Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

Quite Saucy
<QUITE SAUCY>
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Waitress - saucers...nipples had horseshoes because bars were not big enough to establish the piercing she said. Big boobs...but everyone has big boobs compared to me...she was, I would guess a 40 DDD but I did not ask nor did I use my tape measure to do a bra fitting.

Me...in between a penny and a nickel34 B and my nipples are always hard so there's that.

What other information would you like? I may or may not share but you are welcome to pose the question.
 
Hatorade

Hatorade

A nice asshole.
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McCheese said:
Just got a text from her saying "I would like to share my thoughts that I didn't get a chance to share on monday. Can we meet, or if you prefer call ?"

What do? I think if we meet I'll get pulled back. It was hard as hell to leave the first time.
Click to expand...

Ignore it, any contact means going back and only remembering the good times. Change your number, remove all social entwined friends. It sucks and it is hard but it is the only way to be sure.
 
A

a_skeleton_02

<Banned>
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McCheese said:
Just got a text from her saying "I would like to share my thoughts that I didn't get a chance to share on monday. Can we meet, or if you prefer call ?"

What do? I think if we meet I'll get pulled back. It was hard as hell to leave the first time.
Click to expand...

I don't think you'll find a relationship counselor alive that would recommend meeting or talking with your EX.

If it's over and you moved on the only thing this can do is hurt you. There is no positive outcome of this.

Either she gets emotional and you feel guilty or sad. Or she has been taking the entire week to come up with the most cutting remarks she can think of about you.

You have no responsibility for her hang ups and the worst thing you can do is be an audience for them.
 
A

a_skeleton_01

<Banned>
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McCheese said:
Just got a text from her saying "I would like to share my thoughts that I didn't get a chance to share on monday. Can we meet, or if you prefer call ?"

What do? I think if we meet I'll get pulled back. It was hard as hell to leave the first time.
Click to expand...

You know the answer is to not respond. I think that's why you asked.

Sometimes there's no shame in asking to get the answer you need to hear. I had an ex where I had to call buddies like they were my AA sponsor to tell me not to call her.
 
Mrs. Gravy

Mrs. Gravy

Quite Saucy
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McCheese said:
Just got a text from her saying "I would like to share my thoughts that I didn't get a chance to share on monday. Can we meet, or if you prefer call ?"

What do? I think if we meet I'll get pulled back. It was hard as hell to leave the first time.
Click to expand...
You have already stated that you have discussed with her on several occasions your wants and needs for a succesful future, these have not changed. She is not on the same page or perhaps even the same book as you. I don't know what she could possibly say that is any different than what she (per your earlier posts) has said and not then followed up on with action. No pun intended.
So...torture yourself with what ifs or torture yourself with going back...and lather, rinse, reprat. OR don't torture yourself at all because you chose a new path.

I am sorry for your heartbreak, though. It is the suck.
 
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Pemulis

Pemulis

Not Woke
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I'd pass on the f2f meeting, but what's the harm in a phone call? If you don't hear her out, you'll find yourself wondering what she wanted to tell you (especially when you're lonely and pretty sure she's already moved on).
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Pemulis said:
If you don't hear her out, you'll find yourself wondering what she wanted to tell you (especially when you're lonely and pretty sure she's already moved on).
Click to expand...

This is a pretty sad line of reasoning.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
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Honesty is the only way to get out of the trap.

Do what you have to do. That may mean absolutely silence. It really might.

If it were me I would meet with her. Not to let her make an appeal, I would be hoping for cruelty from her. What you're going to have to say is along the lines of, "it's not about you love. It's about children. I'm not going to force you to have them. I love and respect you. I need them. I hope you can respect me."

She deserves to be heard. But you can't waiver, and you can't lie. If you're afraid of any of those three, then tell her that you can't.
 
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McCheese

McCheese

SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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So, called her and talked for about an hour. Here's a summary:
- She said she's going to the doctor to check on her libido and see what she can do about that.
- She said that she's been feeling a lack of closeness with me over the last few months. This made me go wtf, because I have made efforts to be physical with her, such as putting my arm around her when we are watching TV, or put my hand on her leg when we're sitting in bed...stuff like that.
- She also said she wishes we had been spending more time together. I pointed out that on numerous occasions I have suggested spending time together, but she didn't want to because she preferred to do something with her family, or she had some TV shows on that she wanted to watch. On the other hand, in the 3 years we've been together, I have NEVER said "No thanks" if she asked about spending time together (unless I physically couldn't because of work or something like that).
- Ultimately it came back to kids. She said a few times that she didn't understand how kids can outweigh everything else that we have. I think this is the key, because if she thinks like that, I'm pretty sure that's a telltale sign that she doesn't have any true desire for kids. I think only someone who doesn't feel a desire for kids could brush them aside so easily.
- The real kicker is that for the first time in our 3-year relationship she FINALLY said the words "I love you" to me, and it was the last thing she said before we hung up. Probably the last words I'll hear from her.
She really, really didn't want things to end, but I just can't take the chance of continuing the relationship and waiting for the super slight chance she might want kids in the future. If she doesn't, I'd be bitter and resentful, and that isn't fair to either of us.
Sucks :(

*Edit* Two reasons I called instead of meeting: 1) it's a pretty long drive to her, like 50 minutes with traffic. 2) I didn't want to get sucked back in in a moment of weakness. I'm glad it was over the phone, cause she started crying and I probably would have broken if I had been there.
 
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iannis

iannis

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And, going forward, ask about children on one of the first few dates. Don't do it on the first, and don't do it one the one where you get your dick wet, but do it and do it sooner rather than later.
 
McCheese

McCheese

SW: Sean, CW: Crone, GW: Wizardhawk
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iannis said:
And, going forward, ask about children on one of the first few dates. Don't do it on the first, and don't do it one the one where you get your dick wet, but do it and do it sooner rather than later.
Click to expand...

Yes, this whole relationship has been a huge learning experience for me. It's easily the longest and most serious relationship I've ever had, and it really made me realize exactly what I want in life. In the future I'm going to be much clear (both to myself and to potential partners) about what I want, and that we need to be 100% on the same page with these things. We can compromise on the small stuff.
 
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Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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McCheese said:
Yes, this whole relationship has been a huge learning experience for me. It's easily the longest and most serious relationship I've ever had, and it really made me realize exactly what I want in life. In the future I'm going to be much clear (both to myself and to potential partners) about what I want, and that we need to be 100% on the same page with these things. We can compromise on the small stuff.
Click to expand...

Just be aware that many people have a hard time being completely honest about those things, especially at the beginning of a relationship. So while you may think that you being open and honest about it will help prevent these kinds of things in the future, you have to rely on the other person to also be 100% truthful with both themselves and you about those same things. Lots of people fall into the "well they'll probably change their minds once they fall in love with me" trap.

EDIT:
My girlfriend doesn't even really want to talk about those things and I'm starting to realize she's the type of person who is just a passenger in a relationship and hates confrontation. I got a little drunk this past weekend and told her I thought she was wasting her talent in the profession she chose. Not a terrible thing to have a conversation about except I said it in a group of people which was embarrasing and upsetting for her for obvious reasons. Didn't mean for it to come out in that fashion but we were talking about things like the economy and student loan debts and I just blurted it out as an example without thinking.

She was clearly upset about it and I apologized immediately and let her know I think very highly of her and that's where that opinion comes from but she has been pretty down ever since then but won't talk to me about it no matter how hard I try to get her to be honest with me about... me. And inevitably it will come to a head and manifest itself in a bad way once she gets tired of holding it all in. Likely when I say or do something which would be innocuous otherwise.

There's only so much you can do to open honest dialogue with people. You need both parties to be willing participants.
 
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Cad

Cad

scientia potentia est
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McCheese said:
So, called her and talked for about an hour. Here's a summary:
- She said she's going to the doctor to check on her libido and see what she can do about that.
- She said that she's been feeling a lack of closeness with me over the last few months. This made me go wtf, because I have made efforts to be physical with her, such as putting my arm around her when we are watching TV, or put my hand on her leg when we're sitting in bed...stuff like that.
- She also said she wishes we had been spending more time together. I pointed out that on numerous occasions I have suggested spending time together, but she didn't want to because she preferred to do something with her family, or she had some TV shows on that she wanted to watch. On the other hand, in the 3 years we've been together, I have NEVER said "No thanks" if she asked about spending time together (unless I physically couldn't because of work or something like that).
- Ultimately it came back to kids. She said a few times that she didn't understand how kids can outweigh everything else that we have. I think this is the key, because if she thinks like that, I'm pretty sure that's a telltale sign that she doesn't have any true desire for kids. I think only someone who doesn't feel a desire for kids could brush them aside so easily.
- The real kicker is that for the first time in our 3-year relationship she FINALLY said the words "I love you" to me, and it was the last thing she said before we hung up. Probably the last words I'll hear from her.
She really, really didn't want things to end, but I just can't take the chance of continuing the relationship and waiting for the super slight chance she might want kids in the future. If she doesn't, I'd be bitter and resentful, and that isn't fair to either of us.
Sucks :(

*Edit* Two reasons I called instead of meeting: 1) it's a pretty long drive to her, like 50 minutes with traffic. 2) I didn't want to get sucked back in in a moment of weakness. I'm glad it was over the phone, cause she started crying and I probably would have broken if I had been there.
Click to expand...

So, I've always found it interesting that women will perceive the problem as a "lack of intimacy" or that she wanted to spend more time with you... despite you trying to do exactly that and you wanting to be close to her and she always pushes you away.

But when questioned they'll say they perceived it that way and then reacted to your coldness. And you'll be completely flabbergasted since it's contrary to the facts you observed.

Have been there, have done that... got the t-shirt.
 
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iannis

iannis

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A good nipple can redeem an otherwise disappointing breast.

I assume there's an analogue. A beautiful cock. I assume it's about the proper shaft to balls ratio.
 
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