She ended up reeling it in. I either ignore it or make light of it, rarely I'll help. Most of the time anymore it's fine but sometimes I think need hormones need that pop.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Dandai
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I know you're gonna do you Big P, but your approach is about as equally passive aggressive heh.
If you want some unsolicited advice, try inviting her to come chill with you and talk about what's on her mind. With my wife, I'm usually not the problem, but the compounded stress of a hard day makes me an easy target, ESPECIALLY if I look like I'm pretty relaxed while she feels like her whole world is falling apart. Yeah, it disturbs your peace to have to deal with her shit, but figuring out how each other best decompresses (and facilitating those conditions in the future!) will make it waaaay easier on you in the long run.
The hardest thing for my stubborn ass to learn was to not take it personally every time she was directing her frustration at me. Like you, my first reaction was, "I guarantee I'll win in a battle of passive aggression." This obviously led to some tense standoffs. Don't be stupid like me.
Edit: Anecdotally, you're definitely right that there seems to be a month-long buildup until my wife's ready to pop (and it's probably hormone related). But TRY to remember that even though it's obvious to you that her feelings are artificially hormone induced, the way she feels is very real to her. It only took me 6 years of marriage to figure that one out. It might make you feel slightly better to point out when she's being irrational about something, but the smart move is to accept that this is going to happen 10-12 times a year and accept it as a reality of living with a woman. I'm sure one of you will make a liar out of me, but I've yet to talk to a man that didn't go through this cycle with his wife.
If you want some unsolicited advice, try inviting her to come chill with you and talk about what's on her mind. With my wife, I'm usually not the problem, but the compounded stress of a hard day makes me an easy target, ESPECIALLY if I look like I'm pretty relaxed while she feels like her whole world is falling apart. Yeah, it disturbs your peace to have to deal with her shit, but figuring out how each other best decompresses (and facilitating those conditions in the future!) will make it waaaay easier on you in the long run.
The hardest thing for my stubborn ass to learn was to not take it personally every time she was directing her frustration at me. Like you, my first reaction was, "I guarantee I'll win in a battle of passive aggression." This obviously led to some tense standoffs. Don't be stupid like me.
Edit: Anecdotally, you're definitely right that there seems to be a month-long buildup until my wife's ready to pop (and it's probably hormone related). But TRY to remember that even though it's obvious to you that her feelings are artificially hormone induced, the way she feels is very real to her. It only took me 6 years of marriage to figure that one out. It might make you feel slightly better to point out when she's being irrational about something, but the smart move is to accept that this is going to happen 10-12 times a year and accept it as a reality of living with a woman. I'm sure one of you will make a liar out of me, but I've yet to talk to a man that didn't go through this cycle with his wife.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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As long as when you're being salty for no reason she will come to you and make nice and try to make you feel better also, thats fine. It's a give and take. When it's constantly you dealing with her senseless rage, thats BS. Generally what happens is the women get mad and expect you to make nice, and if you don't you're an asshole. When you get mad about something? World War 3, the fuck you getting mad at me for? What kind of man are you? Which is obviously unacceptable. So I'd say your stance is fine as long as its a give and take but I certainly wouldn't just accept that getting shit on for no reason is part of living with a woman.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Yeah, if the 'banging shit' is a regular occurrence simply because she's doing something and you're not, I'm not going to give her the hormone pussy-pass. It's basically infantalizing her and allowing her to have shitty behavior simply because she's a chick. We're all assholes sometimes and like Cad said, it's give and take. However, I'm not going to deal with that shit, even on a monthly basis.
Thanks for the concern Dan, no doubt I have a lot of maturing to do. However just like the reality of her hormonal situations I do not have the capability to deal with irrational emotions I just shut down trying to rationalize it. I'm also not comfortable coddling extreme reactions for trivial day to day hardships. She started tearing up yesterday because she forgot her key card to get into work so she had to wait at the house an hour, she's salary and doesn't bill so it really doesn't matter. Still, that has to be extrapolated to incompetence and losing her mind. I just walk off, should I give her reassurance that everything will be ok when there is no reason it won't be in the first place? I feel like Tom hanks in that crying in baseball movie about twice a month.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Ah yes, I feel you fam
Sometimes my wife decides the house is a mess (LOL!!!!) and will go on some crazy tear cleaning everything up and slamming stuff around, complete with grunts and sighs.
radditsu
Silver Knight of the Realm
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Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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I suggest shutting that shit down now, while you still can. I told my current girlfriend that she needs to save the tears(around me, at least) for serious shit. If you cry over stupid shit, I'll eventually just tune out your crying altogether. Then when something is serious, I'm not taking it seriously. Obviously I'm a bit more diplomatic with her than on here.
Hoss
Make America's Team Great Again
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And now some unsolicited advice for you. Pre-emptive husbanding. When you know it's coming due to hormones, it's a simple matter to make sure you tell her how pretty / smart she is before things get bad. That's the thing about hormones, they don't always cause negative emotions. They just amplify whatever is going on. If you can inject some positive emotions in first she can have a great period. Orgasms are also good for this. Hers, not yours.
Also, have chocolate on hand. I cannot stress that enough. It requires minimal preparation from you. Just sometime during the month buy chocolate and keep it hidden till she starts acting hormonal. Chocolate makes my wife sick so I have to keep white chocolate around.
Exactly what I think soy. Man I was worried I actually was a sociopath because I feel nothing when she cries over bullshit. Or maybe we're both sociopaths.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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My wife doesn't cry over bullshit but she'll get irrationally angry over bullshit.
WHY CANT THOSE FUCKING KIDS WIPE UP THE 5 DROPS OF WATER THEY DRIPPED GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER WARRRRGGGGLLLBARGL
Me:
radditsu
Silver Knight of the Realm
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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I guess but you can make them come back and wipe it up without the irrational anger. She shrieks at them for every little thing. And we are literally talking about drops here.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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When we first met my wife would cry over stupid shit all the time. Not sure what changed but it was stupid.
Dandai
<WoW Guild Officer>
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Appreciated. Given that our friend Big P is a newly wed, I thought it best to stick with step 1 (gotta crawl before you can walk). You've done a great job describing step 2. You'll be happy to hear that I already engage in pre-emptive husbanding.
Re: putting up with selfish bullshit. I didn't make a distinction between a rare hard day and a frequent (or continuous) "hormonal rage" because it should go without saying that if your partner is an immature, selfish cunt then your first fuck up was putting a ring on her finger, not failing to tolerate her temper tantrums. Any one sided effort (yours or hers) will quickly break down into resentment and apathy.
You've probably heard it before, but people treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. That's true for all interaction, not just relationships. Only you can decide if you want to make the effort to "train" your partner in better ways to communicate with you (I guess I shouldn't assume that everyone here is trying to improve and maintain their marriage).
It took me a long time to come to terms with my sociopathic tendencies. I basically had to learn to fake caring/being empathetic until I learned how to ACTUALLY be caring/empathetic. Good luck.
Larnix
Blackwing Lair Raider
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I think I have mentioned this before but anytime I would try to comfort or accommodate my wife while she was being irrational she would actually just get worse. The harder I would try the crazier she would act until I would flip out and tell her to f*ck right off with her bs. It would instantly calm her down.
Now I am like the others, I either ignore it or tell her to get to the point. 20 words or less what's the problem.
Now I am like the others, I either ignore it or tell her to get to the point. 20 words or less what's the problem.
Soygen
The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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It's not sociopathic if you don't give a shit that your wife is crying over forgetting her car keys. It's simply not acting like an emotional woman.