Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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Crone

Crone

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Yea, already have looked one up. Heading out of town for 2 weeks tomorrow, so it'll have to wait those 2 weeks, but I intend to make an appointment. Been thinking for a while that it'd be good to talk to one. Guess I should have acted on that sooner. :(
 
Khane

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I would have just threatened to go get frozen yogurt and not bring her any. But maybe that's just me.
 
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Noodleface

Noodleface

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On the plus side crone

1u2pn0.jpg
 
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Cad

Cad

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Crone said:
Wife has anxiety problems. Only recently did she finally agree to go see a doctor, and more than likely put on meds. This hasn't happened yet, and I'm unsure of my tipping point, but in the last 6 months, I can't handle it when she gets frustrated and starts screaming and yelling. This morning she's packing to get ready to leave on a trip, and she drops a bag that goes all over the place. This sets her off, and she slams the stuff still in her hands down, and starts yelling and screaming. Then it turns towards me, as to why I'm not helping her get packed and ready. I thought was working from home, and checking work emails at the time while I occupied our 6 month old baby. Figured keeping the baby out her hair while she got ready was enough? Guess not.

So I get dressed real quick and carry the last of a few things out to the car with her, and she starts slamming car doors closed, and say that she needs to stop slamming doors. She slams the next even harder, and so I yell at her that if she slams another door I'm going to bash her fucking face in. She screams back at me that I don't threaten her. I yell back that I'll threaten her anytime I want as long as she keeps being unfair, and taking her shit out on me. We've made up, and I've apologized, and now she's gone, but I'm wallowing here at home, feeling like a scum bag.
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That was obviously the wrong thing to do, I won't sugar coat it.

Sounds like there is some childish behavior on both sides there though, the responsibility is always on the man to not lose his temper. Just how it is, sucks to be a man. The payback there is very little fear of physical harm if the woman loses her temper, which women don't get the luxury of. We could kill them with our bare hands at any time.
 
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Crone

Crone

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Cad said:
That was obviously the wrong thing to do, I won't sugar coat it.

Sounds like there is some childish behavior on both sides there though, the responsibility is always on the man to not lose his temper. Just how it is, sucks to be a man. The payback there is very little fear of physical harm if the woman loses her temper, which women don't get the luxury of. We could kill them with our bare hands at any time.
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Yea, double standards, but I don't mind them in that particular instance. She reminded me how years ago, she used to hit the lock button in the car whenever we were at a stop light, and someone would cross the street. I always told her, who the heck is going to mess with you, with me in the car, being a big dude, but now I'm the one she's afraid of.

It's the first time in our relationship where there was a hard ultimatum given. Do this again, I'm gone. Rightfully so, but I suppose it's one of those things that you never think could happen in your relationship, until it happens in your relationship. New baby in February, and new job started in March that has me away from home quite a bit. Between those 2 I'm pretty sure I know the triggers, just have to figure out how to fix them, and work through it at this point. Lol - I'd reroll DPS just for you Noodleface Noodleface !

Khane Khane I'm glad this thread/board never forgets! hahaha
 
Haast

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Crone said:
Yea, double standards, but I don't mind them in that particular instance. She reminded me how years ago, she used to hit the lock button in the car whenever we were at a stop light, and someone would cross the street. I always told her, who the heck is going to mess with you, with me in the car, being a big dude, but now I'm the one she's afraid of.

It's the first time in our relationship where there was a hard ultimatum given. Do this again, I'm gone. Rightfully so, but I suppose it's one of those things that you never think could happen in your relationship, until it happens in your relationship. New baby in February, and new job started in March that has me away from home quite a bit. Between those 2 I'm pretty sure I know the triggers, just have to figure out how to fix them, and work through it at this point.
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Making physical threats isn't the answer, no doubt. That can't happen and she's right to say she won't tolerate it.

But if she isn't looking in the mirror and asking herself some serious questions about her behavior, then she's missing an important lesson here. She flipped out so hard over a nothing incident that had nothing to even do with you that she broke down your self-restraint. How is that even a little OK? She should understand she really fucked up here as well. Just because you did something wrong (you did) doesn't absolve her from throwing an insane tantrum and completely flipping out at you over a minor mistake she made herself that was easily fixed. Even worse, she did it in front of your young child.

This is why I'd suggest a counselor if she thinks this is her instant win card to every future argument or temper tantrum.
 
Hoss

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This isn't the first time you've told us about Mrs Crone being crazy.

Maybe look on the bright side. Now if you ever want to end it, you know all you have to do is threaten violence again. It feels good to know you have an easy out.

My question is, were you serious about it? When I was a teenager, I stopped making threats that i wasn't serious about. I was a big strong dude and people would get legit afraid when I'd say "I'm going to kill you!" So I toned it down and every time I got in that situation, I thought about what I was actually willing to do to this person. Turns out the oddly specific threats are a little scarier (according to some people anyway), but at least I'm not threatening violence anymore. Anyway, that shit got exhausting so now I mostly just laugh at people who are yelling at me and making threats they can't possibly carry out.

Point being, maybe you need to slow down and make a point of not making threats you don't mean. Stop relying on those cliches and you'll be a better person all around.
 
Noodleface

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Once when driving to my apartment a kid jumped out of the woods in front of my car to scare me. I asked him if he wanted me to bring him into the woods, kill him, and bury him so that his family never found him. I meant it too, in the moment. I was pretty lucky because he had my license plate but I never heard anything
 
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Crone

Crone

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Hoss said:
This isn't the first time you've told us about Mrs Crone being crazy.

Maybe look on the bright side. Now if you ever want to end it, you know all you have to do is threaten violence again. It feels good to know you have an easy out.

My question is, were you serious about it? When I was a teenager, I stopped making threats that i wasn't serious about. I was a big strong dude and people would get legit afraid when I'd say "I'm going to kill you!" So I toned it down and every time I got in that situation, I thought about what I was actually willing to do to this person. Turns out the oddly specific threats are a little scarier (according to some people anyway), but at least I'm not threatening violence anymore. Anyway, that shit got exhausting so now I mostly just laugh at people who are yelling at me and making threats they can't possibly carry out.

Point being, maybe you need to slow down and make a point of not making threats you don't mean. Stop relying on those cliches and you'll be a better person all around.
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No, not serious about it. I think in the moment I was mad enough to probably get all up in her face. I think I actually did, but to do the deed? Yea, wouldn't happen. That's like in the movies, when the dude has the gun, but can't pull the trigger or whatever.
 
Lithose

Lithose

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Noodleface said:
It's normal as in every 6 months or so she tries to go on my phone. Wasn't like this before. I got no idea man
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Has one of her friends recently had an issue in their marriage?

Edit: Durrr, shit, nm, this is what I get for responding before scrolling down.

Noodleface said:
Guys I'm fucking dense. Literally retarded.

Two days ago her best friend told her that her fiance called off the wedding, one month before it was to occur. Her reason was he was homesick and his dad was terminally ill, but that didn't make sense to us and we figured he was probably unfaithful

And now it all makes sense.
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lol, thought this because my wife recently got nervous because this happened to one of her friends. She can look at my phone or email if she wants, we've both agreed to it--but she didn't ask directly (Just asked who I was speaking to one night.)
 
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Noodleface

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So my wife's friend was engaged/dating a guy for 5 years. He moved from NYC to live with her. My wife's friend is crazy hot, is really nice, makes great money and already owns a house. The guy moved in with nothing and she took care of him.

His dream was to be a paramedic I guess, but he had no GED. So she set him up with schooling and got him going. After getting his GED she helped him get into some emt program at a community college.

One day she came home and found s bunch of boxes in the closet, when asked about it he said he failed out of school and got the boxes in case she kicked him out. This was a year or two ago , but basically the first red flag she ignores.

He ends up getting a job as an emt or whatever the shit tier version is called. Loves his job and again wanted to further himself. He gets some courses through work and starts attending them at night while also working overnight shifts. All seems fine.

One day he tells my wife's friend that he accidentally sent a text message to my wife's friends friend Sarah and he could explain it, It wasn't bad. She wanted to see the text but he said he deleted it. Sarah said she deleted it too but she said it was him saying "I'm in Plymouth, drinks?" Or something like that. My wife's friend said no big deal, Verizon can bring up the text log.

They go to Verizon and the guy goes inside asking about it. He comes out after awhile and says she needs to buy this cable and software to do it. She install everything and tried for 4 hours to get the messages but it's not working. Dude walks in and says "it won't work, the guy at the store told me there was a privacy lock in place and I figured you would just give up but you never did."

At this point she basically believes he's cheating on her because of how shady he's being. So a downward spiral begins of every few days he says "I have something to tell you.." and then after hashing out she asks if that's it and he assures her it is. Only to repeat.

The condensed version of that is he failed out of his courses at his job and wasn't allowed to pick up overnight shifts anymore. Only.. he wasn't home either. He was so ashamed he started getting hotel rooms in Plymouth, walking the beach, hitting bars, catching concerts. He said he didn't cheat.. but..

So she's obviously confused and hurt. I guess a coworker told him to stop that shit and tell his fiance, which set him off so he assaulted him at work and was subsequently fired for it. Instead of telling her all this stuff he just went home to NYC to live with his mom. Threw a solid 5 year relationship down the drain because he couldn't deal with failing some courses.

I guess looking back she said she remembered all the times she'd come home early and he said class was cancelled or whatever. She also said it was a shame because while that stuff is pretty shitty, it's also forgivable with some work on improving trust again.

On the outside this dude was perfect, but something wrong with his head.

So when I found out about all this I sort of forgave my wife for being a little nervous. She knows I wouldn't cheat or anything, but I think the story scared her.
 
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Soygen

Soygen

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Crazy hot, really nice, makes good money and that's the dude she is settling for? Was there supposed to be a comma between crazy and hot?
 
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Cad

Cad

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Noodleface said:
So my wife's friend was engaged/dating a guy for 5 years. He moved from NYC to live with her. My wife's friend is crazy hot, is really nice, makes great money and already owns a house. The guy moved in with nothing and she took care of him.

His dream was to be a paramedic I guess, but he had no GED. So she set him up with schooling and got him going. After getting his GED she helped him get into some emt program at a community college.

One day she came home and found s bunch of boxes in the closet, when asked about it he said he failed out of school and got the boxes in case she kicked him out. This was a year or two ago , but basically the first red flag she ignores.

He ends up getting a job as an emt or whatever the shit tier version is called. Loves his job and again wanted to further himself. He gets some courses through work and starts attending them at night while also working overnight shifts. All seems fine.

One day he tells my wife's friend that he accidentally sent a text message to my wife's friends friend Sarah and he could explain it, It wasn't bad. She wanted to see the text but he said he deleted it. Sarah said she deleted it too but she said it was him saying "I'm in Plymouth, drinks?" Or something like that. My wife's friend said no big deal, Verizon can bring up the text log.

They go to Verizon and the guy goes inside asking about it. He comes out after awhile and says she needs to buy this cable and software to do it. She install everything and tried for 4 hours to get the messages but it's not working. Dude walks in and says "it won't work, the guy at the store told me there was a privacy lock in place and I figured you would just give up but you never did."

At this point she basically believes he's cheating on her because of how shady he's being. So a downward spiral begins of every few days he says "I have something to tell you.." and then after hashing out she asks if that's it and he assures her it is. Only to repeat.

The condensed version of that is he failed out of his courses at his job and wasn't allowed to pick up overnight shifts anymore. Only.. he wasn't home either. He was so ashamed he started getting hotel rooms in Plymouth, walking the beach, hitting bars, catching concerts. He said he didn't cheat.. but..

So she's obviously confused and hurt. I guess a coworker told him to stop that shit and tell his fiance, which set him off so he assaulted him at work and was subsequently fired for it. Instead of telling her all this stuff he just went home to NYC to live with his mom. Threw a solid 5 year relationship down the drain because he couldn't deal with failing some courses.

I guess looking back she said she remembered all the times she'd come home early and he said class was cancelled or whatever. She also said it was a shame because while that stuff is pretty shitty, it's also forgivable with some work on improving trust again.

On the outside this dude was perfect, but something wrong with his head.

So when I found out about all this I sort of forgave my wife for being a little nervous. She knows I wouldn't cheat or anything, but I think the story scared her.
Click to expand...

I would say there's about a 9000% chance this guy cheated, and not just once, dude sounds like a pathological liar, honestly.
 
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Khane

Khane

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Soygen said:
Crazy hot, really nice, makes good money and that's the dude she is settling for? Was there supposed to be a comma between crazy and hot?
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He just forgot to also mention "really stupid"
 
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Soygen

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If you don't even have a GED, you might want to prepare for a lifetime of someone else being the breadwinner.
 
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