I"m totally lost on everyone"s stories. Post fucking links please or spoiler the backstory copied from previous post.
Girls who broke your heart thread
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Unless I fail horribly at copy/paste, I think I have the right guy.Dianetics08 said:
It doesn"t, and if anything that might be worse.
I"ve been dating this wonderful girl for just under 7 months now. Things have been great, just went down to her parents for Thanksgiving and that actually took a lot considering it was the first time away from home during a time when I"m usually catching up with relatives I only see maybe once a year. We never had too many conflicts and if we were arguing it was something stupid and we hastily got over it. We had maybe one bad day together in that entire 7 months.
On Thursday my gf"s laptop went ape shit and she got scared so I told her I"d bring over an external hdd and back all of her important files up...
Yesterday while going over what to backup, I stumbled upon the ole" aim log directory. After reading throughout our history, because I"m a sucker for nostalgia, I decided to delve into her other friends convo"s out of curiosity. Come to find that just 13 days ago she was incredibly drunk, stoned and obviously flirting with this guy she never met before stated that she "missed being single" and "the best time I had this year is during the first 5 months when I was single". Further down this conversation was another big kick in the nuts when the guy she was talking to felt kind of guilty about her having a boyfriend (me) and said something on the lines of, "hey I don"t know if we could ever meet in such circumstances" and her immediate reply was, "you never know what"s going to happen ".
So, I"m sitting there in her apt wondering what the fuck did I just read while she was in class at the time. Everything was perfect. I took a weekend off so I could see her perform in a symphony on her birthday which is in one week and she was thrilled because she"s never had someone so supporting of her work. There were absolutely no signs that this would ever happen. I held the discovery in as long as possible and I confronted her about it about 5 hours after the fact because I really was not sure how to bring it up. She bawled her eyes out pleading with me to forgive her and she would do everything to regain my trust. She insisted she doesn"t remember anything of that night, and I purposely made her read through the log file to refresh her memory. And she had no reply to viewing it.
On Thursday my gf"s laptop went ape shit and she got scared so I told her I"d bring over an external hdd and back all of her important files up...
Yesterday while going over what to backup, I stumbled upon the ole" aim log directory. After reading throughout our history, because I"m a sucker for nostalgia, I decided to delve into her other friends convo"s out of curiosity. Come to find that just 13 days ago she was incredibly drunk, stoned and obviously flirting with this guy she never met before stated that she "missed being single" and "the best time I had this year is during the first 5 months when I was single". Further down this conversation was another big kick in the nuts when the guy she was talking to felt kind of guilty about her having a boyfriend (me) and said something on the lines of, "hey I don"t know if we could ever meet in such circumstances" and her immediate reply was, "you never know what"s going to happen ".
So, I"m sitting there in her apt wondering what the fuck did I just read while she was in class at the time. Everything was perfect. I took a weekend off so I could see her perform in a symphony on her birthday which is in one week and she was thrilled because she"s never had someone so supporting of her work. There were absolutely no signs that this would ever happen. I held the discovery in as long as possible and I confronted her about it about 5 hours after the fact because I really was not sure how to bring it up. She bawled her eyes out pleading with me to forgive her and she would do everything to regain my trust. She insisted she doesn"t remember anything of that night, and I purposely made her read through the log file to refresh her memory. And she had no reply to viewing it.
lol, stalk me much? Sorry I got your panties all in a bunch. Ease off the throttle Ripley, you"re just grinding gears.Gryeyes said:
You have 100 posts in a handful of days. Just curious why you type like a fucking lunatic.Stoerm said:
So she was flirting with a guy over online chat? Big deal. I think you"re just upset and shook up because of the "meeting up" part but if she hasn"t done it, you"re making too much of a deal if you guys are good together.sl4ck3r said:
edit: changed my mind. being flirty is a bit different from being temporarily enraged/pissed off.
Arkk
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I have to disagree with the gay dude on this one. If someones wife was online talking to a guy about how she would love to suck his dick, it doesn"t make it okay as long as she doesn"t do it.
If I"m dating someone for 7 months and she is online saying the shit like that, it"s over. She is a cheater waiting to happen. If shit was all kosher why would she "miss being single", and then insinuate there is the possibility of her meeting up with this guy behind your back. The "I was drunk" excuse is the biggest cop out in the history of pussy and cock, it"s like throwing down a "get out of jail free" card.
On top of this, you"ll never get over this. It will eat away at your mind and you"ll turn into the dude who rummages through her email, texts and whatever you can get your hands on to find more dirt.
I"ve been drunk numerous times since we started dating where I"ve talked to girls I"ve had sex with before, never had sex with before but it almost happened, and various other instances, both in person and online, and it has never occurred to me to say shit like that.
I love my gf, I don"t miss being single and I"d never say that to someone unless I was interested in them.
edit: Multiply this post by 100 if you are both around college age.
If I"m dating someone for 7 months and she is online saying the shit like that, it"s over. She is a cheater waiting to happen. If shit was all kosher why would she "miss being single", and then insinuate there is the possibility of her meeting up with this guy behind your back. The "I was drunk" excuse is the biggest cop out in the history of pussy and cock, it"s like throwing down a "get out of jail free" card.
On top of this, you"ll never get over this. It will eat away at your mind and you"ll turn into the dude who rummages through her email, texts and whatever you can get your hands on to find more dirt.
I"ve been drunk numerous times since we started dating where I"ve talked to girls I"ve had sex with before, never had sex with before but it almost happened, and various other instances, both in person and online, and it has never occurred to me to say shit like that.
I love my gf, I don"t miss being single and I"d never say that to someone unless I was interested in them.
edit: Multiply this post by 100 if you are both around college age.
You"ll find in life that people will say/do things when they think there is no way anyone (who may get hurt by it) will find out. Honestly man, if a girl is "incredibly drunk & stoned", I"m not sure how much you can blame her for it. I"m pretty sure you"ll find very few people who remain saints in the same state of mind. Your girl only flirting and being a cock tease is nothing, think of all the women out there that are the same way without aid of alcohol/etc.sl4ck3r said:
But yeah. Don"t go through people"s personal shit that they haven"t shared with you unless you"re strong enough to deal with what you can find. Given your reaction, I"d recommend not doing that ever again.
The only thing that sticks out to me as a deal breaker is when the guy (props to him btw for respecting your territory in the IM) said no dice and she says "you never know *wink*." That shit is a biiig fuck you to you. The "the best 5 months were when I was single" is a big wtf as well. Those 2 things are the focus of the problem, the rest is kinda meh.
Everyone has desires to be single when they"re in a relationship. When the desire to be in the relationship is stronger then you"re fine. Relationships DO have downsides, even perfect ones, so its natural to every now and then get that craving to go out and chase/get chased again.
Flirting is a minor indiscretion that everyone does at some point. As long as she knows its not ok, doing it a time or two isn"t too terrible IMO.
Tough call man. Can"t say to break up with her or don"t, it"s up to you. I"d aim (pun not intended) for thereasonsshe said the 5 month single thing and the "you never know" line to that guy. Put her on the spot to give you the reason
Oh yea and don"t read her personal shit
Everyone has desires to be single when they"re in a relationship. When the desire to be in the relationship is stronger then you"re fine. Relationships DO have downsides, even perfect ones, so its natural to every now and then get that craving to go out and chase/get chased again.
Flirting is a minor indiscretion that everyone does at some point. As long as she knows its not ok, doing it a time or two isn"t too terrible IMO.
Tough call man. Can"t say to break up with her or don"t, it"s up to you. I"d aim (pun not intended) for thereasonsshe said the 5 month single thing and the "you never know" line to that guy. Put her on the spot to give you the reason
Oh yea and don"t read her personal shit
Advanced search for posts by Stoerm over the last week is 64. 3 posts the week before that. [Edit: like 10 of these were responding to your overreactions or provoking you for fun] Exaggerate much?Gryeyes said:
That"s a usual year"s worth for me, but that"s what happens when you"re sidelined at home with an illness and bored out of your skull.
Anyway apologies to thread readers for again responding to panty-wadded-post-stalker. Great thread, keep the stories and support coming.
To the guy who saw the unfortunate IMs:
Your decision ought to be based far more on how you feel than how she professes to feel. Don"t be rash. Give it a week or two and do your best to talk it out and make it work. But what you saw is the kind of thing that will absolutely claw at you. It will poison your relationship for a long time if you choose to stick it out -- possibly indefinitely. Everytime you do something wrong and she gets on your case, you will be tempted to dredge her verbal indiscretion up as a shield. Everytime there"s a trust issue she will bring up your having rummaged through her personal files.
Again, no two people are alike and you may be a saint among men, but for my part I don"t see how a relationship at the stage you guys are at -- serious, but nowhere near VERY serious -- can survive untarnished. It can definitely survive, especially if you"re both mature people. But if what you saw is any indication of her maturity, well...
Your decision ought to be based far more on how you feel than how she professes to feel. Don"t be rash. Give it a week or two and do your best to talk it out and make it work. But what you saw is the kind of thing that will absolutely claw at you. It will poison your relationship for a long time if you choose to stick it out -- possibly indefinitely. Everytime you do something wrong and she gets on your case, you will be tempted to dredge her verbal indiscretion up as a shield. Everytime there"s a trust issue she will bring up your having rummaged through her personal files.
Again, no two people are alike and you may be a saint among men, but for my part I don"t see how a relationship at the stage you guys are at -- serious, but nowhere near VERY serious -- can survive untarnished. It can definitely survive, especially if you"re both mature people. But if what you saw is any indication of her maturity, well...
I wasn"t implying you are a lunatic for posting that often. Its just the reason I noticed. Like 3-4 double posts that are obviously the same post edited a hundred times. That you had to have seen before you post again, yet do it anyway.Stoerm said:
Are you on medication for this "sickness", it would explain a lot.
Well its a combination of a shitty laptop and meds, yeah. Peace! Meds dictate like 5-6 edits (100? cmon now) to get eliminate the errors making me sound like a downsy retard. See this is how my texts would be would without edits. At least my spelling checker eliminates the truly bad stuff. Is there a grammar check program for browsers too? Will google that immediately.Gryeyes said:
Edit: Still had to edit a glaringly bad error that couldn"t be made sense of.
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Tl;dr:sl4ck3r said:
Speaking from a similar perspective, this shit will probably eat you alive until it kills any feelings you currently have for the girl. Get out now.
Longer version:
As I said, similar situation. Early 20"s for me (about 6-7 years ago) was living with a girl who I had been dating for about half a year. We only had one computer at the time and MSN auto-logged in one day as her and immediately received a message from some random guy that was waaaay too familiar for my liking.
I"m not one to snoop but two clicks later I read that she was flirting and talking to some guy overseas, telling him that she wanted him to come and take her away. It was a bit more explicit than that, but you guys don"t need to hear it.
I wasted 6 months trying to come to grips with this after confronting her and trying to work through it, trying fix the relationship only to realise that I didn"t trust her anymore and honestly just didn"t care about her. Took another year to get her out of my house, my landlord liked her a lot more than he liked me, and having a live in fuck buddy was kind of nice, but I regret that waste of time deeply now.
Drunk is no excuse, stoned is no excuse, it being "online" is no excuse. Its a betrayal of trust. Only you can really judge if that"s something that you can recover from. I agree with above, disregard her feelings entirely. Are /you/ able to deal with this?
Fags above me need to stop arguing about bullshit as well, no one gives a shit, take your lovers tiff to PM or something.
I"ve been on both sides of this situation and my advice to you is to move on. You will never be able to fully trust her again and that will EAT at you for the rest of the time you"re together. Little, innocuous things that used to be no big deal will become the bane of your existence, i.e. who she"s texting, if she"s really hanging out with who she says she is, etc. It is a shitty way to go about being in a relationship.
She is obviously discontent to some degree with the relationship and even though she will swear up and down that nothing will ever happen again, believe me that it"s only a matter of time before that restless feeling returns and gets her into trouble again. The crux of the matter is that she wants to be single but she"s scared of leaving the warm comfort of a relationship. Her solution is to take the pussy way out and try to have the best of both worlds, screwing you in the process.
Oh, and don"t fall for that "I was drunk/stoned, I don"t remember anything" line either - that"s the oldest line in the book. Do her and yourself a favor and end it before it gets any worse. It will suck for a while - the feeling of betrayal, the flood of sudden loneliness... Yes, it will suck hard but in the end it"s the right move and both of you will eventually be happier for it.