ve said so before. Yes I moved on, yes I"m capable of not talking ot her and not having her in my life in any way/shape/form but there"s still part of me when I"m out with another girl (I"m dating 3 at the moment) that when the girl does something a small part in the back of my head clicks and says, "man I wish she was "insert quality here" like Recent-ex was"

Is this normal and something that is just kinda sticking around and will fade like everything else did feelings wise? I haven"t really been worried about it or put to much thought into it until now...it"s more annoying then anything else I guess.

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"It"s like the Sopranos. It"s overrrrrr."

Dandain said:

For disclosure I"m 29, and in a 9 year relationship with the same girl for which we"ve lived together for 7 and a half years and I don"t regret a moment.

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Don"t ever marry this girl. Trust me.

Tarrant220 said:

Is this normal and something that is just kinda sticking around and will fade like everything else did feelings wise? I haven"t really been worried about it or put to much thought into it until now...it"s more annoying then anything else I guess.

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I have the same issue, so for now, I just stopped dating all together. Cant compare anyone to my ex if I am not dating.

I asked a friend of mine how long it took her to get over her ex (she was married for 5 years). She said it took her around 3-6 months. She said she dated during that time, but she still thought about him. She said she doesnt remember the exact amount of time, but she didnt think about him anymore.


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So, I found out the guy my ex is dating is one of her friends at her job. It is a guy that had been with his girlfriend for 5 or 6 years and they recently broke up. Thats not a big deal. The stories I had heard of the guy, he sounds like a good guy. He must be because my ex has already started taking my son around him a lot. That bothers me, but nothign I can do about.

The part I am truly confused about is this- She used to think he was gay. Anytime she talked about him or would bring him up, she would start off with "You know [his name]? The one I think is gay? anyways [the story]"

Why would she date a guy that she used to think was gay? She claims now she knows he isnt (guess he pounded her twat). She said his personality is far different than the normal "manly men" she dates.... But come on. She used to think he was gay....

yeah, I thought about that. Very good possibility.

I do know she really liked the guy (as a friend). I think she found out he broke up with his girlfriend back in July (I"m guessing this is when they probably broke up; right after she asked me to start dating again and work on "us"). She then said she wanted to date again (incase this guy would consider dating her), keeping me on the back burner, but trying things with him to see if she could spark interest and get his attention.

Oh, believe me, I have already thought about it.


EDIT- Reading this really makes me realize I overthink shit and eventually make myself believe shit I have no clue about. Whether this is true or not, I need to not worry about it. It doesnt matter how she got with him... The fact is, she IS with him now and I cannot change that. What I can do now is just do my own thing and be myselfand not worry about her.


^^I am trying, by the way. I dont want to be like this...

Brad2770 said:

So, I found out the guy my ex is dating is one of her friends at her job. It is a guy that had been with his girlfriend for 5 or 6 years and they recently broke up. Thats not a big deal. The stories I had heard of the guy, he sounds like a good guy. He must be because my ex has already started taking my son around him a lot. That bothers me, but nothign I can do about.

The part I am truly confused about is this- She used to think he was gay. Anytime she talked about him or would bring him up, she would start off with "You know [his name]? The one I think is gay? anyways [the story]"

Why would she date a guy that she used to think was gay? She claims now she knows he isnt (guess he pounded her twat). She said his personality is far different than the normal "manly men" she dates.... But come on. She used to think he was gay....

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It"s not your job to care or think about it at all. You can"t help how often she pops up in your mind involuntarily, but you can help allowing yourself to mull over questions regarding her. And the more you do that, the more she is gonna keep popping up in your head.

When your ex pops into your head, you should immediately stop and think "nope, not my business what this guy is like, don"t think about it" and think about something else. She may linger, but a thought won"t hang around long when you don"t allow it any attention.

Allowing yourself all these speculations and wondering what is going on in her life is harming your ability to get over her, no question.

that is why you have to stay busy, if you are busy lifting weights, hanging with friends, or what ever, you wont think about her, alot easier to keep distracted, i have the same problem, but as long as i dont hear from them in 2 or 3 days, pretty much out of my head then, just those few days suck. then if they get ahold of me later its no biggy blowing them off. or ignoring them. but best thing is to stay busy brother!

Alrighty, gonna go in a completely different, and I"m sure ultimately futile, direction. A good friend of mine manages at a local pub chain, and I"m in there pretty frequently (1-3 times a week) just to grab a quick sandwich and beer, since he comps the beer and their food is pretty good. Naturally there"s a lot of hot ass serving there. I always sit at the bar though, so I don"t really interact with the servers, and the tenders are all dudes. I"ve chatted with a few of them, and my bud is generally very good about introductions etc if one comes up to ask him a question while we"re chatting.

One in particular I find really intriguing. She"s not drop dead gorgeous, at least not the kind that you"d notice immediately upon entering a room. Brunette, average height, nice body and a very pretty face in a girl next door kind of way. Also very young, 20ish or so. I had mentioned to my bud that she was pretty good looking offhand, I didn"t ask him to look in to it or anything like that, but I guess he took it upon himself to do so anyway. He mentioned to her that he had a bud who thought she was cute (but not who I was or anything), and I guess last Sunday night she texted him telling him to come out with her and a friend and to bring his bud. We both weren"t able to, so nothing came of it.

I was just in there today to meet a third guy for a beer, and she was working. My bud I guess at some point while I was there and unknown to me had told her that I was the guy interested in her, and while I was having a smoke outside with him before leaving he told me that, and apparently she had told him to tell me that she was working till close next Saturday. I don"t really know what else my bud has told her about me, I don"t think very much.

I hate it when shit starts like this, because all of the sudden both parties have expectations or hang-ups since the interest is known beforehand. I literally have not even talked with her. I really have no idea how to even approach the situation if I show up next weekend, especially given the fact that it"s not like she"ll be hanging out with me, she"ll be running round serving. It"s not that I"m worried about her liking me or not, I just over think shit beforehand too much. As far as what I"m after with her, at this point it would just be for some fun, given her age. Maybe she"ll turn out to be awesome personality wise (my bud says she"s a nice girl, but perhaps not overly bright), but at this point her looks are the only basis for any attraction on my part.

Sounds like an awkward set up to go on Saturday. Forward your number to her or ask for hers and set something up on the side.

I could also never picture Eomer being able to handle dating a girl who worked in a bar. Obviously this isn"t even in that realm yet, just saying.

arkk123 said:

I could also never picture Eomer being able to handle dating a girl who worked in a bar. Obviously this isn"t even in that realm yet, just saying.

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lol, you"re such a ray of sunshine as usual. What exactly do you mean?

Eomer said:

lol, you"re such a ray of sunshine as usual. What exactly do you mean?

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I"m just being honest. Girls who work in bars make a large portion of their money by flirting with men who constantly hit on them. Everyone thinks it wouldn"t bother them, but it is a step down from dating a stripper.

As I"ve alluded(well mentioned really) to before, you are insecure and overbearing. It is a horrible idea to attempt to do anything more than bang a girl who works in a bar.

Didn"t someone mention you are comfortable financially? Let me preface this by saying you are the only person on this thread who isn"t a nut case, but if you can"t get laid when you have money you need to get with your power animal because you should be slaying bitches so often you don"t even have time to post on this thread.

Chu said:

Sounds like an awkward set up to go on Saturday. Forward your number to her or ask for hers and set something up on the side.

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Isn"t that the lame or cowardly way of going about it? I know where she works, I see her at least once a week, doing it through my friend would be kind of gay I would think.

Arkk said:

I"m just being honest. Girls who work in bars make a large portion of their money by flirting with men who constantly hit on them. Everyone thinks it wouldn"t bother them, but it is a step down from dating a stripper.

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I"m pretty much the exact opposite of the jealous type. Regardless though, I"m not approaching this with much expectation, and especially not envisioning any serious sort of relationship given the age difference.

Eomer said:

I"m pretty much the exact opposite of the jealous type. Regardless though, I"m not approaching this with much expectation, and especially not envisioning any serious sort of relationship given the age difference.

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Fuck me posting in this thread, but Arkk is right. You need to set your sights a bit higher, unless you are just wanting a fling.

Since this seems to be the relationship help thread, I guess I should post this since I really need some help.

About 4 and a half years ago I met this girl. She lived about 2 hours from me, but we got together. I spent every weekend driving down to stay with her, etc etc. Things were fine. She moved up with me after a year and we lived together for 3 and a half years. Things were great. We were going to get married, start a family, etc.

This is what I need help on. I am really just praying SOMEONE out there has some experience with this who can give me advice.

She died last month on 9-3-09. I woke up, said goodbye, went to work, came home and there she was. Laying in bed dead. I did CPR of course (which was horrible since her eyes were half open, almost like she was staring at me the whole time), saw her get taken away in a body bag, and of course the open casket. I have yet to see her grave. We still do not know the cause of death. But like everyone has said, for a 23yr. old to simply die like that isn"t normal.

So my issue now is, I have come to a emotional wall. I was getting progressively better the last month, but all of a sudden I just can"t feel anymore. Almost like a train ran over my head mentally.

I have seen a doctor for insomnia. And I will be seeing a grief counselor. But really, WTF am I supposed to do?

I dont post much, but I figured there would be someone out there who has either been through something like this or knows someone who has. I need advice.

ps. Forgive the crappy grammar. Its late.

Crell said:

Since this seems to be the relationship help thread, I guess I should post this since I really need some help.

About 4 and a half years ago I met this girl. She lived about 2 hours from me, but we got together. I spent every weekend driving down to stay with her, etc etc. Things were fine. She moved up with me after a year and we lived together for 3 and a half years. Things were great. We were going to get married, start a family, etc.

This is what I need help on. I am really just praying SOMEONE out there has some experience with this who can give me advice.

She died last month on 9-3-09. I woke up, said goodbye, went to work, came home and there she was. Laying in bed dead. I did CPR of course (which was horrible since her eyes were half open, almost like she was staring at me the whole time), saw her get taken away in a body bag, and of course the open casket. I have yet to see her grave. We still do not know the cause of death. But like everyone has said, for a 23yr. old to simply die like that isn"t normal.

So my issue now is, I have come to a emotional wall. I was getting progressively better the last month, but all of a sudden I just can"t feel anymore. Almost like a train ran over my head mentally.

I have seen a doctor for insomnia. And I will be seeing a grief counselor. But really, WTF am I supposed to do?

I dont post much, but I figured there would be someone out there who has either been through something like this or knows someone who has. I need advice.

ps. Forgive the crappy grammar. Its late.

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Wow. I would assume everything you are feeling is pretty fucking normal since it has only been a month, so don"t go thinking your feelings are irrational. I can"t relate, but you definitely have my condolences.

Keep your head up man.

Crell said:

Since this seems to be the relationship help thread, I guess I should post this since I really need some help.

About 4 and a half years ago I met this girl. She lived about 2 hours from me, but we got together. I spent every weekend driving down to stay with her, etc etc. Things were fine. She moved up with me after a year and we lived together for 3 and a half years. Things were great. We were going to get married, start a family, etc.

This is what I need help on. I am really just praying SOMEONE out there has some experience with this who can give me advice.

She died last month on 9-3-09. I woke up, said goodbye, went to work, came home and there she was. Laying in bed dead. I did CPR of course (which was horrible since her eyes were half open, almost like she was staring at me the whole time), saw her get taken away in a body bag, and of course the open casket. I have yet to see her grave. We still do not know the cause of death. But like everyone has said, for a 23yr. old to simply die like that isn"t normal.

So my issue now is, I have come to a emotional wall. I was getting progressively better the last month, but all of a sudden I just can"t feel anymore. Almost like a train ran over my head mentally.

I have seen a doctor for insomnia. And I will be seeing a grief counselor. But really, WTF am I supposed to do?

I dont post much, but I figured there would be someone out there who has either been through something like this or knows someone who has. I need advice.

ps. Forgive the crappy grammar. Its late.

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Work through things with the counselor. Its going to take time. Try to keep doing the things you used to do. If you didn"t do anything, find some hobbies. Gaming, working out, etc. Keep your mind and body active.

Crell said:

Since this seems to be the relationship help thread, I guess I should post this since I really need some help.

About 4 and a half years ago I met this girl. She lived about 2 hours from me, but we got together. I spent every weekend driving down to stay with her, etc etc. Things were fine. She moved up with me after a year and we lived together for 3 and a half years. Things were great. We were going to get married, start a family, etc.

This is what I need help on. I am really just praying SOMEONE out there has some experience with this who can give me advice.

She died last month on 9-3-09. I woke up, said goodbye, went to work, came home and there she was. Laying in bed dead. I did CPR of course (which was horrible since her eyes were half open, almost like she was staring at me the whole time), saw her get taken away in a body bag, and of course the open casket. I have yet to see her grave. We still do not know the cause of death. But like everyone has said, for a 23yr. old to simply die like that isn"t normal.

So my issue now is, I have come to a emotional wall. I was getting progressively better the last month, but all of a sudden I just can"t feel anymore. Almost like a train ran over my head mentally.

I have seen a doctor for insomnia. And I will be seeing a grief counselor. But really, WTF am I supposed to do?

I dont post much, but I figured there would be someone out there who has either been through something like this or knows someone who has. I need advice.

ps. Forgive the crappy grammar. Its late.

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No one here is qualified to give advice on that matter. Go to a counselor and deal with it through him/her.

P.S. How do they not know the cause of death? And if she"s buried, they aren"t gonna find out now, no?