Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

There's nothing curious about it at all. It's not your kink.

If there is only one way someone enjoys sex you have to be the Unstoppable Force to their Immovable Object. That's the problem with a real, true kink. It's like a disease... with only one cure.

I've been with women like that in the past. It works for about 3 months. Then I'm uninsterested, but instead of trying to maintain theirs I'm just gone. Because I'm selfish.

Deathwing · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
It's like dealing with arrogance. It can be cute and exciting for a little while but its fucking exhausting in the long haul.

You're the one always doing all the work. Submissives need Dominants. It's the only way it plays in the long term. It's true SM and it can't only be the kink for one party. Just doesn't work.

I'm not sure I fully understand your point. Are you saying the submissives can't be sexually supportive and expressive towards their partner?

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Ya, until recently I really didn't understand kinks. I assumed it was just something odd or taboo. In many cases it is, but the part I didn't understand is that if someone really has a kink they don't enjoy sex nearly as much if they can't incorporate the kink.

Maybe she has one that I don't quite understand. I'm fairly confident I don't have any. Prefences, sure. Kink? Nah.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

Deathwing said:
I'm not sure I fully understand your point. Are you saying the submissives can't be sexually supportive and expressive towards their partner?

They can be, if your a true dominant. If you want give and take you'll never get that from a true submissive.

You can't feed each other's needs if your needs are different.

Deathwing · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
They can be, if your a true dominant. If you want give and take you'll never get that from a true submissive.

You can't feed each other's needs if your needs are different.

Maybe I don't understand submissives that well then. How is breaking with being a submissive to say "Those cartoon underwear outline your junk well" or she grabs your butt once in a while? Essentially, words and actions that let you know that she's thinking about you specifically sexually.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

Scenario.

It's 8pm and she comes into your office while you're playing PoE and says "The kids are in bed, let's watch some TV". You log out, sit on the couch, put your arm around her and watch one show. Then you try to increase the mood and she's uninterested. You haven't satisfied her submissive needs to get in the mood. You've sexually placated her unknowingly because she's incapable of being dominant about her desire.

Alternative.

You say "No, I'm busy, watch it without me". She leaves, puts on some lingerie and plants her ass in your face. Because you have satisfied her submissive needs, and now she's responding to your dominance.

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Deathwing said:
Maybe I don't understand submissives that well then. How is breaking with being a submissive to say "Those cartoon underwear outline your junk well" or she grabs your butt once in a while? Essentially, words and actions that let you know that she's thinking about you specifically sexually.

We're on the same wavelength man. Seriously, i think we could be friends in real life.

It's the little things that matter and I'm so starved for them that I've gotten pathetic.

For example - at the beginning of the summer we went to dinner and a movie. She was dressed in a slighty too-short sun-dress and heels. She looked amazing and I walked around with a near-permanent hard-on. We stood in line at the theater ticket window and some 50somethimg troll of woman noticed my, extremely obvious, bulge and frowned. My wife saw her reaction and whispered in my ear -- "Why don't you stand behind me and bury that monster between my ass cheeks while we stand in line?"

I almost went into cardiac arrest.

She has it in her, it's just painfully rare.

alavaz · Aug 21, 2019

And here I thought "Let's watch TV, " meant a remote was going to get shoved in someones ass.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

Grabbit Allworth said:
We're on the same wavelength man. Seriously, i think we could be friends in real life.

It's the little things that matter and I'm so starved for them that I've gotten pathetic.

For example - at the beginning of the summer we went to dinner and a movie. She was dressed in a slighty too-short sun-dress and heels. She looked amazing and I walked around with a near-permanent hard-on. We stood in line at the theater ticket window and some 50somethimg troll of woman noticed my, extremely obvious, bulge and frowned. My wife saw her reaction and whispered in my ear -- "Why don't you stand behind me and bury that monster between my ass cheeks while we stand in line?"

I almost went into cardiac arrest.

She has it in her, it's just painfully rare.

It's because the buttons aren't the same for both of you. Needs are intrinsic, wants are circumstantial. You have wants, she has needs. When you try to satisfy those needs, when they aren't your own it's nothing more than a game. And games eventually become boring.

You have to be a truly dominant person to intrinsically satisfy a truly submissive person. That's when it isn't just a game, it's reality for both your personalities. It cannot work any other way. If she really only responds to dominance anything else will be seen as capitulation, not love, not romance, not respect. It will turn her off.

You can't talk your way through a kink. Kinks are aberrations of personality that transcend any logic or reason.

iannis · Aug 21, 2019

My god! she's not a slab of meat! you don't go straight for the clitoris, boy!

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
Scenario.

It's 8pm and she comes into your office while you're playing PoE and says "The kids are in bed, let's watch some TV". You log out, sit on the couch, put your arm around her and watch one show. Then you try to increase the mood and she's uninterested. You haven't satisfied her submissive needs to get in the mood. You've sexually placated her unknowingly because she's incapable of being dominant about her desire.

Alternative.

You say "No, I'm busy, watch it without me". She leaves, puts on some lingerie and plants her ass in your face. Because you have satisfied her submissive needs, and now she's responding to your dominance.

I

She'd just finish whatever she's doing and go to sleep 99 of 100 times.

I've tried everything including withholding any kind of attention to force her hand, but I never last more than a week. Besides, a week should be plenty of time to elicit a response from a woman used to sex 5-6 times a week.

iannis · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
It's because the buttons aren't the same for both of you. Needs are intrinsic, wants are circumstantial. You have wants, she has needs. When you try to satisfy those needs, when they aren't your own it's nothing more than a game. And games eventually become boring.

You have to be a truly dominant person to intrinsically satisfy a truly submissive person. That's when it isn't just a game, it's reality for both your personalities. It cannot work any other way. If she really only responds to dominance anything else will be seen as capitulation, not love, not romance, not respect. It will turn her off.

It'll turn you off too after a while. It seems bovine, to me.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

Grabbit Allworth said:
I

She'd just finish whatever she's doing and go to sleep 99 of 100 times.

I've tried everything including withholding any kind of attention to force her hand, but I never last more than a week. Besides, a week should be plenty of time to elicit a response for a woman used to sex 5-6 times a week.

Then you haven't found the button. This isn't a declaration of your inadequacy, rather a declaration of inherent differences you were either to young/inexperienced to understand or ignored until now.

Maybe telling her no isn't enough. Maybe she wants you to tell her to shut the fuck up and suck your cock.

Your wife has a kink bud, and that's a mountain. Not a mole hill.

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
Maybe telling her no isn't enough. Maybe she wants you to tell her to shut the fuck up and suck your cock.

Your wife has a kink bud, and that's a mountain. Not a mole hill.

Maybe, but I suffer from the terrible -- 'if you dont enjoy this I can't either' disease. Though if that's what she actually needs I can try it and see what happens.

However, you and Iannis have both pointed out that it's only a matter of time before the bandaid begins to reek and the novelty of it wears off.

Khane · Aug 21, 2019

I'm not telling you to try to maintain the status quo and just "do better". I'm telling you there are certain things in life that can't be overcome and as a husband you need to focus on finding out, with your wife, if that is the case. Together. Not on some forum with people you don't even know.

iannis · Aug 21, 2019

I'm telling you to stick your thumb in her butt when she's washing dishes.

Just see how it goes.

I dunno your wife, man. That submissive predeliction grosses me out. I mean sure, it's hella fun for a week or two... but that's a whole thing i've never wanted to deal with long term.

Phazael · Aug 21, 2019

Khane is saying what I was trying to in a lot less retarded and black and white manner. This really is his arena, Grabbit. But also consider the mid life crisis angle. I know you think you are not going through that, but you are 40 years old, Chad'ed up, and knee deep in crazy young tail at the classes you are taking. I don't think its unreasonable to say that that might be contributing to the issue, at least internally with you. I also think counselling is something you should still consider, purely so you get better communication going on. It really seems more and more that the bulk of this issue has been built up due to a general inability to communicate/speak up for yourself properly. Good luck, either way, just don't cheat (and if you do, don't be a bitch like wormie and go into hiding LOL).

Grabbit Allworth · Aug 21, 2019

Khane said:
I'm not telling you to try to maintain the status quo and just "do better". I'm telling you there are certain things in life that can't be overcome and as a husband you need to focus on finding out, with your wife, if that is the case. Together. Not on some forum with people you don't even know.

I honestly never expected the conversation to go this deep or long. What I expected (and was kind-of hoping for) was that half a dozen posters would tell me I have it (mostly) great, stop being a faggot, and suck it up.

The time hasn't been entirely wasted. I've learned some things and I'll pursue some others things on my end, but at this point we are retracing old footsteps. It's time to wind it down.

Phaz,

There's absolutely no doubt that my age and environment are huge factors. I'll be the first to admit it (I think I have already). However, it's a very old problem. Being exposed to young harlots that would gladly choke themselves to death on my cock has just made it worse.

As far as communication -- no, I may be guarded with you guys, but my wife knows exactly how I feel. Maybe counseling would help us. I'll give it some thought.

Frenzied Wombat · Aug 21, 2019

I'm getting the vibe that Chad just really wants the young pussy, he's just doing a better job at projecting guilt as justification than Wormie did. Grabbit wants the kinky, sexually aggressive, daddy issues, stick it in my butt type, which his wife does not seem to be. Everything else seems mostly like rationalization around this.

Frenzied Wombat · Aug 21, 2019

Grabbit Allworth said:
I honestly never expected the conversation to go this deep or long. What I expected (and was kind-of hoping for) was that half a dozen posters would tell me I have it (mostly) great, stop being a faggot, and suck it up.

The time hasn't been entirely wasted. I've learned some things and I'll pursue some others things on my end, but at this point we are retracing old footsteps. It's time to wind it down.

Phaz,

There's absolutely no doubt that my age and environment are huge factors. I'll be the first to admit it (I think I have already). However, it's a very old problem. Being exposed to young harlots that would gladly choke themselves to death on my cock has just made it worse.

As far as communication -- no, I may be guarded with you guys, but my wife knows exactly how I feel. Maybe counseling would help us. I'll give it some thought.

Being tempted by young pussy is just being a normal human imho. You get a chance to sow the wild oats before getting married?

And imho counseling never works from my personal observation. I call it the first paid stage of "pre-divorce".

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