Marriage and the Power of Divorce

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lurkingdirk

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Cad said:
Because people would intentionally under-employ themselves to get out of child support payments, rationalizing “fuck that bitch” and “I’d rather not work than give it to her”. This is not in the best interests of the child. The court’s only driving motivation is the best interests of the child. So you can go the fuck to work, or you can become completely credit-destroyed and insolvent by ignoring child support.

I don’t disagree with the principle involved there, but as always, there’s a lot of human error and stupidity involved in extreme cases.
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That's a good point. I know someone whose ex wife moved to Texas because they had the highest child support requirements. He is a good, upstanding guy that was already taking care of his kid. I often measure such things with him as a metric, forgetting how many people just plain shirk all responsibility.
 
fris

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it's the reverse

my X has been unemployed for about a year. She was employed for about 18 months after our divorce. my concern is that eventually she run out of whatever $$ she has, probably cashed in her 401k. if she does decide to go to court and ask to start getting child support, what's the likely hood of a judge agreeing, and will it only be going forward or also for time she's been unemployed?

my hypothetical friend wants to know

edit:
and I don't even know how child support is calculated. i'm paying for their healthcare coverage. we've been covering co-pays based on who has possession of the kids when a visit is required unless it's over a few hundred bucks. if she just wants to be a stay at home mom now, can she ask the court for me to give her $$ to buy food for them while they're there, $$ to pay her mortgage so they have a place to live?
 
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Cad

Cad

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fris said:
it's the reverse

my X has been unemployed for about a year. She was employed for about 18 months after our divorce. my concern is that eventually she run out of whatever $$ she has, probably cashed in her 401k. if she does decide to go to court and ask to start getting child support, what's the likely hood of a judge agreeing, and will it only be going forward or also for time she's been unemployed?

my hypothetical friend wants to know

edit:
and I don't even know how child support is calculated. i'm paying for their healthcare coverage. we've been covering co-pays based on who has possession of the kids when a visit is required unless it's over a few hundred bucks. if she just wants to be a stay at home mom now, can she ask the court for me to give her $$ to buy food for them while they're there, $$ to pay her mortgage so they have a place to live?
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These kinds of questions can’t really be answered without asking a lot of questions, and that sounds like work.

What does your paid attorney say? (Hint - hint)
 
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fris

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there isn't one :)

we represented ourselves in the divorce, to which the judge pushed back on at the start. given our incomes were w/in 1-2% of each other, and we were willing to split equity even, and agreed to 50/50 custody, we didn't see a reason to get lawyers.

there's "some shit" that she didn't want brought up in court, so this was the path of least resistance for both. anything else would have been scorched earth that I didn't want the kids to see. if she does want to make changes, i'd get a lawyer and present "some shit" and counter any support w/ wanting greater time of possession. despite my personal desires, everything i've researched has said that 50/50 is the best for the kids. assuming what lead to our divorce doesn't impact the kids, i'm ok w/ 50/50 continuing. i'm not ok w/ funding the lesser parent to be a lesser parent.

i'm sure lawyers hate seeing questions like this on the net because the right answer is always talk (pay) a lawyer
 
Big Phoenix

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fris said:
i'm not ok w/ funding the lesser parent to be a lesser parent.
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I mean thats how child support works by default. Kids are meal tickets when there is an income disparity. Sad reality of the world in 2021.
 
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fris

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making a suggestion while we were married was a surefire way to ensure that was never acted on. May I should ask that she never do that to make ends meet....
 
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Cad

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fris said:
there isn't one :)

we represented ourselves in the divorce, to which the judge pushed back on at the start. given our incomes were w/in 1-2% of each other, and we were willing to split equity even, and agreed to 50/50 custody, we didn't see a reason to get lawyers.

there's "some shit" that she didn't want brought up in court, so this was the path of least resistance for both. anything else would have been scorched earth that I didn't want the kids to see. if she does want to make changes, i'd get a lawyer and present "some shit" and counter any support w/ wanting greater time of possession. despite my personal desires, everything i've researched has said that 50/50 is the best for the kids. assuming what lead to our divorce doesn't impact the kids, i'm ok w/ 50/50 continuing. i'm not ok w/ funding the lesser parent to be a lesser parent.

i'm sure lawyers hate seeing questions like this on the net because the right answer is always talk (pay) a lawyer
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I'm usually pretty cool with people representing themselves because they always create a total shit show that I'll get paid extra to fix after.

I'm just telling you there's no one answer to what you're asking... it's going to be a fact-intensive inquiry and you're going to have to assemble all of that and present it to the judge at the likely modification hearing, if she files for a modification.
 
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Borzak

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Guy I've worked with got slapped down for it. He works on contract and actively picked up any and all jobs. Once he got a divorce and lost full custody of his kid he scaled way back and I don't know how it turned out but guy said there was something that he still had to pay like he was still working all the time.
 
Aychamo BanBan

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Cad said:
Because people would intentionally under-employ themselves to get out of child support payments, rationalizing “fuck that bitch” and “I’d rather not work than give it to her”. This is not in the best interests of the child. The court’s only driving motivation is the best interests of the child. So you can go the fuck to work, or you can become completely credit-destroyed and insolvent by ignoring child support.

I don’t disagree with the principle involved there, but as always, there’s a lot of human error and stupidity involved in extreme cases.
Click to expand...

Let me ask you something. I’m 1099 and for last few years I was working 200-220+ hours per month. I earned a ton. But I’m fucking exhausted and want to work what is a typical full time load for my job, which is 144 hours and not a second more. My previous child support was based on that high earning amount. How do I get it changed for the new amount that I would be earning with less hours worked, but still working “only” one full time job?

Lastly, the child support was calculated based on my gross 1099 income of my sole member LLC which obviously has expenses, taxes that are going up next year, etc. Shouldn’t it at least be calculated based on my reportable income instead of gross before expenses?
 
Cad

Cad

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Falxy-US said:
Let me ask you something. I’m 1099 and for last few years I was working 200-220+ hours per month. I earned a ton. But I’m fucking exhausted and want to work what is a typical full time load for my job, which is 144 hours and not a second more. My previous child support was based on that high earning amount. How do I get it changed for the new amount that I would be earning with less hours worked, but still working “only” one full time job?

Lastly, the child support was calculated based on my gross 1099 income of my sole member LLC which obviously has expenses, taxes that are going up next year, etc. Shouldn’t it at least be calculated based on my reportable income instead of gross before expenses?
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Depends on your state

In Texas you would file for a modification with the Court and then go explain your situation. Court can agree or not.
 
Cutlery

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2+ years on from divorce and I'm happy for the first time in my life.

It's fucking weird.
 
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Aychamo BanBan

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Anyone here ever married a second time? I have a serious girlfriend now, she's been talking about rings, but I can't imagine financially entwining myself with anyone ever again. Where if I want to leave the relationship, for some reason I owe them money now, lol.
 
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Cutlery

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Falxy-US said:
Anyone here ever married a second time? I have a serious girlfriend now, she's been talking about rings, but I can't imagine financially entwining myself with anyone ever again. Where if I want to leave the relationship, for some reason I owe them money now, lol.
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Yeah, nah. After going thru all of that once and managing to obtain a favorable custody split, keep my house and my pension, I can't imagine ever doing that again.

I like my GF, and she's all about getting married. It sucks, because silly shit like my health insurance is WAY better than hers would be a good reason to get hitched...but only for her. I don't get anything out of it (well, other than her parents have said they'd give us a fuckload of cash if we get married), but a dowry still ain't enough to be worth the chance of losing my house or my pension.

"But muh pre-nup!"

Yeah, no, sorry. Once you hear about someone getting their pre-nup thrown out, that's no longer a viable path.

We can play house, that's fine. We ain't getting the government or lawyers involved though.
 
Hoss

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Cad said:
Because people would intentionally under-employ themselves to get out of child support payments, rationalizing “fuck that bitch” and “I’d rather not work than give it to her”. This is not in the best interests of the child. The court’s only driving motivation is the best interests of the child. So you can go the fuck to work, or you can become completely credit-destroyed and insolvent by ignoring child support.

I don’t disagree with the principle involved there, but as always, there’s a lot of human error and stupidity involved in extreme cases.
Click to expand...

Not even just underemployed, but I've seen people only work under the table to avoid paying the ex. So they're still making a decent living but officially they make jack squat. Like in this case maybe the ex just decided to become a whore. Still pulling in 6 figures if she's attractive but all that shows up on the taxes is the part time minimum wage cover job.
 
Cad

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Cutlery said:
Yeah, nah. After going thru all of that once and managing to obtain a favorable custody split, keep my house and my pension, I can't imagine ever doing that again.

I like my GF, and she's all about getting married. It sucks, because silly shit like my health insurance is WAY better than hers would be a good reason to get hitched...but only for her. I don't get anything out of it (well, other than her parents have said they'd give us a fuckload of cash if we get married), but a dowry still ain't enough to be worth the chance of losing my house or my pension.

"But muh pre-nup!"

Yeah, no, sorry. Once you hear about someone getting their pre-nup thrown out, that's no longer a viable path.

We can play house, that's fine. We ain't getting the government or lawyers involved though.
Click to expand...
Falxy-US said:
Anyone here ever married a second time? I have a serious girlfriend now, she's been talking about rings, but I can't imagine financially entwining myself with anyone ever again. Where if I want to leave the relationship, for some reason I owe them money now, lol.
Click to expand...
You could do pre-nups and keep your finances separate, but it can still end up being litigation if you split up if they contest the prenup. And it depends on your state how enforceable those are. It's safer to not marry, cohabitate, and keep finances separate.

Edit to add: I have been married a long time and have no issues, but I know for a fact if I were to for some reason get divorced or my wife got hit by a bus, I would absolutely not entwine finances with another woman at my age. I'd be happy to have another partner, but as far as getting married and financially melting together, not a chance.
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

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Cad said:
You could do pre-nups and keep your finances separate, but it can still end up being litigation if you split up if they contest the prenup. And it depends on your state how enforceable those are. It's safer to not marry, cohabitate, and keep finances separate.

Edit to add: I have been married a long time and have no issues, but I know for a fact if I were to for some reason get divorced or my wife got hit by a bus, I would absolutely not entwine finances with another woman at my age. I'd be happy to have another partner, but as far as getting married and financially melting together, not a chance.
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Yeah, it's a sad situation, and we go round and round on it from time to time. "Not all women are like that." Yeah, I know...but you also have to treat every firearm like it's loaded, so forgive me for not waving you around and pointing you at the dog.

She's a nice gal...but I also said the same about my wife 20 years ago.
 
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