Kids? or No kids?

Eomer_sl said:

None of what you posted takes in to account that a child born in a developed country is likely to consume an order of magnitude more resources in their lifetime than one born in a poor or developing country, nor that there's about a 99.9999% chance that said child will never have any measurable impact on technology or anything else other than simply consuming resources.

If you don't care about the environment, then that's fine. It's a moot point to you then. But if you do, having a child is by far the most environmentally damaging act you can commit unless you're one of the Koch brothers or something.

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I have never wanted children. Although my wife does. I enjoy kids to an extent, but I know I am not ready in the slightest.

I have always thought that adoption is the most appropriate method of having a child for an educated individual in today's day and age. If we already have too many people in the world, why not just adopt?

I know this sounds heinous and uncouth, but if a woman's biology tells her to have a child, and a man's tells him to fuck everything, why are they held to different standards?

My mother has tried to explain this concept to me that women simply HAVE to have children, it's part of their destiny... Yeah, I call bullshit on that card.

Depends entirely on the woman -- but as hard as it is to believe for some of them it's not bullshit. It approaches meaning of life levels for some women.

I dunno, you can't talk about that in generalities. But have you ever dated a woman and you just KNEW without being able to explain it what a good mother she was going to be?

And then you accidentally left your watch on the bedstand because fuck that noise.

Nostrovia_sl said:

I know with a certainty, that my wife would be an amazing mother. Just because of how she carries herself and how she handles her businesses and the way she puts up with me!
But we didn't get married because we wanted kids. That wasn't our goal and wasn't the point of getting married... I don't think many people hop into a marriage for the sole purpose of popping out kids. They're in love and want to be with each other and get married... kids are just a "by-product" of marriage.
I agree for some women having kids is their ultimate goal in life, to be a mother they've always wanted or whatever... I'm just glad that having children isn't the "meaning of life" for my wife.

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What are you two doing without kids? How are you keeping yourselves occupied and in love?

Nostrovia_sl said:

That's one of the reasons why I don't like kids, is because of the parents. Incapable pricks raising the laziest, shittiest generations of asshats. Thinking "Time-out" is a fucking punishment.

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Hey bro, time out works with my kids. You know, until it doesn't.

Tarrant_sl said:

He's trolling, and it can probably stop right about now.

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No, I'm not. I just curious and didn't actually mean to imply any sarcasm.

Regarding my previous posts, I have strong views about stuff, and maybe I'm all wrong because I rarely give a shit about emotions and stimulation. I try my best to be logical and methodical in my life, and sometimes that doesn't complement the emotional side of people.

That sounds horrible.

And, like mr. cosmic here, I'm not trying to rile anyone or troll or whatever. That actually sounds horrifying to me. You "rarely give a shit bout emotions"? I mean, dude... that just makes me sad for you.

chaos_sl said:

That sounds horrible.

And, like mr. cosmic here, I'm not trying to rile anyone or troll or whatever. That actually sounds horrifying to me. You "rarely give a shit bout emotions"? I mean, dude... that just makes me sad for you.

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Asperger's, bro.

I'm half of a childless couple nearing 40. I was ambivalent about kids, if she wanted them fine, but she doesn't. High powered research scientist that couldn't take the time off to deal with a pregnancy, and had no desire to do so anyway. She would've done it for me, but I wasn't going to force her. She is the one I found (or found me ) and made a life with, and she wasn't interested in children. So be it. We've talked about adopting, so maybe that is in the cards later.

I do think about what it would have been like, and I don't disparage parents in any way or think they made a mistake. I actually like kids despite not being a father.

Her research is cutting edge and contributing to science in a major way, so I suppose that will have to do for contribution to the species.

Deathwing_sl said:

No offense, but as someone who is still kinda sorta on the fence about kids, I hate this response. Basically, I gotta go into it with some amount of faith, hoping that my reaction to my theoretical kid would be different than my reaction to others.

People (rightly)ridicule others that don't have sex before getting married. I feel this is similar but much more important. But how do you test the water for something like this? Can't break up with a kid if you end up not liking it! Well, you can, but I'm nowhere near that much of an asshole. Can you do a trial run in foster care? Would that even be a comparable situation?

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I'm sure there are some "big brother" programs out there if you really wanted to try that out. I know it's probably been said 100 times, but it just feels different when it's your kid. I hated hearing that from people when my wife and I were talking about having a kid. Everyone would always tell me ITS DIFFERENT WHEN ITS YOUR OWN, it annoyed the shit out of me. After I've had my son I do feel that way, but everyone is different.

I hope it all works out for you no matter what you decide or what happens.

Tmac47_sl said:

You make it sound like having children and caring about the environment are mutually exclusive.

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I wouldn't say they're mutually exclusive. But it's certainly hypocritical, especially if they're a "preachy" kind of environmentalist.

My wife & I have discussed this to death, we've been married almost 9 years and don't have any plans for kids (I'm 34, she's 31). I don't have anything against kids, I have nieces & nephews that I love spending time with. I also love getting back to my quiet house after being around the mayhem. For me I enjoy my life, and don't really see what having a kid would get me. There's a lot of shit I still want to do, and a lot of goals/ambitions that I have that a kid would directly impede. Call it selfish if you want, I'm ok with that.

If my wife suddenly decides she wants one I'm fine with that, and if we had an oops I'd be fine with that too.

I think part of the reason it is different when it is your own is that there are times you can not like your kid (they can do some pretty rotten stuff!), but you always love them with every part of you. When you don't like other kids, you just don't like them.

No kids for me and my wife, we're both in our early forties and we have never had or ever will have any plans for kids. I hate them, she hates them even more which worked out well.

It may be selfish but the most responsibility I wish in life is to pay my bills on time and feed my dogs. I like all my freetime and I like having cash both of which gets sucked into the great blackhole called children....

Eomer_sl said:

I wouldn't say they're mutually exclusive. But it's certainly hypocritical, especially if they're a "preachy" kind of environmentalist.

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It is hypocritical if you are criticizing other people for having kids because "lol environment" and then you go and have kids. Other than that, it really isn't. There is no disconnect, you can have kids and care about the environment and love doesn't have to be over.

It is hard to advise you on something like this. It is a deep personal choice. Each decision closes certain doors, and opens others. My son and daughter are my legacy, something that will live on until I die. They both are a cost financially and cut into my personal time a great deal, but as many a father have stated, well worth both sacrifices. Some people don't feel the same way, which is fine. If you are not ready, which could mean you will never be ready, you should not have kids.

The one thing I will say is this, because this I know for sure. The statement "I dont like kids". dont base your decision off of this. I fucking hate kids in general most of the time w/ few exceptions. That has not changed since I have had my son and daughter. I still cant stand it when some random kid from their school comes up to me and wants to converse, I wish I could just say "Fuck off kid, I am not here for you", but politeness gets the better of me. There IS a difference, something about knowing this human being came directly from you, derived from you, it is just different. Kind of like when you throw up all over the place, it is not quite as gross as when someone else throw's up all over the place. Dont let that thought influence your decision. What should influence you is how much time and dedication you have to give to others (specifically your wife and kid(s)) when you have them. Gaming time, personal time, any time except them time, all that gets diminished. If you cannot do this, dont have kids.