Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Blazin

Blazin

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Wife told me this morning at breakfast she is thinking she wants to have a hysterectomy. She has endometriosis pretty bad for almost 8 years now, her obgyn wanted to yank it all out years ago when she developed some cysts, but they resolved on their own and her new Dr said she didn't think it was necessary. (at the time, 2008-2009 i think)

Has me kind of stressed because I really dont know what the right course of action is, and whether we have a full grip on side effects/downsides etc. If they take all uterus/ovaries and cervix she is looking at menopause at 39 yrs old. Just to reduce cancer risk I kinda want her to do it but I worry about it "changing" her for the lack of a better word, mood, sex drive etc.

Anyone other old farts out there who have gone through this with their spouse?
 
Cad

Cad

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Blazin said:
Wife told me this morning at breakfast she is thinking she wants to have a hysterectomy. She has endometriosis pretty bad for almost 8 years now, her obgyn wanted to yank it all out years ago when she developed some cysts, but they resolved on their own and her new Dr said she didn't think it was necessary. (at the time, 2008-2009 i think)

Has me kind of stressed because I really dont know what the right course of action is, and whether we have a full grip on side effects/downsides etc. If they take all uterus/ovaries and cervix she is looking at menopause at 39 yrs old. Just to reduce cancer risk I kinda want her to do it but I worry about it "changing" her for the lack of a better word, mood, sex drive etc.

Anyone other old farts out there who have gone through this with their spouse?
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Not my spouse but have had friends who had this done, can they do just a partial in your wife's case and leave the ovaries? Then you won't have early menopause.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Cad said:
Not my spouse but have had friends who had this done, can they do just a partial in your wife's case and leave the ovaries? Then you won't have early menopause.
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Told that keeping her right one only is a possible but the Doctor really hedges their advice. Wife's mother, 2 aunts and grandmother all dead of cancer by 60, but none of them lived healthy and all died of different cancers not ovarian, but doc says still makes her high risk and we may not want to "risk" it. Doesn't much help with the decision making
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Wife thinks it may even help with sex in that now she has discomfort because when ya plow her you can see it move all her lower internal organs, which after the fun of pretending I'm huge wares off I do feel for her that is probably not particularly fun.

To clarify for those who don't know, endometriosis binds together your organs stopping them from moving freely
 
Cad

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Blazin said:
Told that keeping her right one only is a possible but the Doctor really hedges their advice. Wife's mother, 2 aunts and grandmother all dead of cancer by 60, but none of them lived healthy and all died of different cancers not ovarian, but doc says still makes her high risk and we may not want to "risk" it. Doesn't much help with the decision making
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Would the same concern prevent them from recommending hormone replacement therapy after the hysterectomy?
 
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Then she won't get menopause symptoms until she rolls off the HRT.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Cad said:
Then she won't get menopause symptoms until she rolls off the HRT.
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I thought it was both but I may not have understood properly, ie take the hormones but that still go thru menopause. She is at work today so I'll have to wait for clarification. She is an RN and doesn't always explain to me in proper laymen terms.
 
Mrs. Gravy

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I am guessing she is not a candidate for endometrial ablation...or if fibroids are key issues....myomectomy or fibroid embolization?

That being said, hysterectomy with ovaries in tact has pretty good patient satisfaction rates (source pub med and best friends)

HRT, you have to balance risk/benefit, esp. with family hx of cancer.

Best wishes to your beloved, Mr. Blazin!
 
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iannis

iannis

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Taking the ovaries will make her insane, but she's a nurse so she's already insane -- so maybe it'll even out. HRT tends to fuck women up from what i've seen of it. Makes them less emotionally stable. But an awful lot of that is personality... so it's kind of impossible to say anything general beyond "hrt tends to fuck women up".

It's a hard call. If it were my body i'd avoid the radical and keep what ovary I could. Of course, I would have also yanked that shit out six years ago. Bye bye baby box, thanks for nothin.

But it ain't my body and she's a RN. She knows the risks. A histo at 39 is nothing to be afraid of. Even a radical histo.

TBH it will lower her cancer risk.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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Her mother died of non Hodgkin lymphoma I'm not certain on the other three.

We are going for a consult soon.
 
Blazin

Blazin

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just asked, breast cancer and leukemia are the others. It seems with that info there is less risk to keeping an ovary, but not exactly my field. The whole personality change is a fear for me, my wife in general (despite being a nurse) is extremely mild mannered.
 
iannis

iannis

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Well, even without a history of ovarian cancer she could still develop a cancerous ovary. The chance of that happening if she doesn't have an ovary is 0. The chance of it happening if she does have one is something above 0, but it is truly impossible to put a number on it. I think that's why the doctor was hedging so much. There is very simply no way to predict it.

If you want a counter argument, synthetic estrogen used in the previous decade was linked to increased rates of breast cancer. They're not using that anymore... it is meant to illustrate that this is a place without certainty. The science is good, the answers are vague.

Whichever choice she makes isn't wrong. She's also seen HRT and she's probably talked to woman about the effects of it in terms that we as men literally can not empathise with. Outline your concerns to her "I don't want you to die, I don't want you to go crazy, and I don't want you to hurt". Then with that knowledge, fully support whatever decision she makes. If she forces you to pick two, pick "don't die" and "don't hurt".

Maybe she goes absolutely nuts, and here you are ten years into a marriage with a completely new wife. Most men have to give away HALF THEIR SHIT for that privilege. And here you are, you lucky shit, getting it for free.


p.s. she won't go nuts.
 
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Kithani

Kithani

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Breast cancer and other gynecologic cancers can be related in some cases although I don't know in your wife's case. Why not just go to her doctor's office with her and ask these questions? Although I will admit a lot of doctors might downplay side effects especially if you go in asking if it will make your wife nuts haha
 
Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

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Well, it was a particular man, not just any man. I may be desiring it intensely, but I still am discreet in choosing with whom....at least for now. We shall see how long my resolve can last.
 
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