Big Phoenix
Pronouns: zie/zhem/zer
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Girls who broke your heart thread
- Thread starter Aychamo BanBan
- Start date
So...you are taking gifts back now?Djaypally said:
I bought it as a gift to her. In that transaction it stops being mine and becomeshers. She could wear it in a fucking bukkake video for all I care. I gave it to her so it"s HERS to do with what she wants. You want that garment to be Rent-A-Wear so long as it"s your dick she"s sucking on? Go be weirdo freak elsewhere.
This is helping me so much right now, you don"t even know. BAWW incoming:Turkish said:
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:"Quick" backstory: I"m 24, gf is 22. We"ve been together for 4 years, 3+ of those years living together. I moved to MA from Illinois for school at the beginning of this semester, she did not come with. This was mostly my decision, because throughout our relationship she has been extremely (borderline crazy) insecure, controlling, and dependent on me for everything. Much like a couple of the posts I"ve read here.
I didn"t jump ship despite those issues, because I thought I could help fix them. She was my first really serious relationship and vice-versa. I thought that I"d move out here for a little while and she might become more independent, then she"d move out here with me. By all accounts it has worked. She is more independent, she"s made friends and as a result is less controlling over what I do. We were beginning to make plans to live together once again.
However, last weekend she tells me that she"s going to a party with some co-workers. I thought this was great. Then she said that afterwards her and a couple gf"s were going to a guys house that she"d met about a month previous, to hang out. Sounded harmless. Then at 5 a.m. the next morning I get a text saying that they were just going to stay all night there because the roads were bad and they were tired. At this point I told her that I wasn"t okay with my gf staying overnight at a guy"s house whom I don"t know.
Over the next couple days we fought because she thought I was "being controlling and what she did was okay and nothing happened". Through these arguments I got it out of her that she has a thing for this guy, but nothing physical happened (which I do believe).
Then she said that she made plans with him for this Saturday to go to his place, make dinner, watch movies and have drinks. She made these plans after me telling her I wasn"t okay with what happened the first time. She justifies it by saying that they"re just friends (despite her liking him), and that she isn"t going to do anything stupid. I tried telling her that it sounds very much like a date, and even if nothing is going to happen she should respect the fact that I"m not okay with it and not do it.
I told her that if she ends up doing it, then we"re done.... but I really don"t think she believes me, and she"s giving me the indication that she"s going to go through with it regardless of what I say.
Am I being crazy here? What she is doing goes outside of the boundaries of what"s okay to do while in a serious long-term relationship, in my mind.
She gets to have it because you gave it to her. It becomes HERS and not yours in the process of being a gift. The sweaters, garter belts, stockings, shoes, subscriptions to Time, fucking Ipod music shit and the rest are gifts for her being her and not some rental contract dependent upon you getting a blowjob. Now you aren"t getting some knob-slobber and you want to revoke every gift you gave her?Djaypally said:
You are one bent motherfucker.
To be frank, so does moving hundreds of miles away after living together for 3+ years.
She"s telling you. She"s crazy and insecure. It"s a cry for help and a play for control, basically. She"s lonely and you"re far away. She doesn"t want to say anything directly, so she"s telling you that she"s getting closer to someone else to get attention. At this point, the relationship isn"t healthy, so you have a choice to make: change your plans and move back, or change your plans and break it off with her. Doing anything else will probably mean a few months of headache while she cheats and you piss and moan about it, followed by a break up.
The only thing that changes about an insecure, dependent person when you move away is that she becomes dependent upon someone else. You either have to live with who she is or let her go.
She"s telling you. She"s crazy and insecure. It"s a cry for help and a play for control, basically. She"s lonely and you"re far away. She doesn"t want to say anything directly, so she"s telling you that she"s getting closer to someone else to get attention. At this point, the relationship isn"t healthy, so you have a choice to make: change your plans and move back, or change your plans and break it off with her. Doing anything else will probably mean a few months of headache while she cheats and you piss and moan about it, followed by a break up.
The only thing that changes about an insecure, dependent person when you move away is that she becomes dependent upon someone else. You either have to live with who she is or let her go.
brekk
Dancing Dino Superstar
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Kick that bitch to the curb.STFU said:
Going out to a public place with a random dude for drinks is bad enough, going to his place for drinks and movies... She"s gonna get banged, there is no denying it. She says nothing would happen, but drinks make that statement null and void.
I think the fact that she even has a thing for this guy should be an indicator that shit is going downhill. If I had a thing for some chick while I was with my gf, I would certainly reassess our relationship and how I feel about her, however, that may be something more personal to me, just because in all the time I"ve been with my gf, I"ve never had a thing for other women, on the simple fact that I love her.
Barring that, she"s definitely in the wrong here. If you feel uncomfortable enough to even say something like that to her, she should respect you enough to either compromise or agree not to do anything, period. Basically, this isn"t the behavior of someone who loves you, cares for you, and wants a serious relationship with you.
However, you may have to chalk this crazy shit up to "long distance bs problems." Some folks change and can"t handle that stuff.
I agree with everything you said. Me moving without her was as much a way to get out of what I was living with as it was anything else. It was bad, I couldn"t hang out with my friends, go see my family without her, if I looked in the direction of a girl I was cheating on her (oh the irony). I couldn"t imagine things changing for the better without something drastic like moving hundreds of miles away happening. However at the same time, I wasn"t ready to be done with her, and even now I find myself hoping that she realizes she"s being stupid.Dr. Funkenstein said:
I"ve tried explaining all that to her, along with the whole "I know what guys are really like" thing... just seems to go in one ear and out the other. She"s above the effects of alcohol apparently, even though she"s never been a drinker and would never even have a drink with me.brekk said:
I"m the same way, sure I"ve seen attractive girls, but as long as I was with my gf, no other girl mattered. And I sure as heck wouldn"t give up my relationship for a girl that I met a month ago.projectoffset said:
What astounds me, and this goes back to what Dr. Funkenstein, is how she went from being dependent on me for everything... I was her world... to done, moved on, found someone else, etc.. in the blink of an eye.
Dont listen to the clueless fools here.Djaypally said:
What you do is simple. Take pictures of it, put it on ebay. Description says used couple of times not yet washed.
While waiting for a buyer and not getting pussy fap on it.
Then put it in a box and get money from some pervert.
You need to realize something: It doesnt mean shit that you are right and she is wrong.STFU said:
Clearly she fucked up, but it doesnt matter. She is a woman and emotions equal reason in her mind. And by acting like an overjealous (in her mind) guy you are pushing her right into his arms. You either need to fix this quick - seeing her in person, saying you are sorry and prolly beating the guy to a pulp - or its maybe already too late and you need to move on by letting her go.
Lithose
Buzzfeed Editor
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That"s not what"s happening here. She wants your attention. If she wasat all"serious" about this guy, she wouldn"t be telling you shit about him. She is telling you only because she wants you to pay attention. Just look at how she has pushed the bounds of what is acceptable in small increments (Going over his house, turns to staying late, turns to staying over night, turns to a full blown date.).STFU said:
I don"t care how fucking crazy a girl is. No girl assumes it"s "okay" to make another man dinner and stay over his house to watch movies alone. Fucking no woman thinks that way. She knows what she is doing is provocative and it is MEANT to annoy you. Trying to explain this to her is probably only pissing her off. (I mean, I bet she is going "duh" every time you say that this is wrong.)
She is trying to see what you allow. It"s a fucked up way of seeing how much you still "want" her.
Dont disagree with this and think it might go beyond that.Lithose said:
If this chick is a stage 5 clinger then she"s now in a situation where she can see someone/be around them 24/7 again. She can get that attention fix she needed before elsewhere its like cake and ice cream and eating it too. *shrug*
I don"t know, she"s adamant that what she"s doing is not a big deal. It doesn"t help that apparently everyone she talks to agrees with her (the "friends" she"s been asking don"t know me, and they don"t know how much of a clinger she is/has been). That"s part of the reason I came here to ask about it, I wanted to make sure I"m not the crazy one thinking that this is wrong to do in a serious long term relationship.Lithose said:
Agreed. But what"s she going to do when faced with the choice of seeing him or having a relationship with me?Etoille said:
That"s definitely a possibility, also. She"s said a couple things that have led me to believe that. She brought up us going on a "break", which I took to mean "I want to see if I want to be with this guy, but if it turns out I don"t, I want you as a fall back". I said no way to that, either on or off for good.Tuco said:
I"ll find out later tonight when she either goes on this little date that isn"t a date, or doesn"t. I"ve already told her that I don"t want to be with someone that does things like this, so if she does, it"s over. And I"m trying with all of my power to keep myself convinced of that.
ToeMissile
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I think you"re crazy for not breaking up with her earlier. Also, 1 on 1 dinner + movie + drinks with some guy, at his house, that she just met certainly isn"t ok in my book. She"s either stupid or manipulative, and from what you"ve said it seems like the later. From my pov, not being affected by the "but we"ve been together for 3 years" sentiment, plus you"re 24 and away at school, I say get rid of her.STFU said:
She"s 22 and has been dating only you since she was 18? And I"m guessing this was her first, if not your first, serious relationship? That seems awfully young and I"m guessing she might be regretting not getting to have her chances to try new things/people.
It happens but I sure don"t know many people who are still with their first boy/girlfriend after many years. If she goes out with this dude (and yes, it is a date) then you need to stick by your word and dump her. No girl I know in a serious relationship goes out on one-on-one dates with a straight dude they want to sleep with.
It happens but I sure don"t know many people who are still with their first boy/girlfriend after many years. If she goes out with this dude (and yes, it is a date) then you need to stick by your word and dump her. No girl I know in a serious relationship goes out on one-on-one dates with a straight dude they want to sleep with.
STFU,
I was going to post to you giving advice on how to handle this, but then I realized it was a horrible idea.
Let me ask you this. Why do you even want advice on how to stay with someone who"d do this to you? I"m sure you"re a wreck right now, you must feel like shit knowing she"s going to spend time with another guy. Even if she is playing mind games for attention, is that the type of girl you"d want to invest your heart into?
You can take in advice until your eyes change colors, but I think the best advice you can follow is to walk away now. Girls like this don"t tend to change overnight, she seems to treat attention like most of us treat air. If you want to ride it out with this bitch, fine, but it"s a really bad idea.
Anyone who"d follow through with something their partner said made them uncomfortable is a shitty person. EVEN if it"s harmless, and we know it isn"t in this scenario, it"s something you just don"t do. It"s her job to make you feel loved, secure and all of that gushy stuff. She"s doing the opposite to get a reaction from you, THEN she"s going to turn around and go to this dude and her friends to tell them how jealous you are and they"re going to coddle her, tell her how awful you are, how she deserves better, etc.. She"s getting the attention from every possible angle. Don"t give into those shenanigans.
Go out tonight, get sauced, ignore her texts and don"t text her (or call / whatever means of communication you kids use). If you"re going to stay with her, you need to get the ball back in your court / get your balls back. Cut her off, go out and don"t say where, don"t return calls until the next day, etc. Don"t give her what she"s expecting, which is you being the clinger she once was.
I"d never even humor the idea of going to another mans house and doing such disrespectful things to my boyfriend, I wouldn"t even do that with my gay male friends. I"ve had lunch / coffee with a mutual male friend, but I always invite my boyfriend to come along because that"s the right thing to do. If he even hinted he wasn"t comfortable with it, I wouldn"t go.
Your girlfriend is a bitch.
I was going to post to you giving advice on how to handle this, but then I realized it was a horrible idea.
Let me ask you this. Why do you even want advice on how to stay with someone who"d do this to you? I"m sure you"re a wreck right now, you must feel like shit knowing she"s going to spend time with another guy. Even if she is playing mind games for attention, is that the type of girl you"d want to invest your heart into?
You can take in advice until your eyes change colors, but I think the best advice you can follow is to walk away now. Girls like this don"t tend to change overnight, she seems to treat attention like most of us treat air. If you want to ride it out with this bitch, fine, but it"s a really bad idea.
Anyone who"d follow through with something their partner said made them uncomfortable is a shitty person. EVEN if it"s harmless, and we know it isn"t in this scenario, it"s something you just don"t do. It"s her job to make you feel loved, secure and all of that gushy stuff. She"s doing the opposite to get a reaction from you, THEN she"s going to turn around and go to this dude and her friends to tell them how jealous you are and they"re going to coddle her, tell her how awful you are, how she deserves better, etc.. She"s getting the attention from every possible angle. Don"t give into those shenanigans.
Go out tonight, get sauced, ignore her texts and don"t text her (or call / whatever means of communication you kids use). If you"re going to stay with her, you need to get the ball back in your court / get your balls back. Cut her off, go out and don"t say where, don"t return calls until the next day, etc. Don"t give her what she"s expecting, which is you being the clinger she once was.
I"d never even humor the idea of going to another mans house and doing such disrespectful things to my boyfriend, I wouldn"t even do that with my gay male friends. I"ve had lunch / coffee with a mutual male friend, but I always invite my boyfriend to come along because that"s the right thing to do. If he even hinted he wasn"t comfortable with it, I wouldn"t go.
Your girlfriend is a bitch.