We all have fuck-ups Onoes. If you listen to everyone here, my marriage was a fuck-up. Yours are just the most entertaining. Like, here's my story:
Went and did my taxes with the wife. We're getting back a decent amount. We then bought some groceries.
Not as humorous or entertaining as a whore trying to give you literal blue balls. I admire your self-restraint though. I would've probably had a knee-jerk reaction to hit her or at least push her. I'm no badass, and I wouldn't clothesline her down a flight of stairs, but I don't know if I could control myself.