Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Lithose · May 27, 2016

Khane_sl said:
So when I read people empathizing about his "cunt wife" and telling him she totally sucks and he should think about leaving her all I think to myself is "What the fuck are you guys doing? You're validating an excuse he's already come up with to run away from his life and continue drinking"

So the opposite of my post then? You really didn't read it, stop being a jerk off. I squarely blamed him for the cheating if there is cheating. He abandoned her long before she had the chance to do so to him.

Khane · May 27, 2016

Lithose_sl said:
So you mean exactly what I said?

I specifically said I was offering my anecdotes about my experiences in situations where someone shit inside of a marriage, and then left the partner alone--then the partner becomes very jealous. I've watched this pattern personally a few times now, and pointed it out. That's all, no more, no less--and I pointed out that this is nothing but a suspicion based on personal experience, and specifically said there is no hard evidence. The post was mainly about how the damage might be permanent--that saying "I'm done drinking now!" doesn't erase the effects of years of abandoning a partner (Which might have materialized in, say, cheating.)

I'm going to bet here you didn't actually read the post. No idea what stick you shoved up your ass earlier, but you should probably go ahead and remove it. I'm not in this thread to debate gender roles and shit, or whatever your motivations are. I gave my advice,I was CLEAR it was from personal experience. So fuck off.

Red Pill PTSD bullshit? Lithose stick to the SJW threads that people think you're a superhero in because you're good at linking gawker articles.

Noodleface · May 27, 2016

My wife used to go through my phone and it irritated the fuck out of me. I told her to cut that fucking shit out and she did.

I don't even hide anything from my wife, I just hate her going through my personal shit like conversations/emails

She hasn't done it since. I'm not cheating nor is she.

Lithose · May 27, 2016

Khane_sl said:
Red Pill PTSD bullshit? Lithose stick to the SJW threads that people think you're a superhero in because you're good at linking gawker articles.

You brought up gender roles, dude. Where did that even come from? Do you understand? I don't come here to debate that. I gave a very simple run down of my personal experiences and why I think the way I do. I blamed him for it, and you came after me with this odd ideological bend about how men are weak and jealous. What the fuck? Then you go on to say you were just angry over people blaming her--that's not what my post was about. I blamed HIM, pointing out how addiction can cause very permanent damage that does no clear up after you stop.

You jumped on me for no good reason, you dip shit, because you assumed a lot of shit that was not in my post if you bothered to read it. Now you're attempting to take me pointing out your behavior as ME bringing in that direction--just stop.

Lithose · May 27, 2016

Noodleface_sl said:
My wife used to go through my phone and it irritated the fuck out of me. I told her to cut that fucking shit out and she did.

I don't even hide anything from my wife, I just hate her going through my personal shit like conversations/emails

She hasn't done it since. I'm not cheating nor is she.

Yeah, but did you drink for 7 years and even forget conversations she had with you? Again, the post wasn't just about the jealousy thing--that's a straw man Khane created. Cal did A LOT more to add variables to this than that. I was pointing out her behavior, with everything that happened, probably reflected a lot of damage he caused (It's not absurd to think that damage materialized in cheating given it's coming up through jealousy).

Khane · May 27, 2016

Lithose_sl said:
You brought up gender roles, dude. Where did that even come from? Do you understand? I don't come here to debate that. I gave a very simple run down of my personal experiences and why I think the way I do. I blamed him for it, and you came after me with this odd ideological bend about how men are weak and jealous. What the fuck? Then you go on to say you were just angry over people blaming her--that's not what my post was about. I blamed HIM, pointing out how addiction can cause very permanent damage that does no clear up after you stop.

You jumped on me for no good reason, you dip shit, because you assumed a lot of shit that was not in my post if you bothered to read it. Now you're attempting to take me pointing out your behavior as ME bringing in that direction--just stop.

You still don't get it. It wasn't odd, it wasn't misplaced, it wasn't weird or out of the ordinary in any way.

You think because she exhibits jealous behavior she's likely cheating. I likened that to old ideals that kept women locked away in houses. Women can't be trusted.

Picasso3 · May 27, 2016

I guess my experience is with the more composed, career alcoholics that just spend every day after 7 pm drunk. He didn't seem like a huge liar because he admitted being an alcoholic, which I thought was always the part they lied about. Definitely seemed like he was seeking praise though so I'll give you more serious consideration now.

Lithose · May 27, 2016

Khane_sl said:
You still don't get it. It wasn't odd, it wasn't misplaced, it wasn't weird or out of the ordinary in any way.

You think because she exhibits jealous behavior she's likely cheating. I likened that to old ideals that kept women locked away in houses. Women can't be trusted.

Not just jealous behavior. What he said about her (How she fills her day) illustrates he probably doesn't give a shit about what she does. The fact that he's forgotten, potentially, conversations, illustrates a kind of neglect--I quoted those things for a reason (Check what I quoted in the original post). When you add ALL those things up, the neglect, the huge amounts of time, the jealousy, the utter damage even spending that much money within a single income household, much less the addiction, will cause? Yes, it's not unreasonable to believe she may be fooling around because he's essentially been out of the picture and she's probably angry, lonely and upset (With good reason).

You derived it down to jealously and began some warped ideological gender role argument. I do engage in some of those debates outside this thread--though I think red pill people who believe all women are like that are morons, it's not a gendered thing. (However, you seem to believe all women are jealous shrews...Women aren't like that, the majority aren't.)..But I have no interest in it in this thread. I made very clear I was going by personal experience, also made it clear it was his fault, and clear it was not a gendered thing--a man in that situation I'd think the same thing of, given ALL the variables above. (Not just jealousy).

Gavinmad · May 27, 2016

Picasso_sl said:
I guess my experience is with the more composed, career alcoholics that just spend every day after 7 pm drunk. He didn't seem like a huge liar because he admitted being an alcoholic, which I thought was always the part they lied about. Definitely seemed like he was seeking praise though so I'll give you more serious consideration now.

Well there's a big difference between professional alcoholics and amateurs.

Omi43221 · May 27, 2016

Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

Kriptini · May 27, 2016

Rhuma_sl said:
Not to take away from alcoholic dad but we all have our issues...

I recently found out my "fiance" is planning on parting ways, she's contacted family and friends to try to find housing for her and our 3 kids.

She's told me she is very unhappy in our relationship, being a stay at home mom was never her plan in life and that we are completely opposite people which I agree with. In all honesty we should have never been together let alone had 3 kids together but here we are regardless.

We have been staying at her mother's house since September, after my unsuccessful attempt at starting up a pressure washing business, since then I've been employed at amazon.

We've been given a deadline to get out of her mother's house come the end of June and here is where the problem is, I found out she wants to part ways after 7 years.

That absolutely terrifies me, the thoughts of child support and her having the only car leaves me not only stranded and unable to get to work but how I can afford my own place, buying a car in a little over a month.

Not to mention the anxiety of dating, who the fuck wants to get involved with a 29 year old dude with 3 kids, I have to question anyone who would want to get involved with that much baggage unless I was loaded, which unfortunately, I am not.

Bros, what am I to do? I honestly don't even want to save the relationship, she's a spoiled fucking brat that thinks only of herself and blows through money like a powerball winner with a coke problem, we will never have anything in our lives because she refuses to work and has d her family to save her from falling no matter what.

Why doesn't she just get a job and get a nanny for the kids?

Picasso3 · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

I've watched relatives poison kids minds over divorces and it still affects them 20 years later. Only remedy I can see is being as supportive and involved as possible. You're prob going to have to post a lot more detail, i don't really even know what your question is.

Kriptini · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

How old are your kids?

Nester · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

How old are you kids?
how often did you see them over the past 5 years?
Are you every baseball game daddy or every other weekend daddy?

Kids need a lot more than that child support cheque to be fully supported. How vested are you in emotional support, do you know the names of their friends?

Best thing you can do is be a stand up dude at all times, be honest, humble and never ever speak ill about your ex. You cant control what she does, but you sure can control what you do.

Lithose · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

There is no good solution for this. Even if your wife wasn't pissing in their ear (Are you sure she is? This can easily happen without that), it's not an illogical conclusion for your kids to reach on their own, given their view of the world (Which, you need to remember, is limited). Hell, I've seen kids angry at their fathers/mothers for being away and working too much, despite still being in their life--kids who go through a divorce and lose a parent, especially one that moves away? Get angry. Kids don't understand economics or the realities of life with finance, their world is more emotional--if you're not part of it, they are going to feel abandoned.

How old are your sons? Do you have visitation?

Omi43221 · May 27, 2016

I suppose there aren't many questions in there.

Was it reasonable for me to move away to take a higher paying job?

How much child support is a reasonable amount I should be paying her?

Am I being short sited for not trying to pull this into the court system?

Haast · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Longtime listner first time caller.

Looks like others are sharing and I need some feed back if I am being reasonable.

My sons told me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. Never been punched so hard by life. Where to begin. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I moved away from where my kids lived a year ago to take a better job. My ex wife has them convinced that I abandoned them. She claims I don't do enough to support them. I do pay her child support every month.

My ex wife and I had moved into a large house that we couldn't afford. Because of that I have considerable debt that I need to pay off. I didn't feel like I had much choice when I moved. I need to take the highest paying job I can get.

I don't really think I can remedy anything in the court system. Despite her not having a job currently, I'm sure the kids would testify to the judge they want to stay with their mother.

There is a lot more to the story. If you have questions ask, it's just tough for me to write about it.

YMMV depending on the climate of the family court you are assigned, but the behavior you are describing isParental Alienationand there are legal repercussions assuming your court isn't an old school, "the woman is never wrong" shithole. You may want to discuss it with an attorney if you have evidence she's engaging in this.

EDIT: I'm taking your story at face value, assuming you've made efforts to be involved and she's shut it down and lied to the kids about you a bunch. As I've recommended to others, really think about this situation and think about your negative contributions as well. Then decide if she's been grossly unfair & you want to pursue it, or if you need to do better yourself before trotting a weak case in front of a judge.

Kriptini · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
I suppose there aren't many questions in there.

Was it reasonable for me to move away to take a higher paying job?

How much child support is a reasonable amount I should be paying her?

Am I being short sited for not trying to pull this into the court system?

I can't tell you anything regarding that side of your issues because I'm not a parent, but having been a kid quite recently I can perhaps give you some insight into what your kids are thinking and what they might come to think in the future, but I gotta know their age. If they haven't reached their teens yet, I think there's a strong possibility that they can eventually come around.

Omi43221 · May 27, 2016

Lithose_sl said:
There is no good solution for this. Even if your wife wasn't pissing in their ear (Are you sure she is? This can easily happen without that), it's not an illogical conclusion for your kids to reach on their own, given their view of the world (Which, you need to remember, is limited). Hell, I've seen kids angry at their fathers/mothers for being away and working too much, despite still being in their life--kids who go through a divorce and lose a parent, especially one that moves away? Get angry. Kids don't understand economics or the realities of life with finance, their world is more emotional--if you're not part of it, they are going to feel abandoned.

How old are your sons? Do you have visitation?

Oh I'm sure she is pissing in their ear. She calls me a loser right in front of them. She is of the opinion that since I am not working two jobs that I am addicted to gaming and porn.

I don't blame the kids at all. They are just protecting their mother. Honestly I don't even blame my exwife. I'm 99%, sure she has some serious hormonal issues. She is just not the same person I married at all and I just couldn't take it anymore and jumped off the crazy train.

My sons are 9 and 14. My divorce was done by the two of us. I wish there were more concrete details in it. The terms of the divorce were shared custody to be determined by us.

Haast · May 27, 2016

OMI43221_sl said:
Oh I'm sure she is pissing in their ear. She calls me a loser right in front of them. She is of the opinion that since I am not working two jobs that I am addicted to gaming and porn.

I don't blame the kids at all. They are just protecting their mother. Honestly I don't even blame my exwife. I'm 99%, sure she has some serious hormonal issues. She is just not the same person I married at all and I just couldn't take it anymore and jumped off the crazy train.

My sons are 9 and 14. My divorce was done by the two of us. I wish there were more concrete details in it. The terms of the divorce were shared custody to be determined by us.

You don't need concrete details IN the divorce, but you will need to document her behavior over a period of time so you can accurately represent the situation to an attorney (and then a court). If you want to pursue that route.

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