Noodleface
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So am I the only one on this side of the fence? I'm pretty curious, and not trying to be argumentative about it
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
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Guest, it's time once again for the massively important and exciting FoH Asshat Tournament!
Go here and give us your nominations!Who's been the biggest Asshat in the last year? Give us your worst ones!
Tarrant
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Seems so thus far. I've seen to much in terms of bad thigns happening with kids and social media and itnernet related things. Not only what our kids would do, but thos eout there trying to do things to our kids. I've seen (personally) attempting kidnappings, drugs, rape, drunken 13 year olds, minors sending nudes, adults sending nudes to minors, adults soliciting nudes from minors... alot of troubeled youth I work with at our shelter has some really messed up stories that makes me extremly glad I took the policy I did.
In a nutshell, the world sucks man, and the internet allows them all access to that.
In a nutshell, the world sucks man, and the internet allows them all access to that.
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I'm not trying to be argumentative, either. I hear what you are saying. Raise your kids in a certain way, and trust them to be that. I understand that, and in certain parts of life I trust that will happen. I don't trust the predators online, though. Perhaps that's a weakness of mine.
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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It's not just preadotors though. Yeah you can raise your kid well, but there are certain situations where they are gonna feel pressure and maybe make wrong decisions. That's part of growing up, but we didn't have do deal with our 15 year old nudes floating around the inetnet for the rest of forever for anyone looking for that kind of stuff to swoop up. That's where we are parents step in and need (in my opinion) to be proactive and not spy every single moment on their lives, but keep abreast of what the hell is happening.
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Noodleface
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I'm an extremely private person in real life and greatly value privacy. Perhaps that's why. I believe more in teaching the dangers of the world than reviewing messages and stuff, but that is just me. Perhaps I have a terrible view of the world.
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Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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I don't think you do. The value of teaching the dangers is enormous. You're doing great things for your kids, and you do your things. Privacy is very important, and letting your kids know that you value their privacy is also incredibly important, especially when they get into the teen years. It is possible to value their privacy, and still monitor things. It involves a lot of teaching and a lot of parenting. That's what I believe. However, I can absolutely see your point.
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Vanderhoof
Trakanon Raider
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Not a parent, but I've provided psychiatric care to enough adolescents to know teens frequently have poor judgement and I've treated enough child molestors fresh out of prison to know the night is dark and full of terrors.
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Aldarion
Egg Nazi
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This is so funny, I'm picturing having to have that conversation with my son one of these days and wondering how I'll keep from cracking up
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Noodleface
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I've watched every episode. What's clear to me is to make sure my kids know not to talk to older men online. I mean 98% of those dudes say "you don't mind that I'm older right"
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Tarrant
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Cutlery
Kill All the White People
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No, you're not the only one.
I started out like these guys are saying, and I did keep tabs on my oldest when she was younger, but then I realized that she actually paid attention to what we told her. We told her never to give out personal info online. We told her to use aliases, we taught her precautions to take, we told her not to post identifiable pictures. It helps that I am not on social media at all, and in fact if you Google my name, very, very little comes up. There's not a single picture of me online, and 98% of search results for me get obfuscated with a semi famous composer. Her mother's FB consists of zero pictures of herself, and only has pics of our pets. My ex worked for the IRS during the "fly your plane into the IRS building" years, and we took that shit seriously, so we never wanted anyone to be able to show up at the door if she pissed someone off over the course of doing her job.
We set an example for her, expected her to follow it, and it turns out she did. I think the last time I asked her what she was reading online now (she's a couple months shy of 18), she said "oh, just someone telling me I should die for disagreeing with them about the rules in D&D," so I know she's in the right place.
I also had the privilege of seeing what happens when you don't respect your kid's privacy. When I was out of the house last summer and my ex was neglecting the kids, she was leaving my oldest home a lot and going out with the new guy...sometimes with, sometimes without my youngest. She took the youngest out to dinner one night and the oldest didn't want to go, so I picked her up and we had dinner. I dropped her back off at the house later, and before I even got around the block I got a text from the ex saying "come pick up your daughter."
Turns out while we were at dinner, the ex thought it was a good idea to come home, read thru all the messages with the kid's boyfriend (where they were discussing how batshit her mom went) and all hell broke loose. My oldest told me the next day that she wants to live with me and spend as little time with her mom as possible until she turns 18. She has since commented that she's much happier living here because I treat her like an adult (and I hold her accountable as one too).
And just for perspective, when my lawyer drafted the custody arrangements, we noticed like a week later that it gave my ex 1 extra day every 2 weeks with my oldest and the kid's response to that was "absolutely not," and I had the lawyer fix it to bring it DOWN to what my kid wanted to spend with her mother.
So yeah...you're not the only one.
alavaz
Trakanon Raider
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I'm fully transparent with my kids though. I don't plan on giving them the illusion of privacy and then yanking the rug. They've known from day 1 that me, Zuckerberg and the NSA can see everything. I also wouldn't confront them for calling me a dick in a DM or whatever. Hell, I'll be happy if all their doing is shit talking dad. I just want to make sure that one of their weirdo acquaintances isn't planning a school shooting or they aren't being unreasonably cyber bullied or talking about wanting to kill themselves. Shit like that.
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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That's not really a story about what happens if you "invade" your kids privacy. That's a story about how much your ex-wife sucked. In addition to the two of you being divorced and your kid having a choice of where they want to be when they are mad at one or the other parent.
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I have one perspective on this. On Tinder there are underage girls posing as 18-21 pretty frequently. A lot of them these days are trying to sell nudes and get electronic money for them, Venmo, whatever. Then you have the ones actually looking to go out on dates or worse, which of course would fuck over the unknowing guy hard if it’s found out you’re doing something with an underage girl.
I went out with an 18 year old once — I made her show me two forms of ID because I was super paranoid about it and I don’t take anyone’s word when it’s that close.
She later told me she was on Tinder as early as 15/16 meeting up with guys and she had girlfriends who had sex with guys off Tinder at the same age while pretending they were older.
That’s fucked up. I would beat my kid’s ass to the greatest potential legally possible if I found out they were putting themselves and also other people in life destroying harm’s way.
Just thinking about how fast that could happen, were I a parent...a girl could download Tinder, get shit tons of matches in 30 minutes, arrange to meet with someone, and tell you they’re spending the night with a friend and unless you’re way on top of things you’d never know. World is a scary place.
I went out with an 18 year old once — I made her show me two forms of ID because I was super paranoid about it and I don’t take anyone’s word when it’s that close.
She later told me she was on Tinder as early as 15/16 meeting up with guys and she had girlfriends who had sex with guys off Tinder at the same age while pretending they were older.
That’s fucked up. I would beat my kid’s ass to the greatest potential legally possible if I found out they were putting themselves and also other people in life destroying harm’s way.
Just thinking about how fast that could happen, were I a parent...a girl could download Tinder, get shit tons of matches in 30 minutes, arrange to meet with someone, and tell you they’re spending the night with a friend and unless you’re way on top of things you’d never know. World is a scary place.
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iannis
Musty Nester
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Kids and social media is a tough one.
No idea what I'd do. In theory i'd go full immersion, show them 4chan, tell them stories about the glory days of /b/, call them newfags, and tell them to git gud or git rekt. But I doubt that plan would survive the battle.
It would be different for a boy than a girl. That's about all I can really say for sure.
No idea what I'd do. In theory i'd go full immersion, show them 4chan, tell them stories about the glory days of /b/, call them newfags, and tell them to git gud or git rekt. But I doubt that plan would survive the battle.
It would be different for a boy than a girl. That's about all I can really say for sure.
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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A lot less scary if you start using the age filter and start dating age appropriate women. Goddamn dude, what the fuck is that story?
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