Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

It's infuriating.

Again, I'm not sucking my own dick here, but I get a lot of attention from women. Most of it because I'm a full-time student at OU and I'm a decent looking, older guy. If you've got your hair (I do, thankfully), financially stable, lift, and aren't creepy -- being an older guy at a university is like swimming in pussy.

I'm in a counseling program and closely surrounded by women (70/30 split) who sometimes make it blatantly obvious what they'd do to me if I let them. I've even had two professors (neither worth looking at) drop subtle, thirsty comments.

Then I come home to my wife.......

Sure I can fuck her any time I want in almost any way I want, but....ya

Phazael · Aug 21, 2019

Well I guess it's circles back to the question of do you want to nuke an otherwise perfect marriage over this one detail? You're the only one who knows if it's a deal breaker or not. All i have to see on that is don't cheat break it off upfront. People do sometimes Girl part but that's no excuse to be a shity human being about it and until you sort this out I would avoid putting myself in a position where girls are tossing you free nudes.

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Phaz,

I've already answered your question numerous times. You're almost irritating me with the White Knight-esque tone.

No, I don't want to cheat on my wife and I won't. That doesn't mean I'm not going to bitch about her.

Alex · Aug 21, 2019

You just need to learn that Phaz is the extreme end of everything being a black or white case.

If there's a problem, either she's gonna cheat or you're gonna cheat.

Uber Uberest · Aug 21, 2019

Grabbit Allworth said:
Phaz,

I've already answered your question numerous times. You're almost irritating me with the White Knight-esque tone.

No, I don't want to cheat on my wife and I won't. That doesn't mean I'm not going to bitch about her.

Well I guess it's circles back to the question of do you want to nuke an otherwise perfect marriage over this one detail? You're the only one who knows if it's a deal breaker or not. All i have to see on that is don't cheat break it off upfront. People do sometimes Girl part but that's no excuse to be a shity human being about it and until you sort this out I would avoid putting myself in a position where girls are tossing you free nudes.

Soygen · Aug 21, 2019

Why y'all marrying women who don't fit what you want sexually? Were they dirty-talking nymphos before marriage?

alavaz · Aug 21, 2019

I know what it is that you are after. It's not sex like you said (and unlike these autists think...) but it is a mid life thing I think. You want back those old high school feelings of meeting some chick and being infatuated with her and her with you. You know you can probably get it for a while from these young girls too. I know plenty of dudes who've busted their marriages in their 40s for the same reason.

I'm not making a judgment call, you do what you think is right. I do think it will fade and when it does, it will probably be during the period of your life when you need a good partner the most, so maybe keep that in the back of your head.

Deathwing · Aug 21, 2019

Why should that be temporary? I understand it waning along with libido, but that should be a long way off for most people here, male or female. Until then, I think a healthy relationship involves both parties pulling their weight, sexually or otherwise.

Not making the other person think you're sexually interested in them? You better have a good reason. It's depressing, day after day, commenting on how they look, things you'd like to do to/with them, and getting very little in return.

That she does the laundry and cooks well should not be part of the equation. You're not going to be in a good place, mentally, after years of perceived undesirability.

alavaz · Aug 21, 2019

Deathwing said:
Why should that be temporary? I understand it waning along with libido, but that should be a long way off for most people here, male or female. Until then, I think a healthy relationship involves both parties pulling their weight, sexually or otherwise.

Not making the other person think you're sexually interested in them? You better have a good reason. It's depressing, day after day, commenting on how they look, things you'd like to do to/with them, and getting very little in return.

That she does the laundry and cooks well should not be part of the equation. You're not going to be in a good place, mentally, after years of perceived undesirability.

But if he can fuck her whenever he wants, she asks him to randomly finger her and all that... Is she really making him believe she's not sexually interested?

Deathwing · Aug 21, 2019

Being open for sex whenever is not the same as being sexually fulfilling for your partner. It surely can distract you as it's easy to conflate the two, which actually answers

Soygen 's question too.

I can only speak from my experience, Grabbit will have to answer about the fingering one. If I had to guess, I could see it going either way. If my wife asked me to rub her off as a way to initiate sex, knowing that making her orgasm is my biggest turn on, I see that as sexually fulfilling. She's using my fetishes to provoke interaction and both people are satisfied in the end.

If she uses it just get what she wants and, as Grabbit tells it, explicitly not care about what he wanted, no, that's not sexually fulfilling. Still hot, but not fulfilling.

Uber Uberest · Aug 21, 2019

alavaz said:
I know what it is that you are after. It's not sex like you said (and unlike these autists think...) but it is a mid life thing I think. You want back those old high school feelings of meeting some chick and being infatuated with her and her with you. You know you can probably get it for a while from these young girls too. I know plenty of dudes who've busted their marriages in their 40s for the same reason.

I'm not making a judgment call, you do what you think is right. I do think it will fade and when it does, it will probably be during the period of your life when you need a good partner the most, so maybe keep that in the back of your head.

They don’t have kids. What will they possible need each other for? Marriage without kids is just a friendship, it’s retarded. He should be able to go and slay any girls he wants.

chaos · Aug 21, 2019

Better to fuck someone you trust, randos be tryin to finger your gills and shit

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

Yea I guess, if you're too much of a pussy to hold her hands down over her head with one hand and finger her with the other while you whisper in her ear to keep struggling

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Uber Uberest said:
They don’t have kids. What will they possible need each other for? Marriage without kids is just a friendship, it’s retarded. He should be able to go and slay any girls he wants.

As appealing as some strange can, occassionally, be...I am committed to her and she to me. Maybe it's old-fashioned in a new era of ass-tonguing cuckolding soyboys, but I prefer it to be just the two of us. Granted, I'd obviously love her to turn the volume knob way up.

Besides, the idea of bringing home a disease or getting another woman pregnant (no matter how small the chance) would be next-level idiocy.

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
Yea I guess, if you're too much of a pussy to hold her hands down over her head with one hand and finger her with the other while you whisper in her ear to keep struggling

Preaching to the choir, guy.

The same day I discovered she got soaked when I was pissed at her I 'told' her she was going to suck my cock. She did and without warning I grabbed the back of her head and shoved my cock down her throat as far as I could and held her there for a few moments. When I let her go she immediately jumped up, ran to the kitchen, and dry heaved in the sink. Shortly after she came back teary-eyed and I fucked her. She didn't say anything about it, but her body language said -- "Ok, I deserved that."

Still, it's always what I'm doing to her. She's a willing passenger in my ride, but goddamn -- roll the window down and throw your hands out every once in awhile.

Deathwing is really on point with a lot of his comments.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

It's like dealing with arrogance. It can be cute and exciting for a little while but its fucking exhausting in the long haul.

You're the one always doing all the work. Submissives need Dominants. It's the only way it plays in the long term. It's true SM and it can't only be the kink for one party. Just doesn't work.

Leadsalad · Aug 21, 2019

Maybe she needs some actual costumes to role play her submissive role with so that she engages more before hand? It sounds like she fucks, but she doesn't aggressively initiate coming on to you, but she doesn't say no when you initiate with her. Noodle bought some things for this wife, didn't he?

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

I'm not a Dominant in the truest sense of the word. I don't mind taking and being in control, but I want an active partner.

Curiously though, I'm not at all in to the idea of being dominated. It's revolting to me.

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

It's almost like she's intentionally overwhelmingly coy because she knows I hate it and then wants to be punished for her bad behavior...

Foler · Aug 21, 2019

Deathwing said:
I don't know what is about women that like being dominated, but it seems to correlate quite strongly with, as you put it, being sexually lazy. My wife sometimes bristles when I ask her sex questions that require her to think or offer her opinion. I imagine she'd be quite happy never having to initiate sex or tell me what she's thinking.

It would be nice to hear "hey, I want your dick in my ass" or something similar once a while, something that reinforces that she's participating instead of passively going along for the ride. I posit that you can do that and still be a sub, I think she thinks otherwise but we haven't touched on the subject in a bit(see previous posts in thread).

I feel like if your woman ain't bugging you for sex then you ain't doing something right. My girl talks about me boning her more than I do.

I'm telling you guys it's the butt play.

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