I am trying to adjust and believe that I will be a shiny new version of my former self, thanks to a little burnishing from grief coupled with extraordinary memories of my Beloved.
I am not isolating myself, but the rides home from fun nights out are surprisingly difficult.
Ex. I went out last Friday night with friends, several I have known since grade or high school. We went for dinner, drinks and to see a local cover band. It was fun, I danced, laughed, joked, reminisced, got hit on by men of varying ages....like 20 somethings to 50 somethings...and was told that I could expect to be asked on a date....which was flattering but also freaked me out. I am ridiculously friendly and forget that it can be interpreted as flirty...then I felt terrible...like it was dishonoring G. All I wanted was for him to be home when I got there. I didn't sleep well that night.
The next day, one of the guys did call me. I think he thinks I am low hanging fruit....that is cynical of me. Maybe he is just lonely and he thinks spending time with me would be nice. I tried very gently to thank him but explain dating is not on my radar just yet.
Tears show up at random times...in small and strange ways...like throwing out sugar free jam that G liked, but I didn't....seeing the hydrangea in full bloom right now...he hated that bush...stupid stuff like that.
I am rambling....sorry.
Since I can't remember the original point I was trying to make I will just say that I like Dark Gravy.