Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Busy thread, I guess the ladies like to ditch in May.

chthonic-anemos_sl said:

Busy thread, I guess the ladies like to ditch in May.

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No shit man, I was just wondering if may was divorce month or something. Or maybe it's one of those situations where one dude got it all off his chest and now others want to too.

Lendarios I think the alcoholic conversation is important. Some people were dicks about it, but clearly it is a huge part of the conversation.

Who was being a dick just for the sake of being a dick in that conversation?

I completely disagree. Go ahead and report all those posts.

We should definitely handle all the adults in the adult forums with kid's gloves right?

I didn't participate in the discussion but as an outside view I thought you were being pretty hostile

I was being harsh. Because I think he needs to realize that he's the source of all his own problems.

If that is what some of you think requires moderation in this forum, being harsh to an alcoholic, I don't know what to say. Especially with half the shit that gets said in here.

I think Cad is just saying there needs to be some limitation. If someone posts something and just gets raked across the coals because its the hip thing to do in this thread no one will post anything. I honestly haven't fully followed it but I thought he was sober for a few months. I know you're not recognizing that as a pretty big deal but if he was a full fledged alcoholic that is a pretty big step forward for the guy. He knows he has a long road ahead of him but it all starts with a single step. But you just kept blasting him for being a drunk.

Unless I missed out on some crucial information (eg; relapsed and his wife is pissed but he's blaming her.) I haven't been following this thread too closely the past few days.

Tenks_sl said:

I think Cad is just saying there needs to be some limitation. If someone posts something and just gets raked across the coals because its the hip thing to do in this thread no one will post anything. I honestly haven't fully followed it but I thought he was sober for a few months. I know you're not recognizing that as a pretty big deal but if he was a full fledged alcoholic that is a pretty big step forward for the guy. He knows he has a long road ahead of him but it all starts with a single step. But you just kept blasting him for being a drunk.

Unless I missed out on some crucial information (eg; relapsed and his wife is pissed but he's blaming her.) I haven't been following this thread too closely the past few days.

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There's nothing that can be said about that. You think it's a big step. I think it's a small step.

It's a good thing, and I even said as much, but someone correcting such destructive behavior deserves as many accolades as a guy who just wakes up in the morning, goes to work, and is a good father. None. That's what you're supposed to do.

To me he came here looking for sympathy and an excuse to relapse. I wasn't being an asshole just because I wanted to make a man suffer. I was being an asshole because this guy literally could have killed his newborn by accidentally tripping in a drunken stupor and just because he got cleaned up for 2 months he expected everyone to get off his case about anything and everything. That's how I read his posts. If anything ever happened to his wife and she needed help he would have been useless to both her and his kid. He deserves no sympathy, there is a child involved in this story. A very young child.

The difference in all this is anyone saying I was being too hard on him has probably never dealt with an addict. Because several people who have, actually agreed with me.

He was a worthless father. He's on the path to redemption but he's expecting too much too soon.

This argument is circular. We're never going to agree and the crux of the issue is how much of a problem we think alcoholism is. I obviously think it's a far bigger problem than you do.

Says the guy who calls people autistic and uses terms like "sperging out" in the very same "grown up forums".

As an addictions counselor, you sound like you've been hurt personally by an alcoholic at some point in your life. That's cool if you want to talk about that, or if you want to use that to bring some awareness into the conversation that alcoholism hurts people who never signed up for that nonsense. That being said, you making all kinds of judgment calls about what kind of person he is just demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of addiction. It also makes you sound like a jaded spouse. There is being honest, and there's being combative

Cad_sl said:

I don't really think thats the issue at all, I think alcoholism is incredibly destructive.

I think we disagree as to how effective internet name calling is.

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The problem is ultimately this, Cad. Regardless of intent any sort of argument put forth by a person in his position can only be viewed through the lens of his post. In his post several things become clear:

1) Huge alcoholic
2) Long-term alcohol abuse
3) Didn't stop when he had a kid
4) Only stopped when he 'thought' it was impacting his relationship
5) Upset his wife is a 'huge bitch' now
6) Won't talk to a therapist

Of course we don't know the full story, but what is he looking for here? He has all the tools already available to him to do the best he can AT PRESENT in his current situation. He's either looking for some bromotional connection which will tell him 'yea dude you should grab a beer' or he's just whining. I don't know what else to tell a person who is literally in therapy but does his tell-all on a message board and not with the therapist.

I'm not sure anyone wishes him ill will, but let's be honest, enough of us have been affected by alcoholism at some point in their life to recognize the sheer amount of bullshit the average person will put up with enabling those douchenozzles for no good reason until they get cutthroat with the problem. So inasmuch as hurty words will either drive him to reexamine his choices to talk to a therapist, actually get sober or finally hit rock bottom with his alcoholism in relapse - good.

Two months of sobriety earns him a tiny bit of respect, which he's been shown. I can't imagine how bunched up your panties would be at the things I would have said to him if he hadn't been sober for the last two months, because they would have been ugly. You've obviously never had any close dealings with an alcoholic if you think two months of sobriety is a huge step. As for calling his wife a cunt, the woman he described in his postsISa gigantic cunt, so I'm damn sure not going to call her anything else.

As someone who grew up with an alcoholic single mom, Khane has been spot on in his contempt of CJ. I don't have any patience with alcoholics and he needs more time sober before he would earn any with me. But that is just my two cents here, coming from a guy with multiple alcoholic family members.