Girls who broke your heart thread
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More often than not they"re just trying to convince themselves rather than convince you. Meaning that they fuck, and are unsuccessfully trying to stop fucking.Ashes Emberblade said:
Eomer
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So yeah, it"s been a little over two weeks since we last saw each other or spoke. Up to that point I had called, messaged or texted her first each time to set up dates etc. We haven"t ever really chatted on the phone, typically it"s just a couple minutes of small talk and then bidness setting up the date.
I figured that I"d wait her out to see if she"d call, how long etc. And I was really busy the past couple weeks. Regardless, she hasn"t tried getting in touch at all. I"m actually feeling kind of guilty right now for not having called her, since the last time we saw each other was the first time we"d slept together.
Not really looking for advice or input, really. I"ll give her a call and see if she"s up for hanging out again sometime in the next couple weeks. I honestly think she"s fairly interested in me, otherwise she a) wouldn"t make the time in her schedule to hang out and b) wouldn"t have slept with me. It"s just kind of strange that she makes zero attempt at contact if I don"t initiate, considering we"ve hung out nearly half a dozen times and have been doing so for two months. She"s now 6 weeks from being done her night classes, so it"ll definitely be interesting to see if the dynamics change at all when she doesn"t have class three nights a week as well as homework etc.
Not trying to attack you, but why didn"t you call her? She obviously likes you, otherwise she probably wouldn"t have slept with you, why would you play games with that? Unless you don"t really like her but can"t force yourself to admit it?Eomer said:
Maybe she expected you to take some (more) initiative after sleeping with you and she expected a call from you. After a while she might started thinking that you didn"t care much and pride made her not call....?Eomer said:
I have no clue obviously.
Eomer
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I"m not really playing stupid games. Like I said I was curious to see if she"d call, and then got really busy and just kind of forgot to when she didn"t. As far as whether I like her or not, as I"ve said I"m not head over heels but I"ve enjoyed her company to this point and don"t see any reason to not continue seeing her. I"ve just found it kind of odd how slow things have moved with this particular girl, but not necessarily in a bad way.Dis said:
Some might argue that performing your experiment of not calling this young lady after copulating with her could be construed as playing games! But yeah, what"s up with girls who refuse to initiate contact? I thought they stopped making that model in 1970.Eomer said:
See, that"s kind of what I was picking up on. It doesn"t seem like you"re super into her, more like just trying to pass the time until you meet someone better. Women pick up on things like that, and you are not being especially subtle when you do things like "forget" to call her for two weeks immediately following your first night of sex. Personally I think you"re already cooked with this girl. I"d just move on.Eomer said:
hittin and quittin is a bad idea if this gal has any opportunity at all to harm your reputation.
better to apologize and try to hang out again, without leading her on.
better to apologize and try to hang out again, without leading her on.
Correct on the first part, also the second; but that"s the symptom not the cause.Dabamf said:
People who say that know from past experience that they constantly end up more emotionally involved in their relationship than the other person, a large part of this is due to poor emotional regulation compared to most. This means that they constantly are the ones being hurt when a relationship ends based upon the other person"s lesser feelings of commitment and desire allowing them to objectively decide to move on instead of emotionally being driven to stay.
The thing about poor emotional regulation, is that it often comes hand in hand with poor impulse regulation (sometimes this combination leads to some really fucked up situations). Lots of girls who are slutty and fall in love easily will also either have some sort of eating disorder / binge eating thing going on, or abuse the hell out of drugs and alcohol.
Basically you should probably stay away from girls who say that unprovoked unless you enjoy drama, or also fall in love in 2 weeks on average... and enjoy drama.
Sleeping with a girl for the first time and not calling her the day after (2nd day after at the absolute latest) is a really bad move. It"s a huge insult. "Since we slept together I have no reason to contact you anymore." Might as well just tell her that.Eomer said:
Eomer
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I"d agree in most cases/situations, but it was on a Monday night. As I"ve said, our schedules are brutal when trying to sync up for even phone calls. Tues-Thurs she has class in the evenings and isn"t typically done until I"m already asleep. Friday-Sunday I"m typically gone for the weekend, and actually the first weekend I was at a lodge in the middle of nowhere with no phone access. And actually that"s right, the following Monday, which is pretty much our date night as it"s the only night that ever works, I played hockey for the first time in nearly a month. And like I said, it"s already kinda been established that we don"t talk on the phone other than to setup meets, and those meets tend to be every 2-3 weeks. So basically yeah, she"s probably herself wondering why I haven"t called, but I doubt she"s insulted.Dabamf said:
Regardless I called her yesterday to try to catch her between work and class, left a voicemail, and she called me back after I"d passed out on the couch. She seemed fine on her message. Will try again today!
Eomer
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The jury"s out at this point. I enjoy hanging out with her and she"s pretty much an ideal catch, but there hasn"t been a huge connection from my end. If anything I"m kind of waiting out her classes, which end in April, and then we"ll find out pretty quickly where things are at because the ski season ends then as well. So suddenly we"ll be able to see each other more and I won"t be going out of town every weekend partying with a bunch of 20 year olds pretending I"m some sort of Van Wilder party liason.
Lendarios
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Honestly you don"t sound too convincing about your feelings for her.
In your personal experience do you need to have a strong connection at first to the girl or can you grow into a relationship without a strong initial attachment?
Let me rephrase that as you are rationalizing your attraction towards her rather than feeling attracted towards her.
In your personal experience do you need to have a strong connection at first to the girl or can you grow into a relationship without a strong initial attachment?
Let me rephrase that as you are rationalizing your attraction towards her rather than feeling attracted towards her.
Eomer, I think the reason you?re not balls over head over this girl is because she isn?t a runway model. That?s fine; it?s hard to build an attraction to someone when you place so much value on looks. But I think you need to take an honest step back and look at how well your relationships have gone with the girls whose only redeeming qualities have been their face or their body. You saw plenty of warning signs with all of them, but pretty much consciously chose to downplay them or outright ignore them (with the notable exception of Xerxes, but I don?t think you were nearly as physically attracted to her as you were to the other two). So why did you ignore the warning signs? Because those girls were a 9 or 10 to you in the looks/body department and you let the little head take the reins.
Now, I fucking George Zuarantee you that you would have dumped a less attractive girl the second she pulled some of the crap the other girls did. You certainly wouldn?t have given them a second chance. Bottom line: don?t ?tolerate? the crazy or give a girl a ?pass? each time she objectively fucks up simply because they happen to be hot. Just don?t. That shit will catch up to you and burn you, sooner or later.
My advice is for you to make a decision. Either you decide to move on and pursue the Next Big Thing, or you decide whether you would like to pursue a long-term relationship with the gal you?re currently dating. If the former, you know what to do: man up and tell her you?re not interested in pursuing the relationship any further. You?ve dated her enough to know whether you would like to continue. If the latter, I would stick with your game plan and keep dating this gal until her classes end. However, please do not assume that the relationship is going to just burst at the seams because of some future event. Chances are good that she will continue to be busy, just in a different direction. If you?re going to stick with it, you need to accept that fact right now.
The reason I suggest you continue to date this girl? Because you haven?t told us she possesses any crazy qualities. And she?s obviously attractive to you or you wouldn?t have slept with her, unless you were drunk, of course. Who knows, you might actually grow into a mature relationship with a stable woman this time around, rather than be blown away by their looks, ignore all of the warning signs along the way, then wonder when the relationship detonates.
Now, I fucking George Zuarantee you that you would have dumped a less attractive girl the second she pulled some of the crap the other girls did. You certainly wouldn?t have given them a second chance. Bottom line: don?t ?tolerate? the crazy or give a girl a ?pass? each time she objectively fucks up simply because they happen to be hot. Just don?t. That shit will catch up to you and burn you, sooner or later.
My advice is for you to make a decision. Either you decide to move on and pursue the Next Big Thing, or you decide whether you would like to pursue a long-term relationship with the gal you?re currently dating. If the former, you know what to do: man up and tell her you?re not interested in pursuing the relationship any further. You?ve dated her enough to know whether you would like to continue. If the latter, I would stick with your game plan and keep dating this gal until her classes end. However, please do not assume that the relationship is going to just burst at the seams because of some future event. Chances are good that she will continue to be busy, just in a different direction. If you?re going to stick with it, you need to accept that fact right now.
The reason I suggest you continue to date this girl? Because you haven?t told us she possesses any crazy qualities. And she?s obviously attractive to you or you wouldn?t have slept with her, unless you were drunk, of course. Who knows, you might actually grow into a mature relationship with a stable woman this time around, rather than be blown away by their looks, ignore all of the warning signs along the way, then wonder when the relationship detonates.
Eomer
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Chuck I just flat out screwed up, again that"s readily apparent. But that was a 3 week quickie, not some long drawn out disaster. Xerxes was quite hot, and still is, but just the totally wrong personality type in a lot of ways and I certainly didn"t drag that one out just for her looks nor was there much of any emotional investment. Anne wasn"t anything spectacular, she was cute but not hot. Was she more attractive than the current girl? Perhaps, but she"s 5 years younger and that probably plays as much of a part as anything. I developed a connection just fine with Anne, and quite honestly the warning signs with her didn"t really appear until it was likely too late anyway.Seethe said:
So no, I don"t think I"ve been consistently blinded by looks in relationships in general or the specific ones I"ve mentioned here.
Nah, I haven"t. 4 dates dude. Literally. That"s enough to decide if someone"s totally wrong, but I don"t think that"s enough to really determine if there"s something there or not. Or at least I"d rather give it more time.
Hard to say as I"m still barely getting to know her. I can tell she can be strong willed about things, but that"s a positive in my books. She certainly seems to be past the crazy stage, if she ever was in it.
Haha, again, you make it sound like I"ve dated a string of hot bimbos who used me or something, when that"s absolutely not the case as I laid out above. I admit I"m picky about looks, but I"m no less picky about personality either. The difference is one you figure out instantly without much effort, the other"s a lot harder to nail down.
I should have been more specific with my original post. I"m not looking for advice on where to take this relationship or how to handle it really, I was more interested to hear opinions of the somewhat odd behavior of the girl in terms of not making contact or taking initiative at all, despite everything else clearly pointing to interest. Like I said, it"s odd.