Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Blazin_sl said:

because I've never been with another women but my wife I have talked about it over the years that she would give me a hall pass, my last time in Vegas she told me didnt care if hit a brothel for a BJ but while I am curious about it and my desire wants it, it's nothing I think I could actually follow through on. If this works for you, I'm jealous

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I would say the wifey is laying a trap.

I would also say that having never banged another woman you should want to step in said trap.

I simply can't fathom the concept of having only slept with one woman in my life, so I say you should swandive into the trap and take it like a man.

It doesn't have to be monogamous, but if you aren't going to be, why bother getting married in the first place? So you can have a piece of paper and pay lawyers down the road when shit goes bad?

I think I agree with a_skeleton_03 at a root level but far less judgmentally. Its funny because I'm having a hard time deciding if I see this as a looming trainwreck for the marriage or if it is a sign of such good communication the marriage is iron clad.

a_skeleton_03_sl said:

Right, it isn't that I think there is some sanctity being violated, it's more like what's the point. You are lying to yourself and to each other just to keep something afloat a bit longer? Maybe it gets you through until you figure things out.

I just don't see the point of in staying together at that point. The reason they are is probably kids, thus my original question.

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For all the reasons I listed already and DickTrickle reiterated. I have no feelings for anyone else, nor do I care to. I love my husband and he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I got tired of all the bullshit surrounding what was 'appropriate' sexually years ago. My husband and I have had an incredibly open dialogue about everything sex related for like... 7 years now. I went through my clit and nipple piercing phase, my bdsm phase, my posting pics on the internet phase. It has all been fun and worked for me/us.

a_skeleton_03_sl said:

You are lying to yourself and to each other just to keep something afloat a bit longer?

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That right there shows you do think it's about some sanctity being violated. You can't even comprehend that this happening could possible mean the marriage isn't irrevocably damaged or bound to fail. You can't comprehend that they aren't lying to themselves. Lindz can say how the husband and her are banging twice daily and she loves him and all that but you're going to read into that as some self-delusion. Looking at this topic, you seem more delusional than her. You are intellectually incapable of seeing it any other way.

a_skeleton_03_sl said:

This case specifically? It has all the hallmarks of a train wreck. She was basically emotionally manipulated and forced into it. Not her fantasy and not her desire but she spent years being asked to do it and him trying to convince her to take one more step and then just one more step in the process. Now it is what "she wants" after years of battering down her defenses.

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I had to spend time making my wife like certain things in bed. At this point she at least willingly does them. a_skeleton_03 do you know any good divorce lawyers since I emotionally manipulated her?

lindz_sl said:

my posting pics on the internet phase

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This didn't have to just be a phase you know.

And I was in no way manipulated into it. We've talked for years, just like we've talked for years about my fetish with being tied up and spanked. I was the one who initiated it when I started to sense it happening. That was when I went to him and told him there was potential for it and asked how he felt. He was on board. I would NEVER be manipulated into sex that was wrong for me.

Oh shit. Lindz has Cuckholm Syndrome!

Cad_sl said:

I disagree. Emotional manipulation would be him withholding attention, affection, sex, or otherwise until she complies with his wishes. She didn't describe any of that. He literally told her his desires and she took time to be ok with it. Thats called communication.

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No it's not. It's called the devil's work.

Completely anecdotal, but everyone I've known of that got into this sort of situation, be it cucking/swinging/voyeurism/threesomes etc:

A) Started because it was the man's idea and he got obsessed with it and wouldn't relent until she agreed to experiment.

B) Ended badly due to all kinds of unexpected consequences and emotions that couldn't be overcome.

Now usually the typical thing that happens is one person ends up developing an emotional and deepening relationship to an extracurricular partner to the point that they either leave the marriage for that person or the other partner can't handle it anymore. That's one big wild card here, you can claim you know this side kid really well all you want, but you acutally have no idea how he's going to approach this whole thing in the long run or how that might affect the marriage. Nor can you fully predict how your emotions towards both of them might change as this whole thing progresses. I know as a woman your emotions are generally going to be stable as a rock...but its a possibility!

I'm not really judging or telling you what to do, but its just my gut reaction when I hear about this sort of thing that "this won't end well". Wasn't lindz like a virgin before her marriage or something too? Maybe I've got that mixed up.

I also realize there are alternative lifestyle people out there who balance these relationships and fetishes perfectly well long term, but I get the impression they enter into that agreement from the beginning. Not after years of doing a more traditional and monogamous approach and then trying to branch into it.

Partially its just that I'm just a cynical and jaded personality, but I'd predict that the marriage is a shambles within the next two years the more this situation continues and evolves. Maybe not though, good luck!