Spoilered this shit in case no one else wants to hear me talk to Brad. While what I have to say is directly related to his situation, I understand there are a quite a number of single parents who frequent this thread, so they may find something useful to their situation.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:First off, Internet Lawyer Warning: Although I am a Certified Family Law Specialist in California, I know dick-all about how it works in Texas; your job, if you take my general advice here, is to spend a couple hundred dollars and sit down with an actual Texas attorney, preferably one who specializes in family law, and listen to his/her advice. Even if you cannot afford to hire an attorney, I guarantee you can afford the initial consultation fee, and what you learn during the consultation could very well turn out to be invaluable. Everything that follows is advice I would give to the average Californian who happened to stroll into my office for a consultation. Never substitute what you read on the Internet to actually sitting down with an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction. What I truly hope to accomplish here is to impress upon you the idea that many things in life require the assistance of a professional, and matters of child custody are near the top.
With that said...
Brad, if you are as committed to spending more time with your son as you seem to be, take it from someone who makes a living dealing with exactly what you are going through and please seriously consider the likelihood that you will need to go to court in order to achieve your goal. I am only offering my general advice to you because, as opposed to the untold number of fathers I have seen through my years in practice who only want to increase their custodial time in order to pay less support to their child?s mother, you seem to have your child?s interests at heart.
I know court is a scary concept for a lot of people. There are few guarantees in having to go to court, but it exists for a reason: at its most basic level, when two people can?t agree between themselves how they are going to handle an issue, the court is there as the final arbiter.
It is painfully obvious to me that your ex enjoys controlling everything that matters to you. Between her jerking you around with visitation with your son (e.g., promising you more time than reneging) to that shit with withholding the fucking dog from you, she knows how to push your buttons and she is obviously not shy about bashing them with a hammer.
I seem to recall you mentioning many moons ago that you were afraid to take her back to court because of your concern that your child support obligation would increase. Fair enough. There is always the possibility that your child support could increase. However, I believe Texas follows a similar approach to California in calculating child support. If I am correct, then there is a direct correlation between how often you visit your child and how much you have to pay in child support. In California, the correlation can be so strong that just a few extra nights per month with a child can be the equivalent to the other side earning thousands of dollars more per month than they really make.
Unfortunately, if Texas follows California, child support can be established or modified at any time during the child?s minority. Even if you have an agreement with your ex witnessed by God and notarized by all 9 Supreme Court justices, generally the court has ultimate authority over matters involving your children during their minority, so anything you do to try and take that authority away from the court is considered null and void and is completely unenforceable.
So let?s say you continue kissing your ex?s admittedly nice ass in order to keep her from taking you back to court for support. Guess what? That tactic only works so long as she decides not to take you back to court if she is entitled to more support under the law. Get that promotion you have been pining for? Fucked. Get a new job that pays better? Doubly fucked. The absolute best approach, again, at least in California, to minimize your exposure to sometimes astronomically high support obligations is to maximize the time you have with your child.
The problem here is, the longer you wait to do something, the longer the concept of ?status quo? goes for a reach-around. Put another way, if you settle into a routine with your ex which limits you to alternating weekends, pretty soon that routine is essentially ground into stone and it becomes very difficult to dislodge it. That is why the longer you wait to change a visitation arrangement, the harder it usually becomes to do so. Now, there are always exceptions, of course. Chief among them around these parts are drug and alcohol abuse. But as between two otherwise ?good? parents, it becomes increasingly difficult to convince the court to change what ?has always worked for so many years?. I think you can see the power inherent in such an argument, especially considering most judge?s general reluctance to introduce change into a child?s life.
As stated at the beginning of this freaking novel, the best advice I can give you is to consult with a family law attorney. Not tomorrow, not next week, not when you get all of your intermediate goals handled, but right fucking now. Do not wait. Even if you do not ultimately hire the attorney, they are going to be able to explain how the ?system? works in your jurisdiction so that you can make an informed decision as to whether to do anything about your current situation. Ultimately, you may decide not to rock the boat and continue business as per usual. That is your absolutely your decision and yours alone to make.
If you do decide to proceed, I wish you the very best of luck.
/checks clock. That will be $375.00 in Internet Dollars. The ladies up front will provide you your receipt.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:First off, Internet Lawyer Warning: Although I am a Certified Family Law Specialist in California, I know dick-all about how it works in Texas; your job, if you take my general advice here, is to spend a couple hundred dollars and sit down with an actual Texas attorney, preferably one who specializes in family law, and listen to his/her advice. Even if you cannot afford to hire an attorney, I guarantee you can afford the initial consultation fee, and what you learn during the consultation could very well turn out to be invaluable. Everything that follows is advice I would give to the average Californian who happened to stroll into my office for a consultation. Never substitute what you read on the Internet to actually sitting down with an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction. What I truly hope to accomplish here is to impress upon you the idea that many things in life require the assistance of a professional, and matters of child custody are near the top.
With that said...
Brad, if you are as committed to spending more time with your son as you seem to be, take it from someone who makes a living dealing with exactly what you are going through and please seriously consider the likelihood that you will need to go to court in order to achieve your goal. I am only offering my general advice to you because, as opposed to the untold number of fathers I have seen through my years in practice who only want to increase their custodial time in order to pay less support to their child?s mother, you seem to have your child?s interests at heart.
I know court is a scary concept for a lot of people. There are few guarantees in having to go to court, but it exists for a reason: at its most basic level, when two people can?t agree between themselves how they are going to handle an issue, the court is there as the final arbiter.
It is painfully obvious to me that your ex enjoys controlling everything that matters to you. Between her jerking you around with visitation with your son (e.g., promising you more time than reneging) to that shit with withholding the fucking dog from you, she knows how to push your buttons and she is obviously not shy about bashing them with a hammer.
I seem to recall you mentioning many moons ago that you were afraid to take her back to court because of your concern that your child support obligation would increase. Fair enough. There is always the possibility that your child support could increase. However, I believe Texas follows a similar approach to California in calculating child support. If I am correct, then there is a direct correlation between how often you visit your child and how much you have to pay in child support. In California, the correlation can be so strong that just a few extra nights per month with a child can be the equivalent to the other side earning thousands of dollars more per month than they really make.
Unfortunately, if Texas follows California, child support can be established or modified at any time during the child?s minority. Even if you have an agreement with your ex witnessed by God and notarized by all 9 Supreme Court justices, generally the court has ultimate authority over matters involving your children during their minority, so anything you do to try and take that authority away from the court is considered null and void and is completely unenforceable.
So let?s say you continue kissing your ex?s admittedly nice ass in order to keep her from taking you back to court for support. Guess what? That tactic only works so long as she decides not to take you back to court if she is entitled to more support under the law. Get that promotion you have been pining for? Fucked. Get a new job that pays better? Doubly fucked. The absolute best approach, again, at least in California, to minimize your exposure to sometimes astronomically high support obligations is to maximize the time you have with your child.
The problem here is, the longer you wait to do something, the longer the concept of ?status quo? goes for a reach-around. Put another way, if you settle into a routine with your ex which limits you to alternating weekends, pretty soon that routine is essentially ground into stone and it becomes very difficult to dislodge it. That is why the longer you wait to change a visitation arrangement, the harder it usually becomes to do so. Now, there are always exceptions, of course. Chief among them around these parts are drug and alcohol abuse. But as between two otherwise ?good? parents, it becomes increasingly difficult to convince the court to change what ?has always worked for so many years?. I think you can see the power inherent in such an argument, especially considering most judge?s general reluctance to introduce change into a child?s life.
As stated at the beginning of this freaking novel, the best advice I can give you is to consult with a family law attorney. Not tomorrow, not next week, not when you get all of your intermediate goals handled, but right fucking now. Do not wait. Even if you do not ultimately hire the attorney, they are going to be able to explain how the ?system? works in your jurisdiction so that you can make an informed decision as to whether to do anything about your current situation. Ultimately, you may decide not to rock the boat and continue business as per usual. That is your absolutely your decision and yours alone to make.
If you do decide to proceed, I wish you the very best of luck.
/checks clock. That will be $375.00 in Internet Dollars. The ladies up front will provide you your receipt.
