Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
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Get an anti-snoring mouth guard from your dentist, it's about $700 for a custom fit model. No more snoring, happy wife/gf, and you'll actually find that the quality of your sleep has vastly improved.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Nester
Vyemm Raider
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Love it.
Being on the couch for farts and snores is different that being on the couch as a punishment!
Namon
Blackwing Lair Raider
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I read this thread yesterday and it was quite eye opening and provoked some thought on my end. I was going to post my overall positive experience in my eight year and counting marriage. And then I had a bomb drop after finding out a close family member's 34 year marriage is about to crash and burn due to a porn/Craigslist CE addiction just last night. So, yeah my sails on the whole subject are a little deflated...
lindz
#DDs
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It is so mind boggling to hear about those type of situations. How do people hide stuff after being together for so long? After 9 years together I feel like I know my husband so well that I could tell if there was a change in something especially something as big as that. It seems at that point, the other party is choosing to ignore the wrong behavior for whatever reason. Likely because they don't want to have to deal with the hurt if it comes out in the open.
Not to mention just the respect part of it, 34 years and to respect your partner so little that you are hiding something you know is not right for your relationship...
I guess I'm still living in happy land and I'd like to keep it that way.
Not to mention just the respect part of it, 34 years and to respect your partner so little that you are hiding something you know is not right for your relationship...
I guess I'm still living in happy land and I'd like to keep it that way.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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Yeah I know a guy who's wife just simply stopped having sex. She just said she didn't need to have it anymore to be happy and he needed to respect that. They were together almost 10 years and after over a year of that he filed for divorce. He was made out to be the villain by both sides of the family and now no one he's related to will talk to him basically. They have two kids together.
He said they got to become very close roommates and that's not why he got married.
So yeah, what Noodle said hits home in my buddys case.
The whole "I'm not in the modd and you need to respect that" stuff only goes so far, your other partner has needs too and you need to respect those as well.
He said they got to become very close roommates and that's not why he got married.
So yeah, what Noodle said hits home in my buddys case.
The whole "I'm not in the modd and you need to respect that" stuff only goes so far, your other partner has needs too and you need to respect those as well.
lindz
#DDs
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Ok that's is a world I don't get either. Why on earth would you marry someone if you weren't sexually attracted to them? "I'm not in the mood" happens, for both sides but only every once and a while. But when that becomes the norm?
If that is the full story there, she is fucking crazy. My god I can't even comprehend those marriages that almost never have sex. How does that happen? I have three kids, I am exhausted most of the time but I still enjoy having sex with my husband frequently and even if I'm not in the mood for crazy monkey sex, I still derive pleasure from making him happy. We have what we call "alone time" in our house. We tell the kids to go watch a show in their room and mommy and daddy need some alone time. In a couple years they'll get what that means and be totally embarrassed I'm sure, but I don't give a fuck, it is part of a happy marriage.
If that is the full story there, she is fucking crazy. My god I can't even comprehend those marriages that almost never have sex. How does that happen? I have three kids, I am exhausted most of the time but I still enjoy having sex with my husband frequently and even if I'm not in the mood for crazy monkey sex, I still derive pleasure from making him happy. We have what we call "alone time" in our house. We tell the kids to go watch a show in their room and mommy and daddy need some alone time. In a couple years they'll get what that means and be totally embarrassed I'm sure, but I don't give a fuck, it is part of a happy marriage.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Maybe I could offer some insight from the perspective of Tarrant's friend's wife. I'm not in the same position, but I do share the sentiment that I don't need sex at any regular interval to feel happy. If it happens, cool, if not, one of us probably screwed up with our time management. That happens(bad time management), a lot. People, in general, are really bad at sticking to a strict schedule. If that's the reason, I'm not going to get pissed about it.
I hate having to clear time to have sex. My wife does too, but I frequently have to remind her of her own position. Blocking off X amount of time for sex makes it feel almost like a chore. I'd much rather it happen organically. And unless it's the weekend, there aren't many opportunities for that to happen. We've discussed this ad infinitum, and while I'm sure both of us understand the reasons, she thinks it's because I'm not attracted to her, which is completely wrong.
Here, just to preempt some people, he's an example of our weekdays:
8 AM wakeup
9 AM - 6PM work
~6:15PM - 8:00PM check mail, discuss day, clean up anything the cat shit on, prepare dinner, eat dinner, watch a couple shows, wife falls asleep on couch
8PM - ??? at least 15 minutes here to clean up after dinner, then take care of anything around the house. Yesterday was calling VZW about the deadzone in our house. Day before that was cleaning up a water leak.
8:30PM - 11PM Free time! Could be shorter than this, but this is really the max amount possible. Wife could still be snoring on the couch, so I'm not going to wake her up just so I can poke her in the ass. Here's where bad time management and miscommunication occurs the most. I rarely get off the computer in time and she rarely ever directly asks for sex until...
11PM - 11:30PM get ready for bed. Get into bed after freshly showering, wife finally asks for sex. I usually turn her down because I'm just not in the mood at that point. I'm thinking about the next day's work and I'm tired. I just want to read a chapter in my book and go to bed. 25% chance wife gets angry, equating fucking and reading as the same thing.
Someone help me out here. I need some more ideas for organically starting sex. I've gotten pretty good at doing it on the couch as long as she doesn't fall asleep(which is a lot recently because she works at a daycare AND is pregnant). Or in the kitchen, but then you gotta go eat dinner.
I hate having to clear time to have sex. My wife does too, but I frequently have to remind her of her own position. Blocking off X amount of time for sex makes it feel almost like a chore. I'd much rather it happen organically. And unless it's the weekend, there aren't many opportunities for that to happen. We've discussed this ad infinitum, and while I'm sure both of us understand the reasons, she thinks it's because I'm not attracted to her, which is completely wrong.
Here, just to preempt some people, he's an example of our weekdays:
8 AM wakeup
9 AM - 6PM work
~6:15PM - 8:00PM check mail, discuss day, clean up anything the cat shit on, prepare dinner, eat dinner, watch a couple shows, wife falls asleep on couch
8PM - ??? at least 15 minutes here to clean up after dinner, then take care of anything around the house. Yesterday was calling VZW about the deadzone in our house. Day before that was cleaning up a water leak.
8:30PM - 11PM Free time! Could be shorter than this, but this is really the max amount possible. Wife could still be snoring on the couch, so I'm not going to wake her up just so I can poke her in the ass. Here's where bad time management and miscommunication occurs the most. I rarely get off the computer in time and she rarely ever directly asks for sex until...
11PM - 11:30PM get ready for bed. Get into bed after freshly showering, wife finally asks for sex. I usually turn her down because I'm just not in the mood at that point. I'm thinking about the next day's work and I'm tired. I just want to read a chapter in my book and go to bed. 25% chance wife gets angry, equating fucking and reading as the same thing.
Someone help me out here. I need some more ideas for organically starting sex. I've gotten pretty good at doing it on the couch as long as she doesn't fall asleep(which is a lot recently because she works at a daycare AND is pregnant). Or in the kitchen, but then you gotta go eat dinner.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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My fiance was doing the same thing. I would want to initiate when the feeling came up, she refused unless it was after 11:00 but before 12:00. Felt force and I lost interest for a long time.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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In this case I feel you know she wants to have sex and you're wotking with a 3 hour window of free time. You may feel it needs to be started a certain way but she from the sounds of it does not. You gotta bend to that at least 50% of the time or else you're being selfish imo.
As for my friend, his wife just crossed her legs for over a year for no real reason other than saying she didn't need to have sex anymore. She wasn't stepping out on him (they work together so that biggest window of seperation during the day he knows where she's at) she just didn't feel she needed to have sex anymore. She told him she loved him but he had to respect her body and her wishes.
I give the guy credit, he hung in there a while and he never cheated. At that point though he said he felt they lost their connection and simply just lived together and didn't feel like they were married anymore so he filed.
I feel bad for him because everyone he's related to that lives near him has wrote him off. Their marriage other that that was great from everything I hear but you can't just stop having sex totally and expect things to be okay.
As for my friend, his wife just crossed her legs for over a year for no real reason other than saying she didn't need to have sex anymore. She wasn't stepping out on him (they work together so that biggest window of seperation during the day he knows where she's at) she just didn't feel she needed to have sex anymore. She told him she loved him but he had to respect her body and her wishes.
I give the guy credit, he hung in there a while and he never cheated. At that point though he said he felt they lost their connection and simply just lived together and didn't feel like they were married anymore so he filed.
I feel bad for him because everyone he's related to that lives near him has wrote him off. Their marriage other that that was great from everything I hear but you can't just stop having sex totally and expect things to be okay.
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The opposite actually, I'm against it being started a certain way. Basically, I don't want to start sex by literally asking if the vagina is open.
Those 3 hours is best case really. We go to the gym 2-3 times a week, and most of the time, there's shit to be done around the house. And that's all going away come October(the free time). I'm quite amazed lindz can shoo three young kids away for fucking time and trust nothing will go wrong.
As for being selfish, maybe. I grew up in a house of 7 people so I was constantly getting dragged to things I didn't want to do. So I've really made it a point of not doing something unless everyone is on board. Even something trivial like listening to music in the car, even if I'm the one driving. I just don't understand the point of sex if you're "forcing" the other person to do it. Might as well masturbate.
Those 3 hours is best case really. We go to the gym 2-3 times a week, and most of the time, there's shit to be done around the house. And that's all going away come October(the free time). I'm quite amazed lindz can shoo three young kids away for fucking time and trust nothing will go wrong.
As for being selfish, maybe. I grew up in a house of 7 people so I was constantly getting dragged to things I didn't want to do. So I've really made it a point of not doing something unless everyone is on board. Even something trivial like listening to music in the car, even if I'm the one driving. I just don't understand the point of sex if you're "forcing" the other person to do it. Might as well masturbate.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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I don't get the "forcing" thing. Do you really never want to please your wife (and yourself in the process) if she asks it of you? Is it really forcing you? When you're having sex with your wife are you actually hating it and not wanting to do it?
Forcing is an odd word, is she raping you? I don't get it.
It's clearly not focing if she wants to and if she wanted to masturbate then she would do that. no, she wants to be intimate with you and I really don't get why you wouldn't want to be with her.
I get sometimes not being in the mood and I get wanting it to happen on its own (but seriously you're not a teenager anymore) but when you get to be an adult and you're busy you need to make time to be sure to make sure her needs are met.
Saying you'd rather read a book for half an hour then get yourself off and make your wife happy, to me, seems the very definition of being selfish. At least it is if it's a nightly happening.
Not trying to be a jerk here, just offering an outsideres perspective. I know if my wife kept turning me down at night to read her book I'd be pretty hurt by it.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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Have you tried talking about it? Say, yes I will give it to you on some set schedule your way scripted if thats how you like it, but we also need to have some spontaneous time because thats what I like. Do it my way sometimes and I'll do it your way sometimes too.
Make her happy while getting her to realize what will make you happy as well.
Make her happy while getting her to realize what will make you happy as well.
lindz
#DDs
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For us we typically just have sex when we feel like it. Scheduled sex sucks so we avoid that. If I want to do it after dinner I ask. Sometimes he says no and vice versa but we're usually decently in sync about it.
And I can trust my kids not to fo anything overly stupid while we're taking some time to ourselves because that's what we've always done so they are used to it and the oldest one can watch the younger ones pretty well for a bit.
And I can trust my kids not to fo anything overly stupid while we're taking some time to ourselves because that's what we've always done so they are used to it and the oldest one can watch the younger ones pretty well for a bit.
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That's why forcing was in quotes, it wasn't the best word. Couldn't think of a better one.
We have talked about it. I've been on the other end of this very conversation where she was complaining about wanting sex to be more spontaneous. But that was years ago, maybe her perspective has changed.
But, thanks for the input. It's easy to get lost in your own arguments and lose perspective on the whole matter.
We have talked about it. I've been on the other end of this very conversation where she was complaining about wanting sex to be more spontaneous. But that was years ago, maybe her perspective has changed.
But, thanks for the input. It's easy to get lost in your own arguments and lose perspective on the whole matter.