Girls who broke your heart thread

I"ve been dating this girl for about a month now and she seems like a perfect (I hate using that word) fit for me, pretty much exactly what I would look for in a girl.

But...

She claims to be divorced but some of her actions and interactions with her "ex" are those of somebody that is worried about how her behavior will effect the outcome of a divorce. I realize the simple solution is to ask her, which I have, which she is pretty adamant that she is...she has divorce dates, etc

Trusting my gut instincts with the "goings on" I called the county court this morning and there is no divorce on file for her or her "Ex"s" name. Before I call her out on this (or just straight up break up with her...I loathe lies), am I missing any source of information that might give her story credence?

Cut your losses. No way you can have that conversation and it not lead to a break up. What are you gonna say? "I called the court clerk"s office and checked up on you, and..." just isn"t gonna fly.

You might can avoid a confrontation by telling her you"ve got her back in future proceedings, but don"t dare tell her you started making calls. Honestly, if you"ve talked about it already it"s probably going to make you look insecure to keep asking.

There"s no good solution here.

Ravvenn said:

He"s 13, not 16 or even 18. He has no clue, if he did he"d learn how to cover his tracks.

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Maybe he"s a late bloomer, but I was well in to drinking, drugs, and hiding stuff from my parents by the time I was 13 or 14. Basically grade 8. It"s likely he thinks he"s covering his tracks but just not good at it yet. Or maybe he"s just not too bright, I dunno!

Thing to keep in mind is that you might think you"ve caught everything he"s tried to hide from you, but the reality is that you"re only scratching the surface. Sure my mom caught me with a pack of smokes in grade 8, and more than once found either one of my pipes or a friend"s. But there was a lot of other stuff she didn"t find or wasn"t aware of as well.

Heylel Teomim said:

Do it for the lulz, then post tits.

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Told them thanks but no thanks and asked them to send what was submitted which they did. It was 99% accurate, so whoever did it knows me at least reasonably well. Pic was likely taken from Facebook. No one"s admitted to it yet.

Grumpus said:

What are these girls thinking? Yes shes seems kinda attractive in a super skank sort of way. And im sure being a mature responsible woman she thinks having those pictures on her profile will attract a equally mature responsible man to help her take care of her 3 shitty kids.

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It"s funny, one of the waitresses at a heli lodge I went to up in Terrace a few years ago was from Courtenay/Comox, and she said it"s unreal how many single moms there are there. That"s why she got the fuck out. Not really sure why. Trashy island bitches I guess.

Personal question: things have been going really well with Jen, we"ve been dating for a little over a month. We haven"t had any sort of discussion about our relationship at all. There"s been the awkward moment here and there in conversation with each other or other people where it"s obvious we"re both tap dancing round it to some extent, but otherwise nada. I quite like her, and the feeling"s mutual so far as I can tell. Without getting too into detail, she went out and got BC, we had the "when were you last tested" talk, etc. She has most definitely made time for me in her schedule, which in the past couple weeks has included helping her grandma (who she was living with to care for her) go through a couple surgeries and follow ups, writing and studying for her two day registered nurse exam, moving out of grannies place, and so on while also working full time. Last time we hung out she was saying we should buy tickets to some wine and food fest coming in March, I laughed and said she sure liked to plan ahead, and she kind of blushed and changed the subject. So I think it"s pretty safe to say she"s in to me at this point.

She"s leaving for Costa Rica for 2.5 weeks tomorrow, flying down on her own and I think meeting one or two people down there. Not quite clear on that. She was supposed to go down last year but her travel agent fucked up and booked her flight to San Jose California (lol), and of course the trip was planned before we"d met. I"m going to pick her up tonight and she"s crashing at my place, as we both have flights early tomorrow morning. Question is, should I raise the issue at all before she goes? I don"t think she"s the type to run down there and jump on the nearest dick if she was entirely single let alone dating someone, and even if she did I can"t necessarily say that I wouldn"t do the same (minus the dick part) if the positions were reversed. Hell, if the positions WERE reversed I"d probably avoid the conversation just in case something did happen while I was gone to give myself some plausible deniability.

I"m thinking probably best to just leave it as is, unless she brings it up?

If you are already having sex and want to have a committed relationship then stop dancing around the subject. The easiest way to prevent the heartbreak miscommunication can lead to is to lay it out openly and honestly.

Phoenix said:

Leave it as is, no reason to ruffle any feathers before a trip like that.

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This.

My girlfriend traveled to China a few months after we met (same situation, planned before) and we just kept in contact while she was gone.

Ravvenn said:

Hah, yeah. I"m not getting used to it. He"s just no sneaky enough yet but he will be soon enough.

Vatoreus, I"ve done the same. I won"t lie and say I was a saint. I know he curses so I set rules; don"t let me hear it, don"t do it in public, etc. - save it for when you"re in the woods air-softing and cut loose. I let him know if he or anyone he"s with drinks (we were discussing the drunken high schoolers) - when that time comes, and I know it"s coming, CALL ME - let me pick up your drunk ass(es) and scold you when you"re hungover (left out the last part, I like surprises).

Can I ask you something?

Be honest. Did it work? Did you avoid drinking and driving or riding with drunks, did you call your mom?

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It worked for me. Some parents like to be retarded and act like they didn"t do the exact same things when they were teenagers so my mom didn"t care if I did the stuff just as long as I was responsible about it. In High School my mom would buy me and my friends beer and if we wanted to skip on "skip" days she would even call in my absence for me.

It also worked, I never smoked any cigarettes which she was against, never tried any drugs and never abused the drinking privileges. I would tell her if I was going to a party, if I"d be out late and I"d tell her who was driving and she was always ok with it. I think because of the fact she took away the rebellious part about it, I also never drank as much as the rest of my friends did who constantly hid shit from their parents.

Things will work differently on different people but I think the honesty and acceptance approach is far better then trying to restrict things from your kids which will only make them want to do it more just to spite you. Even the parents that have total control during high school, no sex, no drinking etc, those are typically the kids that go absolutely crazy wild as soon as they get to college. Since I was able to drink in high school, nothing really changed when I left for college and I was still responsible about it.

Spying on your kid is wrong though and you can"t ask him for trust if you don"t trust him in return, it"s a two way street. You"re basically saying you trust him when your actions are showing that you don"t and he"ll wise up to that. I do believe honesty is the best policy for the vast majority of kids. Just let them be kids and explain the pro"s and con"s of things and let them make their own decisions as opposed to trying to spy or restrict things from them. The only time I"d step in is if things went over the line such as very irresponsible drinking, getting into drugs etc then you have to be a parent but give them the freedom to make those decisions on their own first otherwise they will likely do it anyway without telling you.

Mippo said:

It worked for me. Some parents like to be retarded and act like they didn"t do the exact same things when they were teenagers so my mom didn"t care if I did the stuff just as long as I was responsible about it. In High School my mom would buy me and my friends beer and if we wanted to skip on "skip" days she would even call in my absence for me.

It also worked, I never smoked any cigarettes which she was against, never tried any drugs and never abused the drinking privileges. I would tell her if I was going to a party, if I"d be out late and I"d tell her who was driving and she was always ok with it. I think because of the fact she took away the rebellious part about it, I also never drank as much as the rest of my friends did who constantly hid shit from their parents.

Things will work differently on different people but I think the honesty and acceptance approach is far better then trying to restrict things from your kids which will only make them want to do it more just to spite you. Even the parents that have total control during high school, no sex, no drinking etc, those are typically the kids that go absolutely crazy wild as soon as they get to college. Since I was able to drink in high school, nothing really changed when I left for college and I was still responsible about it.

Spying on your kid is wrong though and you can"t ask him for trust if you don"t trust him in return, it"s a two way street. You"re basically saying you trust him when your actions are showing that you don"t and he"ll wise up to that. I do believe honesty is the best policy for the vast majority of kids. Just let them be kids and explain the pro"s and con"s of things and let them make their own decisions as opposed to trying to spy or restrict things from them. The only time I"d step in is if things went over the line such as very irresponsible drinking, getting into drugs etc then you have to be a parent but give them the freedom to make those decisions on their own first otherwise they will likely do it anyway without telling you.

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Sometimes you make it too easy Mippo, sometimes...



And spying on your kids only bad, if you get caught.

Eomer said:

Told them thanks but no thanks and asked them to send what was submitted which they did. It was 99% accurate, so whoever did it knows me at least reasonably well. Pic was likely taken from Facebook. No one"s admitted to it yet.

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It was me, muahaha... err no, not friended you on Facebook yet!

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I met this girl during a New Year"s house party in London and we really hit it off, we pretty much exclusively talked through most of the night together and ignored the rest of the people there with us. We met again a few days later just before she headed off back home (she lives in Germany). We have kept in daily contact since then and it"s obvious that she is into me and vice versa. She is moving over to London in 8 months time and I am wondering if it"s worth me trying to tie this off into a long distance relationship for the time being (I have 10 days holiday in March I could use to drop by etc.) or just tone down the contact a little and just wait for her to move over before making a serious move. I am genuinely interested in her but slightly put off by the fact that she lives so far away at the moment and there are a couple of lesser prospects locally I might wish to explore, on the other hand there is always the risk that she meets someone else between now and when she moves over... so Internet what say you?

Saidin said:

ll enjoy doing it only because she"s cool as fuck... I"m just wondering though; what do you guys do to pass the time with a GF ? I can"t slay dragons

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This is the point in the relationship where you find out if she"s in it for the relationship or in it for the temporary fun she can get out if you. If she"s always complaining about never going out, never doing anything, and tired of doing the same things then you either need to take her out more often or realize that she is to expensive to keep around. That is assuming expense is the reason you can"t keep going out all the time.

It"s also possible you may find yourself realizing you don"t want to be with someone who needs so much direct attention that they can"t entertain themselves for a few days each week.

I found out early on I couldn"t stand women like this.

Zoe says hi double post monster...

@Erronius That urge to have a family isn"t likely to be something as simple as "oh shit I want kids now" rather it will be more along lines of "I am starting to feel comfortable in longer relationships and prefer them over short ones", "I talk to my partner and want to know how they are feeling and how I can make them feel better", "I start thinking about things in terms ofweandusinstead of I", "I start making decisions for us without asking first because I feel I know my partner or I took the time to know them", "You start feeling and thinking that it is NOT just ok to have a fucking relationship only".

Some of these things happen to men at a much early age and some men don"t start thinking like this all the way up to 30 and older but it is your natural instinct towards family that is causing it.

I think that alpha males tend to develop the family instinct late because frequent sexual relationships tend to "fake out" the development of this instinct.

We can disagree with that but I don"t think males are programmed to have a strong family instinct at all.

Have you ever seen a women who was in an abusive relationship and you wanted to rip the mans head off? Even if you didn"t know the woman? The male family instinct is different from a womens in that the male is more about protection, herding, providing and so forth while a women is more counseling, managing, growing, etc.


We can agree to disagree though.

Sharmai said:

Have you ever seen a women who was in an abusive relationship and you wanted to rip the mans head off? Even if you didn"t know the woman? The male family instinct is different from a womens in that the male is more about protection, herding, providing and so forth while a women is more counseling, managing, growing, etc.


We can agree to disagree though.

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This.

This also helps to point out why our society is going so far astray as people start trying to behave out of their programmed roles.

Vinen said:

This.

This also helps to point out why our society is going so far astray as people start trying to behave out of their programmed roles.

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Programmed by culture, not nature.