Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Yeah, I'd totally bang his wife.

Here's potentially some upcoming drama...

Girlfriend is visiting for a couple of weeks (Transatlantic Long Distance Relationship), and I think I'm done. Not because there is necessarily anything wrong with her, or because of a specific situation, we're just very different. We really haven't had many major issues in our 7 month relationship really, I've just come to the conclusion that we are just not compatible for the long run. My gut is screaming we wouldn't be happy if we tried, and has been for a while now.

She's still has 10 days left here. I'm not sure if I should break it up to her as soon as possible and let her decide what to do, or wait closer to the end of her visit, or wait till she's gone. Though the last one may sound like a douchey thing to do, part of me believes that would be the easiest on her, since I think she's gonna have a hard time with the news, not only because she really does loves me, but I believe she thinks I may even want to propose sometime in the next few months (though we haven't talked about it specifically)

If you're done, I'd wait till she leaves.

That's a week where you'd have to sit with her after you've told her, "On second thought -- not so much".

Give her a really nice time. Treat her as an honored guest. If SHE brings it up, don't lie. If she wants to confront that then do. But don't be a child and drop hints. Don't try to let her down easy. She is on your territory. She has made a committment to this beyond yours and you need to respect that vulnerability. It might seem kinda selfish and douchey, but it's not unless you lie to her. She's gonna think it's selfish and douchey no matter what you do. The thing here is to not take advantage. You can't give her what she wants, but that doesn't mean you've got nothing to give her.

I mean you don't see anything in this long term. But another week... that is not long term. You can be a gracious host for a week and give her a wonderful vacation.

And I'm not saying it to be a dick. Don't look for girlfriends on the internet. There are no girls on the internet. You gotta step that shit up.

iannis said:

Yeah, I'd totally bang his wife.

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I feel like I could go either way for the dirks. I'm sure he would be a kind and gentle lover.

Friend just went through the Trans-pacific long-distance visit break up thing. All I can say from seeing how it played out: do not pussy out and wait until she leaves to tackle the end of the relationship. Whatever talking you need to do about the end of it needs to be done face to face, not when she's back home. Might be easier to process when you wait, but if you actually give a fuck about her feelings...just don't do that.

Half-truths and edging around it isn't going to get you anywhere. Nut up and be honest. Band-aid, whenever you choose to rip it off.

Going to side with Iannis on this one. You're going to hurt her either way, but either wait for the last day or until she is home again to end things. That is not a drama bomb you want to detonate and make her whole trip a shitty one.

I wouldn't even do it on the last day. At this point the self deceptions are just so deep that anything less than a total system crash is cruelty. It's not just you. You both knew that there was only 1 of 2 ways this was going to go, and the odds are 3 against that it was the "happy" outcome.

You need to nut up, sure. But so the fuck does she. However... she's the one that made the trip, and you have a responsibility to her for another 10 days. That's what you took on when you agreed to host.

There's a reason people reach out on the internet. Decisively on the internet rather than through a different avenue. It's a very specific thing. Probably sounds judgemental. I don't mean it to be. It's observational. All the forms have pros and cons. For every "I met my wife/husband on the internet and we've been soooooo happily married for 90 years now!" there are failures beyond counting. In that regard the internet is absolutely NOT special or remarkable. It is quite mundane.

But it also stretches the process grotesquely. These bonds feel real. The internet really distorts things like this if you're not excessively careful. They aren't real. They can be made real, certainly. There are people that meet their life long partners on the internet. And they've been married for 90 years.

They also meet them at the grocery store, at church, at the bar, at work...

Yeah, I see both Iannnis and Zaara's points, and have considered them both for a while now. It's definitely not a "manning up" issue. I know it most be done sooner or later and I'm ready for it. It's a matter of deciding what the wisest thing to do regarding the whole situation, and her. I'm not planning on lying to her if it were to come up, and I'm definitely not dropping hints or acting like a jackass "in the hopes she dumps me first"

Gonna talk to a couple of close friends today too and see what they think. But I appreciate the input so far

If you brick her body up in your basement, you never have to deal with an awkward breakup.

Just sayin.

Have you actually ever seen this chick irl? I can't imagine someone making a trip from EU to US all too often.

Tenks said:

Have you actually ever seen this chick irl? I can't imagine someone making a trip from EU to US all too often.

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Have I seen her? Yeah, we actually met over 8 years ago, and reconnected 8 months ago since I was visiting her country for work. I've been to her Hometown twice since and this is the second time she visits.

Long distance relationships never work anyways, like others said show her a good time. Depending on how you feel about it and how she will take it you might want to consider telling her this is a goodbye vacation.

I would break up with her if you don't think it will work. Why drag it out. She'll be pissed if she wasted another 2 weeks with a dude presumably sexing her up

chaos said:

I feel like I could go either way for the dirks. I'm sure he would be a kind and gentle lover.

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Hahahaha +1 Thanks Chaos I had a shitty day and that truly made me laugh.

I decided to trim back some trees that were rubbing on the house. Got out the crummy little electric chainsaw and trimmed away. 5-6 medium sized branches, no big deal. Then my heart monitor goes off, 135bpm. Ahh fuck. Sure I had the saw above my head getting a higher branch and it was stubborn, but come on. God damnit!

I watched my Dad go through this, but he was 76 when he died. I have 56% heart function left, and I can not push it but god damn it, God fucking DAMN it! It was just a few fucking branches.

TrollfaceDeux said:

Is she hot

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She's not asian

chaos said:

I feel like I could go either way for the dirks. I'm sure he would be a kind and gentle lover.

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I can be kind and gentle, but sometimes I just wanna pull your hair and go to pound town.

Jokes on you, he keeps that Private Pyle style.

You can't pull his hair and. Oh. Ooooh. Ooooooooh.