Girls who broke your heart thread
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Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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I"m just giving you some shit. Based on your posting, you seem to severely overthink things, which I"m sure has been beat to death ITT.Eomer said:
I"ve posted some of my own embarrasing fuck-ups, of which there are many more than posted, so I know that feel bro.
Daelos
Guarding the guardians
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I sympathize with E. I"m pretty much the same way.
Except
For my date this Saturday.
I"m the clueless-with-girls guy, who was in a LTR from 19 to 31. And since the divorce last summer I"ve been taking it easy with girls. No pressure. I"ve dated a couple of girls, and managed to firmly friendzone the cutest one. Earlier this summer I hooked up with a girl, but in the end it was necessary forherto make a move on me. She wasn"t happy about it, but realized it was necessary if anything was ever going to happen.
Well, I broke things off with her not too long ago. And then this Saturday...
Gorgeous, amazingly beautiful. As she showed up, I was instantly intimidated. But decided to soldier through, and some 8-9 hours later as she was leaving, I stepped up and kissed her.
Some text messages later and I meet up with her again this week. More chatting, and another good kiss.
Can"t way to see her again. And I"m nervous as fuck, that I will mess things up. I"m like a little girl, wondering if I should text her more, text her less, longer, shorter, etc. It"s frustrating.
But this one I like.
Except
For my date this Saturday.
I"m the clueless-with-girls guy, who was in a LTR from 19 to 31. And since the divorce last summer I"ve been taking it easy with girls. No pressure. I"ve dated a couple of girls, and managed to firmly friendzone the cutest one. Earlier this summer I hooked up with a girl, but in the end it was necessary forherto make a move on me. She wasn"t happy about it, but realized it was necessary if anything was ever going to happen.
Well, I broke things off with her not too long ago. And then this Saturday...
Gorgeous, amazingly beautiful. As she showed up, I was instantly intimidated. But decided to soldier through, and some 8-9 hours later as she was leaving, I stepped up and kissed her.
Some text messages later and I meet up with her again this week. More chatting, and another good kiss.
Can"t way to see her again. And I"m nervous as fuck, that I will mess things up. I"m like a little girl, wondering if I should text her more, text her less, longer, shorter, etc. It"s frustrating.
But this one I like.
Haha good story Eomer. Unfortunately posting interesting/funny stories to be taken as single incidents and laughed about tend to become the person"s life summary by the peanut gallery.
Everyone"s done stuff like that. The funniest part is when you"re facepalming yourself WHILE the shit is going on. "WHAT WAS I THINKING 0.01 SECONDS AGO GOD DAMMIT!"
When you do something like that, though, you should back off completely. The only salvation is acting like it never happened or pretending you just didn"t care and let her speculate maybe it"s her fault. By inviting her out tons of times afterward, she knows you think you missed your chance and are trying to make up for it.
Everyone"s done stuff like that. The funniest part is when you"re facepalming yourself WHILE the shit is going on. "WHAT WAS I THINKING 0.01 SECONDS AGO GOD DAMMIT!"
When you do something like that, though, you should back off completely. The only salvation is acting like it never happened or pretending you just didn"t care and let her speculate maybe it"s her fault. By inviting her out tons of times afterward, she knows you think you missed your chance and are trying to make up for it.
ham
Lord Nagafen Raider
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I do appreciate a good story, even if it ends in failure, which I think the board saw coming early on. I don"t think you fucked up by not going for the kiss, because I think by then you were already so deep in the friendzone that you would"ve just made things weird. If you aren"t interested in being her friend, you messed up by not making a move, but it sounds like you get along so it"s time to just give your attention to someone else and then maybe down the road it"ll go somewhere. Most of all my "girl-friends" started from a place of attraction from one side or the other, it"s just how it works. Didn"t sleep with most of them shortly after meeting them, but after time when you realize they aren"t trying to please you or vice versa it takes a load off and you guys can end up banging a good % of the time.
I don"t know...I think banging the former volleyball player/current phys ed teacher cancels out Eomer"s fail with the neighbour, and I can totally sympathize with the over analyzing. It can be difficult to read signals when you"re in the middle of a situation, and only in hindsight or with some degree of pulling back can you really get the whole picture. Sometimes chicks are hard to read.
So what"s the general consensus on being friend zoned? Everyone is talking like there is something you can do to prevent it, but I"m not so sure. If he"d kissed her or made a move earlier, would it really have made her SO much more attracted? I think it just sort of happens or it doesn"t, and short of not being a complete tool, there"s not much you can do about it. You can"t manufacture chemistry.
So what"s the general consensus on being friend zoned? Everyone is talking like there is something you can do to prevent it, but I"m not so sure. If he"d kissed her or made a move earlier, would it really have made her SO much more attracted? I think it just sort of happens or it doesn"t, and short of not being a complete tool, there"s not much you can do about it. You can"t manufacture chemistry.
Seananigans
Honorary Shit-PhD
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You can prevent it by understanding that in the vast majority of cases, you have a limited time frame to make a move and establish concrete interest. Continuing to spend time with a girl past this time frame without doing so takes you completely off her radar. And basically what Sutekh said.
Eh, I dunno. I doubt he was suddenly a smooth operator super player getting in panties nobody else would have managed to get into. My guess is the chick he banged in a tent after just meeting her with a bunch of other people practically present was kind of just a whore. I mean, cool, got laid, props, but lets not make it out to be some victory defying all odds or anything.Zarniwoop said:
No offense or anything, just that 99% of banged-a-chick-I-just-met says far more about the easiness of the chick than the mack-abilities of the dude.
This is my guess as well. It"s easier to pretend there"s potential for upward mobility with a chick. Instead of thinking one never really had a chance, it"s just easier to think "oh, damn, just barely missed out" or "damn, made a critical error and dropped myself down into the friend zone." In reality, it"s more like "damn, I probably never had a chance."
I"m sure there"s examples of a situation where a chick is on the fence and one can end up on either side, but in such situations the "up" side of a woman being mildly interested is probably not much better than the friend-zone.
There"s all sorts of studies about how people (even women, as they"re usually people too) sizing up the opposite sex pretty quickly. Sure, people might have bad judgement and second-guess themselves, but for the most part I believe attraction isn"t something so easily manipulated.
Instead of calling it the friend zone, we should maybe call it the never had a chance and she was just stringing you along the whole time, zone. That doesn"t have the same ring, though.
Then again, I"ve known a few guys that manage to constantly fuck themselves over. It"s not so much about blowing it and finding oneself in the friend zone, though, as chicks usually don"t want anything to do with them when their good first impression turns to sociopath/pscyho vibes.
Basically, it"s all far more complex than being able to be so easily explainable on an internet forum as "damn, got friend zoned."
Sutekh
Blackwing Lair Raider
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Don"t get me wrong, some women are cool as hell to talk to, and like maybe grab lunch with every now and then. But there"s not a chance in hell that I"m going to spend the day at a music festival with a woman that I want to be friends with, and if she suggest a ski trip I"d slap her across the damn face.
I think the smart line is drawn when the female friend gets in the way of relationships. I"ve seen guys hanging out with their female friend instead of going for chicks they actually want to date, which is bad. Or worse, when the female friend undermines a guy"s relationships so she can keep the friend.Sutekh said:
I"ve also seen plenty of situations where a guy and girlfriend go on trips or events with his female friends and it"s not a cock-blocky situation and everyone is cool, etc. Or the female friend is like "bring your girl" and hey, maybe everyone gets to having a bit too much fun in a hot tub, nameen?
Evernothing
Bronze Baronet of the Realm
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Kirun
Buzzfeed Editor
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I love the bolded part, because it means that you still think thatmaybethere"s a chance. How a guy with the amount of money that you make can be as bad as you are with women is fucking baffling.Eomer said:
This. I don"t understand how the fuck guys can be "friends" with chicks.Sutekh said:
Pretty much, anytime I"ve ever been friendzoned, I just tell them I have enough friends and am not interested in being a part of their life.Kirun said:
It"s like magic, without fail every time(so far). A couple days later I get a call, text, whatever, to come over for sex.
You only get friendzoned cause you let it happen...don"t let it happen. Worst that can result is they never contact you and you"re in the same place you started. Once they realize you will not be in their life at all, they"ll make that jump to sex/romance to keep you, especially now that you"ve rejected them and are no longer freely available(we all know that men/women we can"t have are innately more attractive).
brekk
Dancing Dino Superstar
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To be fair In Eomer"s situation, it"s not like he gets shot down and never has to see her again. He gets shot down and then gets awkward rides in elevators, or even better starts taking fake phone calls and such when he sees her walking into the building so he can delay and take the next ride in the elevator. I"m sorry E, I love you man, but I could envision that scenario.
Best he can do now, is be chill with her, but not overly involved. Do his own thing, drag home some other woman, and make her jelly.
Best he can do now, is be chill with her, but not overly involved. Do his own thing, drag home some other woman, and make her jelly.