Jupiter Ascending (2015)

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Nester

Nester

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Jesus, jerk each other off about aliens in the two alien threads on the front page..

Did anyone actually not hate the magic mike space elf trying bang janitor Meg?


This review from Kotaku is pretty lol

How Jupiter Ascending Is Basically BioWare: The Movie | Kotaku Australia
Mass Effect for idiots and it?s bloody glorious.
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Jupiter Ascending has all of this junk in spades. If Mass Effect?s campaign had been capped at two hours and all the writers suffered brain aneurysms halfway through production, the results would look a lot like this movie. Is it perfect? Hell naw. Is it entertaining and fun? Unequivocally.
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A

a_skeleton_03

<Banned>
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Column_sl said:
I haven't seen it recently, but I doubt it has aged well.

It is a early Whedon movie so it's going to be very campy ,and I think he said he had allot of trouble making it with the studio.

I remember it had some cool ideas in the film, but was pretty much a mess.
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Whedon is and always has been terrible.
 
C

Column_sl

shitlord
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Furry_sl said:
Even I'm not so blatant about my neg farming. Whedon has some shitter movies, but he also has some brilliant shit too. Nobody's perfect.
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And he only wrote that movie, which was butchered by the suits before it got to the screen.

He also wrote the screenplay for Toy Story

As for movies he directed, and wrote there only two. The number 3 grossing movie of all time, and Serenity.
 
Warrik

Warrik

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The Watchowskis are officially the M. Night Shyamalan brothers. Nothing good since the Matrix.
 
Famm

Famm

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My friend who normally is in love with any and every "oooh shiny" special effects crap that comes along, to the point that the guy even defends Prometheus, reported to me that this movie was "horrible". I feel my choice to never see it is justified.
 
E

etchazz

Trakanon Raider
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Famm_sl said:
My friend who normally is in love with any and every "oooh shiny" special effects crap that comes along, to the point that the guy even defends Prometheus, reported to me that this movie was "horrible". I feel my choice to never see it is justified.
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My parents, who like every god damn movie they've ever seen, even said this was terrible.
 
RobXIII

RobXIII

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Was mildly entertaining, but I could do without the super zoom in on the main 'villain' every time he whispertalked or whatever the fuck that is.


rrr_img_91736.png
 
Qhue

Qhue

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I saw it this weekend and I was entertained. The movie had some big pacing issues, notably among the repeating theme of Jupiter getting kidnapped by one of her space relatives but I did like the style elements and the root story concept of immortality resulting from using humans as a cash crop. (I would, however, have thought that getting a good breeding stock and then culling would be a more sensible way to harvest... but whatever)

I got distracted whenever Jupiter's family was being featured, but that was more because I kept waiting for her uncle to go serve the dowager countess some tea. Eddie Redmayne was chewing through the scenery and hamming it up nicely with his simpering whisper-voiced mama's boy but the other two siblings were kinda meh... especially the chick whose aging makeup was so terrible you took one look at her in the first scene she appeared and go "she's gonna get a youth treatment".

I think the same basic material with the same basic design work and cinematography could have been an excellent film with better writing.
 
Homsar

Homsar

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Movie was bad all around, action scenes were pretty awful and couldnt make out wtf was going on a lot of the time, villains were all terrible a long with majority of the story,Not the worst film ever but I would give it a 3.5/10 maybe lower
 
Hoss

Hoss

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There were times where I thought I wasn't following what was going on. But afterwards, I thought back and realized I was following it all. They were just using the dumbest plot devices imaginable.

I still say it's a 5 star movie if she makes a peanut butter joke at the end.
 
Homsar

Homsar

Silver Baronet of the Realm
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So many stupid plots in the movie, give up planet Earth so I can kill everyone or ill kill a couple of your family members if you dont. Ugh I dont want to try and think about all the issues, The first main fight in the city up in the sky had so much FX and stuff flying around you couldnt even enjoy the action/

Also why did he need wings? his hover boots were 10x better
 
Hoss

Hoss

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That's easy. Because he looked gay as hell ice skating through the air. My main question was why did they need to reap a planet after millions of years of waiting? Wouldn't they have done better just collecting people as they died of other causes? 56 million people a day die on earth, the population is 7.2 billion. In a years time of just collecting people who died, you'll get a lot more youth juice than just one reaping. Imagine if they'd just done that from the beginning so no one would be freaking out about the aliens collecting the dead bodies.

I know, I'm giving the show more thought that the writers did. I'll try to stop now.
 
Lanx

Lanx

<Prior Amod>
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Hoss_sl said:
That's easy. Because he looked gay as hell ice skating through the air. My main question was why did they need to reap a planet after millions of years of waiting? Wouldn't they have done better just collecting people as they died of other causes? 56 million people a day die on earth, the population is 7.2 billion. In a years time of just collecting people who died, you'll get a lot more youth juice than just one reaping. Imagine if they'd just done that from the beginning so no one would be freaking out about the aliens collecting the dead bodies.

I know, I'm giving the show more thought that the writers did. I'll try to stop now.
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For this stupid movie, you have to think in terms of this is just a "just right" harvest time, like when a wine farmer gets the perfect grape and wants mass yield for the year, earth is just a "yearly" harvest for people that live millennia with thousands of other "earth like" places.

tron boots were pretty awesome, (compared to) fake wings. I mean when he fought fucking sauron from xmen, he could barely lift his ass up. But with tron boots he could skate all over the place w/ a 90lb mila kunis backpack.
 
S

Silence_sl

shitlord
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What a laughably shit film. Bad actors, bad plot, bad over-wrought cgi, bad writing, dime store music, and Kunis is a mannequin.
 
TJT

TJT

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Well, it had mildly interesting design/theme. Can't say much else about it that is positive.
 
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