Girls who broke your heart thread

Eh, more like we"ve both hung out there a long time before properly being introduced. Though I could probably have our bartender ban her if I really felt like it needed to happen. She"s the kind of girl who thinks everyone loves her, but as things have gone on several have privately confided they"re less enthusiastic about her than she believes.

I"m a big boy, and perfectly capable of sharing space with her. Like I said, we got two good friends of ours together and they"re doing stellar, and I"m not going to screw that up being a little bitch. It won"t be long before the logical thought of "I"m better off with her being someone else"s problem" will take root in my gut as well.

Here"s a bit of random relevance:
Facebook knows when you"ll break up - CNN.com

I sent her an email basically saying that If she wanted a real relationship, she knew where I lived and my phone number.

She hasn"t sent a text in 3 days, but said she would be over this weekend. I told her not right now, because I"m catching up on work, email and inventory in my warehouse from my vacation / accident.

If she flakes, then I know. At least I"m not setting anything up or setting any expectations. The ball is completely in her court.

Dro said:

The ball is completely in her court.

Click to expand...

Seems like this is a recurring problem for a lot of people here.

Dro said:

I sent her an email basically saying that If she wanted a real relationship, she knew where I lived and my phone number.

She hasn"t sent a text in 3 days, but said she would be over this weekend. I told her not right now, because I"m catching up on work, email and inventory in my warehouse from my vacation / accident.

If she flakes, then I know. At least I"m not setting anything up or setting any expectations. The ball is completely in her court.

Click to expand...

Why would you do that? You guys need to stop putting the ball in flakey bitches courts. That email basically said, "I"ll be here waiting - I"m your official backup plan / rebound."

Don"t do that, man. That"s BAD!

Yeah Ravv is correct. Whats with dudes always putting their balls on a silver platter? You"re the fuckingmanof the god damned relationship. I don"t care that the year is 2010 and the women"s rights movement occurred they still want to date aman.

Honestly, we"re way too wishy-washy, unpredictable, and hormonal to deserve control of the relationship (or hypothetical balls). I don"t think it should even be 50/50, more like 70/30 (us getting 30).

There"s a strong need to understand where things go wrong. To have a chance at that, you"ve got to keep talking to the other person. It"s easy for that to become the guy chasing the girl for answers, which is a short jump away from "okay, I"ll deign to give you a minute of my time".

Which is why it"s a horrible, horrible idea to try and understand rather than walking away. It"s just extremely hard to do.

It"s the same for both sexes, if that makes you feel any better. Unfortunately, fishing for answers never ends well and makes the person doing the fishing look kind of clingy / psycho. Try to resist the urges.

Save for Monday, I have. That brief phone call was the last time we"ve spoken, though I know we"ll inevitably run into one another.

I"d planned on just sending her "good luck with your court date" tomorrow morning because, well, it"s a court hearing (DUI back before we met). But I"m still on the fence about it.

Don"t do it. You have absolutely no reason to.

Ravvenn said:

Don"t do it. You have absolutely no reason to.

Click to expand...

The reason is obvious. He may deny it but the point of this communication is so she"ll respond with "Oh thanks baby you"re such a great guy I was ever so wrong to doubt the greatness of your character. I want to be with you now and forever!"


Just don"t do it.

Tenks said:

The reason is obvious. He may deny it but the point of this communication is so she"ll respond with "Oh thanks baby you"re such a great guy I was ever so wrong to doubt the greatness of your character. I want to be with you now and forever!"

Click to expand...

It"s really not, but point taken. I"m not going to bother.

Heylel Teomim said:

Save for Monday, I have. That brief phone call was the last time we"ve spoken, though I know we"ll inevitably run into one another.

I"d planned on just sending her "good luck with your court date" tomorrow morning because, well, it"s a court hearing (DUI back before we met). But I"m still on the fence about it.

Click to expand...

God no. Just don"t.

Especially not so soon.

She has to realise some negative consequences from the break up. One of whichshouldbe that you are no longer there to provide emotional support in times of need.

Save that stuff for someone who deserves it.

Heylel Teomim said:

I"d planned on just sending her "good luck with your court date" tomorrow morning because, well, it"s a court hearing (DUI back before we met). But I"m still on the fence about it.

Click to expand...

I wouldn"t do that. It sends her the message that you"re still thinking about her and care enough to worry about a dumb mess she got herself into, and that"s the wrong message you want to send to her.

I know the natural reaction is to try and figure out what you did "wrong" in a relationship, but trying to find the answers from the other side is almost certainly doomed to failure.*

Why?
a. The person may not have had a "valid" reason for dumping you. Sometimes people just drift apart and it"s hard to articulate in words just exactly how and when things went south. So when you push for answers they have to amplify things you did "wrong" to justify them calling things off, rather than just straight up telling you that they"re just not that into you anymore.

Or perhaps the person cheated on you and is trying to keep that fact a secret. If they don"t really have any thing they can pin on you, even to "amplify," they just conjure up bullshit and hope enough of it sticks.

Either scenario can turn into a pretty cruel game for you to have to suffer through, as you can imagine. Plus it leaves the person focusing on negative things about you, rather than that rom-com feeling of "what if things had worked out differently between us."

-and-

b. You"re not with this person anymore, so what they may have found objectionable means dickall to the next great thing.

* Caveat: Please presume for the above discussion that you"re not performing objectively cringe-worthy antics.

I deal with people on an almost daily basis who would like nothing more than the simple satisfaction of obtaining closure. The sad thing is the overwhelming majority of these people will never get that closure. And the ones who do get some "answers" from the other person tend to drive themselves even more batty.

So I definitely echo the earlier advice that when the relationship ends, it really needs to end. She"s obviously moved on, so don"t give her the satisfaction of staring up at her window. You were the guy who gave her the second chance in the first place. Don"t be the guy who gives her a third. Delete her number from your phone, unfriend on Facebook, etc, etc, etc. Move on to someone who deserves your attention.

Rav, you have a good point. I guess it takes someone else pointing out the meaning behind what you say, when your thoughts aren"t so clear.

An ultimatum is probably not part of a healthy relationship, but I felt like I had to give it one more try before I wrote her off. In retrospect, it pisses me off that I wrote the email and that I wasn"t more of an asshole right away in telling her to eat a bowl of dicks. She called me and asked what time to come over, and if I still had a backstage pass for her at the upcoming show. I told her the time I"d be home, and said I may have someone taking her place, because she"s a flake.

It"s kind of sad that being a dick works far better than trying to understand her. I"m not sure this is a good way to treat someone you care about, so maybe that speaks for itself.

women, unlike men, are alot more attracted to confidence than looks. it doesn"t matter if you"re being nice or being a dick, just try to act like an alpha male.
you lose the moment you show weakness and insecurity

I require the advice of my most trusted advisors.

About 5 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of about 7 months. We were really good together. Share the same interests, similar personalities, great chemistry, about 90% of the time. The other 10% she got a little crazy. She has some major trust issues and would always think I was lying/cheating on her. When she"d get like this it was like she was a different person. She looked like she hated me, like I had just killed her dog or something. It came to a head when she flipped out and started saying she couldn"t take it anymore and she was breaking up with me (for no apparent reason) and started cutting herself. I had to call the cops to get her out of there.

Now she"s talking to me again. All I can see is the super sweet girl that I saw when we started dating, but I can"t figure out if anything past that could change, or if it"s worth it.

The crazy persists. If she goes that nuts and starts cutting herself those are deep rooted emotional problems she is struggling against. In a matter of 5 months those won"t just magically resolve themselves. I, personally, wouldn"t go back to a situation in which I know is a ticking timebomb.