Pain meds can suck a dick.
I've had 3 spinal fusions (C5-6, C6-7. and L4-5), but I still live in a 4/5 level of daily pain. It occasionally spikes to a 6/7 when I tweak it in the gym, but the baseline is constant. I literally never get a break from it. Because of it, I took Oxycodone-10 4/day for several years, but it really never did anything for the pain, it just made me care a lot less that I was in pain. However, I quit taking them (along with 2400mg of Gabapentin) cold turkey in December of last year because I realized I was going to have to choose (at 41) to periodically increase the dosage to maintain any meaningful effect or just accept the harsh reality of my life post-injury/operations. When I quit taking the Oxy my tolerance had long-since built up to the point where my dosage was only holding off the withdrawals. I finally decided to quit poisoning myself for little-to-no pay-off.
The two weeks after my last dose were the worst days of my life and I've been through some shit. To be clear, I never abused my prescriptions. In fact, I often took less than prescribed, but like everyone who takes opiates long-term I developed a physical dependency and the withdrawals were insane. I had the typical nausea, diarrhea, etc, but those symptoms weren't the real problem for me. I didn't sleep for almost 5 days because I couldn't. I had an INSANE case of RLS (restless leg syndrome) where my thigh bones ached and burned in a way that I can't describe. My entire body ached. Even my skin hurt. I couldn't be still. On one day I paced around the island in our kitchen for 5 hours straight. No matter what I did I was miserable in a way that I have never come close to feeling at any other time. A hot bath helped for a few minutes, but with my hypothalamus not working properly I got overheated very quickly and then I'd fucking freeze to death and shiver uncontrollably after getting out of the water. Even so, I was taking 8-10 baths a day for 6 or 7 days (seriously, no exaggeration). I was in so much agony that I was constantly contemplating killing myself. I still remember visualizing my .38 revolver in my hand. I never would have carried it out, but I wanted to...badly.
I'm not even going to delve further in to the psychological aspects of withdrawal, but suffice it to say PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) are a bitch and can last for months. Opiates have a huge impact on brain chemistry, but I never really understood it until I was off about 12 days. I experienced the watershed moment while I was sitting at my desk trying to keep my mind occupied by watching music videos and I just burst in to tears. That's not something I normally do, but my body was trying to regain homeostasis. During my years on Oxy, I hadn't realized it, but I gradually lost interest in almost everything that I enjoyed because opiates seriously fuck with our ability to feel pleasure, naturally. Anyway, while sitting there, I remembered that I hadn't turned on the radio in my car in more than a year. However, at that moment I was truly able to enjoy the music for what it was. I told my wife it was like having the warm sun on my face. My heart raced and I could feel the surge of dopamine. I hadn't felt that kind of joyful euphoria in years. To be fair, my body was out-of-wack and the euphoria pendulum was swinging too far the other direction after having been 'turned-off' for so long, but it stabilized after a few weeks. Oh, and the rumor that sex (when you can tolerate it) after you quit opiates being insane is completely true. My cock was so ridiculously sensitive and the orgasms were stupidly powerful.
A little irony in all of this is that I am currently studying to become a clinical substance abuse counselor and before my own experiences I never understood why people just didn't 'stop' their abuse. Now, I have some valuable, personal insight and realize that a lot of addicts are just trying to hold off the personal hell of withdrawal. Even though my withdrawals weren't nearly as bad as those experienced by people who abuse the drugs it taught me a valuable lesson. I still believe that there is a need for Opiates (at least until we can find a better alternative) for people that truly need them, but all patients need to be better informed about the reality of taking them long-term. I, never once, in the 4 years that I took Oxy did I have a single doctor talk to me about the negative effects, withdrawals, etc. To be fair, some of that responsibility rests with me, but I was never even warned. Had I been, I doubt I would have ever agreed to take them.
Fortunately, I escaped the experience without becoming an addict. I still have more than a 100 pills from my last prescription in the medicine drawer, but the idea of taking any of them is revolting.
